The Calendar of New Beginnings (36 page)

She peered through the window to identify the car and was puzzled to see it was Andy’s. She detoured to the front door. “What are you doing here? I’m sorry I needed more time. I was in a mood, but I was just about to head out.”

He stepped closer to her and framed her face with his hands. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

The intensity with which he said it, combined with the heat of his touch, seemed to turn some wheel inside her. Well…this was unexpected. “Yes. I think so. Sure.”

“Let me show you,” he said in a deep voice before covering her mouth with his.

He danced her inside the house and closed the door behind them, making her wonder what in the world was going on. Then he swept her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom all Prince Charming-like. It was a little weird and surprising, but his mouth was so hot and insistent on hers she let all the questions flee her mind for the moment.

She fell back into that place of pure heart, pure sensation with him—a place she’d never known
until
him. After depositing her on the bed, he kissed his way down her body, dispensing with her clothes as he went. His fingers glided over her skin in reverence. His kisses were a benediction to flesh and bone.

Something really was different. But it felt so wonderful, she was content to meet whatever mood he was in.
 

His mouth gave worship to her breasts and the sensitive core between her thighs, causing her to cry out in pleasure. When she came apart, he continued to love her, causing her to come again.

He was on fire for her, and she was on fire for him. Panting, she rolled onto her side and put her hand on his heart. Arousal had tightened his muscles, but the love shining in his eyes made her heart expand beyond its previous limits.
So this is love, big love
, she thought, and leaned forward to kiss him again and share her piece of it.

She kissed her way down his skin, just as he had done for her, and as she removed his clothing until they were completely bared to each other, the only wish she had was to love him—all of him—and to help him feel the wild beauty he’d unleashed in her heart.

The tips of her fingers tingled as she ran them across the hard planes of his body. Her love was so great, so large she could have hugged the whole universe. She honored the differences between their bodies in a whole new way, and when he finally slid into her, holding her gaze, it felt that they were floating up in the stars.
 

When she resurfaced, she realized he was sprawled across her, his elbows preventing him from crushing her. He was always so careful about that. Their hands were still linked, which made her smile. His warm, rapid breathing tickled her ear, making her giggle.

He shifted until he could see her face. “Wow,” he said in a stupefied voice.

Her body felt like a small container for all she was in that moment. “Yeah. Wow.”

Rolling onto his back, he drew her onto his chest, not that she needed urging. Her favorite place in the world was to be cuddled against him, listening to his heart beat, feeling the rise of his ribs as he breathed.

“I’d like to analyze what happened,” he said with a snort, “but after this evening, I’m pretty much open to anything.”

She inched higher so she could meet his gaze. “Sounds like you have an interesting story.” She had no desire to share hers in this special moment.

His smile was soft. “I do,” he said and proceeded to tell her about Danny’s visits from his mom, who had blue angel wings.

By the end, they were both brushing away tears.
 

“As I was driving over here,” Andy said, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Kim wanted me to know she was still watching over our son like she promised she would before she died. She told me she’d find a way—even if it took petitioning God multiple times.”

Ah, that sweet woman. Lucy wiped at more tears running down her face.

“But Kim also wanted me to know how happy she was that I’d found love again. With you. I didn’t need her blessing—she gave it to me in the letter you read—but it still feels…pretty darn great to have it.”

Lucy could tell the last pinches of guilt he had felt about moving forward with his life had dissolved on the way to her house. It was no wonder their lovemaking tonight had taken them to a whole new level of love and connection.

“I’m so happy for you,” she said, tracing his chest. “And for Danny. I’m glad he still has his mom in some form.”

“You really believe it?” he asked.

“I really do. The things I’ve seen overseas… I believe in spirits. I’ve even felt a few of them help me in moments of danger. Call them angels or whatever you’d like, but there was something there. I don’t think I’d still be here otherwise. Plus, they say kids are so much more open to the otherworldly than adults.”

He was nodding. “I’m going to tell my rational mind to take a hike and simply say thank you. I know what I want to believe.”

She kissed his cheek. “Good plan.”

“Now,” he said, turning on his side so they were facing each other, “why don’t you tell me about what happened between you and your mom?”

Her mouth parted. “Who told you? You mother?”

“She’s the one spending the night at my house to give us some extra time together,” he said, giving her a knowing look.

“Oh.”
She’d assumed someone was babysitting, and it made sense April would have interceded after their earlier discussion in the kitchen.

“Yeah.
Oh.”

“It wasn’t pretty,” she began. “I was trying to get rid of all my negative energy before I came over. It was…taking a while.”

Talking about the fight pretty much erased her earlier sensation of floating in the clouds. Plunging to earth again sucked, and her nerves were stretched tight again by the time she finished.

“Are you going to tell me it wasn’t one of my better moments?” she asked.

“Would I do that?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Yes.”

“But gently, I’d like to think.” He rubbed her arm. “So you both said some pretty tough things to each other. What do you plan to do about it?”

She’d thought about that all afternoon. Of course, she’d been mad enough to want to throw things and cheer as they shattered. But that didn’t exactly make her feel proud or mature, and really, it was her heart that was shattering. That was nothing to cheer about.

“My mom doesn’t like me,” she whispered, feeling the pain spread to her bones. “And I don’t like her. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but it’s true. I’m not even sure we love each other anymore. Otherwise, how could we have said those things to each other?”

His sigh was heartfelt. “I’m not saying it’s the same situation, but sometimes I think that way about my dad too.”

“You mean the asshole who didn’t treat your mother right?” she asked in an impassioned voice.
 

He gave her a bland look, but his eyes wrinkled with humor.

“So I might still have a lot of anger inside me,” she explained, not that she needed to.

“Good to see you’re not repressing it,” he said with a wry smile. “I don’t know what to tell you, Luce. I do believe your mother loves you. She just doesn’t love you like you want her to.”

How was that love? “She doesn’t
see
me. Not for who I really am.” She punched the pillow in defeat. “And that means she’s loving some version of me that I’m not. That’s why she gets so mad when I don’t live up to her expectations. I’ve thought about little else since she stormed out. She thought I came home because I finally decided my career was too dangerous—something she’s been saying for years.”

She waited for him to comment, but he didn’t.

“And in coming home, she hoped I’d go back to being some silly girl who only wants to experience the fun side of life.”

“You were never a silly girl,” Andy told her, cupping her face. “You organized a student protest to raise awareness about female genital mutilation when we were juniors in high school.”

Yes, she had. “I forgot about that. I read about that happening in Sudan in
U.S. News & World Report.
At first, I didn’t even know that was anatomically possible. Then I couldn’t believe it was happening. I mean, who would hurt women and girls like that?”

“Bastards,” he said, gazing at her seriously. “I could name other protests you organized. What about that film from France—?”

“On human trafficking in Russia,” she said, nodding. Goodness, she’d forgotten about these moments.

“Lucy, you were always trying to change the world for the better, even when you were living here in Dare Valley.”

“My mother didn’t like it then,” she said, putting the final pieces of the memories together. Arthur had always encouraged her to pursue her interests, especially after her fights with her mom.

“And yet, your mother organized a breastfeeding fair because she was angry that women needed to hide a natural function in public.”

She gave him a look. “Are you trying to say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?”
 

He returned the look.

“You’re pissing me off,” she said without heat. “I want to be right here. Dammit! I want my mother to be wrong. Oh God, I’m a terrible person.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, tapping her on the nose. “You’re human. I want my dad to be wrong. I want to say he’s the biggest jerk out there for not loving my mother enough and for not fighting for her when she asked for more. I want to punch him and tell him he’s not a man for letting her walk out without a word.”

“Now who’s angry?” she asked, blinking at the force in his voice.

He blew out a breath. “I don’t want to believe my mother did anything wrong. She’s one of the most amazing women alive.”

“But it takes two to tango, as Arthur Hale always says.”

“Yeah.” Now he sounded as down in the dumps as she did.

She curled up against his chest again. “I don’t know what to do. My mom won’t listen to me. I’ve never seen her this mad before. And it doesn’t change the fact that she hates the three photos I’ve selected for the calendar so far.”

“I happen to like the ones you’ve taken so far,” he said. “In fact, I’d like you to send me the photo you took of me when I was thinking of Kim. It’s…I want Danny to see it when he’s older. I was scared to have him see it before, but now…I think it’s the kind of thing he’d love to see.”

“I’ll send it. Andy, when it comes down to it, I think my mom’s right. Someone else should take the photos instead, someone who understands their importance. What about your sister?”

“Moira?”

“Yeah,” she said, mulling over the idea. “Her questions might have freaked me out at Jill’s photo shoot, but she does know her stuff. Plus, she’s here right now, waiting to hear about the job at the Artemis Institute. Maybe I can help her touch up the photos behind the scenes or something.”

“It’s a reasonable idea, but it won’t solve the overall problem between you and your mother,” Andy said quietly.

“I’ve tried to talk to her before,” Lucy said, feeling defensive. “Why do you think I finally blew my top today? All the pressure of not being listened to reached its max. I felt like I’d turned into a volcano.”

“I could make a joke about being familiar with your molten heat, but I’ll refrain.”

She punched him, making him grunt. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he said, kissing her on the check. “Let it settle a bit more. Maybe my mom will help Ellen see some reason.”

“Somebody needs to,” she said, “because not even my father has been able to all these years. He called me this afternoon, and he sounded more worried about us than ever before. Not that I can blame him. But my dad accepts and loves my mom as she is, flaws and all. What am I missing here? Am I letting my hurt feelings color everything?”

“Big questions. Ones for you to sit with.” He made a face. “But if it makes you feel any better, I love you and I see you.”

Crap. How had she gotten so lucky? “I know you do. You always have, and I’m grateful for that. Andy…” Her heart was growing again, and she took a big breath to grow with it. “I love you to pieces, but somehow, the words never seem big enough for what I feel.”

Oh, the smile that spread across his face: a touch of heat mixed with an extra measure of love. She was a goner.

“How about we leave this for now, and you let me love you to pieces again?”

She climbed on top of him and smiled down. “How about you let me love you to pieces back?”

As she did, she became one giant heartbeat.

Chapter 27
      

Andy finally gave into his gut urging to go see Ellen during his lunch hour the next day. Sometimes when his siblings were at odds, he’d been able to broker a peace. He didn’t see why Lucy and her mom would be any different.
 

Besides, he kept coming back to the photo Lucy had taken of him after she’d asked him to think about Kim. She’d sent it to him on his way to work. Seeing how he looked when he thought about the wife he’d lost had changed him. Perhaps explaining that to Ellen would help her see Lucy’s side of things. Deep down, he knew she needed to take the photos for the calendar—not just for herself, but for the future of her relationship with her mother.