The Alphabet Game the Complete Alpha Series a to X, Y, Z (22 page)

‘And?’

‘I understand that I can’t barge in, saying I’m his father. I get that. However I do want to see him. The fact I’m his father can’t just be wiped out, no matter what Issy would like. I reckon if I visit with my mother whilst I’m over here, he can get to know me that way, for a start.’

‘Sounds sensible.’

The cords in his neck tighten, ‘But if Isabel doesn’t make this easy, then I’ll go to my Solicitor.’

I put my hand on his arm, ‘Look I get that this must be really difficult for you, but you’re still in shock. You only found out a couple of days ago. Why don’t we go and visit your mother tomorrow and see if she’ll go with you to see Sam?’

‘How do you feel? About Samuel? About me having a kid?’

‘It’s not really anything to do with me is it?’

Again the jaw tenses.

‘Okay out with it.’

‘What?’

‘You look pissed off that I said it’s nothing to do with me. You’re the one who said you didn’t do serious, not me, so don’t go all mardy when I back off.’

‘You’re right, I apologise.’

‘Apology accepted.’

His fingers stroke his stubbly chin,‘Do I have a get-out clause do you reckon?’

‘If you decide not to see Samuel, no-one will hold it against you. That’s not what you want though is it?’

‘Stella.’ His glacial eyes fix mine. I’m feel like an antelope in the eye of a tiger. ‘I’m not talking about a get-out clause with Samuel.’

I swear my heart stops and time stands still. I can feel my heart beating strong in my chest.

He leans towards me. I drop my gaze. His strong fingers lift my head up so that I’m looking directly into the hypnotic grey.

‘I’m asking if I can retract all my statements about just wanting to be your sex-toy, fuck buddy or living vibrator.’

I swallow.

‘I want to try this. If you do?’

I daren’t move. If I move maybe the world will wobble and this daydream will disintegrate. This man can’t want me. No-one ever wants me.

His face hovers in front of mine. ‘I trust you. I can’t say that about anybody else, not even my own mother. but I trust
you
. You’re the only person who seems to see the real me.’

I look away again and close my eyes, feeling tears well up behind the lids.

‘Stella?’

I look everywhere but at him, uncomfortable under his direct gaze. It’s like the sun deciding to give me all of its brightness at once. It’s enough to smite me where I sit, so I am just a wisp of unsubstantial smoke.

‘Look at me.’ He cups my face in both of his hands and turns me towards him, ‘Do you trust me?’

I nod.

‘Good, that’s all I need to know right now.’

We walk round the park a little longer and then Gabe heads off for the cupcakes. As he becomes smaller in my line of vision, I realise I don’t want to be without him.

I head to The Rodeo for eight pm. Toni introduces me to various members of staff and then tells me that she’ll be around if needed but to just hang around and get used to being in the club. I feel a lot more confident now I have increased my sexual experience and don’t feel I’ll go red as soon as anyone starts doing anything dirty. I’m wearing black skinny trousers, black peep toe boots with chains criss-crossed over the front and a slouchy red tee. My hair hangs bang straight and I added black eyeliner and a touch of red lipstick. Now I know why they call it war paint as I feel ready to take on my education.

It’s really quiet early on. The bar staff prepare to serve the clientele, bouncers station themselves at the door. Toni is on Reception, tapping into a computer screen. There is a credit card machine at her side. The DJ gets his set together at the edge of the dance floor. I take a seat at the end of the bar. I have my Kindle tablet with me, the word processor open so I can make notes.

The DJ starts his set and the place begins to fill. I sit with Toni and watch as she greets members and checks them in. She explains that membership is a hundred dollars and then it’s thirty dollars per visit. There are some new memberships so I assist with completing the forms and then I show a few around the place.

After a while it just seems like any other bar I’ve been to and I start to relax. I get so complacent that I stop looking around for a while and read.

I see one of the staff talk to a few members. He has declared the jacuzzi open. Some members walk towards the spa area and begin undressing.

Two young, slim women, now loosened by alcohol or extremely comfortable in their own skin, begin a sensuous dance on the dance floor, grinding against each other and kissing as their partners watch. A few other couples head towards the dungeon. I see a woman go into the Sybian room. More couples walk past me and head upstairs to the bedrooms. The Rodeo is in full swing.

At the bar a couple stand beside me. They are new members that I showed around earlier. They buy a drink and loiter at the bar.

I smile at them.

‘We’ve not done anything like this before,’ the woman admits.

‘It’s my first night too, though I’m staff. Takes some getting used to doesn’t it?’

‘Everyone just seems so confident,’ says the woman, who I’d place in her early thirties. ‘I’m hoping that after a drink I’ll feel braver.’

‘Well, there’s nothing says you can’t just hang around and watch tonight. See if it gets you in the mood.’

She nods.

‘How did you hear of The Rodeo?’ I ask.

‘Jim was told about it.’ She nudges her partner who smiles. ‘We’ve come here because we keep cheating on each other.’

I’m a bit taken aback at her honesty and don’t know how to reply.

‘We love each other so much,’ says Jim. ‘I found out about this place and we reckon, well maybe, if we can experiment together, then we can get the extra we need, but in a more open manner.’

‘We wouldn’t class this as cheating,’ says the woman.

In a strange way I can see where she’s coming from. The couple drink their drinks and then Jim whispers something in his wife’s ear.

‘We’re going to brave the jacuzzi,’ she says. ‘It was nice meeting you. Good luck with the job.’

‘Thanks,’ I say, ‘have fun.’

I walk down into the Dungeon and hang around at the back, where there is a viewing platform obscured to the people in there. I watch, inconspicuous, as a woman begs her partner for release. He tells her that she is not allowed to ask and will be punished for doing so. He fits a gag across her mouth to stop her from speaking and then gives her ten lashes with a riding crop. I can see the wheals appear on the cheeks of her backside. I also see that she is clearly enjoying the interaction.

The man tells her that she must be still and stop pushing herself towards the crop. He strokes at her cleft with the end of the crop and she raises herself towards it.

He hits the crop into the saddle she is sitting on. She jumps.

‘No moving until you are given permission. If you move again I will stop.’

He places himself between her legs and eats her out. It must be killing her to not move. After what seems an excruciating amount of time, but is in reality only a matter of minutes he tells her she can come, which she does with an extremely loud moan.

He removes her gag and she stands up, placing her arms around his neck and giving him a deep kiss. She loved it. She loved being completely at his mercy. It turned her on. It’s difficult for me to face, but I guess this must be what it’s like for my mother.

I think about her. How lost she seemed after my father, but how I now know that Mitch came back to continue the relationship that had gone on years ago. I wonder when the Submissive and Dominant relationship between them had started. What was her relationship with my dad like? Was he not able to give her what she wanted? Was she so bound up in what Mitch could give her that she was willing to sacrifice me in order to get it?

I sigh and move back to the bar area, my eyes flinching a little, and I realise that there are subtle differences in the lighting of each area. The dungeon is dimmed, the bar area in contrast bright and welcoming, the dance floor lit by flashing disco lights. I order a vodka. The bar area is now virtually deserted with the exception of a few people queueing for a drink. I turn around and a couple are laid across a banquette seat in the bar having sex. In all I’ve seen that evening, this is what bothers me the most. There are so many places to have sex and they do it in the bar. I realise my naivete is still present, I thought the bar a kind of no-go zone, just for drinking, but of course the whole place is for sex.

I decide to go and have a chat with the DJ, a weedy looking fellow who’s been happily playing tunes all evening. He introduces himself as Jed and tells me he’s worked here for just over a year.

‘Do you just play tunes or do you participate?’

‘No, I’m staff, not a member. I do act though.’

‘You act?’ I’m being snobby but the man in front of me is certainly no Brad Pitt, more an adult version of the milky-bar kid.

‘Yep, there I am in action,’ he says and points to the television at the side of him, where his bony derriere is pumping into a miniskirted student nurse.’

I smile whilst trying not to puke. I feel so uncomfortable. I want to walk away, but I realise I can ask him about the porn scene.’

‘How long have you done that for?’

‘About eleven years. It’s one way of paying the bills.’

‘Do you know anyone in the UK who films?’

His eyebrow raises, ‘You interested?’

‘No, but I might know someone who is.’

He extracts a card from his pocket and writes a name and number on it. ‘This guy, ring him. Been in the business for years. He’ll sort out your friend.’

‘Thanks,’ I say and pocket the card.

To change the conversation I look at the equipment. ‘So wow this is a massive speaker,’ I ramble, pointing to a black box that’s taller than I am.

‘That’s not a speaker,’ he says. It’s a booth.’

He explains that what I had mistaken for tweeters are actually holes for inserting your hands and other anatomical parts. He shows me how the back opens and you can step inside. I place my hand through a hole, it has pvc around it so that if you are inside there’s no light.

‘Crikey, I feel really silly now.’

‘How were you to know?’ he says. ‘Anyway it looks like it’s about to get visitors, you can see it in action.’

A couple walk over, the man undresses and walks into the box. Jed closes the door, placing the man in the dark. His female partner puts her hands in different holes stroking him. I can hear him getting turned on. Another couple walk up and she steps back, they place their hands in. The man reaches to where I assume the guy’s penis is. The man inside pushes it through the hole so it’s visible to us and the male visitor begins to stroke it. This goes on for a while, whilst the partner and the couple take turns to switch and tease through different holes. Eventually the man’s partner begins to suck him off, but the other man silently signals that she should move over and she lets go and he takes up the penis in his own mouth. He sucks and pumps on the cock until the man spills his load. Then the man withdraws his penis. The couple move away and the man leaves the box, smiling at his partner. He’s obviously aware that other people took part because there were so many hands, but he doesn’t know he was just sucked off by another man. Or does he? Although this isn’t something I would want to participate in, I find I’m hugely turned on by the mystery of what I’ve seen.

Back at the bar I flick my kindle onto a web page and look for sexual acts beginning with M, N and O so that I’m prepared for my next few games. It’s my turn to choose. I feel empowered by what I’ve seen tonight and I’m randy as hell. I hope Gabe is ready to play.

Chapter 3

I enter the hotel room quietly, but find that Gabe is in my room and awake with the lights dimmed and the television on low. My heels sink into the carpet as I walk over to the bed. I place my handbag on the table, throw my jacket on the back of the chair and then wrap my arms around Gabe’s neck and kiss him deeply, pushing him back onto the bed.

‘Good night then?’ he smiles.

‘Yes indeed. Though it’s a nice surprise to return and find a hot man in my bed.’

‘I gave up my room. I hope that’s alright with you.’

I grin. ‘That’s more than alright with me.’ I stretch my arms up over my head and yawn, ‘I learned a lot and my new found sexual experience helped a great deal.’ My mouth turns up at the side in a flirtatious smirk, as I watch Gabe’s eyes widen.

‘I think you’d better explain yourself.’

‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I meant I learnt lots about the club, yet I managed to stay there without my toes curling with embarrassment. I reckon someone must have been teaching me well. However,’ I peel my top over my head. ‘I have returned home extremely horny.’

‘Well let me take care of that,’ Gabe says, lifting my bra strap and letting it drop onto my arm.