The Black Swan (36 page)

I must go, of course. I had to see him. I had to explain.

It was hard to live through the rest of the day. Time passed with maddening slowness. I was thankful that Belinda was so self-absorbed that she did not notice my mood.

The night which followed was a restless one for me; but it passed, and then I was walking across the Gardens to the Round Pond where Joel and I had met so often during our childhood. That was why it must have occurred to him that we should meet there.

It was a bright day. Several children were sailing their little white boats on the Pond while vigilant nannies stood by.

And there was Joel. He had seen me and was striding toward me. He put his arms about me and held me close to him for a few seconds. Then he released me and looked into my face. I saw the anguish in his eyes and it matched my own.

He took me by the elbows and continued to gaze at me.

“Lucie …” he began.

“Oh, Joel,” I said. “I never thought to see you again.”

I knew then what a mistake I had made. I knew that he was and always would be the only one I really loved. I knew that I would never be really happy again.

His eyes darkened as he muttered, “How could you?”

“I have to explain.”

“Let’s get away from here. Let’s find somewhere quiet where we can talk.”

He took my arm and we walked rapidly away from the Pond toward the path where flowers grew on either side. We turned off to a patch of grass. There was a seat under one of the trees and he led me to it.

When we were seated he turned to me and said, “How could it have happened?”

“They told me you were dead,” I answered. “It was unbearable … after my father …”

“I know what happened to your father … and then they told you … what did they tell you?”

“That you had been set upon by thieves after you left a meeting and were on your way to your hotel. You were missing, they said. And after a time we heard that your body had been discovered. You had been murdered, they said, you and James Hunter.”

“They should have told you the truth,” he said. “I would not have undertaken it if I had known they would not tell you.”

“The truth?” I cried.

He said, “It is true that I went out on this mission with my fellow Members of Parliament. It was only when I was over there that the proposition was put to Hunter and me. We were younger than the others and more physically capable if the need arose. We had both done a little of this sort of work before and we were told that we had been selected to join the party because there was a need to carry out a little secret work … very secret. You know Buganda has recently become a British Protectorate, and in such cases there are always pockets of resistance to change in some quarters. There was a plot against the British brewing and Hunter and I were to discover the leaders of the proposed insurrection. It was necessary, of course, that they should be unaware of our intentions, and because of that we had to cast off our identities as Members of Parliament. We had to work in the utmost secrecy. Because we were Members of Parliament we should immediately be objects of suspicion to those we were meant to track down. So … we were kidnapped, not by thieves, but by our own agents. Then we were made aware of what we had to do. It was given out that we were missing and later that we had been murdered. I did stipulate that my family and my fiancée must be told the truth. My father, as a well-known public man, could be trusted and this was conceded.”

“Your father did not tell me.”

“He decided you were too young to be trusted with such a secret. We were not officially engaged. He said that I had no fiancée; and a little word … even a look … could have betrayed the secret and perhaps cost us our lives. You must forgive him, Lucie. He was afraid for me.”

“He need not have been.”

“I know … but he was.”

“I went to see your parents. Your father was strange … aloof. …”

He nodded.

“Oh, Joel … if only I had known!”

“It seems as though fate was against us. And you, Lucie … you married that man.”

“I was bewildered … lonely. Rebecca … and everyone advised me. I had to start a new life, they said. It was too much … losing my father … and you. You see … I was there with my father when it happened. I actually saw the man who did it. I saw the gun. I saw him fall. I saw everything. Then there was the trial … and I was the one … I was the one whose evidence condemned that man. And then, I lost you, too. I went to France with Belinda and Jean Pascal Bourdon. He is her father, you know. They all thought it would be good for me to get away … and on the boat I met the Fitzgeralds—Phillida and Roland …”

“And you married Roland.”

“They were so good to me.
He
is good to me. He did a great deal to help. I felt I was becoming reconciled …”

“Where is he now?”

“In Yorkshire. We are going to have a house there … to be near Bradford where his business is. It’s the wool trade.”

“And you stopped caring for me.”

“I tried to … but I didn’t succeed. I would always have remembered. But I could have been happy in a way with Roland, because he has always been so kind and understanding. But I could never forget you, and I can never forget what happened to my father. I have been tormented by a terrible fear.”

“Tell me about it.”

“It is this man who murdered my father.”

“This Fergus O’Neill.”

“You knew of him?”

“He was a terrorist … not unknown in this country. The authorities here were aware of him. He was under observation. That was why it was so easy to pick him up. He had been involved in other cases and had nearly been caught on several occasions.”

“So you know of these things?”

“Well, I’ve done a little work … similar to that I was doing in Buganda. This Irish trouble has gone on for years. Who was it who said, ‘You can’t solve the Irish question, because if you did they would only find another question’? It’s been the case since before Cromwell’s days. It looks as though it will always be there, no matter what happened. I don’t think you need have any qualms about that man. Helping to convict him you have probably saved many lives.”

“There is one thing, Joel. Oh, it is so easy to talk to you. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone like this—except Rebecca—since you went away.”

He pressed my hand and I went on, “The night before my father was killed, I saw a man waiting on the other side of the road, watching the house. I saw him from my window. His hat blew off and I saw that he had a decided peak where the hair grew low on his forehead and there was a white scar on his cheek.”

“That’s Fergus O’Neill. That distinctive hairline was always against him. It made him so easily recognizable.”

“Joel, I saw that man standing on the same spot. It was
after
he had been executed.”

“How could that be?”

“That’s what I wonder. Was there another just like him? Had I helped to convict the wrong man?”

“You were in an overwrought state. Do you think you imagined this?”

“That is what they say. Rebecca said that was the answer and I came to believe it. But … it happened again.”

“At the same spot?”

“No. At Manor Grange.”

“Manor Grange?”

“Yes … only a few nights ago. You remember the Grange … the haunted seat?”

“Yes,” he said.

“I looked out the window. The man was sitting there. As I looked he rose and bowed to me. I saw his hair … clearly. I saw the scar on his cheek.”

“No!”

“I swear I did.”

“You must have imagined it. Did anyone else see it?”

“No.”

“You were alone then?”

“Roland was with me. He came to the window … and there was no one there.”

“It’s very odd.”

“I know what you are going to say. It is what everyone says, I imagined it.”

“How could it have been otherwise? Just suppose it was Fergus O’Neill and he had a twin brother who looked exactly like him. Either the wrong brother had been hanged or, if there was no brother, Fergus himself had come back from the grave to haunt you. That’s the only logical explanation. I could understand something like this if it were in London. But how would he come down to Manorleigh … change into his opera cloak and hat … walk from the station? It just doesn’t make sense.”

“No. I think it was that which finally decided Roland that we must get away.”

“And you propose to go to Yorkshire?”

“They are looking for a house. I was going with them, but when I heard that you were back I had to come here.”

He took my hand and held it fast. “Lucie,” he said, “what are we going to do?”

“What can we do?”

“We could drop everything … and go away.”

I shook my head.

“You mean you are going to stay with him?”

“I married him.”

“Is that absolutely irrevocable?”

“I think so, Joel.”

“Then what is there for us?”

“For you a great career in politics. This affair of the kidnapping could turn out to be good for you in the long run. My father would have said so.”

“How can it be called good for me if it has lost me you?”

“You will recover from that. You will have a great career in Parliament.”

“I came back for you. I am not going to stand by and accept what has been dealt out to me.”

“We have to. I married Roland—because it seemed the best thing for me at the time. It was selfish perhaps. I didn’t think I was using him, because I thought I had lost the one I really cared for. But I suppose I was. I took that step and there isn’t any turning back. Joel, you will have to forget me. I think we should not see each other again. You must go on with your career. It will be a brilliant one. My father always thought highly of you and he knew. We wanted so much to be together … we planned to be together … but fate decided otherwise. We have to accept what
is,
Joel.”

“I don’t,” he said. “I can never forget what we planned together … what should have been. You should have waited for me, Lucie.”

“If only I had known! How wonderful it would have been. I loved my father dearly, you know. I was staggering from that blow when I was dealt the other. I had lost you both … the two I cared most for … the two who cared the most about me. I was bereft. I had to make a new start. Everyone said so. I had to grow away from so much tragedy … and when Roland came along he seemed to offer a way out.”

“Now that you tell me, I understand. And Roland … you are fond of him, are you?”

“I like him very much. He is a good man. He has always been kind and tender to me.”

He winced. “I want to know more about him,” he said.

“He is devoted to his sister Phillida. She, too, has been a good friend to me. Yes, I am fond of them both. Roland has an office in London. He doesn’t seem to work very much. Now and then he has to go to Yorkshire … but he has been mainly in London.”

“And you were in France together?”

“Yes, for just over a month.”

“Where is his office?”

“I have never been to it. I think he mentioned Marcus Court … somewhere in the City.”

“I see … and does he have a place in Yorkshire?”

“No. They call the London house a
pied-à-terre,
but there isn’t a house in Yorkshire now. That’s why he and Phillida are there. They are looking for a suitable place to buy and then we were all going to live there.”

“I see. So you intend to abandon Manor Grange?”

“Oh, no. I shall keep it. Roland did suggest selling it after the fire.”

“Fire?”

I told him what had happened and he looked very concerned.

“You might have been burned to death!”

“That’s what they said at the time. But it woke me immediately. I was in no real danger.”

He was staring straight ahead.

I said, “I suppose we should go. They’ll be wondering where I am.”

“Not yet,” he said.

We were silent for a few moments. Then he said, “We could leave everything. We could go away together.”

“I couldn’t do it, Joel. I couldn’t do that to Roland.”

“So you really do care for him.”

“It wouldn’t be right. He has done so much for me. When I needed help he was there. I’ve got to accept what happened, Joel, and so have you. What you are suggesting is wrong. I have the temptation … just as you have. It’s what I want … to be with you always … but it can’t be. You’ve got to go on and become a prominent politician … and I have to go on being Roland’s wife.”

“All the time I have been away I have been thinking of coming home to you,” he said.

“It makes me happy to hear you say that, Joel, but at the same time I am desperately sad because it cannot be. You must continue with your career. I shall go to Yorkshire. It is the only thing we can do.”

“I won’t accept that,” he said.

“You must.”

We sat for a few moments and then I rose.

“Joel, I must go now.”

He said nothing and we walked soberly back to the house.

No sooner was I in my room than Belinda was there.

“You’ve been out with Joel Greenham,” she accused.

“How did you know?”

“I saw you come along the street with him. I saw him take your hand and kiss it. Oh, Lucie, you look so sad. Are you in love with him?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“How like you! It helps to talk, you know. I might be able to help.”

“You? How?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I would do anything to help you. So would Bobby. Think what you did for us. Are you going to leave Roland and go off with Joel?”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Is it absurd? You only married Roland because you thought Joel was dead. Now here he is … returned from the grave … and it is obvious how you feel about each other.”

“Is it?”

“The blind would be aware of it.”

“Belinda, leave me in peace.”

She came to me and kissed me. She was surprisingly tender. “I know you think I’m a selfish beast, but I do love you, Lucie. I want to pay you all I owe you. I will one day, you’ll see.”

“Thank you, Belinda. But the best thing you can do for me now is to leave me in peace.”

She went out ruefully, and I continued to brood. To go away with him? What would that mean? An end to his career for one thing, for there would be a great scandal, of course. Scandals had impaired my father’s career and he was not the only one in the family who had suffered in that way. Joel’s heart was in politics and, I supposed, in those secret missions which he undertook from time to time. And myself? How could I hurt Roland who loved me? I knew he did. He was quiet and gentle, but with such people love went deep. How could I deal him such a blow?