Thai Girl (12 page)

After a few hundred yards they found a sign board with a crudely painted arrow saying, ‘Sunset'. A steep path took them down through wind-sculpted bushes and when they came out into the open, the sea lay a few hundred feet below them. Several
farang
were scattered in small groups on the gently sloping cliff, sitting on their haunches like troops of monkeys, waiting for the sun to go down. Samantha wandered off and sat on her own while Ben and Clarissa chose a vantage point a little higher up.

‘I always enjoy guessing where the trippers are from,' said Clarissa. ‘If they're pale and puffy and badly dressed like me, they're probably British. The big ones are the Dutch, Belgians and Germans and the Scandinavians are like blonde Vikings. And I hate the Mediterranean girls … golden-skinned and gorgeous.'

Ben bit his tongue and said nothing.

As they sat and looked around them, they could see two men and a girl on the rocks below, the girl slim with blonde hair and wearing only a pair of dark blue pantaloons. She had small breasts, tanned all over, and was showing off to the men, rolling down her waistband and inspecting her bikini line. Then the pantaloons were off and she was in the water, splashing and shouting.

‘What do you think they are? Swedish?' asked Clarissa.

‘Don't know, but she's a babe,' said Ben.

Loud voices reached them from the water.

‘California of course. They're so vulgar!' she hissed.

‘Wish they all could be California girls,' said Ben. ‘Guess I can handle the vulgarity.'

‘Typical male!' said Clarissa tartly.

The brief distraction over, they sat back and enjoyed the spectacular view. To the right they could see the coast of Thailand, a line of mountains sleeping like dragons in the warm evening light, the buildings of Ban Phe clearly visible at their feet. Further down the coast the outlines of an oil refinery were suffused in the glow of the sunset, an oil tanker at anchor a mile or two out, a tiny detail in a vast canvas. The sea, a deepening blue, was dotted with fishing boats; Clarissa counted over forty of them. The sky became a blaze of colour as the sun settled lower, ever growing in size, though disappointingly it disappeared into the haze on the horizon before it finally set.

‘Well, there you go … can't win'em all,' said Ben.

They watched the changing hues for some time until Clarissa broke the silence.

‘Ben, what's up with you and Emma? Are you two okay?'

‘I don't know … not really sure.'

‘What's going on then?'

‘Seems Emma's changed since we got to Thailand … always easy-going before and nothing ever bothered her, but now she overreacts to everything.'

‘You seem to be bugging her.'

‘Yes, I can't say anything right.'

‘Maybe the travelling's unsettled her … no routine or commitments, expecting to be on a high all the time,' suggested Clarissa.

‘Yeah, maybe that's all it is. Hope so.'

‘I'm still on honeymoon after throwing up my job, but it's scary when I think about it. Having regular money coming in's a bit like sex … when you're getting it, it's no big deal, but when you're not it's the end of the world.'

Ben gave her a sideways glance.

‘Same with you and Emma,' she went on. ‘You're both in the melting pot just like me.'

‘I take life a day at a time but I'm not sure Emma can switch off in the same way,' he said.

‘Maybe she's facing up to decision-time and you're not,' said Clarissa pointedly.

Rejoining Samantha, they walked back to the beach in the gathering darkness and found Emma still at the same table with Chuck and Maca, already enjoying a dinner of
pad Thai, tom yam goong, tom ka ghai
and Singha beer. Pulling up another table, they joined the party. It was perfection, sitting there on the beach, the surf just visible in the moonlight. But Ben was not looking forward to the end of the evening when he would go back to the hut with Emma. After the argument he had no idea what to expect, though he knew it was not going to be easy.

The group broke up soon after they had finished eating and by the time they reached their hut, the tension had subsided a little, Emma now more subdued than angry.

‘You're wanting to talk things out then,' said Ben as they went inside.

‘Not tonight … I feel drained,' she said. ‘But anyway, it's too late. I've already decided.'

‘Decided what?' asked Ben anxiously.

‘About us of course.'

‘Us?' he said, nervously shifting his feet.

‘I've checked the boat times to Ban Phe and I'm taking the twelve thirty tomorrow. I'm going back to Bangkok.'

His eyes widened in shock.

‘What d'you mean, Emm? Going back to Bangkok? You mean alone?'

‘Yes, I do mean Bangkok, and I do mean alone,' she said sharply.

Picking up a towel, she disappeared into the shower room leaving Ben sitting on the bed, a look of total bewilderment on his face.

10

The morning after Emma dropped the bombshell that she was going back to Bangkok, she and Ben slept in late. She was exhausted by the travel and culture shock, by the heat, the alcohol and late nights, and not least by the emotional turmoil of the previous few days. When they woke, Ben lay lazily dozing in bed, but before he could pull himself together, Emma was out of the shower and dressed.

‘I'm going to breakfast,' she said, and walked out onto the veranda and disappeared.

Breakfast was a dismal affair. Both felt bleary after their long night's sleep and were reluctant to talk or catch each other's eye. Small-talk seemed insincere when there was so much that needed to be said.

Breakfast over and back at the hut, Ben sensed this was to be the moment of truth. As he sat down on the edge of the bed wondering what was coming next, Emma stood at the window, nervously twisting her hair.

‘This has been on the cards for a long time, Ben. You know I wasn't mad keen about coming to Thailand,' she said. ‘Though I suppose it isn't all your fault … if I hadn't come, this wouldn't have happened.'

‘But I'm glad you did come.'

‘Okay, that's nice but it doesn't change anything, does it. It hasn't worked out and I want to get away for a bit.'

‘So you're saying I'm dumped?'

‘Ben, sometimes you're just like a fourteen year old,' she said scornfully.

‘Well, what then?'

‘Suppose you could call it a trial separation.'

Ben looked stunned.

‘How long for?' he said in a weak voice, putting his head in his hands.

‘No idea.'

‘But what are you going to do? Go back to England?'

‘No, I can't … I'd have to buy a new air ticket. Maybe Chiang Mai where I wanted to go in the first place,' she said pointedly.

‘Yes, but I still don't understand why.'

‘Course you do if you think about it. But then you don't think, do you.'

‘That's rubbish, Emm!'

‘No Ben, when it comes to relationships you don't seem to understand anything … I told you all that yesterday. You just want to play games, play at being passionate, but it never goes any deeper. That's how you are, I guess … suppose someone may like you for it but I'm not sure I can any more.' She turned away and stared out at the trees.

‘But we've come a long way together … doesn't that mean anything?' he said, determined not to let his voice shake.

‘So you haven't got it yet? Do I have to rub it in?'

‘But why split up now, just when we've got to Thailand?'

‘Because Bangkok made me realise what sort of person you really are. I'm not sure I can trust you any more.'

‘Shit, Emm, have I ever been unfaithful?' he said angrily.

‘I've no idea, but by God I know you've wanted to.'

‘What the hell do you expect? A bloody saint?' Ben retorted, raising his voice. ‘Of course I've wanted to, just like every other normal bloke, but I haven't, have I. And I've seen you eyeing Chuck!' He wiped the beads of sweat from his brow.

‘Give us a break,' said Emma angrily. ‘It's
you
keeps going back to the brothels. How do I know you won't get it next time?'

‘Come on Emm! What's so bad about strippers?'

‘Oh, get lost,' she snapped, turning on him in fury. ‘Problem is you're obsessed … if there's any tottie going by you just gawp. You're so obvious sometimes.'

‘That's ridiculous …' he said lamely.

Emma ignored him and opened up a new line of attack.

‘And you keep on making macho comments in front of me, like you want to impress the lads … to insult me, humiliate me.'

‘Emm, that's utter crap. I only want one girlfriend … but I can't pretend I'm blind when there's something worth looking at.'

‘Don't I know it! At the most difficult time for me, just after an argument, the minute my back's turned, what happens? You've picked the prettiest masseur on the beach and you're off with her hidden in the rocks.'

‘No, Emm, it wasn't like that at all!' Ben shouted indignantly, jumping to his feet.

‘But how do you think I feel? I might've changed my mind about going if you'd showed me any sensitivity but not after that I won't.'

‘For Christ's sake Emm, that's crazy. She's a really nice girl … not available, got a boyfriend.'

‘So you really, really like her, do you? Found out if she's available, did you? I bet you did!' They were now shouting in each others' faces.

‘No! It's just Thai massage … like acupuncture, going to a doctor or something.'

‘A doctor! So you're lovesick, I suppose. Well, you can stay here with your nice little masseur and make sexist comments all day with Chuck and Maca. I don't care a damn. I'll be on the twelve thirty boat.'

‘Oh, fuck off then if that's what you want,' Ben said, slamming his fist down hard onto the window sill.

‘Well I
am
fucking off … and you can piss off while I pack,' Emma yelled back.

Saving his breath, Ben grabbed his mask and snorkel and stormed out of the hut.

At the next beach, floating weightlessly over heads of coral, watching the coloured fish cruising effortlessly through the rocky canyons, he felt strangely detached. It was like being on another planet.

As he walked back up the beach at midday, he determined to heal the rift, but climbing the steps to the hut his confidence evaporated.

‘Emm, can I do anything to help?' he asked. It was obvious Emma had all but finished packing.

‘No, nothing,' she said, pausing. ‘But as you'll be staying on, do you want to keep the torch and mosquito coils? And what about splitting the malaria pills?'

‘I don't give a damn, I just want to know when I'll see you again.'

‘I told you, I'm not sure … not sure about anything.'

‘But we can keep in touch. I must know where you are.'

‘Yes, thanks, I'll email. Will you be going anywhere in a hurry?'

‘No, suppose I'll stick around here with Maca and Chuck for a bit.'

‘Right,' she said, closing the top of her rucksack.

‘Hope you'll be okay, Emm.'

‘I'll be fine on my own,' she said with more confidence than she felt.

And then their emotions came spilling over; first love, first parting.

Emma put one arm around his neck, her head down. Ben put his arms round her waist and gave her a squeeze. Her tears flowed briefly and he tried hard to contain his, staring hard at her bulging rucksack.

‘I'd better get the boat,' she said.

‘Yes, it's time.'

But it was not yet time; it was still early and the ferry was late leaving. Emma carried her pack down to the beach and they sat and waited silently on the sand. When the moment came, she got up and walked through the shallows to the shuttle boat without looking back. There were few people around in the heat of the day and nobody except Ben saw her go. Once on the upper deck of the ferry, she waved briefly to him. He waved back at the distant figure, then turned away towards the resort to avoid having to watch her boat leaving the bay.

The experience of being left behind was far more gut-wrenching than he had ever expected. It was totally incomprehensible and had all happened so fast. Suddenly he was alone for the first time in years, alone and desolate.

At that moment Chuck and Maca came down to the beach bar, so he went and joined them, grateful for any distraction. He guessed they would soon wonder where Emma was.

‘Well, guys, looks like I'm a bachelor now,' he said. ‘Emm's gone back to Bangkok. Got some things to do … money and stuff.'

‘That's a surprise … she didn't say anything last night. There's cash machines in Ban Phe if that's all she wants.'

‘No, it's a bit more than that.'

Ben was relieved that neither of them was into talking about personal things.

‘When's she coming back?' was all that Maca asked.

‘Expect I'll go and meet her in Bangkok.'

‘We'll miss her … I liked the pink bikini,' said Chuck. ‘Been together long?'

‘Yes, for ever … three years.'

‘Wow!' Chuck was impressed.