The Bow Wow Club (11 page)

– Chapter Thirty-Eight –

‘I said it was his kid all along, didn’t I Bert?’

Bert was snoring in front of the fire, his love of
Jeremy Kyle
not quite as strong as Margaret’s.

She walked slowly to answer the door to a smiling Ruby.

‘Hello love, you’ve timed it perfectly. Jeremy is telling them to put something on the end of it. The people on here need bloody shaking, I tell you. Oh, I’d love to be in that audience and say my piece, show ’em what’s what.’ Bert opened one eye and raised a hand to Ruby, grunted and went back to sleep.

‘So for what do we deserve this pleasure, young Ruby?’

‘A strange request, but have you kept any of Bert’s old trousers from when he was a bit thinner last year?’

‘You know me, duck, I would recycle toilet paper if I could. I’ve got everything up in the back room. What on earth do you want them for anyway?’

‘Oh, there’s a chap at The Bow Wow Club who needs a makeover. I haven’t had time to run anything up for him - have managed to get him a couple of nice bits from the charity shop, but couldn’t find any suitable trousers. I know I gave some to Bert last year that were quite nice.’

‘I meant to ask how you’re getting on with the volunteering. Not cursing at your old neighbour for interfering again, I hope?’

‘Margaret, when have you ever interfered, eh? You’ve been nothing but a magnificent support to me. I love you like a grandmother, you know that.’

Margaret dabbed her eyes with the dirty tissue she had pulled from her sleeve.

‘Something strange did happen the other day though,’ Ruby went on.

‘Ooh, take a seat and tell me all about it.’

‘I saw a man in Covent Garden who looked the spitting image of George.’

‘Oh, love. I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘It’s fine, honestly. I then literally bumped into him again all the way over in Stepney Green, how weird is that? He even wants to meet me for a drink.’

‘Well, you know me: I don’t believe anything in life is a coincidence, it all happens for a reason. I told you before that it’s all written, and that’s why you ended up with your George. I have trouble understanding his untimely exit, but this will come to light too. I don’t know when, but it will.’ Margaret heaved a thoughtful sigh, then said sharply: ‘Have you a got a photo of this new one?’

‘That’s what Fi asked too. Of course I haven’t.’

‘Well, I just want to check it’s not your mind playing tricks and you maybe wanting him to look like George.’

Margaret took a moment to reflect. She shut her eyes slowly, opened them and exhaled deeply.

‘Don’t be fooled by this one, Ruby; don’t make him into something he isn’t,’ was her message.

‘Oh, Margaret, you are so wise but that’s one of the reasons why I love you. I’ll be careful, I promise. Nice to have a bit of attention, anyway.’

‘And what about your Michael? He sounds so lovely. Can’t you try again?’

‘It’s him who broke it off.’

‘He is just giving you space.’

‘If he really wanted me, Margaret, he’d be banging the door down by now.’

‘How many times do I have to tell you, my gel, that men are different creatures. I bet you’ve got no idea what he’s thinking right now.’

‘Well, all I know is it’s not about me, and I don’t like that.’

‘Good.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I said good. If you don’t like it, that means you like him more than you realise.’

‘Margaret! You’re a nightmare. But I do like him, you’re right. Come on, let’s go upstairs - you can show me those trousers.’

***

Ruby scrabbled in her messy bag to reach her ringing phone. It was a crisp and sunny morning and she had a spring in her step as she was looking forward to her date with Harry Bowman-Green later.

‘Rubes, it’s me, Fi.’ Her Irish friend sounded out of breath. ‘Where are ya, ginge?’

‘I’m about to meet Jimmy - you know, the fat one from the Bow Wow. I’m going to give him his make-over.’

‘Oh feck, I need to see ya urgently.’

‘Don’t tell me James has found out about you and Simon?’

‘No, it’s worse than that.’

‘Shit - tell me.’

‘I’m only feckin’ pregnant.’

‘But that’s amazing!’

‘It would be if I knew who the feckin’ father was.’

‘Jesus!’

‘The Almighty,’ a whistling Simon added as he rounded the corner of the church hall, wearing a dog collar!

‘Oh God, I mean gosh, you’re right.’ Ruby managed a strained smile at Simon and pointed to the phone. ‘It is definitely worse than that! Emergency meeting in Piaf’s at six. I’m meeting Harry at seven, so be prompt.’

– Chapter Thirty-Nine –

Michael carried on with Chapter 22.

A Ring for Miss Ruby by Michael Bell

Emily was waiting at the door, nipples poking through her little vest, white stockings and suspenders accentuating her honed thighs.

He felt a stirring in his jeans.

‘Don’t talk,’ she demanded. She kept his gaze, pushed him hard back on the bed and ripped off his jeans. She took his now hard cock in her mouth and teased him with her tongue. ‘Pooky’s been a bad boy leaving his wifey for Valentine’s weekend, hasn’t he?’ Michael nodded and gasped as his pregnant wife then gagged him. He adored it when she wore her stockings and was desperately holding back from coming even though he was on the edge.

‘Not yet, bad boy. I want to straddle you,’ she whispered, lifting her sexy vest to reveal her ever-hardening nipples.

‘Want some, do you?’ she asked menacingly. Michael made an affirmative noise behind the silk scarf.

Releasing his now fully erect cock from his jeans, Michael quickly moved to the sofa.

‘Ruby, oh Ruby,’ he cried out loudly as he came with force.

Blimey, he thought. Maybe writing erotica was the way forward. Or maybe not; he had only written half a page and look what had happened!

He was at the stage of missing Ruby so much he wanted to contact her, but in his head he had set a deadline of 1 May, which would give her a good few weeks to do what she had to do. If she had forgotten him by then, then love had lost.

‘Please let love win,’ he said out loud in a pathetic voice.

Then, ‘That’s it. That’s the title. Bloody brilliant!
A Ring for Miss Ruby
is not strong enough. LET LOVE WIN by Michael Bell. Perfect!’ The ladies would love that, he just knew it.

– Chapter Forty –

Ruby had ten minutes before Jimmy was due to meet her. She followed Simon in to the graveyard, reeling slightly from Fi’s announcement.

‘You didn’t say you were a vicar.’

‘You didn’t ask. Is that a problem, Ruby?’

‘And I thought you were gay.’

‘Two revelations in one day, then. I’m just a very camp Reverend, darling. Every hole is a goal if it’s attractive enough.’

‘Simon, you’re a vicar!’

‘But I’m a living, breathing, hot-blooded man. A human being, just like you, Ruby. The fact that I have dedicated my life to God – oh, and the bloody Bow Wow Club of course - doesn’t make me any different.’

‘I never thought of it like that. Well, whatever, I’m pleased to have you as my friend.’

‘Ditto. Now, enough of our mutual masturbating. How’s that sexy Irish bombshell?’

‘She’s fine.’ Ruby inwardly grimaced, not wanting to elaborate.

‘Good, good. I have to say I’m not proud of the fact that she’s with a partner as that does go against my moral core. However, she didn’t tell me until my cock was wedged far into her mouth and it would have been rude to ask her to remove it.’

‘You are just so wrong, Simon Dye!’

Simon laughed. ‘I know, and I won’t change. And that goes for you too, Rubes. Don’t ever change, girl. You’re a good person. I like your heart.’

‘Aw, what a lovely thing to say.’

‘Well, believe it, my friend.’

‘Right, I’d better go,’ Ruby said. ‘Jimmy will be waiting for me at the church hall. I’m giving him a makeover.’

‘See? I know a good ’un when I see one.’ He suddenly gasped and grabbed her by the hand. ‘Before you go, let me show you that headstone I mentioned. Come on.’ He hurried her to the bottom of the graveyard. Under a beautiful willow tree was the plainest of grey stones, and all that it said was:

Here lies Melody Pratt, she was taken by a wasp.

‘No!’ Ruby was in hysterics. ‘I’m gonna wet myself. That’s hilarious.’

‘Not to her loved ones it’s not,’ Simon said with a straight face. Then he broke into hysterics too. ‘I told you it was funny.’

‘You wait until I tell Fi that, she’ll piss herself too.’

They could see Jimmy approaching the church hall.

‘Well, give her my love and if ever she fancies another Jamaican coffee…’

Making a suggestive face, he unlocked the old wooden church door.

‘I will, you insatiable beast! Now you’d better go and forgive some of your sins.’

***

Ruby knew she was going beyond the call of duty with Jimmy, but she remembered when she had been in a similar state and Fi had pulled her out of the mire.

‘So have you done what I said?’ she called up the stairs. Jimmy was splashing about in the deep bubbles, like a warthog.

‘Yes. Just having a little longer in here. I only have a shower at my place, so this is such a treat. If you don’t mind, young Ruby, that is?’

‘Of course not - you enjoy.’ She found it amusing that he called her ‘young Ruby’. He was only seven years older but grief had obviously aged him.

She put a new thread on to her sewing machine and began working on yet another bridesmaid creation.

Half an hour later, Jimmy appeared. He had had a full shave, had trimmed his ears and nose hair, and was dressed in trousers and a smart shirt. His shoes were freshly polished and he smelled fresh and clean. He had even replaced his glasses with the contact lenses she had ordered for him.

‘Wow, look at you!’

‘I found this aftershave in the bathroom cupboard, but I didn’t… er… use it, just in case.’ He held up the familiar bottle.

‘In case it was George’s, you mean? Well it was, but please do take it with you.’

Wow, another big step for her. She remembered smelling the same aftershave just weeks after George had died. The young assistant on the perfume counter wasn’t sure how to react when she burst into tears.

It was funny how time changed things. As the years went by after losing her dad, she used to go to the testers just to smell the aftershave that he had worn, and it had created a good memory for her.

Time. Bloody time. It was the main healer with grief and that was a big fact. So many people said it, because it was true. Like everything in life - broken relationships, friendships that ended, ill health - time would make you not forget, but lessen the intensity, allow you to move on with everything.

‘So, it’s just your hair now? I’ve booked you an appointment at Lilia’s on the High Street at two with Lilia herself. It’s all paid for. Those long locks have got to go, Mr Chislehurst, do you hear me? You look amazing already, but when that hair of yours is chopped, employers and ladies alike will be falling at your feet.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really. And Jimmy?’

‘Yes.’

‘Have you noticed what you haven’t done since you’ve been here?’

He bit his lip and Ruby thought he was going to cry.

‘You make me feel relaxed, Ruby, relaxed and safe, that’s why.’

Ruby felt a lump welling in her throat.’ Now off with you and I will see you next Tuesday at the Bow Wow. Short back and sides, you hear me!’

– Chapter Forty-One –

‘I’m cross with you, Fi. You should always use a bloody condom with somebody new,’ Ruby said far too loudly.

The teenagers on the table behind the girls suppressed a giggle. Daphne brought a big pot of tea and two long iced buns over to their table, leaving red lipstick rings on both their cheeks as she floated back to the counter.

‘Well, there’s a story. Just his dick alone could act as a boy band member! So the emergency one I have had in my purse for a hundred years, not surprisingly split. And then I thought, What the feck - just be careful. I mean, I haven’t used anything with James for a year. His sperm must have got bloody Ferrari engines or something. What a mess, Rubes.’

‘Oh darling. It’ll be all right. What are you thinking though?’

‘I’m thinking the poor little bastard will be a cross between a Great Dane and a bloody Irish Setter, that’s what I’m thinking.’

‘Hmm. You’ve got away with a lot of things in your time, Fiona Donahue, but this won’t be one of them.’ Fi put her hand to her face.

‘But anyway, what are we saying?’ Ruby screwed up her nose. ‘It might be James’s.’

‘And I might be Mother fecking Teresa. We haven’t done it for weeks, Rubes. I told you he’s gone all funny on me. It’s definitely Mr Big’s.’

‘And I have something else to tell you about Mr Big – but I’m not quite sure how to.’

‘Oh, no! Don’t tell me he’s married too, Rubes?’

‘Well yes, in a way… but there is no Mrs Dye, just God.’

‘You what? He’s a fecking priest? No! No! What would my mam say?’

I can’t believe that. Jaysus!’

‘
He
is obviously not in the equation on this one. And Simon is a vicar, not a priest, so I think he’s allowed to, or is that in wedlock only? Oh, I don’t know.’

‘Well, I disagree with you there.
Him
above has given me this baby, the baby I’ve always wanted.’

‘Don’t go all religious on me, Fi. You are going to give birth to a child who is not going to be the same colour as your partner. This is a serious problem.’

‘I have to have this baby, Rubes. I’m nearly forty years old. It might be my only chance. We’ve had this conversation before.’

‘This is hurting my head just thinking about it. OK, you could just say you are getting fat, have the baby secretly. I look after it and say I’ve always wanted to adopt.’

‘There’s fat and then there’s a big round obvious pregnant belly and pendulous leaking tits, Rubes. Get serious.’

‘Well, think of a better idea then.’

‘I need a drink!’

‘You can’t have one of those for at least nine months now, either.’

‘Shit, I didn’t think of that.’

‘And stop swearing. You’ve got a little one inside you who will have ears soon. Right, let’s sleep on this. I need to think about it properly.’

‘Er… and I need to throw up.’ Fi charged behind the counter to use the staff toilet.

Norbert raised his eyes to the ceiling, thinking Ruby’s crazy friend was just hungover again.