The Coil (25 page)

Speaking of, Jamie was doing just fine. And his relationship with his mother? Still tenuous, but… better. It was good between them, and it truly touched him to see Jamie chattering away to his newly discovered grandmother on the phone. They were becoming fast friends, and he only hoped that the same easy relationship would develop in person. Despite the resentment he’d felt, and the residual caution he still felt with regards to his mother, he had to admit that when it came to Jamie, Sarah had been right. His mother was good for him. His fears of any awkwardness between the two of them due to Jamie’s condition were unfounded. His mother was kind to him and more patient than he thought her capable of. The idea that there may be another person in the near future that Jamie would feel comfortable enough to look in the eye filled him with hope. And he had to admit, he felt happier,
lighter
, having begun to forgive his mother and integrate her back into his life.

Then there was Mattie.

Heaven.

Coming down from their intense lovemaking, he lay on his side with Mattie—the only word for it was snuggled—into his side. His lazy kisses along Mattie’s shoulder brought a content, lazy hum from the beautiful young man beside him.

He didn’t deserve to be this happy, surely? Mattie brought out a side of him he had long forgotten about. The side of him that liked to laze about in bed and laugh about stupid, unimportant shit. The part of him that had always loved sex. Mattie was turning out to be not only his dearest friend and the most energetic lover he’d ever had, he was fast becoming one of the most important people in his life. He felt safe with Mattie.

“You’re just about the sweetest thing I know,” he said gruffly.

Mattie lifted his head slightly to look him in the eye and gave him one of those perfect, loving smiles that seemed to be reserved just for him. “Ditto, handsome,” Mattie said quietly.

He was feeling bold. He wanted to declare something. He wanted to give Mattie something, but he didn’t know what. More than once he’d contemplated asking Mattie if he wanted to come over to his place. He liked the idea of having Mattie in his bed, of cooking for him and seeing Mattie in his home, among everything that was familiar and important to him. But there were so many complications that came with moving things from Mattie’s place to his.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about letting Mattie close to Jamie, and even thinking that made him hate himself, but the parameters of their relationship were still hazy and barely defined. They hadn’t talked their way past that casual status, even if their relationship felt anything but. And as head over heels as he may feel, he knew it might be a whole other kettle of fish for Mattie. Sure, he knew Mattie liked him a great deal, but as far as he knew, Mattie was still planning on leaving for New York at the first opportunity, and he was still… he was still earning extra money on the side through methods Simon couldn’t bear to think about.

He didn’t know if it was foolish to carry on like this if he were setting himself up for some sort of fall, but what he did know was that, if or when things ended between them, it was going to hurt like nothing else. And the thought of Jamie feeling a fraction of that kind of pain or loss was flat-out unacceptable. He couldn’t let Jamie near any of the harsh realities Mattie’s life involved.

Yet he hoped, didn’t he? He hoped that, despite the fact that they’d never spoken of it, and despite the fact that he knew Mattie wanted to leave San Diego, he hoped that something permanent could solidify between them.

God. He didn’t want to lose him, but he couldn’t let him in either. There had to be a middle ground. Somewhere to test the waters. He needed
more
.

“Hey,” he murmured quietly, his throat feeling thick.

Mattie’s answer was the slide of his hand along Simon’s side, up along his back to hook over his shoulder. A leg slinking over his own thigh to draw him closer as Mattie pressed his face against his neck. Nothing had ever felt so intimate. “Yeah?” the younger man murmured sleepily.

“How, um, how’d you feel about occasionally moving this over to my place?” He felt Mattie’s body still and wondered if he’d been foolish to say the words out loud. Mattie’s head pulled back, looking at him questioningly.

“Yeah?” Mattie smiled wide.

Oh man, that smile was gorgeous. He couldn’t help but offer a matching grin, but he needed to make something clear. “Yeah, I could swing by the diner after I drop Jamie off at Sarah’s, bring you home, we could hang out for a few hours, and then I can take you home on my way back to Sarah’s. It’ll save you some bus fare at least….”
Please don’t pick up on my keeping you and Jamie separate….

Mattie sat up slightly, leaning on one elbow. “That sounds great, but… can I ask why the sudden change?”

“Well….” He ran his fingers through Mattie’s bangs, pushing them aside. “I figured it was time I played host.”

Mattie watched him. “Nothing else?”

Simon bit the inside of his cheek until Mattie’s thumb gently brushed his lower lip. “I want something more, something… something different for us. I thought a change of scenery would be like a… a baby step.”

Mattie’s smile lit up the bedroom. He nodded. “Yeah, yeah okay.”

“Yes?” he asked hopefully. “It’s okay that we’re still, you know, keeping it slow and all, but changing it up a little?”

“Hey,” Mattie said softly, leaning into Simon’s space until he was flat on his back with Mattie lying over him. “We’re still good. I just like the direction this is going.”

A happy grin spread across his lips. That was exactly what he’d wanted to hear. “I’m so glad,” he breathed.

A downright devilish smirk touched Mattie’s mouth, and he pressed their lips together for a kiss. Simon groaned helplessly as Mattie rubbed their groins together in a slow circle. “Speaking of switching it up a little,” Simon said unsteadily, his hands encouraging Mattie’s gyrations. “How about you take advantage, now you’ve got me lying beneath you?” Christ, he wanted Mattie to have him.

The loud groan against his neck and the hand hitching his thigh up was all the answer he needed. His hands slid over the expanse of toned muscle that was Mattie’s back. “Did I mention?” he asked breathlessly. “That I have a flat screen?”

Mattie’s groans turned into muffled laughter. “You got more than Ramen noodles in your cupboards too?”

“Oh yeah.” His breath hitched as Mattie pushed up on his hands to look down at him and grind their hips together.

“Then we have a match made in heaven, beautiful.”

A helpless sound escaped Simon’s throat as Mattie leaned down for a deep, heart-stopping kiss. Like he was saying…

Heaven.

“S
O
,
HAVE
you started to draft your entrance essay?” said Ty.

“Hmm,” Mattie replied, half-listening as he doodled in the corner of his textbook. He glanced at his watch.

“And you feel prepared for next week? Feeling confident?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Five o’clock had never felt so far away.

“Okay, so we’ll finish this chapter, and then we’ll grab some buckets and spades and take care of that eel problem.”

“’Kay.”

“You know, in my hovercraft? My hovercraft that’s full of eels?”

“Yeah, su—wait. What?”

“Dude, you’re totally ignoring me. I just threw some
Python
at you and you didn’t even bat an eyelid. What gives?”

“Sorry, just distracted.”

“About what?” Ty stood and strolled over to the fridge to help himself to some juice. “Did you, uh, have another run in with that guy, or something?” The look he gave Mattie was nothing short of brotherly concern.

Mattie sat up slightly, reaching for his textbook. “No, Ty. I told you, I’m done with all that. Utterly and completely
done
.” It’d been more than a little humiliating explaining to Ty what had happened after only a few hours earlier declaring to the same person he no longer hooked.

Ty nodded with what seemed like relief. “Hey, man, I wasn’t judging or doubting you or anything. I’ve just been a little worried, you know? My offer still stands, if you ever want to go back to this guy’s apartment and teach him a lesson, let me know. I’d quite happily introduce him to my baseball bat.”

“That’s… sweet.”

Ty nodded. “As honey.” He stared into the fridge, subconsciously curling his lip at the lack of contents inside. He pulled out the OJ. “So, what’s got you so distracted?”

“My date, later.”

Ty glanced over with a frown. “You’re always hanging out with Simon. Why are you nervous all of a sudden?”

“He’s cooking for me at his place. As in, you know, a
date,
date.”

Ty housed the juice back in the fridge and sat back at the small kitchen table with his glass. The fucker was smirking. “
Oh
.”

“Yeah, ‘
oh’
.”

“Well….” He shrugged. “I don’t see what you have to be nervous about. I mean, you’ll probably do the same shit, just at a nicer place.”

“Thanks, man.”

Ty looked around the kitchen, grinning. “I’ve got nothing against this shithole, but he’s a published author, right? He’s probably got all expensive furniture and stuff.”

“He has a flat screen, and one of those new Mercedes in his garage.”

Ty put his glass down with a thunk. “Hell, can I be his boyfriend?”

“Nope. Position of hot young boyfriend has been filled, thank you very much.” Hell yes, he was smug.

Ty leaned closer. “He have a pool table? Because, seriously man, if he does, you’re gonna have some competition.”

Mattie laughed. “Actually, he used to, but then he threw it out and converted the space into a playroom for Jamie.”

“Lucky kid.”

“Yeah.”

“Is, uh, is Jamie going to be there?”

Mattie shook his head. “No.” He glanced at Ty and couldn’t help but feel warmed by the protectiveness he sensed in him. “Ty, we’re taking baby steps. Just, sorta finding our way into something serious and more permanent-like. It’s a delicate situation.”

Ty nodded, looking uncomfortable. “I get it, just, um….”

“What?”

“Just don’t forget what’s important for you, okay?”

“How’d you mean?”

“Well, the taking it slow thing, which makes sense, I get that. But in the meantime, well, you’ve got applications to fill out, tests to take, and a portfolio to think about.”

Mattie sighed. “I know that.”

Ty’s hands went up in a defensive gesture. “I’m not trying to piss you off or start something, I promise.”

“No.” He nodded. “I know what it is you’re talking about.”

“There’s only so much time to apply, Mattie. Then the chance is gone for another year.”

Mattie worried his lip. “Would that be such a bad thing?”

“Mattie, if you don’t do it now while you have a chance then you’re never going to do it, and you know it.”

He wanted to put up an argument, but he couldn’t deny that what Ty was saying was true. He couldn’t imagine leaving Simon in a year’s time any more than he could in a few months’ time. Who was he kidding? A year to get closer to Simon, close to Jamie? Maybe living with each other, only to leave and disrupt whatever it was they might have built together? Ty was right; he wouldn’t be able to go.

Problem was, they were getting serious. They were going in exactly the right direction, just not fast enough. It wasn’t something that could be pushed, but with the pace they were going at, the time was going to come when he was gonna have to consider giving up what could be a concrete dream ready and waiting for him, for another dream which might just be exactly that: a dream and nothing more.

“How about, just for now, you concentrate on this?” Ty tapped the textbook. “Don’t make any decisions yet. Concentrate on what you know you definitely want regardless of the future—your GED.”

Mattie nodded. “You’re right.”

“Always am.”

Mattie pulled the textbook closer and sat up. “Can’t believe it’s not even a week away.”

Ty nodded. “Just a few days. You’re gonna do great.”

“God, I’m terrified of the essay portion.”

“Just think of it as practice for your entrance essay to art school.”

“What if I get in there and go blank? Or pass out? What if I
throw up
?”

“You’re not going to do any of those things, idiot. You’ll get in there and breeze through it. You’ll be a rock star.”

“You could be one of those life coaches.”

“Nah, whining makes my dick soft.”

Mattie snorted. “How you’ve managed to remain friends with me is a miracle.”

“It’s not a question of remaining friends; it’s a question of remaining flaccid.”

Mattie laughed and shook his head at him. Ty gave him a shit-eating grin. “This got weird.” said Mattie.

“Yes, it did,” Ty agreed. “How about we call this a day for now? Seeing as you’re distracted over fretting about what to wear for your big date and all.”

Mattie’s eyes suddenly went wide. “Shit, I don’t have anything nice to wear!”

“Oh my God. I was kidding, you girl.”

“Well, I’m not.” He stood up. “Up. Come on. Help me pick out something smart—oh! What time is it?” He glanced at his watch. “Even better, we’ve got enough time to head on over to your place so I can borrow something nice to wear. All I have are jeans and T-shirts, man.”

“I swear you just grew a vagina before my very eyes.”

Mattie was already looking for his keys. “Shut up and get your jacket on.”

“You’re just going to end up naked anyway,” Ty argued. “Just wear what you usually wear.”

“This is a big deal. I want to look good.”

“
Annnnd
… there’s the tits.”

Mattie threw Ty’s jacket at him, which Ty deftly caught. “Get the fuck up.”

“You
will
go to the ball, Cinderella!”

S
IMON
glanced over at Mattie when slowing down at a stop light. He looked nice. “You look nice.”

Mattie smiled, touching the collar of his shirt for the hundredth time. “Thanks, you too.”