The Bull Rider Meets His Match (14 page)

“The park?” It was on the other side of the back parking lot and seemed like an okay place, as long as it was relatively empty.

“That would do.”

Lex led the way out the front door after calling out to Danielle that she was checking out for the day. It would have been shorter to go out the back, but apparently she wasn't up for being open about going somewhere with him—maybe to avoid questions later.

They walked along the alley next to the parking lot and crossed the street, then took seats side by side on the first park bench they came to. And there they sat in silence, a good foot of dark green metal between them, Grady with his forearms resting on his thighs, looking out across the park, Lex sitting stiffly beside him—each waiting for the other to start.

“So...” he finally said “...how are you?”

He turned in time to see her mouth quirk into a humorless smile. “I've been better.”

“I'm sorry about the rodeo.”

“It's more than that,” she said, focusing on her hands, loosely clasped in her lap.

He had an idea of what
it
was after thinking over the events of the evening, remembering Lex's response to the announcer when he had helpfully mentioned to the crowd that Grady would be riding bulls soon. Not practice bulls, but the nasty kind. The best the stock contractors had to offer. “Are you worried? About me?”

She slowly turned her head toward him. “Of course I'm worried about you. I know you're good, but yeah, I'm worried.”

“Do you want me to give up bull riding?” He'd lain awake for a long time wondering how he would feel about her answer to that question, but it was something he needed to know.

Her eyebrows drew together. “I wouldn't ask that of you.”

Not the answer he'd expected. “Yet you're worried about me.”

She nodded. Lex was not being Lex. She wasn't looking at him, wasn't challenging him. She was withdrawn in a way he'd never seen before. He reached out to touch her, and she looked at him, her expression troubled.

“What is it, Lex? What's the deal?”

Her frown deepened, and he had the feeling she wanted to say,
“I don't know,”
even though she did know. Or at least had an inkling. He wanted in on the secret, but she didn't say anything.

“I'll be back, you know. I'm going to winter here from now on. I may not get in the practice time, but...”

“It's not that, either,” she said quickly.

“Then...?”

She raised her eyes to his, her expression deadly serious. “I don't need people the way other people need people.” The words came blurting out.

“What?” Grady felt his stomach start to tighten. This wasn't a good development.

“Maybe I should have been clearer on this at the beginning.” She looked away as she spoke, focusing on the back door of her store a hundred yards away.

“Maybe you should be clearer on it right now.”

She drew in a breath and flexed her fingers as they lay on her thighs. “I don't do commitment, and because of that, I don't usually let things get too tight.”

“Why not?”

The simple question seemed to throw her. “Because it's not the way I am. I told you. I don't need people the way other people need them.”

“Bull.” Her mouth tightened, and he watched as a stubborn expression formed. For better or for worse, the Lex he knew was coming back. “The only reason not to need people is that you're afraid of something.” All he needed was to push her a little, and then they could deal with this matter in the usual way—by arguing.

“So?” She blinked at him as if he'd just made a pointless argument.

Now he was thrown, because he'd fully expected her to deny it and then he would explain to her why she was wrong. But no. She admitted it. Freely. “Well, maybe you need to deal with whatever it is you're afraid of.”

“I am. I've found a way that works well for me and I'm sticking with it.”

“And that way is?'

“Not getting involved in committed relationships. It's not fair to the other person...who in this case would be you.”

“That's crazy.”

“That's logical. I don't want to get hurt, so I don't get too involved.”

“What if you do get...involved?”

“I do what I'm doing right now.”

“Just turn off your feelings?”

“Before they get to the point that I can't. Yes.”

He blinked at her, not certain if he was sad or frustrated. He definitely felt a degree of both. How did a guy fight this? “Turning off feelings won't work in the long run.”

“It's working just fine now, and that's all I care about.”

“Lex—”

“I made no promises,” she said fiercely. “I loved our time together, but I know what I have to do to survive.” She got to her feet.

“Walk away? Shut down?”

“It works.”

“This is it?” he asked incredulously.

“I can't see what else it can be.”

“But...”

“I'm sorry, Grady. I shouldn't have let things go this far.” She ducked her chin briefly, then raised it again. “I need to go.” She marched out of the park toward her truck parked on the street behind Annie Get Your Gun without so much as a backward glance.

Grady leaned back against the bench, letting his hands drop loosely on either side of him.

* * *

L
EX
WAS
GLAD
she made it to her truck without throwing up or something. She was that stressed, which only went to prove that, no, she should not be in a relationship. She didn't do well starting them or ending them.

The middle part wasn't bad.

Middles didn't last forever. Lex jammed the truck into gear. She told herself she wasn't going to look, but she did. Grady was still sitting on the bench. She'd hated hurting him, but this was only a small hurt. Not a hole-in-your-heart hurt. Not a hope-you-said-a-proper-goodbye-because-you'll-never-see-him-again hurt.

Even if Grady quit bull riding, the possibility was there of reopening that agonizing chasm. Things happened and, when dealing with a risk taker like Grady...yes. Things happened.

And this time maybe she wouldn't heal so well. How many times could a person bounce back from a broken heart?

Lex didn't intend to be a guinea pig for that study.

When she got home, she walked into the house, with the dogs and Felicity swirling around her feet. They were careful not to trip her but got as close as possible. Perfect analogy for her and Grady. She'd tried to get as close as possible without tripping up. She'd tripped anyhow, and now they both had to deal with it.

Did he love her?

He might think he did. But by the time she was done establishing distance between them, he probably wouldn't think so any longer. He'd gotten over Danielle. He'd get over her, too.

If
he thought he loved her. She didn't even know if he did.

All she knew was that it was very possible she was in love with him, and she needed to get over that.

Step one had been taken.

Chapter Fourteen

Grady figured if he gave Lex some time, she'd realize that she was reacting to stress, but after not hearing from her for two days, he took a chance and called her. Bad move.

She was distantly polite and the conversation ended after a few stiff exchanges, which frustrated the heck out of him. How was he supposed to deal with polite Lex? He'd never before encountered polite Lex. If she'd treated him that way from day one, they probably never would have hooked up and that would have saved him some heartache.

Annie obviously knew something was up, possibly from the way Grady was now attacking his daily workouts, doubling his reps, his running time, and also coming home at a decent hour, never spending the night anywhere except her guest room. She kept giving him the look—the sister look—which he in turn pretended not to notice. The one thing he didn't want to do was to discuss the situation with Lex.

“Are you still coming back?” Annie asked after he'd helped her load the dishwasher.

“Of course. I've been pricing trailers. Why?”

Annie pulled a pan out of the drain rack and dried it. “I just wondered, now that you and Lex aren't...seeing so much of each other, if you might not find Oklahoma more to your liking.”

She kept wiping the pan until Grady took it out of her hands and set it on the counter. “Being here is to my liking. I want to settle here. Watch the girls grow up. Whether I stay or go has nothing to do with Lex.”

“She's back to the way she was when I found her scary,” Annie commented as she once again picked up the pan and this time stowed it in a cupboard near the stove.

“Sorry about that. I did my best to keep that from happening.”

“It was bad?” Annie asked, still holding the dish towel as she dropped her hands to her sides.

“Yeah. Bad.”

“I'm sorry.”

He tilted up one corner of his mouth in an attempt at a smile, but it drifted back down again. “And I'm sorry I keep screwing up things with the women you work with.”

Annie gave a small shrug. “They don't seem to hold it against me.”

“Small mercies, eh?”

* * *

H
ENNESSEY
'
S
BECAME
G
RADY
'
S
SANCTUARY
. He showed up early, stayed late, practicing and helping the young riders. Not one person said a word about Lex. Unless he initiated the conversation, not that many people engaged him period. Catching an unexpected glimpse of himself in a truck mirror, he understood why. He looked as if he was about to do someone bodily harm. His riding, however, seemed to benefit from the frustration he carried with him every waking moment of the day. He approached each ride with an aggression he hadn't felt prior to Lex giving him his walking orders.

Then came the day she showed up at Hennessey's just as he was leaving one late afternoon. His heart thumped hard at the sight of her standing near his truck, but when he got close enough to see her closed-off expression, he knew this wasn't going to be a joyful I've-rethought-things reunion. She held out a bag.

“Some stuff you left at my place.”

The symbolic returning of all things left behind.

Grady took the bag, somehow keeping himself from snatching it out of her hands. It was now or never. Lex was not going to soften toward him over time. If anything, she was going to convince herself that she'd done the only thing possible—because she was afraid of doing anything else.

“We can work this out.”

“I'm good with the way things are,” she replied, adjusting her sunglasses.

“You're good not needing people? Or not needing me?”

She let out a soft sigh that smacked of frustration and then sidestepped his question. “I can't change who I am.”

He smirked at her; he couldn't help himself. This was the Lex who had threatened to take him down if he hurt Danielle. The Lex that hid behind a cool facade and couldn't be reasoned with. He had to try. “Why are you so certain that I'll hurt you?”

Her cool slipped a little then. “Circumstances will hurt me, Grady. Things we can't control.”

“Like me getting taken out by a bull?”

“Yes, that. But there's more behind my decision.”

“Fill me in,” he muttered from between his teeth as a couple of young riders walked by.

“I'm happy with my life the way it is. I'm sorry you can't accept that I don't want to hook up with anyone for any length of time, but that's the way it is. I know you think that if you chip away you can make me realize that you're worth the risk, but...” She shook her head slowly.

“You're a coward, Lex.”

“I'm honest to myself, Grady.”

“Dream on.” He brushed past her to get into his truck, and she turned at the same time to march to her rig.

And so it ends
.

He jammed the key into the ignition, and his truck roared to life. And then he dropped his chin and forced himself to take a breath. Focus on what he was doing, not on what he was losing.

* * *

T
HE
NEXT
DAY
when Annie got home from work, he presented her with the rototiller he'd bought her, which was sitting in the middle of the twenty-foot-square area he'd turned over next to her much smaller garden. He'd thought about putting a ribbon on top, but instead he found several of the silk flowers he'd used on Katie's pink hair, wrapped the stems in duct tape and taped them to the handle. Annie burst out laughing when she saw the bouquet.

“You do have a way with flowers.”

“I hope you don't mind that I broke the thing in for you,” he said.

She gave him a big hug. “Not. One. Bit.” Then she toed up to the edge of the freshly tilled earth and put her hands to her cheeks. “I'm going to have such a garden next year.”

“I figured that this gives you room to grow melons and pumpkins if you want.”

“It does.”

“And honestly? I should be here to help plant next spring.”

“We should be able to get the garden in before you start your spring circuit,” she agreed. Then she let out a sigh. “Remember—I totally get it if you need to winter elsewhere. I can't handle being a project or a duty.”

“Noted.” He gave her one last squeeze before stepping back.

Annie brushed the hair out of her eyes. “The girls are giving you a surprise going-away party tomorrow. They planned it themselves.”

“That's cool.”

“They wanted to invite Lex, but I made up an excuse. Just so you know.”

“Thank you.”

The twins' party was cute. They'd been very busy in the kitchen an hour or so before Annie got home, but nothing broke or spilled. After Annie got home and changed her clothes, they'd made a big deal about sitting Grady at the table, complete with tablecloth and flowers with no duct tape. They carefully poured Kool-Aid into the good china cups, then offered Grady his choice of Oreo cookies, Chips Ahoy or vanilla wafers to go with his ice cream and chocolate syrup.

“Dinner's a no-go tonight?” he asked Annie as she handed Kristen a dish of ice cream to deliver to the table. Katie was waiting for the next.

“Sometimes you gotta say ‘what the hey' and have ice cream for dinner,” she said as she dug into the carton for another scoop.

“My kind of woman.”

“It's a special 'casion,” Kristen explained. “Sometimes you don't have to eat supper on special 'casions.”

“Well, thank you for this special party,” Grady said as Kristen dropped two Oreos on top of his ice cream.

“We know you're coming back, but it'll be a long time from now,” Katie said.

“Three months.”

“Almost until Christmas!” Kristen rolled her eyes, telling Grady how far away that was in the kid brain. He happened to know that Annie was counting the paychecks until Christmas arrived and thought it was coming way too soon.

“We're going to miss you.” The girls spoke in unison without seeming to notice, then took their chairs on either side of Grady. They were looking glum for being in the midst of a special 'casion.

“How about I'll send you postcards from the cities I visit?”

“Postcards?” Two pairs of interested gazes met his.

“In the mail.” What a novelty to the digital generation. “I buy a postcard with a picture of where I'm at, write a message, put a stamp on it and mail it to you guys.”

Katie grinned. “Can we each get a postcard?”

“I don't know...they're almost twenty-five cents each...” He pretended to debate, then nodded. “One each. From each city.” They clapped their hands and he smiled. He was going to miss this. “I know—let's print out a map and your mom can show you where each card comes from.”

The twins were all over that, and he didn't have to print out a map because Annie found an old road map of the USA in her junk drawer. Grady and the girls mounted it on their bedroom wall and he made a red dot on Gavin, Montana, and another on New York City.

The girls had no concept of the distance involved, but they agreed that it looked like a long way away.

“Will you send Lex postcards, too?” Kristen asked matter-of-factly.

Grady met Annie's gaze over the top of the twins' head. “I, uh...might.”

“She'll like that,” Katie said.

Somehow he didn't think so.

The next morning he was loading his duffels into his truck, when Danielle's car pulled into Annie's drive. It was barely seven, so Grady was justifiably surprised to see her.

“Everything all right?” he asked as she got out of the car. Because the only reason he could think of for her to be there was to see him, since she'd see Annie at work within the hour.

“You're heading out now?” she asked instead of answering his question.

“I catch a flight to New York later this afternoon.” The Hayward twins were going to pick up his rig at the airport and bring it back to Annie's.

“I'd hoped to talk to you before you left.”

He opened his hands in a here-I-am gesture.

“It's about Lex.” She hesitated, perhaps giving him time to say that he didn't want to talk about Lex. He didn't want to talk about her, but since Danielle had come all this way, he'd listen.

“Yeah?”

“She's scared of loss.”

“Aren't we all?”

“You know this stems from what happened with her dad.”

“I figured.” He put a hand on the bed of his truck and considered the ground at his feet. He looked up to see Danielle frowning at him, as if hoping he'd say something like
“Don't worry, I know how to handle this.”
He didn't. “I did everything I could to make being with me an okay thing. I even offered to give up bull riding.”

“Really?” It was hard to miss the note of quiet incredulity.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“No,” she replied hurriedly. “It's okay. It worked out for the best. I'm simply...surprised.”

“I care for her.”

“She cares for you.”

“Not enough.” He could see that she was going to rush to the defense of her friend, so he put up a hand. “I know she's scared. I know there are issues, but there's not much I can do about it when she shuts me out. As I see it, the problem is that she doesn't care for me enough to confront the issues keeping us apart.”

It hadn't been easy to accept that truth—in fact, it had taken him over a week to finally come to grips with the obvious, but once he had, his course of action had become clear. He needed to get on with his life.

“She needs time.”

He shook his head. “Time isn't going to help. She's decided that if she doesn't feel, then she won't get hurt.”

“Like that's going to work.”

“She thinks it will.”

Danielle gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry she feels that way.”

So was he, but he was done beating his head on a wall.

“Well, at least one of us is happy,” Grady said, working up a smile for the woman he'd once thought to be the most perfect on earth, before he'd met the imperfect woman who'd stolen his heart. Stomped on it. Walked away.

Danielle smiled back. He opened his arms, and she walked into his embrace, hugging him hard. “Congratulations,” he murmured. “Curtis is a lucky guy.”

She pulled back, holding him by the shoulders. “Thank you. And good luck to you.”

He didn't know if she meant with the bulls or getting over Lex. Either way, he needed it.

* * *

I
T
DIDN
'
T
TAKE
a rocket scientist to deduce that Danielle and Annie were either angry at her or felt sorry for her. Maybe both.

Lex laid out the jewelry she'd finished making the night before in a marathon session in her basement. They were good pieces—pieces that Tiffani would probably enjoy because Lex had incorporated shiny things in the design.

Grady was gone, headed off to NYC, the first stop of the Bull Extravaganza, with the intent of returning to Gavin in early winter. Danielle had filled her in as if they were discussing a mutual acquaintance instead of her former lover—the guy she'd intended to have fun with before he moved on. The guy she now couldn't get out of her head.

But she would.

All she had to do was to focus on other matters, as she'd done after her dad died. It had taken some time, but eventually she'd edged back to normality. Or a state that closely resembled normality. Did it once, she could do it again.

And in the future, she was going to avoid falling in love.

“These are nice.” Annie stopped next to her to admire as she hung a pair of copper earrings shaped like boots with hearts cut out of the center and small crystals hanging in the hearts.