“Yeah, but how many people do you actually know who fall into that category?”
“A few.”
“Like who? Your mom and dad?”
Phillip laughed. “You’re terrible.”
“I’m serious, man, because most people are only together
because of children or because they’ve gotten comfortable with the person they’re married to.”
“But that’s only because most people aren’t willing to work on their marriages. They’re not willing to communicate with each other the way they should, make time for each other, or make their spouse their main priority. All of which are very necessary, if you want success in your relationship.”
“Well, it’s like I said, I’m having second thoughts. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Melanie but I’m just not sure I can settle down with one woman. You know yourself, that this is the longest I’ve ever been with one woman at a time, anyway.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
“It is, and sadly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.”
“But, man, Melanie is a really good woman. She’s beautiful, sensible, hardworking, and responsible, and if Alicia had ten percent of those particular qualities, you wouldn’t hear me complaining about anything. Don’t get me wrong, Alicia is clearly beautiful, but she’s seriously lacking in the other three areas.”
“You’re right. Melanie is a good woman. Actually, she’s a great woman and the kind of woman who is very hard to come by, but the idea of being tied to one person with no freedom for the rest of my life seems not only suffocating but downright terrifying.”
Phillip laughed again and so did Brad.
“It’s the truth, man. I’m scared to death of what that will feel like.”
“I hear you, but you should definitely think long and hard before you do something you’ll end up regretting,” Phillip said and thought about his own situation with Shandra and how he needed to take the same advice.
Brad’s phone rang and he looked over at the caller ID screen. “Well, what do you know. This is my girl calling now.”
Phillip relaxed further into the chair and turned his attention toward the television.
SportsCenter
was on, but Phillip couldn’t concentrate on much of anything except Alicia and Shandra. He thought about Alicia and the same old thing—how no matter how bad things were between them, he still loved her. But he also thought about Shandra and how right she’d been about their teenage love affair because they really had loved each other so deeply. Then, he thought about everything she was promising him today, as a grown woman, and it was hard for him to simply ignore it. It was hard to resist the obvious temptation she was causing him and hard not to fantasize about being with her sexually. It was hard not thinking about how great it might be, lying in her arms and feeling loved the way a man ought to feel loved.
Thoughts
,
ideas
,
and suggestions
. Thank God for Dr. Price’s sermon because if it wasn’t for those three words, Phillip would be in his car and on his way to Chicago. He’d drive as fast as he could to Shandra’s house, so he could experience the kind of satisfaction she was offering him.
Brad told Melanie that he loved her and that he would see her tomorrow.
“Sorry about that, man.”
“Please. No problem at all.”
“I talked to her earlier but she got called into work and just got off.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You should feel proud to have a woman like her. A woman who wants to have something in life and one who also cares about her future. A woman who’s nothing like my wife.”
Brad walked over to the glass and steel-framed bar. “Can I get you a drink, Rev?”
“Yeah, right,” Phillip said and they both laughed.
“But back to Melanie. I do hear you, and I know you’re on
key. But I just want to be sure I can handle being married for life. That’s all I’m saying.”
“That’s fair.”
“So, does Alicia know where you are?”
“No, and actually, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll just crash over here tonight.”
“Of course, and you know you’re welcome anytime.”
Phillip stood up. “I packed a garment bag, so I guess I should run out to the car to get it.”
“I take it your girl wasn’t home when you did that?”
“No, I put it in the truck before she came back, so all she saw me leave with were my keys.”
Brad drank some of whatever he’d just mixed together. “Things’ll get better.”
“I hope.”
Phillip went outside, and for some reason, he thought about tomorrow morning when he’d be speaking at the early service. He was glad Curtis was doing the main service because this meant he wouldn’t have to put on a smiling face and pretend he was happy in front of two different groups of people. It would be difficult enough, doing it in front of one, and he also hoped Alicia wasn’t planning to be there. He was a lot calmer now than he had been a few hours ago, thanks to both Shandra and Brad, but if Alicia showed up at church, there was a chance that much of his pain and anger just might resurface, and he couldn’t guarantee what he might say in front of the congregation. He remembered what had happened the last time Alicia had upset him, the time his parents had been visiting, and he’d directed his entire pastoral observations toward her. But he didn’t want to do that again. So, yes, it was best if Alicia stayed home. Best for her, him, and the members of Deliverance Outreach.
T
hankfully, on Sunday, things had gone Phillip’s way. Not only had Alicia not shown up for the early service, but she hadn’t attended the second one, either. He wasn’t sure why she’d missed both, but he was glad just the same because her absence was the reason he’d been able to enjoy his morning in peace. He’d been able to worship God, pray, and preach his sermon without any distractions and he felt good about that. Curtis had wanted to know why Alicia wasn’t there, but Phillip had talked around the subject and certainly hadn’t told Curtis that he’d spent the night at Brad’s. Having problems was one thing, but sleeping in separate households was something different, and Phillip wasn’t proud of it.
He also wasn’t proud of the fact that, even though he’d slept at home Sunday night, Monday night, and last night, he hadn’t slept in bed with Alicia. He’d debated whether he should try to talk to her, but then he’d decided that maybe it was better for him to keep his distance. He knew it was sort of silly, but he was hoping that just maybe if he completely ignored her, she’d feel a lot differently about him. He was hoping that that old cliché, the one he’d been hearing for years, actually had some truth to it—that a person really didn’t miss their water until their well
ran dry. He wasn’t sure this new approach at getting Alicia’s attention was going to work or backfire, but he didn’t see where he had a lot to lose. Of course, she had tried talking to him yesterday and again this morning, but he’d only responded with one-word answers and she’d finally left him alone. He could tell how irritated she was, and he had to admit that there were a couple of times when he’d wanted to grab her into his arms and tell her how much he loved her, but he hadn’t.
About another hour passed and Phillip heard a knock at his door. The Kings were right on time for their appointment.
“Please come in and have a seat.”
Mr. King looked beaten down emotionally. “Thank you, Pastor.”
“Yes, thank you for seeing us again,” Mrs. King added and sat down.
“So, how have things been going over the last week?”
“Exactly the same, and if anything, the situation is worse,” Mrs. King spoke matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry to hear that, but is there a reason why you feel that way?”
“I can’t stop thinking about what Harold did to me. I mean, no matter how I try to figure it, I don’t understand how he could be so low-down and stupid. How he could be so naive and ignorant.”
Mr. King turned to his wife. “But, puddin’, I keep telling you how sorry I am, and I don’t know what else I can do.”
“That’s just it, there’s nothing you can do. Not a thing.”
“But if you’ll just give me a chance, I’ll do what I can to make things up to you.”
“How?”
“I don’t know, but I’m willing to do whatever you want.”
“Hmmph. What you should have done was kept that little,
ol’, shriveled-up…excuse me, Pastor. I won’t say what I want to say out of respect for you and the church, and I apologize. But anyway, Harold, you should have kept that thing of yours tucked inside your pants. That’s what
you
should have done.”
Phillip didn’t move or speak.
“I know that now, puddin’, and I’m sorry.”
Mrs. King squinted her eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me that? I mean, I don’t even know how you could fix your lips to call me a pet name when you’ve been sleeping with that whore niece of mine all this time.”
“But I’m not sleeping with her now and I haven’t been for months.”
“And what? Is that supposed to make everything okay?”
Mr. King gave up trying to reason with her, the same as he did each of the other four times they’d met with Phillip. Actually, Phillip had tried to meet with them more times than that, at least once per week, but Mrs. King had called and canceled on several occasions.
“Mrs. King, if you don’t mind me asking, did you think any more about what Mr. King said to you during our last session?”
“What? About that time I had an affair on him? Please. That was thirty-some-odd years ago when I was in my late twenties.”
“Yes, I know. But, remember Mr. King talked about how he’d never gotten over it?”
“So, you’re saying because I made a mistake almost forty years ago that this gave him the right to sleep around on me now?”
“No. Not at all. But what I am saying is that Mr. King was really hurt by what happened and that for all these years, he’s kept all that pain inside him.”
Mrs. King seemed uncomfortable and ashamed, and she dismissed the whole notion. “That’s just crazy. Plus, Harold knew
I was a little on the wild side when he married me. Right, Harold? You were thirty, but I was only twenty. I was young and dumb back then. Then, when I had that affair, I was still young and couldn’t have been more than twenty-eight at the most. But I didn’t go looking for it. I told you I was out partying with some friends, I had a little too much to drink, and it just happened. The man I slept with didn’t mean a thing to me and that’s why I told Harold, right after it happened.”
Mr. King nodded in agreement.
“You know, Pastor, these sessions really aren’t doing much for us at all.”
“Well, we have brought out some things that neither you nor Mr. King has talked about in years, so that’s a very good start.”
“But it’s not enough, because every day when I wake up, all I think about is him lying in bed with my niece and how they now have a baby together.”
“It’s going to take some time to deal with all of this, but I really wish you and Mr. King would continue coming here to talk. Especially since the one thing you’ve said more than once is that you do love Mr. King, and that means a lot.”
“I do, but that’s why I don’t think I can stay with him,” Mrs. King said and stood up. “It hurts way too much, and I’m tired of feeling this way. But I want to thank you for everything you tried to do for us.”
“Well, would you consider maybe seeing someone else? Because there’s a chance someone else might be able to better help you.”
“No, Pastor. I know you’ve suggested that for weeks now, but I have no interest in sharing our business with anyone else, and you’re as far as I’m willing to go. But again, I want to thank you because you really are a kind and caring man. Your wife is very blessed to have you, and I hope she knows it.”
“I hope so, too.”
Mr. King reached his hand across Phillip’s desk. “Thank you so much, Pastor.”
“You’re quite welcome. And Mrs. King, are you sure I can’t recommend someone else for you and Mr. King to speak to?”
“No, I think it’s time I did what I should have done from the very beginning.”
“I really hate to see you file for a divorce without at least trying for a little while longer.”
“I just can’t keep fighting such a losing battle. I’ve tried, but it’s just not possible.”
The Kings said their good-byes, and Phillip wished he could have done more to help them. Either that or he wished he could have convinced Mrs. King to see another professional who specialized in marriage counseling. But she’d been so dead set against it, and it wasn’t like he could make her do anything she didn’t want to.
Still, he wished he’d been able to help them save their marriage because somehow divorce seemed a lot sadder when it involved a sixty-year-old woman and a seventy-year-old man, which was exactly how old the Kings were. It seemed a lot more dismal than if they’d been somewhat younger. The more he sat thinking, though, he realized that a divorce was a divorce and that it would be just as heartbreaking for a man in his thirties and a woman in her twenties—a man and woman like him and Alicia.
If Alicia had known she’d end up reporting to some straight-by-the-book, dot-every-
i
-cross-every-
t
PR manager, there was no way she would have ever told her father that she wanted this lowly position, the one he’d practically begged her to take. Ini
tially, the elder board had decided that hiring Alicia on to work as a part-time PR specialist would be enough, at least until they moved forward with breaking ground for the new church, but as of two weeks ago, they, along with her father, had decided that what they also needed was a full-time person. Someone with a few years of marketing and public relations experience, they’d said. Alicia had known immediately, as soon as she’d met Carmen Lake, that she didn’t care for her and that it would only be a matter of time before Alicia gave her two weeks’ notice.
If she could, she would quit right now, but the truth of the matter was, she needed the money. She needed it a lot more than she’d been counting on because pretty much every time she turned around, it seemed that there was some credit card statement stuffed inside her P.O. box, waiting to be paid—not to mention, she was already two months behind on most of them. She hadn’t thought it would be so bad, not as long as she paid the minimum amounts due, but by the time the church took out federal and state taxes on the first and fifteenth of every month, her monthly take-home pay was barely sixteen hundred dollars. Actually, it was just under that, so what this meant was that each of her checks was barely seven hundred-plus and certainly not enough to pay bills, fill up her tank, sometimes a couple of times a week, depending on how often she drove over to Chicago, and certainly not enough to take herself to lunch and dinner, pay for her weekly hair and manicure appointments, cover her biweekly pedicures, monthly hot-stone massage and deep-cleansing facial, none of which she could or should have to go without.
So, sadly, things had definitely gotten tight. Cash was limited, and she’d had no choice but to use every dime of that credit line that Phillip still didn’t know about or tap into that newest
Visa to pay for all of her necessities. She’d been thinking that she would only charge the furniture on the Visa, but now that she was sitting there looking over the bill, she saw that she already had a fifty-one-hundred-dollar balance. Although, it was all for good reason, because by using this card, it meant she hadn’t had to use her Macy’s whenever she shopped there and now she was happy to say that she only had a hundred-dollar balance and still had forty-nine hundred dollars left open to make purchases with.
This was also the reason she’d been trying to ignore the promotional piece sitting on her desk, the one she’d received in the mail, announcing Macy’s big sale—the kind of sale where as long as you used your Macy’s card, just about everything, including top brand-name items that were rarely reduced, would be 20 percent off—starting today and through the weekend. It was the kind of deal she really didn’t want to miss. At the same time, however, she didn’t want to start racking up charges on the last department store account she had in just her name, especially since the only other credit she had besides Macy’s was the less-than-five-thousand-dollar balance left on the Visa. Of course, she did have joint accounts with Phillip at Nordstrom and Lord & Taylor, and her name was also on a couple of other major credit cards he’d gotten before they’d met but had added her name to once they were married, but she didn’t dare use those. Not when she knew how stingy Phillip was with them and how he’d probably go into cardiac arrest if she did use them—which was crazy, if you asked her, because it was a husband’s duty to make sure his wife was happy and well taken care of. But instead, all he talked about was how he had to pay a two-thousand-dollar mortgage for a house that
she
just had to have, pay his truck note, pay utilities and insurances, and save for old age. If she had a cookie for every time he’d said those words to
her, she’d be wealthier than Mrs. Fields and every other cookie conglomerate. Complain, complain, complain was all he did and she was sick of it.
Still, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go to Macy’s, after all; maybe it was best to wait until another time. Maybe it was best she went straight home and tried to do some more writing. If she did, she’d be that much closer to getting a book deal and able to pay off the ton of money she now owed.
About an hour later, Alicia pushed one of the preliminary marketing plans to the side, the one her “boss” had asked her to type in the corrections for, and started toward Phillip’s office. She’d been trying to keep her mind focused on work, but this whole silent-treatment business Phillip had been dishing for four days now was beginning to unnerve her. Partly because she didn’t think it was right for him to carry a grudge for so long, but mostly because she still felt guilty for being with Levi all the while Phillip had planned the night of a lifetime for the two of them.
Alicia knocked three times.
“Yes.”
“Do you have a minute?” she asked, closing his office door.
Phillip never looked up. “Not really.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s nothing to say.”
“Phillip, why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“This. Ignoring me and acting as though I’m your worst enemy.”
Phillip wrote a few words on a legal pad but didn’t say anything.
“Did you call Pastor Abernathy to schedule our counseling appointment?” she asked, but wasn’t sure why because she really
doubted anyone could help fix their problems. She doubted it because there were just so many of them.
“No.”
“Why not?”
Phillip finally looked up. “Why should I, Alicia? Why should I do anything else to try to save our marriage after the way you disappointed me on Saturday night? Do you know how much trouble I went to? Do you realize how bad I felt when hours started to pass and you still weren’t home yet?”
How many more times was she going to have to say she was sorry?
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, and I had no idea you were planning a surprise for me.”
“Regardless. You should have come straight home after your dinner or at least called to say you were going to be late. And not only that, you wouldn’t even answer your phone?”
“I forgot to turn it back on when I left the restaurant.”
“Yeah, right. And by the way, who are these ladies you went to dinner with, anyway?”
“I don’t think you even know them. They’re just a group of women my age who came up to me before service one Sunday, asking if they could take me to dinner.”