The Billionaire's Longshot: Betting on You Series: Book Three (27 page)

She had been so unprepared to see him she hadn’t noticed he had used her keys to open the door. How she wanted to tell him to get away from her, leave, don’t ever come back. Those words were incapable of leaving her lips. Quietly, she slipped past him, walked directly to the couch, and sat down in defeat. Jill was emotionally wiped out. There was nothing left. Whatever he had to say, she only hoped he would make it quick.
I can’t take much more.

Ross closed the
door and joined her on the couch. She didn’t turn to look at him; instead she sat staring at the black screen on the TV. What he saw disturbed him greatly. The last three weeks had obviously taken a toll on her. She was already tiny, but she’d lost even more weight since he’d sent her away.
This is my fault.
He should have reached out to her before now.
What an ass.
Even though he had been going through his own challenges, he should have remembered what a delicate soul she was. It would have taken only a minute, one call, something, and he could have reassured her everything was okay.
Add it to my list of mistakes.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, brushing back the hair that fell across her face. She looked so fragile it scared him.

“Yes, just tired,” she answered, still not making any eye contact with him.

Does she hate me so much?
The way he had treated her, who could blame her? He recalled her telling him she trusted him, and she knew he would never hurt her.
I failed on both.
Was it too late? Had he waited so long that what they shared was shattered for good?
I won’t let it be.
“Would you like me to go?” It was hard to ask, as he feared she would say yes.

She sat quietly for a moment then tipped her head down and stared at the floor before her.
Damn, I can feel her sadness.
He knew the answer even if she couldn’t utter the words. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms, kiss her, tell her he was sorry for being such a jerk, and that it won’t ever happen again. He had done enough. The best thing he could do was leave, let her go, and maybe someday she would find someone who could make her happy.
Someone deserving of the love you offered me.
Getting up, he made his way to the door.

“No.” Her voice was barely a whisper as his hand turned the knob.

Stopping, he closed his eyes, hoping his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. Still standing by the door, he asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He heard a sob; she was crying. He’d intended to heal some of the wounds he’d caused, and yet his presence only seemed to have opened them again. Settling himself near her again, he gently pulled her to him as she cried. “I’m here; it’s okay.” Stroking her hair tenderly, he could feel the pain and hurt flow from her.
Sorry, baby, so sorry.
How could he do this to the woman he loved? Closing his eyes, he repeated the words.
The woman I love.
How had he not seen it long before? All she’d asked of him was to say it. Now that he could, all she had was pain in her heart for him. Pain he’d caused.

“I’m sorry, Jill. I never meant to hurt you,” he said while holding her. No response, only more tears, heavier sobs. “Please, can you forgive me?”

With a hoarse voice she asked with her head still on his chest, “Why?”

Why?
That was a good question.
I can’t answer that either.
He didn’t deserve it, hadn’t earned it, so she was right.
Why should she forgive me?
Did he think coming here and saying sorry was going to be enough? Of course it wasn’t. He was going to have to prove to her it wasn’t going to be like before. He had changed. Not totally, but hopefully enough to be able to give her what she wanted, what she needed, and for God’s sake . . . what she deserved.
A man who loves her.

Last night he knew he was that man. There had been no doubt at all when he’d texted her. Somehow, he had imagined she’d see him waiting for her, run into his arms, and then kiss him passionately. Crying hysterically and asking why she should forgive him hadn’t been his plan.

“I don’t have an answer for you. I was hoping maybe . . .”

“Maybe what?” she asked, finally looking at him. Her cheeks flushed, and her eyes still glistened with tears.

He knew why, there were numerous reasons, but how to put it in words . . . that wasn’t coming easily. If he started rattling them all off, he surely would dig himself into a hole he wasn’t going to be able to get out of.
Why is apologizing so damn difficult
. The answer was ugly.
Because I’ve always avoided doing it. Even when I knew I should have.
This was not going to be one of those times. “I know things weren’t good the last time we saw each other. I’m here to make it up to you.”

“I don’t understand. I stole the journal. What are you apologizing for?”

My lack of understanding, my cruel words, for not appreciating you when I had you?
The list seemed endless. “I should have let you explain. I didn’t give you a chance.”

“So, you’re here now to give me that chance?” Jill’s voice softened as she asked her question.

At least we’re speaking.
“I’m not asking for an explanation.”

“I would like to give you one, if you’re willing to listen.” Jill sniffed.

That is something I should have done in the first place.
He wiped one last stray tear off her cheek and nodded. She pulled herself up straight and moved away from him.
Don’t pull away from me.

“I had no right to take your journal. I probably wasn’t even going to read it. I mean, at least I don’t think so. Okay, so I’m not really sure what I was going to do with it.” She got up and began to pace. “You see, when you left my apartment that Thursday, I was desperate to get you to open up, to talk to me. To share
with
me.” Jill clasped her arms tightly in front of her as she walked around the room.

Ross got off the couch and stood in front of her path, trying to stop her pacing. “I know; I should have talked to you then.”

Jill held her hand up to cut him off. “Please let me finish.” Then she stepped aside and paced some more. “I knew you wouldn’t. So I came up with a plan to help you feel more relaxed . . . on your boat. My plan was, if I could get you there, maybe we could talk things out and rekindle our relationship.”

He had to admit, Jill’s plan had been working perfectly until the moment the journal fell out of her bag. Why had he let that one moment decide everything? She had wanted to explain then, but instead he used it as an excuse to rebuild the walls around him. It was an instinct, one he was working on correcting. “Why don’t you come and sit down?” He hadn’t meant to make this about her. It was about his mistakes, not hers.

“No. You said I could explain.” Her voice was firm. He nodded and she continued, “While waiting for you to come to the boat I became bored, really bored. I mean like going stir crazy. Then I remembered your journal. I had thought if I read it I might better understand you and why you wouldn’t let me in. I know you said you couldn’t, but I didn’t believe you. All I wanted to do was show you how good it could be with us. But how I went about that, taking your journal, it was wrong. Can you forgive me?”

My journal?
It was true; she hadn’t read it. All this time he had thought she was out to find out about Brad, and she was only searching for what made him such a complete ass. She still shouldn’t have done it, but somehow it didn’t seem as bad. God knows the lengths he would go to be with her, like holding her captive on his boat. Poor judgement on his part, yet she forgave him.

“Why are you smiling?” she asked in an irritated voice.

Because you are amazing.
“It’s not what you think.”

Jill stood with her hands on her hips. “Then what is it?” Her voice filled with anger.

Ross got off the couch again and pulled her into his arms. “Jill, I came here to tell you something.”
I’m not leaving anything unsaid this time.

“That what I did was wrong, illegal, unforgivable. I know all that. How many times can I say I’m sorry?” Tears once again rolled down her cheeks.

“Not as many times as me,” Ross answered, wiping her tears. “You have no idea why I’m here, do you?”

Shaking her head she answered, “No, not really.”

“I wanted to talk about me.” He stroked her cheek. “I would like to explain now if you will come sit and do the listening this time.”

He battled over where to start, what to tell her. If any of this was going to work, he needed to tell her the entire truth. “After you left I decided maybe it was time I read the journal.”

A puzzled look came over her face. “Why would you do that? I told you, I didn’t read it.”

“It’s not my journal. I didn’t have one, at least not until a few weeks ago. That one belonged to Brad.”

She looked stunned.

“His mother gave it to me at his wake. Until the morning it fell from your bag, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to read it in its entirety, even though his mother had said I should all those years ago. After you left, or rather, I sent you away, I spent the rest of the day reading it. It had been long overdue and cleared up a few misunderstandings.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

Yes, it is.
He stopped for a minute. Ross knew he didn’t need to replay the entire three weeks, only enough for her to see he was capable of change.
That he had changed.
He would never be a soft, gentle man; it would never come naturally to talk, but he intended to make ever effort. He was a better person since she’d come into his life, and he wasn’t about to lose her now. Hopefully that was going to be enough. “You might have noticed I was off the radar for a few weeks.”

“Never gave it a thought. I assumed you’d disappeared on your boat after you sent me away.”

He deserved that.
That’s what I get for not reaching out.
“I stayed in Napa Valley.”

“All that time?” she asked in disbelief.

“I know, hard to believe.”
I was there and still question that choice sometimes.
“I’ve decided it’s time to become more involved in the family business, so I met with my parents regarding Whitman’s Wines.”

“That must have been an . . . interesting conversation. Or . . . stay.”

There were times he had questioned what he was even doing there, but as the days and weeks went on, they were able to get past what underlying issues were still there and make some progress. He would tell her all about it, but not today. “It had its challenges, but I think we’re heading in the right direction.”

“That’s good. Family is important.”

A few months ago he would have said she was crazy to even hint they were family. But now, for the first time ever, they were beginning to feel as though they were. They had a lot more work to do, but it was a good start. “We’ve come to an understanding.” Changing the topic, he said, “You and I had an understanding, if you remember.”

Nodding, she said, “I remember. It didn’t work out too well for us.”

“You’re right. We had a bargain. It was to be a love affair without emotional ties.”

“I know, Ross. I tried, but it’s not who I am.” Her voice trembled slightly.

Tipping her chin so she met his gaze, he said, “It’s not who I am anymore, either.” His lips came down to claim hers briefly. The moment his lips touched hers he knew he was where he belonged.
Kissing her feels like home.

Jill pulled away and looked bewildered. “I don’t understand. We agreed. Why did you kiss me if you’re saying we aren’t seeing each other anymore?”

“I don’t remember saying that. What I said was what we had isn’t working for me, either. Won’t work for me. I want, no need, more, Jill. We both do.” Taking a deep breath he let the words flow from his heart, not his head for once. “Jill Aragao, you asked me a question on Freedom. I’m sorry it took so long for me to answer you.” He kissed her lightly again. “How do I feel about you?” Placing another kiss, he said, “For the first time in my life, my heart has a beat.” Kissing her a third time, he added, “And unless you tell me you feel the same way too, I think it will stop again.”

“Too? I don’t understand, Ross. You’re not making any sense.”

Smiling, he took out his phone, scrolled, and hit send. He heard her phone ding, announcing a message.

She moved away from him, grabbed her phone off the coffee table, and opened it. Jill looked at it, then him, then back to the message.

When he had realized his feelings for her, he had decided to play her game and took a picture of himself holding up three dozen red roses and a sign that said, “Jill Aragao, I Love You!” Reaching for her hand, Ross held it to his chest. “Yes. I love you, Jill. I want a relationship with you with all the emotion you want to throw at me.”

“You might regret those words one day.” Smiling with tears of joy, she jumped into his arms and kissed him fiercely.

He took what she offered, gladly.
God, how I’ve missed her.

Then she pulled away slightly. “We are forgetting Jon and Lizette’s dinner party.”

Ross laughed. “Tonight I don’t want to share you with anyone. When they see we are both MIA, they’ll figure it out.”

Pulling him down to her, she said, “Finally, we are in agreement.”

She tugged at his shirt slowly trying to unbutton it. Ross had lost patience with such things and pulled it off quickly causing the buttons to fly in several directions. Jill giggled. “Did I miss something?” Ross asked.

“No, I’ll tell you about it another time.” Jill answered.

Ross tossed the shirt on the couch and noticed her expression had changed. Everything was going good, what had he done to cause such a look? “Now what?”

Her hand reached out to touch his right side. It was taped up and there was bruising around it. “What happened? How did you get that?”

Ross had only been thinking of one thing, fixing things with Jill. He had totally forgotten about the pain on his right side. “Oh yeah, that. Remember I was supposed to meet you at the coffee shop?”

She nodded. “Can’t forget. You didn’t show up.”

“I have a good excuse this time. I was in a car accident on the way. Hence, why I’m late and don’t have the flowers that were in the picture either.”