The Complete Rockstar Series (31 page)

I shrink back, the weight of everything pressing down on my body. “Yeah. Since we were kids.”

Ellie scoots to lie on her side, propping her head up on one hand. “Why haven’t you ever talked to him?”

I snort. “Right. Chat up Dax Davies. Okay, El.” The familiar cracks in the ceiling distract me enough to keep the tears at bay.

Her brows pull together as she stares at me. “I know he acts like he has no soul,” she giggles, “but honestly, he’s a nice bloke. Give me a good reason why you won’t talk to him?”

“Would you walk up to Adam and chat him up?”

Her cheeks redden and her gaze drops to my faded quilt. “I did. On the first day of school. He yelled at me for looking at his sketchbook. It was humiliating.”

I can’t help it. The laughter bubbles out uncontrollably. Soon, Ellie joins in and it feels great to be able to have some tiny bit of joy in our lives when it seems everything around us seems to be crumbling to dust.

D
ax

“
S
o we’re going
to have a practice this Saturday morning at the DK. That way we can see how we sound in the pub for the gig that night.”

I nod at Adam as he goes on and on about the band. This is only his second week back at school after missing a week recuperating from being stabbed. He looks better, not great, but functional. He can’t fool me with his happy act. I’ve known him too long, plus,
I’m
an expert at hiding pain, having been busted up in the cage many, many times. I know all the signs. Adam is in agony, but he’s a passionate bastard, unwilling to let anything keep him from his music—or from Ellie. And since she’s at school, that’s where he wants to be.

“Right. Gavin and Hawke seem to fit in okay.”

Adam frowns when I mention the two Americans that have joined up to complete our band, Gavin Walker a blonde bloke who looks more like a posh model than a bass player, and Hawke Evans, a tattooed, pierced drummer with a geek chic fetish.

I’m about to tell Adam for the millionth time that he doesn’t have to worry about Gavin or Hawke making a move on Ellie because I already threatened them both within an inch of their lives, when a warm, curvy body presses up against my back, long fingers reaching out to wrap tightly around my arm.

“Dax, when are you going to let me have another go at you, you sexy thing?”

I don’t bother to turn around in the crowded school hallway. It doesn’t matter who’s whispering in my ear because the answer I give would be exactly the same.

“Never, so bugger off.” I shake whoever’s hand it is off of my arm and stay silent until the girl takes the hint and leaves.

A glance at Adam shows him covering his mouth, trying not to laugh. Fuck him. Maybe he likes to stay friends with his shags, but not me. They serve a purpose—one purpose—to get me off during my dad-sanctioned weeks. After that, I don’t need them for anything else.

Rule 4—Women who act like slags can be treated like slags.

That’s what Adam doesn’t understand. Any girl willing to disrespect herself by getting to her knees the second you meet isn’t worth the effort it takes to be nice. In trying so hard to
not
be a bastard like his father, Adam’s kindness has the potential to be easily taken advantage of. If nothing else, my dad was right to teach me that lesson.

“You’re such a cold bastard, Dax.”

“I know. You could learn a thing or two.”

“No thanks,” he says dryly.

“Adam!”

I follow Adam’s gaze to see Ellie hurrying towards us, towing a friend by the hand. Ellie immediately latches on to Adam, prattling on about something or other. Tuning out the happy couple, I take a moment to check out Ellie’s friend, Kate. I’ve seen her around, mostly with Ellie, but she’s in my maths class as well. In fact, now that I think about it, we’ve been in school together a long time.

The fact that I didn’t remember her until now makes me frown, which in turn, makes Kate’s eyes go wide with fear. The girl is fiddling with her hair, pulling it up into a ponytail. She’s clearly uncomfortable around me, so, being the heartless prick that I am, I decide to make it worse.

“You’re Kate.”

When impossibly green eyes shoot up to meet mine, big and innocent looking, all of the smartass comments I have at the ready fall away. Smooth, lightly freckled skin flushes pink and full lips part, making my cock sit up and take notice. It’s then I realize I’ve never really
looked
at Kate before.

How did I not see how gorgeous this girl is? She’s not obvious or flashy—no, she’s very… girl next door. Sporty and fit with tawny brown hair always pulled up on her head, showing off two very high cheekbones. I’m surprised how affected I am by her. My heart has begun thumping hard and my palms are sweaty. How angry would Adam be if I shagged Ellie’s best friend?

Probably very. Not that I care much what he thinks.

While I’m thinking of how she looks naked, she gathers herself together and answers my question. “Yes. I’m Kate.” Shit, even her voice affects me—soft and slightly scratchy in a sexy kind of way. Now my dick is throbbing, pressing uncomfortably against my zipper. I need to hear that voice again.

“I’m Dax. You’re in my maths class.”

Those emerald eyes get even wider and her jaw hangs open. “How do you know who I am?”

Huh?

“Why
wouldn’t
I know who you are? Haven’t we been in the same year for ages?” I furrow my brow, trying to decide if I’m thinking of a different girl. But no, it’s her, I’m sure of it.

“Y-y-yes. Since third year.”

I hold back a smile, keeping my cool exterior. At least I got that right. “Well then, apparently I’m not as stupid as some might say.”

Kate’s fingers untwist from her hair, settling on her hips. Lush, ruby lips turn down in the corners and her eyes narrow. She looks downright offended. “Who says you’re stupid? You’re in my advanced maths class, so I know that can’t be true.”

For once in my life I’m speechless. No one ever gives me the benefit of the doubt or defends my intelligence. Do I bother explaining to her that most people associate a big, muscled guy with an empty skull? Add in the underground fighting and they assume I’ve taken enough hits to the head to be rendered daft and dumb.

No one talks about it, but the teachers here know what I do—what my dad’s business is. I am the fourth Davies son at this school after all and they treat me accordingly. They don’t even bat an eye at the bruises anymore.

I tilt my chin to look down at her. Kate’s not at my eye level, but for a girl, she’s fairly tall—maybe five foot seven or eight? In those eyes, eyes as green as the stripes on the Davies family tartan, I see something I haven’t seen on a girl’s face in… well,
ever
. Admiration? Respect, maybe? Is it possible Kate
respects
me? That she sees past my intimidating exterior to the man beneath the brawn? That she sees more than just a conquest to brag to her friends about?

One of dad’s rules pops into my head.

Rule 2—Never let your emotions show.

I lock down the surprise on my face, keeping it to its usual icy façade.

What if she doesn’t like what she finds? I don’t know why I care, but suddenly, I don’t want Kate to know about the fighting, the girls, my family… those goddamn rules. For the first time in my life I’m not proud of my wins, of all the girls I’ve shagged or had suck me off at the club or behind the school. For once, I’m truly ashamed of what I am.

K
ate

“
T
hey never stop
, yeah?” Dax’s elbow gently pokes my ribs.

I tear my eyes away from Adam and Ellie, who are cuddling up close on the bench across the table from my seat. Heat rushes into my cheeks at the fact that Dax caught me ogling my friend making out with her boyfriend.

“No,” I admit.

Dax frowns at my one word response. He’s probably sick to death of being forced to hang out with me. I’m so intimidated by him that I can’t ever manage to say more than a few words when he’s around. My hands never feel comfortable, so I’m extra fidgety. Especially when those dark eyes are fixed on me. Like they are right now.

“Did you want another cuppa?” He motions to his empty mug.

“Sure. Decaf—”

“With milk. I know.”

I have no response. Dax Davies knows how I take my tea! I’m such a social idiot. Dax will never want to be near me again if I keep acting like such a prat.

“Where’d Dax go?” Adam asks.

“Oh, so you’ve stopped snogging long enough to notice your best mate is missing?” I snap. Catching the hurt on Ellie’s face, I quickly apologize. “Sorry, Adam. I’m out of sorts today.”

Ellie’s eyes flick over to where Dax is waiting in line at our favorite café, then back to mine. I caution her with a look, praying she doesn’t say anything about Dax to let on that I like him.

When he slides back into the booth next to me, my left thigh and arm ignite where we touch. My body reacts instantly. My heart fluttering as if it’s going to fly out of my chest and my breathing becomes fast and erratic.

It’s so embarrassing to have such little control over my body whenever Dax is around, especially if he’s touching me, which doesn’t happen often. My face is certain to be five shades of red right now, pointing out my ridiculous infatuation with him like a blinking neon sign.

Dax leans in, unknowingly unleashing the overwhelming power of his beautiful yet utterly masculine face. His perfect, curved mouth is only inches away from mine. Those lips, soft looking yet surrounded by a rough late day stubble, are so tempting, I’m about to close the gap and see if they taste as good as they look.

“At least they’ve stopped swapping saliva long enough to have a bit of air, yeah?” he stage whispers conspiratorially.

My breath stutters, then I burst out laughing at his unexpected humor. Dax joins me while Adam and Ellie pretend to be offended.

And just like that I’m irreversibly hooked on my drug of choice, Dax Davies.

D
ax

“
D
ax
! Do you need me to tape your hands?”

Shaking my head, I remain seated on the rickety bench in the tiny club locker room, not answering my brother, Shaun, as I methodically wind the hand wrap through my fingers. The sharp scent of sweat and menthol sports rub stings my nostrils.

“If you want to win, then you need to—”

“Shaun,” I snap. “Sod off! If I want you to do them or hear your advice, I’ll bloody ask!”

Anger clouds his face. I know I’m pushing it with Shaun. A quick glance at his fisted hands lets me know that he’s itching for a fight. He’s the hot head of the family. Loves everything about this place—the fighting, the women, the money, and the thrill of doing something illegal.

“You’re bloody lucky you’re fighting tonight, or else I’d fuck you up for speaking to me like that.” His dark eyes are cold, lacking any kindness. His twin, Liam, is completely opposite him in personality even though they look identical. I’m truly shocked they get along so well.

“Whatever Shaun. Just tell me when it’s time.”

My brother grinds his jaw, the muscles twitching under the light stubble on his face. Without another word, he turns and leaves.

“Fuck.” I exhale loudly and drag a wrapped hand down my face. Picking a fight with Shaun is not smart. The man is ruthless, explosive, and doesn’t care if you’re family when he starts swinging.

I know I’m being a whingy prick, but I don’t want to be here. After spending the past week hanging out with Kate via Adam and Ellie, chatting about out mutual love of Arsenal football, I’ve begun to resent my dad and this whole fucking scene. More so than usual. I really want to shag her, more than any girl before, but if I’m honest with myself, I could see myself dating someone like Kate.
Exclusive dating
, something I’ve never even considered before.

There’s something about Kate that’s different than the tarts that normally chat me up—something that makes her better than them. She’s much too good for a bloke like me. I’ll end up fucking it all to hell somehow, I’m sure. Yet, she makes me want to take all the rules and toss them out the window.

Fighting was never my choice, yet I always thought it was something to be proud of—being fit, winning matches, getting the attention of loads of girls—
my rewards
. Now, the fighting is like a noose around my neck, pulling tight and holding me back when I want to be free to be with Kate. I want to be the one who decides.

All my life I’ve been playing by my father’s rules. Now it’s time to do what I want, when I want, who I want.

And I want her.

K
ate

“
C
’mon
. It’ll be fun! Just this once take a break from studying, El. It’s Saturday night.” My best mate stares at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “Please?” I beg. “I’ve come all this way to see you, don’t make me sad.”

“All this way? Rubbish. You walked a single flight of stairs from your flat to mine,” she huffs with a smile. I grin, knowing I’ve won. Ellie rolls her eyes. “Fine. But if I fail chemistry, it’s your fault.” Ellie shuts her book, stuffing it into her bag.

“Thanks! I’ll love you forever.” I wrap her up in a big hug.

“You’ll love me forever anyway,” she laughs. “You don’t have to pay me favors.”

“True.” I let go, pushing her towards her wardrobe. “Now, get changed. We don’t want to miss any of the show.”

“Alright, alright! Give me a minute.”

I walk into the tiny washroom and check my reflection—boring and plain, as usual. Oh well.

“Ready?” Ellie asks.

“Let’s go!”

The tube to the DK seems to take forever tonight, probably because I’m nearly crawling out of my skin to see Dax perform again. Yeah, last time sucked. Watching the groupies stalk Dax and Adam from the edge of the stage was a nice solid punch to my ego. But the fact that I’ve spoken to Dax a few times since has given me a microscopic sized amount of courage that I plan on exploiting once I have a pint or two.

“Bugger. They’ve already started,” I complain, hopping from one foot to the other. I twist my hair nervously around my hand.

“What’s the big deal? We’ve seen them before,” Ellie asks.

I shrug, not wanting to discuss my enormous, pathetic, decade-old crush on Dax. “You get to see them practice nearly every day. I’ve only seen them the one time.” Ellie hands me a pint of lager, which I down much faster than I should. I need to relax or I’ll combust.

“Jeez, Kate. Thirsty?” Ellie is raising a questioning eyebrow at my empty glass.

“Oh. Yeah. I was. Sorry. Let me grab another and we can move closer to the stage.”

Five minutes later, we’re situated a few meters from where Adam and Dax are singing and strumming their hearts out. The two new blokes are good as well, making them sound like a proper band.

“They’re really good with the Americans joining up!” Ellie shouts in my ear so I can hear her over the music. “They even wrote some more songs now that they have drums and a bass!”

“They are good!” I yell back. Personally, I liked the acoustic set they did a bit better. But she’s right. They do sound like a proper band. Professional. The fact that all four of them are strikingly gorgeous in their own way doesn’t hurt their popularity one bit.

I know the exact second Adam notices Ellie in the crowd. When he sees her, he smiles like he’s found his reason to live. He sings to her and her alone, exposing his heart and soul with each beautiful note.

It’s almost uncomfortable to watch, as if I’m intruding on an intimate moment. A seed of unease blooms in my chest. No one has ever looked at me like that. I can’t even imagine what that level of devotion would feel like.

My eyes leave Adam to focus on Dax. He’s singing and playing as much as Adam, but Dax keeps his emotions sealed up tight—if he even has emotions. His face is as expressionless and distant as it’s been every single day I’ve known him. In fact, the only time I’ve seen that cold, unreadable face change is when he talks to Adam or his band mates. Never for anything or anyone else.

That’s not entirely true, he had a laugh with me the other day at the café. Of course, Adam was there, but still. I saw it, and it was breathtaking.

Iceman. I giggle at the thought.

As Dax’s eyes roam the crowd, they land on me and freeze. Too late to hide it, I see his eyes widen in surprise. To my complete and utter shock, Dax winks at me before returning his attention to the music.

My chest is suddenly full, and it’s not from that seed of doubt. No, it’s from hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe, I’m no longer invisible and Dax Davies might actually see me.

“
Y
ou sure
you’re okay going home? It’s a long way and I don’t want to feel like I’m ditching you.”

I smile at Ellie. “You’re not ditching me, El. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll make sure she gets home, Ellie. No worries, yeah?” Dax has silently edged up next to us, apparently overhearing our conversation. He doesn’t seem to think twice about his offer. I stifle a smile. Surely Dax must realize I’ve been walking around Hackney by myself my entire life?

Ellie’s gaze shifts from me to Dax and back. I see an impish sparkle in her blue eyes right before she smirks. “Thanks Dax. I was worried, but Adam wants to—”

“Adam wants to what?” Ellie’s boyfriend, Adam Reynolds, wraps his arms around her waist, leaning his lightly stubbled chin on the top of her blonde head. He’s exactly what you want for a lead singer, tall and lean, with tousled black hair and a permanent grin. Charming as well. “Spend time with his girl?” Ellie tips her head back so Adam can reach her mouth, giving her a quick kiss.

It takes everything in me not to squirm or fidget as they give us another peek inside their relationship. A prickly heat creeps up my neck and into my cheeks. If Dax weren’t standing so close, close enough to catch his alluring masculine scent, maybe it wouldn’t be so uncomfortable, but Adam and Ellie are
always
snogging when Dax and I are around. Their intense heat combined with Dax’s close proximity makes every cell in my body ache to spin around and press against his huge, muscular form.

“Ummmm, yeah,” I stammer. “Go. Spend time together. Be happy and loving and snog all night. I’ll find a way home. No need to bother Dax.” I have to allow him an out. He isn’t my keeper and isn’t responsible for me.

I can’t bring myself to look at Dax directly. If I do he’ll see right through my lie. He’ll know I want him to insist on taking me home. That it will make me feel that a teeny tiny piece of me somehow belongs to him.

Dax immediately rebuffs my option. “Nonsense. I’m taking you home.” Even though I can’t see his face, I can tell from his voice that our discussion is over. Somehow, I knew he wouldn’t allow me to walk home alone, and that controlling, possessive streak of his brings a smile to my face that I can’t hide.

“Fine. See El? Dax is taking me home. Go.” I bodily push her and Adam out the door of the DK. Hawke and Gavin, their American band mates, have already left. Only Dax and I remain in the cramped back room.

“Ready?”

Dax has gathered his guitar and is holding open the door for me. “Yes, I suppose,” I say, flashing him what I hope is a sexy smile and not an awkward grimace. A second later, I feel utterly ridiculous in my pathetic attempt to seem flirty. I’m not flirty, not even close.

My attempt must not be as pathetic as I thought, because Dax’s usually glacial expression lights up and he grins back. “After you.”

Wow
. Being able to pull that single smile from him gives me a heady sense of power. Dax doesn’t smile for just anyone. In fact, I’ve only ever seen him smile for Adam and… me.

Forgetting about my inadequacies for a change, we chat comfortably all the way to the tube station, have a laugh at the confused tourists on the train, and jostle each other playfully as we make our way to my flat. In fact, we’re having so much fun we don’t realize how handsy we’re being with each other our joking has me pulled against Dax’s wide chest, my head tilted back to stare into his molten brown eyes.

Our laughter cuts off abruptly. Something flickers behind those dark irises of his. Something that sends tiny sparks zinging down my spine, flooding my body with warmth. He looks as if… as if he’s going to kiss me. But he wouldn’t do that, right? I’m the sporty girl. The boring one. Not the gorgeous type a bloke like Dax would go for. Yet there’s no mistaking the heat in normally ice-cold his eyes.

Dax lowers his head, his nose brushing against my cheek. An uncontrollable shudder wracks my body and goose bumps cover my skin. His breath is hot on my ear. The contrast between hot and cold overwhelming my body is as thrilling to feel as it is confusing to see in Dax’s ever-changing moods. “Kate…” He inhales a ragged breath, as if merely speaking is painful.

Before I can blink, Dax’s huge, calloused hands are framing my face and his mouth brushes across mine. At first it’s just a whisper, a tease, the contact barely there. Then, I hear him inhale sharply and his lips press down forcefully, melding with mine, urging me to open up with quick flicks of his tongue. I melt against his solid body as he dominates the kiss, completely under his spell to do with as he wishes. It seems to go on and on—a small slice of paradise in this blighted spot of East London.

When he finally pulls back, greedily stealing a few more nips at my mouth, he closes his eyes and moans. “I knew you’d taste like heaven. You’re an angel, I just knew it.” His voice is so quiet I wonder if he meant to say it out loud.

Naturally, I stand there like an idiot, saying nothing… doing nothing. I’ve been kissed into complete stupidity.

Dax swipes the pad of his thumb over my damp lips. “See you at school tomorrow.” Without giving me a single hint of what he’s thinking, he turns and leaves. I touch my mouth, running a finger over the same spot Dax touched. My heart leaps into my throat, fluttering so fast I fear it may explode.

Great. I’m ruined. My first kiss and it was nothing less than brilliant. Dax Davies just ruined me for every other man from now until the day I die.

D
ax

F
inally
. I have nine days before my next fight, so if I play my cards right, I can get Kate to drop her knickers for me before the seven day no shagging period. I swear I’ve become obsessed with her. For some reason Kate’s tall, athletic body and natural beauty are all I think about day and night. Even that husky voice of hers makes me hard. At this point, no other girl will do.

Fuck
. I need to get laid. I’ve spent the last four days imaging Kate beneath me, naked and sweaty and screaming my name. Now, there’s only half an hour left of school and it feels like it’ll never end. My dick can’t take much more of a wait. It’s about to burst through my trousers from my lewd and frankly, quite creative thoughts.

“Oi! Dax!”

Adam claps his hand on my shoulder as I stuff books into my locker. “Yeah?”

“I can’t make practice today. Ellie asked if I’d hang with her. Her mum’s expecting some test results today and she doesn’t want to be alone.”

Ellie’s mum has cancer, which just plain sucks. They’re good people, her parents.

“No worries. Are you going to her place?”

“Nah, we’re going to have a bite or something.”

Now I have a reason to speak to Kate. I’ll offer to walk her home.

“See you later, then.”

“Right. Cheers.” Adam nods and ducks off into the crowd to find Ellie.

As if the gods are determined to help out my poor, neglected cock, Kate walks down the hall towards the doors. I sprint into action, catching up to her with a few long strides.

“Hey.”

Great opening line, you numpty.

“Uh, hello.” Kate is looking at me oddly, her petite, freckled nose scrunched up in confusion.

“What?” Lovely. I must have offended her by forcing myself on her the other night. That means my chance with her today is hovering at right about zero.

Kate giggles. “No. I’m wondering… forget it. Did you need something Dax?” Those green eyes, so hopeful, so trusting, are looking up at me, waiting for me to speak.

Every slick word I had ready to get into Kate’s drawers sticks in the back of my throat. My gaze roams over her face, innocent, yet somehow so provocative at the same time. She pushes all my buttons, turning me into a horny bastard, yet I want to cherish her at the same time.

Damn. I pick now to grow a conscious?

Yes, apparently I do, because I can’t bring myself to feed her a bunch of lines. Even though I know I could have Kate in my bed within the hour, something inside me doesn’t want to taint someone so pure.

“Uh… I was just going to see you home. Since Ellie and Adam left already.”

Kate smiles shyly, and my breath catches. Fuck, she’s bloody gorgeous. My cock twitches, protesting the change of plans. It was really counting on getting some action today.

Crap. I’m a fucking bastard, a heartless one at that—but I can’t be the one to manipulate and take advantage of such a sweet, innocent girl. Kate’s not a slag, not even close. I won’t treat her like one.

Rule 4—Women who act like slags can be treated like slags.

Right. “Ready to go?” I ask, willing my rock hard cock to go down.

Kate stares at me one last time, as if deciding whether or not trusting me is a good idea. She seems to come to the conclusion that I’m safe. With a practiced move, she hikes her bag up on her shoulder.

“Yes. I’m ready.”

Oh love, you really shouldn’t trust me. I’m most definitely not safe.

I hold open the door to the school. “Let’s go then.”

“
O
i
! Dax.”

I let go of the pull-up bar and drop lightly to my feet.

“Shaun.”

Buggar. Of course he’d pop by while I’m in a shitty mood. Everything goes tits up right quick whenever my brother Shaun is around.

“I was about to have a go at the bag, but if
you’re
here…” He gave me one of his evil smiles, the kind that makes you think he’s deciding where to stash your body once he’s offed you.

Fuck. Shaun and I haven’t been in the cage together in months. We don’t mesh well, me and him. Last time we went at it, both of us ended up in A&E—me for a busted nose and Shaun for a hairline fracture of his thumb. Still hasn’t forgiven me for that one, even though it was his own fault for hitting me without making a proper fist.

I look over at the empty cage. It’s calling to me, begging me to step inside and forget about everything else. To forget about my sexual frustration, self-inflicted by way of a newfound conscious. To forget about how I felt when Kate looked up at me with such trust in her emerald eyes. To forget about the fact that I’m just a poor Cockney bastard with no fucking future outside of this club.