The American Lover (30 page)

“That’s exactly what I'm talking about, how you reached Caleb, got underneath that hard shell he’d put up, claiming there was no such thing as love, for goodness sake.  So, what I wanted to say, was that since he’s met you, he’s become far more like his old self again, the kind, caring, loving person we all know him to be. His brothers have noticed the change too, and we’re all so relieved, because we were all pretty worried about the effect his marriage breaking down had on him,” she admitted.

“He obviously loved Cassie very much, so it must have been a pretty tough time for him,” I said quietly, as I passed some plates to Hannah for her to put in the dishwasher, wondering if I really wanted to open this particular can of worms by continuing with the topic of Caleb’s ex-wife. But part of me was very curious to hear more about their marriage, even though I wasn’t sure I should be discussing it with his mother behind his back.  But Hannah had been the one to bring the subject up, and as I wanted to understand him better, I decided to forge ahead.

Hannah snorted with derision.

“I’m sure Caleb thought he was in love with her when they got married, but only because he didn't really know what real love was at the time.  Truth was, once Cassie had set her sights on landing Caleb because she could see what an excellent provider he’d be, she ruthlessly dug her claws into him and refused to let go, while my foolish son just went along with things.”

“Can I ask if you were close to Cassie?”

“No, she and I were never close, but I can assure you it wasn’t for lack of trying on my part. Not having a daughter of my own, I really wanted us to be friends, but any time I tried to reach out, Cassie made it perfectly clear she wasn’t interested, that she had her own mother and sister, so she didn't need me.  It got to the point where I was made to feel like a nuisance, the nosy, interfering mother-in-law, when all I wanted was to be close to my son and his wife.  Was that so wrong of me?” Hannah sighed.

“Of course it wasn’t,” I assured her. “I really don't understand why she would be that way with you.”

“Perhaps it was me, finding it hard to let go of my son, but I’ve always been close to my boys.  I hope you don't think I'm being too pushy with you either, Faith. You will tell me if I overstep the mark, won’t you?” A worried look passed over her face.

“Hannah, you’ve been nothing but kind and supportive towards me today, and I’m very grateful to both you and Nate for making me feel so welcome. I really want us to be friends, and I think Caleb is lucky to have such a loving and concerned Mum - or should I say Mom?”

“Mom or Mum, makes no difference, but you do have the cutest English accent, Faith,” she laughed. “And I’m so glad you want us to be friends, because that’s exactly what I want too.  You know, I’m really hoping perhaps you’ll be able to get my son to relax and become less of a workaholic. Caleb’s always been very hard working, very driven and determined to succeed, which Cassie somehow managed to interpret as being boring. That’s what she used as her justification for being unfaithful to him, and that’s why he reacted the way he did, changing himself just to try and prove her wrong, that he wasn’t boring.”

“So you think that kind of party lifestyle was just a front? That he won’t miss it, and he really is as ready to settle down as he claims?” I voiced my concerns. “Also, I’ve seen pictures of Cassie, and she was gorgeous, stunning in fact. I just find it hard to believe sometimes that a plain Jane like me will be enough for someone like Caleb.”

Hannah stared at me.

“Now you listen here, Faith. We may have only just met, but I can already tell that you have far more natural beauty, inside and out, than Cassie ever did, so don't you dare sell yourself short.  Caleb may have been taken in by her apparent beauty in the first place, but he found out the hard way that she wasn’t actually a very beautiful person on the inside, which is where it really counts. And you know, that girl always had to work very hard to look good, with all her makeup, and hair extensions and lord knows what else, whereas you don't need to bother with any of that.  You’re just a sweet, natural beauty,” Hannah insisted.

“That’s kind of you to say.  I’ve always been the Tom boy in our family, so I never really got into any of that girly grooming kind of thing, especially as Drew - my husband - always preferred me natural,” I smiled wistfully.

Hannah reached out and squeezed my hand.

“Caleb told us how you’d been widowed, that your husband had passed, and I’m so sorry for your loss, my dear. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to lose your husband so early on in your life together.”

“Yeah, it’s been a tough couple of years. But I’m getting there.” I took a deep breath and pulled my shoulders back, determined not to let my past cast a pall over things.

“And I’m assuming being with Caleb is helping things along, right?”

“Yes, it really is. He pushed me to make a fresh start by coming over here, and I guess he was right.”

“So no regrets so far about coming to California? Even though it’s meant leaving your family behind?” Hannah probed.

“No, none at all.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much, but they can be somewhat overprotective, and maybe it’d become too easy for me to just let them take over. Caleb helped me see that it was time for me to break away, even if it was scary.”

“So, Caleb said you were here on an initial six month contract. Any thoughts on whether you’ll be staying on when that comes to an end? I'm pretty sure that would be my son’s preference.” Hannah winked.

“We’ll just have to see how things go, whether the bank even offers me another contract when the time comes,” I stated noncommittally.

“Yes, but even if they don't, wouldn’t you stay on anyway, you know, if things are working out between you and Caleb?”

I looked at Hannah’s sincere face, not wanting to shatter her dreams of a happy ending for her son, but not wanting her to get her hopes up either. I decided to open up to her, use her as a sounding board, as I already felt that I could trust her, and there wasn’t anyone else I could turn to who knew Caleb the way she did.

“I really don't know, to be honest, Hannah.  I don't deny Caleb’s been really great, so supportive, but knowing what a lovely guy he is, I worry that what he feels for me is more like sympathy or pity, and that’s not enough, because it’ll wear off in time.  So, that’s why I want to give him plenty of time, not rush into anything, make sure he’s not just being swept along on the rebound after Cassie. After all, from what you’ve said, he was mistaken about his feelings for her, wasn’t he?”

“I guess I can see where you’re coming from, but I think he learnt a valuable lesson from his experience with her, which helps him see things more clearly now. Has he said anything to you about staying on?”

“Not really.  Hopefully I’ll have a better idea of how things stand by the time I go back to England for my sister’s wedding in August.”

“Is Caleb going to the wedding with you?”

“He’s invited. It’s up to him whether or not he takes up the invitation,” I shrugged.

This was something we’d both avoided discussing so far, because bottom line was if we’d called an end to things by then, there’d be no point in him coming with me.

And I couldn’t just assume Caleb
would
be coming with me, because that would imply we were definitely something more long term, maybe even the whole love, marriage and babies deal we’d briefly touched on before I’d left England  that had convinced me he was serious, but which hadn't been mentioned since. He knew how I felt about wanting babies, but as he’d said he wasn’t ready for that yet, I had to wait for him to bring the subject up again, when he felt he was ready. After such a nasty bitter divorce, I could totally understand if he was reluctant to tread that path again, and maybe now that we’d spent more time together, he was having second thoughts.

So the arrangement for attending my sister’s wedding kind of hung in the air between us.

“Well, I guess I just have to be patient, stand back and let you two work things out in your own good time. For what it’s worth though, Faith, I would love to have an English daughter-in-law,” Hannah winked.

I
was trying so hard to be patient with Faith, to give her space until she felt ready to take the next step with me, but I was finding it very frustrating, when I was so certain we were right for each other.

Since Faith had moved to San Francisco, our lives had meshed together so easily, but it still wasn’t enough for me. I loved seeing her every day, talking with her, laughing with her, making love with her…

But I wanted more. I had no doubts. I already knew what I wanted with Faith.

Marriage.  Babies.  The whole shebang.

As far as I was concerned, we were headed towards our Happy Ever After. No question, being with Faith had gotten me doing a complete about face on this whole true-love- for- the-rest-of-our-lives business, despite what Cassie had put me through, because there was no comparison between my feelings then and now.

But after everything Faith had been through, I had to give her as much time as she needed to come to terms with moving on after losing Drew.  I was petrified of scaring her off if I moved too quickly, so I forced myself to hold back.  I was asking so much from her, especially after she’d moved away from everything familiar to be with me, so I couldn’t rush things. I’d asked her for a six month trial, so that’s what I had to give her, without pressurising her for an earlier decision.

But as Faith’s return to England for her sister’s wedding loomed nearer, she still hadn't said a word about staying on, or anything about what her plans for the future were. So I became increasingly worried that she’d made up her mind she wouldn’t be coming back afterwards, but was putting off telling me.

My mood blackened as I contemplated what it would be like to let her go, which I'd promised I’d do if that was her decision. My life would be so empty and meaningless without Faith in it - I certainly couldn’t stomach the idea of going back to my previous shallow lifestyle, so where would that leave me? Lost, with only a lonely future to look forward to, that’s where it left me.

Things came to a head on a Sunday when we were out at my folks place for one of my mom’s family gatherings.   It didn't help that my parents thought the world of Faith, and kept probing to find out what was happening between us, when I didn't have any real answers to give them.

“But her sister’s wedding is next month, Caleb! She’ll be going back to England, and maybe she won’t be coming back, if you don't get something sorted out, pronto, between you. So for heaven’s sake, just speak to the girl!”

Mom had pulled me to one side while Faith was happily occupied chatting with my dad. I think he saw himself as a kind of stand in father as her own dad was so far away. He’d really taken her under his wing, insisting on checking out her apartment to make sure it was up to standard, getting Seth to service her car to make sure it was dependable, that kind of thing.

There just seemed to be something about Faith that called to my family.  Maybe it was her unconscious air of vulnerability, maybe it was because she didn't seem so aggressively female in the ultra glamorous way Cassie had been, but just as I’d thought from the outset, they’d soon worked out for themselves that Faith was a
what-you-see -is -what -you -get
kind of girl. Natural, sweet and very easy to like.

She and Seth got on like a house on fire right from the get-go, bantering and ribbing each other about the differences her being English brought up, something he suddenly developed more of an interest in after he’d met her friend Harriet when she’d stayed with Faith a couple of times on stopovers. Yep, there’s been definite sparks of interest between those two, so now it was a case of watching them to see if anything more would come of it. Well, nothing was likely to develop if Faith decided things weren’t working out between us and she headed on back to London.

Bottom line was, everyone had taken to Faith in a way they never had with Cassie, even though you’d think she’d have been a better fit being an all-American girl.

“It’s not that simple, Mom,” I sighed. “What happens next has to be up to Faith, what she feels comfortable with. It wouldn’t be fair to put any kind of pressure on her.”

“Caleb, I thought you and Faith were all about being open and upfront with each other, so why on earth are you so reluctant to broach such an important subject?” Mom continued.

“Look, I pretty much forced her hand to get her to come to the States in the first place, but now it has to be her decision whether she wants to stay or not.  So I have to wait for her to let me know what she wants to do.”

As I watched Faith laughing with my dad, my heart literally ached with love for her.  All my previous bitterness about love had dissipated, and now I was actually glad my marriage had broken down, otherwise I’d never have gotten together with Faith. She made me feel complete, whole, she balanced out my life.

“Yes, but have you actually let her know how you feel, what you want, to help her come to a decision? Does she know what you think?” Mom badgered me.

“Of course she knows, seeing as I was the one who went all the way over to London to persuade her to come over here,” I pointed out.

“Yes, but that was months ago. Maybe she needs to hear from you that you do actually want her to stay, that you haven’t gotten cold feet or changed your mind.”

“Look, Mom, I know you’ve gotten really close to Faith, so you think that makes you qualified to pass judgement, but you should really butt out here,” I snapped. “Please, just let it drop.”

Then I headed out to the back yard before I said something I'd really regret. I knew I was being shitty and irritable with everyone, but I couldn’t help myself. I was frustrated that what I wanted was tantalizingly almost within reach, but I could blow everything if I reached out to grab on to it.

“Hey, are you okay?” I felt Faith’s hand on my arm - it seemed she’d followed me out.

“No, not really,” I stated, as I turned to look at her.

“Why, what's wrong?” she frowned, as she rubbed my arm soothingly, obviously sensing how unsettled I was.

I closed my eyes and sighed.  It was no good, I had to say something, even if she reacted badly, because I was done with being patient, and I just couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer.

“You do realize the six months I asked you for is nearly up.”

I opened my eyes and looked directly into her lovely soft blue ones. “And that soon you’ll be heading back to England.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”  She met my gaze, but said no more.

“So?” I prompted.

“So?” she countered.

“So what are you going to do?”

“You know what I'm going to do. I’m going to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding,” she hedged. The silence hung between us uncomfortably, but I forced myself not to say anything more.  I’d raised the subject, but now it was up to Faith to steer things from here.

“So… have you… umm… have you decided if you’re going to come to the wedding with me?” she eventually asked hesitantly, as she dropped her gaze.

Finally. The elephant in the room was going to be talked about
.

“That depends, Faith. It’s down to you, it’s your decision, your call.  Do you want me to come to your sister’s wedding with you?” I asked.

“What kind of a question is that? Of course I do,” she retorted, her eyes flashing. “But only if you want to come. If you’d rather not, if it would be awkward…” she started to look away again, but I caught hold of her chin to hold her gaze.

“Awkward? Why the hell would it be awkward?” I tried to gauge where her reluctance to answer me properly was coming from. Why were we pussy-footing around the real issue here? Was she about to tell me that we were through, that it wasn’t working out? Because that sure as hell wasn’t how I was reading things between us, but had I got it all wrong, the way I had with Cassie?

“It would be awkward if… if you didn't want me to come back with you after the wedding,” she finally said quietly, still trying to avoid my eye.

“Why on earth wouldn’t I want you to come back with me?” I found myself yelling. “Of course I want you to!”

“Really?” Faith asked doubtfully.

“Yes, really. How can you possibly doubt that?” I asked incredulously.

“It’s just that you haven’t said anything about wanting me to stay…” she murmured.

“But you
must
know how I feel, after I practically dragged you over from London to be here with me,” I stated, throwing my hands in the air in exasperation. 

“Yes, but that was back then.  This was a trial to see how things went, and things change, people change, feelings change. It’s not as if you’ve mentioned any plans for us…you know, about the things we discussed in London.”

“You mean about us getting married and having babies? Those plans?”

Faith nodded.

“You think I’ve changed my mind, because I haven’t said anything?”

She nodded again, as tears brimmed in her eyes.

“For crying out loud! I’ve just been trying to give you space, not rush things, while all the time you were thinking I was avoiding the subject?”

I stared at her as I realized what this meant. “Well, we are going to fix this misunderstanding right here, right now.”

I grabbed her hand, then got down on one knee in front of her.

“What on earth are you doing, Caleb?” Faith squealed.

“Listening to my heart rather than my head, which is what I should have done weeks ago.”

I glanced up to see that my family had gathered on the deck and were all watching the proceedings with great interest. Mom had her hands clapped over her mouth, while my brothers and Dad had great big soppy grins on their faces.

“Faith Amelia Jackson, you are truly a very special person, and since you came into my life, you have shown me the true meaning of love.  I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, have a family together, grow old together. So, would you please do me the very great honour of consenting to be my wife?”

“Oh, Caleb,” Faith gasped. “I…I don't know what to say…”

“Just say yes. Let’s get married as soon as possible, not waste any more time. Say yes, please?”

“Okay…Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you,” Faith laughed, as I got up, kissed her and then picked her up and swung her round, while my parents clapped, Seth whooped and Lucas whistled.

“Sorry I haven’t got a ring to give you. I didn't really plan this out very well, did I?” I suddenly realized. “But there was no way I was leaving you under the misapprehension that I didn't want to marry you.”

“Oh, I'm not worried about a ring, but are you really sure this is want you want? You're not going to regret acting so impulsively?” Faith frowned.

“The only thing I regret is not proposing sooner, if that was all it needed to convince you not to go back to England for good. I’ve been worried for weeks that you didn't want to stay, that you were just looking for a way to let me down gently,” I admitted, as I hugged her closely.

“And I've been worried that you regretted ever mentioning anything about marriage and babies, and it was freaking you out,” she confessed, as she hugged me back.

“Nope, definitely not freaking out here. I want dozens of kids. With you. Well, two or three at least. So I guess we’d better get busy finding ourselves a family home to raise these kids of ours in.  That is, if you’re okay with your babies having this Yank as their daddy?” I teased.

“Well, I suppose I’m coming round to the idea,” she shrugged with a cheeky grin.

So that was it. We were headed for our very own Happily Ever After.