The Click Trilogy (76 page)
Authors: Lisa Becker
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 10:50 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Congrats on being such a loser. (Betcha never thought you'd hear me say that?) I'm so proud of you. I could tell that you had lost some weight the last time I saw you. But I know one of your "life lessons" is to not tell someone they've lost weight. You might have noticed that I kept telling you how great you looked.
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 10:53 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
I did notice that, thank you. And I will take all of the compliments I can get.
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 10:57 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
You're taking a compliment? When you lost the pounds, you must have also shed the
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:03 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
The old ladies at Curves are quite the talkative bunch. I don't think they have much else going on, so they just gossip and chit chat during their workout. As much as I've tried to avoid eye contact and conversation, they've focused their cataract-corrected eyes on me. Now we're all pals.
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:06 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
As you would say with a tinge of paranoia in your voice, "Don't go finding a new bestie." ;)
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:10 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Ha! Ha! Yes, Louise, the 75-year-old ringleader of our little group is quite the vixen. Her stories are legendary. And the nicknames she gives her men – Viagra Victor, Saggy-skin Stanley and Heart Condition Harry – are beyond compare.
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:12 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Good. I knew I didn't have to worry. Now, on to that celebratory cupcake…
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:14 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
I thought you were going to let that slide…
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:17 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
I can't in good conscience not chastise you a tiny bit for that. Shame! Shame! Seriously Sweetie, I think it's fine to indulge a little every once in a while. Charles Schulz once said, "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:19 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Awww. Did you remember that from our trip to the Charles Schulz museum last year?
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:22 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
No. I just Googled "inspirational food quotes" to come up with something to make you feel better.
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:23 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Find anything else that help me justify the lifestyle I want but my body can't sustain?
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:25 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Just keep doing what you're doing…eating healthy meals, exercising regularly, drinking one glass of wine a night…etc. You're gonna do great.
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:26 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
One glass of wine, huh?
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:28 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Yes! I give you permission to have one glass of wine daily, which provides great health benefits.
From: Renee Greene – June 3, 2014 – 11:31 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
And what do the other glasses of wine a night provide? Increasing confidence and acceptance of my curvy figure? Tolerance of Ethan's dance moves? Witty and comedic comebacks to snarky comments?
From: Shelley Manning – June 3, 2014 – 11:33 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: One step forwards, two steps back?
Ha-Larious! All of the above! Gotta run, Sweetie. I'll see you in a few days for your bachelorette party. Save some room for the mojitos!
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 4:32 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Information vacuum
I know NOTHING about the bachelorette party that Shelley planned for me tonight. She has rebuffed every inquiry I've made and has put nothing in writing so there's nothing I can beg Ashley to send to me. She's threatened her with some sort of awful retribution if she even reveals anything to me. I've got to admit it. I'm a little scared. I also know NOTHING about the bachelor party that is being thrown in your honor this evening. That, too, has me a bit worried.
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 4:39 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
FDR said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Although he hung out with Churchill who was quite the boozer, he never met Shelley. Seriously, I'm sure she's just doing this to throw you off a bit. I'm sure it will be fine. More than fine. I'm sure it will be fun. As for me, I don't know what the guys have planned for me either. And since I don't know what it is, I can't be held responsible for what they plan, right?
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 4:43 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
Hmmm. Billy the Kid is throwing you a bachelor party and you don't want to be responsible for what might occur there?
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 4:45 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
Well, when you put it that way, it does sound pretty bad, huh? By the same token, Shelley is planning your soiree.
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 4:46 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
Booze, bimbos and strippers, oh my!
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 4:47 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
Sounds about right. But seriously, you have nothing to worry about.
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 4:49 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
I know. I trust you. And I trust myself. Let's make a pact to tell each other everything – no secrets. Okay?
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 4:53 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Information vacuum
Works for me. I've got to get the last of this work done so I can go and enjoy myself tonight. Have fun and I'll look for an email later. Love you, Babe.
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 7:35 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Oh what a night!
Where are you? Shelley had a limo come by and it was filled with all of my friends including a few from college that flew in for the weekend. We're now at Flint's. She rented the whole place out. Having a blast. Hope you are too.
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 8:02 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
We're at Slab. Before you get your knickers in a twist, it's a new steak house in Beverly Hills. The only meat I'm planning to indulge in is a 16 oz bone-in ribeye wrapped in bacon. Mmmm.
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 8:53 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
First off, Shelley wants to know why you are eating bacon when you’re Jewish.
Wish I could say the same. Shelley hired a male stripper to come to Flint's disguised as a waiter. I'm hiding in the bathroom right now because I am just so flustered. It was…awkward! He started off making small talk and congratulating me on my upcoming nuptials. Then he said he had a surprise for me.
The music turned on and apparently he was too. He started dancing and gyrating. I was so uncomfortable and so was everyone else there...except Shelley. He kept grinding up against my friends and they kept backing up or moving away.
Then he ripped off his velcro pants to show a gold g-string. He was waving his junk all around. Again, the only person that seemed to be enjoying it all was Shelley. When the music stopped, he took a bow and then I figured he would leave.
But he just stood there chatting with us while putting his velcro pants back on. He had to readjust them several times to make sure the two sides were aligned properly. I don't think I'll ever be able to hear that ripping sound again without shuddering. Oh no! Shelley's coming. Gotta go.
From: PBCupLover – June 7, 2014 – 10:25 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Tell Shelley, when it comes to food, I’m Jew”ish” not Jewish.
Next, what you're saying is that I should return the gold g-string and velcro pants I was planning on wearing to bed on our wedding night? Will do!
We're at a cigar bar right now enjoying some Cubans that William managed to smuggle into the country on his last trip to the Caribbean. Combine that with a 35 year old Scotch and I'm one happy man.
From: Renee Greene – June 7, 2014 – 11:12 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Oh, shoot. Here come the shots!
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 1:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Just got to Bon Bons – a seedy strip club in Hollywood. A guy in the bathroom asked me if I had any cocaine. WTF!?!
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 1:14 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Not too far away at the Rainbow Revolver, the gay dance bar in West Hollywood. I've never had so much fun in my life!!!
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 1:39 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Don't judge me if I come home covered in glitter.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 2:04 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
I so drink right now djl goin to bed I lovee yu. Slj;fa
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 2:22 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Ath Kays Diner eating bacon. so much bacon. Mmmmmmm be home soon
From: Shelley Manning – June 8, 2014 – 9:13 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Morning sunshine!
Your ringer is off. Good morning. Want to meet me for breakfast at Nina's Café at 10?
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:01 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Why are you yelling at me?
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:03 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
I'm not yelling. I'm whispering. My mouth is so dry, I can barely talk.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:04 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Well it sounded like you were yelling. No talking!
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:05 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
That's because you are hung over.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:06 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
You look like crap.
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:07 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
I feel like crap. You look beautiful. I’m so thirsty. Will you get me some water?
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:08 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
There's no way I look beautiful. I'm thirstier. Will you get me some water?
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:09 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
I can't move.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:10 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
If you love me, you will get me some water.
From: Shelley Manning – June 8, 2014 – 11:13 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Where are you?
Now I know you can't be ignoring me. After all, I just threw you the mother of all bachelorette parties. So I'm guessing you might be a bit hung over although I can't understand why. I matched you drink for drink and I feel fine.
In fact, I did a morning yoga routine on the beach at sunrise. My flight leaves in two hours, so I assume I won't get to see you before I head back. Call me when you're up and about.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:16 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
STOP TALKING!
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Sorry. I'm getting up to puke. After I do, I will get you some water.
From: PBCupLover – June 8, 2014 – 11:21 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
You'll feel better if you throw up.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:41 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Never. You know I can't do that.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 11:43 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Thank you for the water. Going back to bed. I love you.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 4:12 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Where are you?
UGH! I feel awful.
From: Shelley Manning – June 8, 2014 – 4:15 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Where are you?
Don't feel badly for dissing me this morning. I forgive you.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 4:19 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Where are you?
No, I mean I feel awful from drinking too much. Why did you let me drink so much? What time did I get home? And why am I home? I thought I was staying at a hotel with you? Why aren't you sick?
From: Shelley Manning – June 8, 2014 – 4:25 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Where are you?
All good questions, Sweetie. 1. I couldn't stop you if I tried. 2. 2:00 am. 3. You insisted (and by insisted, I mean screamed at the top of your lungs) on going home and when I said I was going to stay with you, you insisted (and by insisted, I again mean screamed at the top of your lungs) that I leave. 4. I don't do hangovers.
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 4:28 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Where are you?
I don't remember everything but I do remember that I had fun. A lot of fun. Thank you. Just wish I felt better now.
From: Shelley Manning – June 8, 2014 – 4:32 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Where are you?
Want to know what will make you feel better?
From: Renee Greene – June 8, 2014 – 4:33 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Where are you?
I thought you didn't do hangovers?