The Ashes of Longbourn (11 page)

             
“Forgive me for not coming sooner.  I only happened to learn that you were alive when I met your uncle in Belfast.  I had been told that you died with your family in the fire.  I would have been here sooner if I had known the truth.”

             
“I told you to leave.  I have no need for you here.  It is best if you find someone else to marry, for I will never be fit to be Mistress of Pemberley.”

             
“Elizabeth, I know that you are devastated by what has happened.  I cannot find fault in that.  I am here and I wish to pledge to you that I will be at your side for the rest of my life.”

             
“I do not wish you to be here.  I do not wish anyone to waste their life with me out of pity.  Can you not see that I am no longer a person?  Elizabeth Bennet died.  She no longer exists.” Elizabeth said with fury.  “I wish that everyone would just allow me to finish dying.”

             
“I will not sit by and allow you to kill yourself.  You are not dead, Elizabeth.  You are here, and I have been given a most precious gift of having you return from the ashes.  Do you know what a phoenix is?”

             
“Of course I do, I was well read on many things.”

             
“Then, my dearest Elizabeth, I believe that you are my phoenix.  You are my beautiful bird that had burst into flames and rose again from the ashes.  Elizabeth, you have felt alone through this ordeal.  Having your sister and Bingley at your side must have given you some comfort, but you have been allowed to wallow.  You were not given a chance to grieve for your loved ones.  You have not given yourself a chance to release the anger you carry inside you for their deaths.”

             
Darcy walked over to the bed, drawing back the covers and picked Elizabeth up in his arms.  She began protesting his action, insisting that he put her down immediately.  Darcy refused to acknowledge her words, and as he walked from her bedchamber into the sitting room, he asked Mrs Hill for a wrap to place around Elizabeth to keep her warm.  The former Longbourn housekeeper brought a heavy blanket and tucked it around her.  He then continued to carry the frail body of his beloved out of her rooms, down the stairs and out the front door.  He had asked his carriage remain prepared for him, and a footman moved to open the door for his master. 

             
Everyone watched the man carry the woman he loved from the house and no one made a move to stop him.

             
                            ~~~~~~~  ** ~~~~~~~

Chapter 9

             
The carriage made its way towards Longbourn.  The months had carried away much of the scarring the land surrounding the main house had suffered.  New plants grew where charred remains had been.  Most of the remnants of the main house had been cleared as Mr Collins was in a hurry to build his new home, though there were still parts of the structure standing.  Plant growth showed nature’s way of recovering.  It was also obvious that Mr Collins had not managed to build his new home in the manner he wished, as the framework and little more had been accomplished in the months since he took over as the Master of Longbourn. 

Beyond
the location of the new building, Darcy could see the chapel that was part of Longbourn.  He knew from speaking with Mr Gardiner that the family cemetery was located near the chapel.

             
Everyone in the neighborhood had had a chance to say their farewells to the Bennet family with the exception of one.  Elizabeth had been critically injured at the time of the funeral services and was unable to attend.  After she was healed enough, the bitterness and anguish overwhelmed her and she did not know how to speak of it to anyone.  It would not have dawned on anyone that she was overwhelmed with her grieving.  They had been able to live with their grief and come to terms with it.  Darcy was on his grand tour on the continent when his father died.  He could not return in time for the funeral, and, until he could stand at his father’s grave and say his farewell, Darcy could not come to terms with the death.

             
Once they arrived, Darcy carried Elizabeth from the carriage to the graves of her family.  As he carried her, Elizabeth begged for him to return her to Netherfield.  She cried for the first time since the fire, for the first time she was able to truly allow herself to feel the pain that she had stored inside her, allowing it to rise to the surface and give it the freedom to leave her. 

             
The graves were placed in two rows. The front row held the graves of Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, with their parents in the back row.  Kitty’s grave was in the center of her sisters’ graves, and Darcy carried Elizabeth to it.  Still holding Elizabeth tightly to his chest, Darcy sat down on the dirt covering the grave.  He held her tightly, though turned her so that she could see the graves.  At first, she kept her eyes closed, pleading to return to the carriage. Darcy spoke to her softly.

             
“Elizabeth, when my father died, I was unable to be at the funeral.  I was in Italy at the time of my father’s accident.  I was angry that he died, angry that I would never see him again, and that I had not been there to properly farewell him.  In many ways, you have been on a trip far away and were unable to say farewell to your loved ones.  For you, though, is the fact that you lost so many members of your family at one time and you were so severely injured as well.  I understand your anger and your bitterness.  I understand your feeling of loss.  I can even understand you questioning God as to why it was them and you were spared.  Your sister has questioned why she survived as well.  Bingley said that she felt that it was wrong for her to have survived, practically unharmed due to your waking her and helping her to escape, but that you were harmed so extensively.  He had to force her here as well.”

             
“I wish I could have saved them all.  I was trying to reach Mary.  I can still see her on her bed; it is the last thing I can remember.” Elizabeth said as she finally turned her head towards the headstones.  “If only I could have moved a little faster, I might have been able to reach Mary.”

             
“And you might have been inside the house when it exploded.  You would most likely be here, alongside your sisters and parents.  My dearest, from what I knew of your parents and sisters, they would not have wished your life to have ended with them.  Especially your father, as you were his favorite.  He would want to know that you recovered and spent the rest of your life surrounded by love.”

             
Elizabeth looked at the headstone with her father’s name carved in it.  Jane had requested that the words “loving father” be carved under his name.  Elizabeth knew that Jane would have had something sweet and kind written on the headstones.  A small smile came to Elizabeth’s lips.  “Papa’s stone should say that he was an observer of human folly.  Papa found great pleasure watching the behavior of others.”  She then looked at her mother’s stone.  “I pray that someone placed Mamma’s smelling salts in the casket with her.  She must have had such fits of her nerves.”

             
The door to Elizabeth’s soul had finally burst open, as all the feelings she had been holding came rushing out.  “Lydia and Kitty will be chasing around all the young men who died in battle, as they were always fond of the young men in red coats.  They should have had ribbons to take with them.  And Mary should have had a book of sermons with her.  She would be the one telling me to be thankful for what the Lord gave me and live my life praising him for saving me.”  Tears were flowing freely, both on Elizabeth’s cheeks and Darcy’s.  These were the people who were Elizabeth’s family, who helped to define who she was. 

             
“Perhaps what we can do is purchase items that you wish to place here for each of them.  A book for your father, smelling salts, ribbons, sermons, and then we can bury them near the headstones.  And we can have other sentiments carved in the stones if you wish.  Whatever you wish to do, I will support and assist you in doing.”

             
For the first time, Elizabeth squeezed his hand and whispered “Thank you.”

             
They stayed there, sitting on the ground, Darcy holding Elizabeth in his arms, until it was nearly sundown.  “My dearest, we should be returning to Netherfield before your sister sends out a search party for us.  And your aunt and uncle have been eager to see you as well.”

             
Elizabeth finally turned and looked at Darcy.  She could see the change in his appearance as soon as she looked at him.  “William, what has happened? You are so thin.”

             
“I believed that I would be spending the rest of my life without you and I lost my way for a while.  Georgiana and I traveled, never staying long anywhere as I grew restless.  I believe my heart had turned to stone until we overheard your aunt and uncle speaking of coming to Netherfield.  We were all in Belfast, Ireland, at the time.  If I had not learned you survived, my life would have been empty.”

             
“Did you not speak with Mr Bingley?  How is it that you did not learn the news?” Elizabeth was concerned.

             
“I was in Scotland with Georgiana.  Did you not receive word that she had taken a severe fever and it was not known if she would survive?  I rushed up there, though I wrote to Bingley to tell him.  Richard was in London when he learned of the fire and it was written in the paper that you had all died.  I was too devastated; the thought of speaking with Bingley was too difficult for me.  His relationship with your sister was known by all, while ours was kept secret.  I did not feel I would be able to hide my loss while watching him able to accept condolences.  If only I had confided in him of my love for you.”

             
“Forgive me, William. I have been so selfish in my behavior.  I thought you would never wish to have a bride who was so damaged.  That is why I thought you stayed away.  It is why I wished to be dead, I felt as if you already abandoned me because you were repulsed by the thought.”

             
“Never, my love; I could never stop loving you.  You are, and always will be, my beloved and beautiful Lizzy.  Will you allow me to be at your side, to love you as you should be for the rest of your life?” Darcy’s eyes searched for a spark of life that he was praying had returned to Elizabeth.  “Will you consent to be my wife?”

             
The beautiful eyes that Darcy had fallen in love with, which were cold and empty just hours ago, began to warm with a slight sparkle in them.  With a faint blush coming to her cheeks, Elizabeth looked deep into his eyes.  “William, I cannot be a proper wife to you.  I cannot walk, and I doubt I will ever be able to give you children.  You deserve a wife who can give you heirs and be a complete woman to you.”

             
“Elizabeth, you are a complete woman.  Whether you are able to bear children or walk does not matter to me.  That is not the reason I wish to marry you.  I wish to have you in my arms, holding you as I am now.  I wish to watch the sparkle in your eyes while you release your impertinence upon me.  I wish to be able to speak with you on any number of subjects and hear your view on issues.  I want someone to share life with me, not someone to adorn my arm for society. I have no desire to be a part of society, you know that of me. I can leave the estate to Georgiana’s future children if need be.  We can adopt a child if we so wish. All that matters is having you with me. Please, Elizabeth Bennet, make me the happiest man in the world and agree to be my wife.”

             
Lifting a frail hand, she laid it lightly on his cheek.  “If you truly wish to marry me, and not out of sympathy, then I will accept.”

             
“I have wished for nearly a year now to marry you and it is due to love, not sympathy.  I love you more than words can say.  And I wish to have our marriage as soon as possible.  Too much time has passed already.”

             
“You will need to speak with my uncle.” Elizabeth smiled.  “Though, if you wish, you could speak to Papa while we are here.” 

             
Darcy smiled.  Turning his head towards the headstone of Mr Bennet’s grave, he spoke.  “Mr Bennet, I have wished to speak with you since last Easter.  I love your daughter, Elizabeth, and wish to make her my wife.  I promise to love her all the days of my life, to cherish her for the treasure that she is, and to ensure that there is nothing she needs that is not provided for her.  She is the other half of my heart, and I am not complete without her.  I pray that you will approve of my desire to marry her.”

             
A warm breeze flowed around the young couple, and a rose petal landed on the top of Mr Bennet’s headstone.  Elizabeth gasped. “William, Papa loved the red roses that grew by the chapel.  But this time of year, there should not be any blossoms.”

             
“I believe he wishes you happiness in your future, my love.”  Darcy released the hold he had on Elizabeth for a moment as he moved to gather the petal.   He scooped Elizabeth back into his arms and placed the petal in her hand.  “Are you ready to return to Netherfield?”

             
Elizabeth nodded her head.  The two returned to the carriage and settled in to the seat, Elizabeth resting her head against Darcy’s shoulder.  It did not take long before she fell asleep, sleeping more soundly than she had in many months.