The American Lover (31 page)

“
W
hy have you got a picture on the shelf of your mom with a strange man who’s not your dad?”

I held my breath as I waited to see what my six year old son Thomas would say as I secretly watched him and Ryan, his observant new buddy, from my hidden vantage point in the kitchen.

“That’s who my mom was married to before my dad. They lived in England. He died,” my six year old son casually informed his inquisitive new friend with a shrug. “Mom was all sad and everything, then she met my dad, and he made her happy again, so she moved here and they got married.”

And there you had it, my eldest son’s summation of my life pre kids.

But I loved that he was blasé and relaxed about explaining who the man in the picture was, that Drew remained part of our lives, included as part of our family’s history. I still thought about Drew every single day, and would never stop loving him, but just as a mother discovers that it is possible to love more than one child, Caleb had shown me that I was capable of loving another man as much as I’d loved Drew, once he’d managed to persuade me to let him into my life.

“That’s pretty neat I guess,” Ryan nodded his approval of the explanation.

“Yeah. I’m named after him. He was called Drew, short for Andrew, so that’s why I got called Thomas Andrew.

“Cool. That’s way better than what I got stuck with, just ‘cos my mom wanted to name me after my grandpa.”

“What’d you get called then?”

“Ryan
Herbert
.
Herbert
really sucks, doesn’t it?”

Raucous laughter ensued.

“Herbert! Yeah, that definitely sucks,” my son sniggered.

“Yeah, well I only told you ‘cos we’re friends, so don't tell anyone else,” Ryan pleaded.

“Nah, your secret is safe with me,” Thomas grinned back. “Won’t even tell my brother.”

“Where is James anyhow?”

“Dunno. Guess he’s around somewhere.”

James was never usually far from his older brother as they were pretty much inseparable. My boys were double trouble, two peas from the same pod. Only seventeen months between them, both dark haired and amber eyed like their father. Funny thing was, having been named after Drew, my eldest son showed all the early signs of becoming a mechanic, just like his namesake.  He loved taking things apart to figure out how they worked, and hero worshipped his car mechanic Uncle Seth, whereas James was more interested in being outdoors whenever possible, so he loved nothing better than trailing after his Grandpa and Uncle Lucas on the farm.

When we’d decided to go in for a third baby, everyone assumed we’d follow the Mackenzie tradition and produce another dark haired, amber-eyed son, so we’d been blown away when a gorgeous blue-eyed blonde haired little girl had arrived instead. As the first Mackenzie female to arrive in several generations, naturally our daughter was the apple of everyone’s eye and was generally spoiled rotten. I had little doubt that she would be able to wrap her daddy round her little finger when she grew up, as Caleb was totally besotted with his daughter, and far more protective of her than he was of his sons - he and the boys loved playing rough and tumble, as they wrestled around on the floor together, but somehow I couldn’t imagine him ever acting that way with his precious daughter.

Caleb was still very ambitious, and still worked very hard to progress even further up the corporate ladder at American Western, but these days he was much more mindful of trying to keep a reasonable work/life balance.

As for me, I was now a full time
mommy
- I had to concede that to my American boys I was not a
mummy.
I did still manage to do some specialist tax consultancy work from home, advising British expatriates on how to negotiate their way around the American tax system, which gave me a small income of my own, as well as helping to keep my brain ticking over and prevent it from becoming total mush.

Much as having a family was everything and more than I'd ever dreamed it would be, there was no denying that it was totally exhausting, and I did worry sometimes that I couldn’t give my wonderful husband the attention he deserved. But Caleb always insisted that he couldn’t be happier, that having a family was the most wonderful thing in the world as far as he was concerned, and that he wanted me to concentrate on raising our kids.

At least his parents happily had the kids over to sleep a couple of times a month, so that we could have some precious time to ourselves.

“Now off you both go, get busy keeping the romance alive,” Hannah would insist with a wink when we dropped the kids off with them. 

And trust me, we made sure we took full advantage of these date nights. 

But right now I had to stop furtively listening to my sons’ conversation, because eighteen month old Rebecca Hannah Margaret Mackenzie was demanding my full attention. I’d only taken my eyes off my daughter for a few seconds, but that was long enough for the little madam to have tipped her bowl of fruit puree upside down, and she was now chortling with delight as she busily spread the contents around with her pudgy little fingers. A large part of the puree had already ended up in her blonde hair, so it was a good thing her daddy would be home any minute to give her a bath, a job he relished and always did his level best to be home in time for.

And then right on cue…

“Dad!” Thomas yelled, hurtling through the house to greet his father as Caleb stepped through the door and dropped his brief case on the floor, while James appeared from nowhere to leap on him too. And never one to miss out, Rebecca joined in by banging her spoon on her high chair tray as she screamed out ‘Dada!”

My husband appeared in the kitchen doorway with one son hanging on his leg, and the other hanging upside down in his arms, while their friend Ryan trailed behind, giggling at the sight.

“Hi, honey. How are my two gorgeous girls today?” Caleb grinned as he came over and somehow managed to kiss us, despite having both the boys climbing all over him, and ignoring the fact that we were both plastered in the sticky fruit puree - at least he managed to swiftly move his tie out of Rebecca’s reach before she wiped her hands on it.

Sometimes, at moments like this, in the middle of all the chaos, I tried to stand back and appreciate everything I had in my life now, all the things I thought I’d lost forever when I’d lost my darling Drew.

A wonderful loving husband. Babies. A family of my own.

Caleb Joshua Mackenzie. The man who had brought me back to life, the father of my three children.

And I thanked my lucky stars that back then, I’d plucked up the nerve to ask him to become my American Lover.

I
don't think Faith’s family, particularly her mom and sisters, ever really forgave us for sneaking off and getting married without telling them.

But Faith was adamant it’d be far simpler all round if we didn't say anything to anyone until we’d actually gone ahead and done the deed, and I was more than happy to go along with her wishes.

So when we went to Bryony and Alec’s wedding in England that August, we just waited for her folks to notice her new wedding ring, before confirming that we were indeed husband and wife. To say they were all very shocked and surprised would be an understatement, but in time they did eventually calm down, once they saw how happy Faith had become.

Truth was, as we’d both been married before, neither of us could face all the fuss and complicated preparations a big family wedding would have involved. So we just made the necessary arrangements, before quietly heading off by ourselves one weekend to get married on the beach in Monterey, where all we had to concentrate on was saying our vows to each other, instead of worrying about what anyone else was thinking or doing.  And as far as we were concerned, our laid back wedding was perfect and exactly what we wanted.

My family were disappointed too, when they’d found out we’d gone ahead and done things in our own way, but at least they put on a brave face. That may have had a lot to do with them recalling my first wedding, when Cassie had turned into the Bridezilla from hell, demanding a huge, extravagant affair, with over two hundred and fifty guests, as she spent months meticulously planning out her perfect wedding. I say
her
wedding rather than
our
wedding, because merely being the groom had meant I had little or no say in any of the arrangements.

A while back, I heard through that grapevine that Cassie had remarried, but then not long after that, I heard she’d gotten divorced again -  this time because her husband had cheated on
her
.  Well, you know what they say - what goes around comes around...

In any case, as far as my folks were concerned, the bottom line was that however Faith and I had gone about getting married, all that really mattered was that we were happy, which they could see for themselves that we were - blissfully so.

Mom and Dad helped smooth things over with Faith’s family by inviting all of them over for a big celebratory party later that fall, which turned out to be a huge success, and now both families make regular trips between London and San Francisco. My parents even took the opportunity on one of their visits to the UK to head up to Scotland, to make contact with some of Dad’s distant Mackenzie relatives, which was something they’d always meant to do, but had never gotten around to.

Faith’s cousin Jeanette has become one of our most frequent visitors, and she’s amassed quite a collection of admirers among the local single farmers of, shall we say, the more
mature
kind. 

Anyhow, once the dust had settled and things had settled down, Faith and I found a decent size home for ourselves, and then got on with producing a family to fill it.

And so, here we are, three kids later.

Being a father has been even better than I could have imagined, it’s the best thing in the world as far as I'm concerned. We had Thomas and James pretty close together, and they are just the way Seth and I were growing up together, typical young boys with boundless energy.  Although Faith never complains, I know she finds them very demanding, especially with a third baby to look after as well.  So even though I work long hours at American Western, I try my hardest to spend as much time as I can with my boys, so we can play lots of games and sport together for them to let off steam, rather than them finding other ways to make mischief.  The boys may constantly fight and bicker together, but they are also the best of friends and just like me and my brothers, I know they’ll always be there for each other.

And as for having a daughter, that’s a whole other experience, let me tell you!

My little girl Rebecca is just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life, and when she turns those big blue eyes of hers on me, eyes that are so like her mother’s, well, I just melt. Faith says I spoil Rebecca, treat her differently to the boys, but she’s still just a baby, so naturally I'm going to be more protective of her, aren’t I? And trust me, I’m gonna be a very strict father - no boyfriends for my daughter until she’s at least twenty five, and even then I’ll be vetting and checking out any guy who wants to date her. Faith just smiles when she hears me talking this way, convinced that Rebecca will always get her own way and be able to wind me round her little finger. 

She may well be right for the most part, but
not
when it comes to boyfriends.

Apart from being a beautiful, sexy and clever woman, Faith is also an amazing mother, just as I knew she would be.  Patient, loving and yet strict in setting boundaries, teaching our kids right from wrong, and also to be respectful to others. It’s hard sometimes to believe that I could love my wife any more than I do, and yet each day my love grows even deeper and stronger as I watch the wonderful way she’s raising our children.

Faith has settled so well in the States, although she’s never lost her English accent or quirky British sense of humor.  We go back to the UK a couple of times a year, so she doesn't get too homesick in between times, and to try and make sure our kids are as aware of their British heritage as they are of their American.

Faith did really well in her role at American Western, but in the end, fed up with all the office politics she felt our relationship was creating, she left a while after we got married. It was a shame, but felt I had little option other than to support her decision, seeing as a large part of the problem had been caused by Cassie’s sister Vanessa trying to sabotage things between Faith and me, in the mistaken belief there was still a chance of a relationship between us. I soon set Vanessa straight about that, informing her in no uncertain terms that that was never going to happen, but the damage had been done, and after that there always seemed to be gossip and rumours going around about us at the office, which although we did our best to ignore, created an uncomfortable atmosphere for Faith. It could have put a terrible strain on things between us, but thankfully Faith and I actually came out of it stronger than before. The fact that Faith never wavered, even for a single second, in her belief that I was telling the truth and that I had nothing to hide, proved that she that really got me, that she understood that I was not the kind of man who would ever cheat or be unfaithful to her. Her implacable trust made me feel really good about myself, about us, about the kind of relationship that had developed between us, and we never really looked back after that.

After she left American Western, Faith set about qualifying as a tax consultant, having spotted a niche in the market for advising expatriates who were struggling to cope with the vagaries of the IRS. I think she’d always had it in the back of her mind that she wanted to work from home once we had a family, because that way she could fit her job around the children’s needs.

The day that our first son was born was day of highly charged emotions, as it is for every new parent. But I swear we both sensed Drew’s presence that day, and we were in complete agreement that our son should be named for him, and so he was called Thomas Andrew Philip Mackenzie.  And when our second son arrived seventeen months later, we named him James Callum Nathanial Mackenzie - Callum having been Drew’s middle name. And then when we were blessed with our daughter, we called her Rebecca Hannah Margaret Mackenzie, naming her for both our mothers. Our little blonde girl is the image of her beautiful mother, unlike the boys, who are most definitely favour the Mackenzie side with their dark hair. 

Although we’ve both agreed that we’re happy to call it a day now, having been blessed with three healthy children, secretly I wouldn’t mind if a fourth baby just happened to come along, even though babies are unquestionably very demanding and very hard work. We’re extremely fortunate that my parents throw us a lifeline by having the kids to stay over a couple of times a month, to give us a much needed breather and allow us some quality adult time together.  These precious hours to ourselves are one of the ways we’ve managed to keep the passion alive between us. That’s how I know Faith can still be as naughty as fuck behind closed doors, and why I consider myself to be a very lucky man indeed to be married to such a wonderful woman.

Not long after we were married, I gave Roz D’Souza a big bunch of flowers.

“What the hell are these for?” she asked, obviously very puzzled.

“For getting appendicitis,” I winked as I grinned at her. “Because if you hadn't, I wouldn’t have been sent over to London to stand in for you.  And then I wouldn’t have met Faith, would I?”

“Well, I’m happy to have unwittingly played cupid for you,” she laughed back.

I thanked my lucky stars each and every day that being assigned to London, I’d met Faith, my soul mate, the love of my life.

Drew was unquestionably the first love of Faith’s life, but I was the privileged to be her last.