The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel (6 page)

“Sounds brilliant, as usual.” I said glibly, taking another beer out of the box and opening it.

Alan frowned, “I don’t know about that.
Wait, what do you mean, as usual?”

“I mean, you always were somewhat of a genius.
I could never come up with something like that, but I’ve always admired that ability.
I think that’s why I went into teaching.”

“Well thanks, but I’m not so sure I deserve it.”

My jaw dropped open, “And now, you’re humble too?
I can’t stand it!”

Alan laughed and reached for another beer, “Was I really that much of an ego-maniac?”

I shook my head, “No!
I didn’t mean it like that.
You just always were talented and knew it.”

He cocked his head, “So I was full of myself…”

“No!”
This was coming out all wrong.
“You just were comfortable with it.
You didn’t flaunt it, just knew what you could do.
Does that make sense?”
Did I make sense?
The buzz from the beer said otherwise and I usually didn’t drink this much.

Alan laughed again and leaned back in his chair, balancing his feet up on the railing, “You mentioned your Ph.D.
What is your thesis about?”

Suddenly, the beer felt like ice in my veins.
This was all my fault.
I set it up like this.
Way to go, Laura.

“You aren’t afraid to tell me, are you?” He teased, drinking from his bottle but never taking his eyes off of mine.

I took a deep breath.
How embarrassing, “Actually, my thesis is on adultery in literature.”

The crickets chirped.
I could hear him swallowing his beer.
There was a scraping sound as the bottle was placed on the pavement.
I think a portal to another dimension opened.

“I know this may come off as vain, but it has nothing to do with me, does it?” Even in the darkness, I could see how serious he was.

Unfortunately, my voice trembled a little bit, “No.
But I have to ask, do you still do it?”

The words hung there, heavy in the air between us.
Why did I want to know that?
It wasn’t important – at least that’s what I’d said earlier.
So why did I ask?

“Doing research for your thesis?”

“No.
Just curious.
I’d like to think you grew out of it.”
That was true.

Alan smiled, “I did.
I never cheated on anyone after you.
I’m a reformed man.”

“You don’t have to tell me that.
You don’t owe me anything.”

He leaned forward, “So, what about you?
Why adultery?”

God dammit.
He still knew how to go in for the kill.
I screwed up my courage, “It interests me.
Some of the most fascinating books ever written have to do with adultery.”

“I don’t believe you.
That’s not the only reason.”
Alan’s eyes seemed to enter mine, rattling around in my head looking for answers.

I sucked in a deep breath, “If you must know, the subject has always interested me.”

“In more ways than one?”

After a moment I answered very quietly, “Yes.”
The little woman who ran the controls in my head hit the red button that goes WOOT, WOOT, WOOT!

“Have you been tempted, Laura?” The question was teasing, but there was a glimmer of something in his eyes.

“Yes.”
It was all I could give.
For crying out loud!
Where was my anger?
Shouldn’t I be offended?
Slap him and say it was none of his business?

Alan leaned back and sighed, “It really isn’t any of my business.
I’m sorry I pressed you.”

“It’s alright.
I’ve never talked to anyone about it before.
And no one has ever thought me capable of such a thing.” Oh, everyone knew about Mike’s dalliances.
I was probably the laughingstock of his company.

“Actually, I’m flattered by your interest.”
Now why did I say that?

“Do you want to talk about it?”
He looked so good, so sincere, so utterly kissable.

My fingers tapped nervously on my empty bottle.
I slid it to the ground and took another one from the box, opening it and draining half its contents.
Man, I was getting bold.
Or drunk.
One of the two or both.

“I don’t know.
Maybe.”
My hands were shaking a little and I prayed he wouldn’t notice.
Did I want to talk about it?
In all honesty, I think I did.
And maybe Alan was the one to tell.
After all, I felt confident he wouldn’t tell Mike.
To my complete amazement, I was opening up to him.

“You don’t have to.” Alan insisted, although I suspected he was curious.

“Are you really interested?” I challenged him.

“Yes.
I’m really interested.” He responded.

“May I ask why?”
I wasn’t dragging it out.
I just wanted to know.

“Since you are being so honest I will be too.
I find the idea of your sex life very,” he seemed to be searching for the right word, “titillating.”

I laughed, releasing some tension, “You have a way with words.”

His eyes burned with amusement, and something else - a darker, more dangerous light.
“Have you experimented with the dark side, Laura?”

My body was flushed with heat.
Talking about it was arousing feelings in me I haven’t had in a long, long time.
“Yes I have.”
My voice was husky, deep.

He slid his chair closer, “Tell me about it.
I want to know everything.”
His breathing was heavier.
We were both aroused.
I was treading on dangerous ground.

The words spilled out of my mouth, “It was a while ago.”
In fact, it was not long after Mike had his second affair – but I decided to leave that out.
“There was a faculty party.
One of the other professors and I had always had this flirtatious relationship.
He has a wicked sense of humor and there was always this sexual undercurrent in our conversations.
I can’t explain it any other way.”

Alan nodded and I continued, “Well, we had too much to drink and the party was dull so we ended up in his car.
I don’t know how it started, but we were kissing, touching.” Heat concentrated in my core as I remembered the night.

My head was spinning with alcohol and lust.
I didn’t know if I was speaking or thinking, “He was so warm.
I wanted him so desperately.
His fingers slipped inside my blouse, beneath the camisole.
He moaned when they touched my skin and it drove me crazy. I wanted to make love to him.
It was amazing, the heat that came off of our bodies.
Every movement was so sure and so desperate.
He felt so good inside me and I came so hard.” Slowly I came out of the trance, realizing what I had just said. Out loud. To Alan.

“Oh God!
I’m . . . I’m sorry!” I was flustered and embarrassed.
How could I do this?
Was I completely nuts?!

“I went too far . . . got carried away,” I continued to sputter out an explanation.
My head was swimming; my thoughts were thick and heavy.

Alan took my hands in his, “It’s okay.
It’s okay,” he said over and over, “don’t be embarrassed, please,” he pleaded.

My body began to shiver.
Alan moved beside me, wrapping me in his arms and whispering into my ear, “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

My heart was hammering, about to explode.
For a moment I thought I was having a heart attack.
Alan stroked my hair, my back, comforting me.
After a few minutes, my breathing went back to normal and I pulled away.

“You’re still a very sexual woman, Laura.”

“Alan,” I licked my lips carefully, as if trying to seal them shut, “I have never told anyone about that.
Not ever.
I . . .”

He put his hand over his heart, “I will never tell a soul.
I swear it.”

I hesitated.
He seemed sincere.
“I mean it.
No one knows.”

“I mean it too.
Trust me.”

And just like that, I decided to try. “Thank you.”

“Obviously, you needed to get that off your chest.
Doesn’t that feel better?” He said softly.

I nodded, exhausted, “I guess you’re right.
It does.”

Alan looked into my eyes for a moment, then rose and stretched, “I think we should get some sleep or we will never survive tomorrow.”

I nodded weakly and stood, lifting my chair, “I’ll be inside, beating myself senseless with Ben’s toy pirate sword.”

“And I’ll be taking a long, cold shower.” Alan grinned as he closed the door behind him.

I couldn’t help but smile.
There was some small satisfaction in that.

Chapter 6

The next morning found us up and ready to go early.
We had our routine down now.
And to my amazement, I wasn’t upset when I saw Alan.
All of the embarrassment had melted away in the night.
He’d been right.
I needed to talk about it.
That adulterous liaison had haunted me for a year.
But last night I slept as soundly as a woman who just told her ex-boyfriend that she cheated on her husband could.

We decided to save the shows for another day, concentrating on the parade and rides.
I tried to participate but the conversation from the night before nagged at me.
I
was
interested in adultery.
I had chosen that subject for more than one reason and the knowledge of this seemed somewhat liberating.
Especially when I discovered I wasn’t at all like the victims I wrote about.
Well, at least not yet.
There was still the chance I could throw myself on the tracks in front of the monorail.

Mike never knew what happened.
He blissfully went about his work, completely oblivious.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell him.
It was certainly within my rights to shove it up his ass like he’d done to me three times before.

“Mommy!
Look!” Jenny pointed at one of the princesses, who cheerfully waved at her.
It must be easy being a princess.
Young and beautiful, optimistic and wealthy.
Prince Charming never worried about Snow White fooling around with Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Phillip.
Maybe they were all swingers, swapping spouses when the parks closed.
After all, they do shack up in that one castle.

“How about some lunch?” Alan addressed the munchkins.

Lunch?
Was it lunch time already?
All morning I’d just been thinking about adulterous sex and imposing it on innocent, make-believe characters.

“Which fictional character would you sleep with?” I found myself asking Alan while the kids guzzled pizza.

He didn’t appear surprised, just rubbed his hands together thoughtfully, “Maleficent, I think.”

“The evil witch from Sleeping Beauty?
Why?”

“Well,” he placed his napkin on the table, “she’s attractive, and wicked.
And with her magic who knows what skills she has in bed?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I pegged you as the deflowering the virgin type – you know, Sleeping Beauty or Snow White.”

“Jail bait,” he responded, “too young and they wouldn’t know anything about foreplay.”

I nodded, “True.
I just thought you would prefer something young and ripe.”

Alan shook his head, “No.
The sadder-but-wiser girl’s the girl for me,” he sang the refrain from
The Music Man.
How about you?”

I rubbed my chin, thinking, “I don’t know.”
Since we were on that theme, scores of Disney movies filled my mind.
“Probably Buzz Lightyear.
He has a good motto.”

“To infinity, and beyond?” Alan offered with a smile, “And he has rockets strapped to his back.
Interesting choice.
A bit square though.
Definitely a virgin.”

“I know.
That’s why I also like Aladdin.
He’s soooo naughty.
He’d have a little experience under the sash.”

“You know what,” Alan leaned in, “he kind of looks like me, too.”

That caught me off guard.
Aladdin did look like Alan.
Even the name was similar.
Well, that is, if you took out the ‘ddi,’ “Are you reading something into my choice?”

“Is there something to read into your choice?” He countered innocently.

Hmmm . . . cold shower last night, and he wanted to be my cartoon fantasy lover, or at least be compared to him.
Was Alan coming onto me?
Or was this just an amusing kind of word foreplay for him?
That was something to think about.

My cell phone rang.
Mike’s name appeared on the screen and with a sly grin at Alan, I answered it.

“Hey Laura, having fun?” Mike’s voice filled my ear.

“Yes, we’re having lunch right now.” I kept my tone light, but not inviting.

“Great.
I had a minute so I thought I would check in.
Oh, and I won’t be able to call tonight.
Bob, Ray and I are going to work on our presentation until late, right guys?” In the background I heard the men agreeing.

For a split second, I wondered if it was really a Roberta and Raylene.
It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Ok.
I’ll turn the phone off then to save the battery.
Bye!”

“Bye.” He clicked off before I could respond.
The Bastard.

“He can’t call tonight,” I explained with a sigh, “have you heard from Susan?”

Alan’s smile faded, “She called for two minutes between court appearances this morning.
She didn’t even ask if we were having a good time.”

“Well,” I said slowly, unsure if I was stepping on a nerve, “she’ll find out when she sees the pictures.
Especially the one of us as a family with the castle in the background.”
I reached into my bag and pulled out the photo we’d had taken the first day.
I carried the wallet around with me but kept the 5x7 at the hotel.

Alan and I stood in the back, our heads together with the kids mixed in front of us.
Alice, the dark-haired beauty with two front teeth missing, had her arms around my fair-haired little Jenny.
Blonde, blue-eyed Ben was holding green-eyed brunette Jack’s hand.
I found myself staring at my image.
I was the same height as Alan, but my hair was dirty blonde, short and curly.
My light skin and blue eyes contrasted with Alan’s golden complexion and dark hair.
We were all smiling as if we had just won the lottery.

“I like that picture,” Alan reached over and plucked it from my hands, studying it, “we all look pretty good together.
Although why a woman as beautiful as you would hang out with someone like me is beyond my comprehension.”

“I’m in love with your kids, of course,” I teased.

He smiled, “Oh yes, that’s obviously it.”