Textual Encounters: 2 (8 page)

I remind myself to breathe, to calm down. I let my words out calmly. “I’m fine. Just can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.” He lets go of my shoulder and walks around the sofa to sit next to me. Except when he sits down, he leans forward, his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands so I can’t see his face. He’s staring out the windows at the crazy New York City lights. I can see his reflection off the glass and it kills me to find moisture in his eyes, which he thinks he has hidden from me. I’ve killed this man’s spirit. He knows it. He knows everything.

I reach out and rub his back, sending long strokes up and down his spine.

“That was our one shot, Rachel,” he says, his voice cracking. “I can’t do this again.”

“It’s all good,” I assure him. “Now we know.”

He nods, sniffles and wipes his eyes, letting out a tired yet tortured sigh. “I’ve meant to ask, did Jake ever get a hold of you?”

The mention of Jake’s name freezes me and I snap my hand back to my side.

“He said he was at Toshi’s that night. He saw them take out you on a stretcher.”

“He was there?”

Will gives me a look that says he doesn’t believe me. “Yes, he said he was alone. I… I figured he was there to see you.”

I didn’t notice Jake last Friday, but now I wonder why he was there at all. Did he know something? Was he there to meet someone? Christine? Katie?

“No,” I say at last, and even to my own ears the disappointment is crisp and unmasked.

Will stands, wiping his palms down his thighs. I wonder about his nervousness. “Why don’t you come back to bed,” he says, his voice neutral. But I sense the pain there.  “You can finish your texting in the bedroom.”

That last part steals my breath and my muscles tighten. He knows about the Samsung?

“I just want you beside me, Rachel. While I sleep.” He waits for a beat, the heads back to the bedroom, his shoulders slouched and his head hanging. This man, I remind myself, loves me more than any other living being, even more than Jake ever loved me. Will honored his commitment to marry me and he provides me with a life that exceeds any expectations I might have had with Jake. He never considered calling our wedding off. Not once has Will berated me or made me feel like anything less than his equal. His love, pure and unconditional, exceeds any other love out there. He worships me, he keeps me safe, and he never has to put his feelings into words for me to know that.

But I can’t love him in return.

I think we both realize that, so the least I can do for him tonight is lay next to him in our bed. It’s not that I owe this to him – I never should have agreed to marry him,
that’s
what I owed to him – it’s that he deserves it. He deserves more, of course he does, but this is all I can give him.

I get up off the sofa and, catching up to him midway to the bedroom, snuggle into his body and pull his arm around me. Pressing my head against his chest, I breathe in his smell. Will isn’t a bad man. He’s good-looking enough, too. But he simply isn’t my counterpoint.

* * *

The alarm clock reads 4:25. In the morning. At first, I don’t know where I am because Will’s arm holds me tight against his chest. He’s not the hairiest man I know, but compared to Jake’s waxed pecks and chiseled abs, Will may as well be a bear. I hate to admit this, but when we have sex, I always enjoy it more when Will wears a t-shirt. Right now, he’s not wearing one, so I’m a little grossed out. I know some women like a man with a bit of hair, but I don’t. Not at all. I slip out from his grip and roll out of bed, grabbing the Samsung Galaxy. I sneak out to the living room once again. This time, I’m extra quiet.

My fingers dance across the Samsung’s screen, navigating back to the spot where Will interrupted me. It doesn’t take long to find, but then I notice the time again – 4:28 by now. Whenever I wake up early in the morning like this, whether it is to run to the bathroom for a quick pee or some other noise dragged me out of my dreams, I think of Jake. When we lived together, he would wake up extremely early to work out. He believed in early mornings and when he returned from the gym it was always around the same time that I would wake up. By the time he finished showering, I would drag him back into bed. Not for sleep.

The way Jake loved me outshone the love that any other man could ever dream of sharing with me. Jake has a magical way with his hands; he can trace my entire body with his fingertips and leave a trail of longing in their wake and a patch of warm, ready moisture between my numbed legs.

I squirm on the sofa just thinking about it. Jake is the love of my life. And even though he broke my heart almost a month ago when he said we couldn’t see each other anymore, I know we will be together again. Despite these texts, despite his pathetic fling with this med student whore, Jake will always love me. And that’s when I realize something: he wants to see me. It’s why he came to the hospital, why he risked everything and spoke with Will in the first place. It’s probably why I have this phone in my hands, even though Katie claims to be the one who gave it to me.

As if looking for evidence to confirm all of this, I raise the phone to start reading and notice the reflection in the window. It’s Will, but as soon as he sees that I notice him, he turns and heads back into the bedroom. I deliberate going back to bed with him, but opt instead to finish reading.

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:33pm:

How did your quiz go today?

6:42pm:

A few months ago, I
met Christine’s ex in Toronto. We had a crazy chat and he told me that the woman I thought of as Christine was actually someone else. He told me she lied to me about her identity and when I confronted her, she admitted that it was because she needed to escape him.

------------------------------------------

6:43pm:

The quiz went well. Why are you telling me this, Jake?

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:45pm:

You know what’s weird? I thought I heard his voice tonight. In the lobby when I came home from work.

------------------------------------------

6:46pm:

Was it
him?

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:46pm:

No, I don’t think so. He was just some guy arguing on the phone, and his back was to me. This guy seemed so much smaller than the Peter I remember meeting in Toronto. But the argument was something I would have expected to happen between him and Christine.

------------------------------------------

6:48pm:

You should have gotten a better
look at him, Jake. What if it IS this psychopath? What if he tracked you down because he thinks you know where Christine is?

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:49pm:

Well I don’t know where she is. And I don’t care.

6:49pm:

I’m in love with you now, Katie. I meant what I said on Saturday in our texts.

------------------------------------------

6:50pm:

Jake our timing isn’t right. I’m sorry.

6:51pm:

Have you thought about what you’ll say if this guy backs you into a corner?

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:51pm:

Why are you so interested in this? And he won’t back me into a
corner, he’s not like that. He’s a wife-beater, which means he’s probably afraid of men. Besides, I am very certain this guy wasn’t Peter.

------------------------------------------

6:52pm:

I’d be careful. I don’t like Chris
tine. She’s trouble.

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:52pm:

Now answer my question about why you’re so interested.

------------------------------------------

6:53pm:

I just don’t want you to get hurt, Jake.

------------------------------------------

Jake

6:54pm:

Because you love me?

6:56pm:

Hello?

------------------------------------------

7:01pm:

Jake, I’ll admit this, but it will be all that you get from me: I care for you. Of course I do. You’ve been really good to me, plus you’re a good cook and you have this special way with your hands. Like when you trace your fingers along the back of my thighs and follow it up with a kiss.
Mmmm.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:02pm:

I’d be happy to give you another demonstration…

------------------------------------------

7:03pm:

LOL, I’m sure you would!

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:03pm:

Then agree to see me. Tonight. I want to make love to you, Katie. For you to look into my
eyes as I’m about to enter you and see straight into my soul when I tell you that I love you. I want nothing more than that.

7:07pm:

What do you think? Can I see you tonight?

------------------------------------------

7:07pm:

I’m sorry, Jake. I’m not ready. Plus, I have to get to the hospital for a 3:00am rotation. I need my beauty sleep.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:08pm:

Tomorrow, then?

------------------------------------------

7:09pm:

Jake, I’m not ready. We’ll chat on Wednesday. Good night.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:10pm:

Can I bring you coffee or dinner tomorrow?

7:14pm:

I HATE when you do this, Katie. Just leaving like this drives me nuts.

------------------------------------------

7:14pm:

I know.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:14pm:

Then why do you do it?

7:24pm:

That’s what I thought.

7:28pm:

It doesn’t change a thing though. If anything, it makes me love you even more. That whole “I want what I can’t have” factor, you know?

7:29pm:

And yes I realize I’m texting myself right now.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:45am:

I was
just planning out my run today. Will you be around if I make it all the way out to Columbia?

------------------------------------------

11:52am:

You’ll be sweaty. Gross.

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:53am:

And I’ll have to turn and run right back to the off
ice. So it’ll be almost like I wasn’t there at all. Just how you like it.

------------------------------------------

11:53am:

Touché.

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:54am:

So? I have to get changed… am I running out to you?

------------------------------------------

11:55am:

Let’s hang out for dinner instead. I’m sure that was what you were aiming for anyway. Nerd.

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:56am:

Nerd? And I’m the old one here? Ha!

11:56am:

I’ll pick you up at 6pm. Bring your appetite – I’m taking you to a private restaurant.

------------------------------------------

11:57am:

I was hoping to dress up like a slut tonight, Jake. You sure you want to eat at some private, swanky restaurant?

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:58am:

You could NEVER look like a slut, Katie. You’re too elegant for that.

------------------------------------------

11:59am:

We’ll see.

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:59am:

If I have to dress you myself, I will.

------------------------------------------

12:00pm
:

Damn, you’re good. B
ecause now I’ll make sure I’m dressed appropriately so you have no reason to put those hands on me.

------------------------------------------

Jake

12:00pm:

I was kinda hoping I’d have to make you change…

------------------------------------------

12:01pm:

Yes, I know. So I’ll save you the trouble.

------------------------------------------

Jake

12:02pm:

I wish you wouldn’t.

------------------------------------------

12:02pm:

See you at 6, Jake. Enjoy your run.

------------------------------------------

Jake

12:03pm:

I’m looking forward to it.

12:04pm:

Dinner. Not the run.
For the record.

5:15pm:

Are you there?

------------------------------------------

5:17pm:

Just getting up. You’re not cancelling on me, are you?

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:17pm:

No. I’m just getting in, even though I left work at 4.

------------------------------------------

5:18pm:

Did you walk backwards?

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:19pm:

Feisty, huh? Actually, there are cops all over the place. I had to answer some questions about my gym bag (???). Don’t know what that’s all about…

5:20pm:

Anyway, I’m running a little behind. Could be closer to 6:30 before I get to you. Sorry.

------------------------------------------

5:21pm:

What did you do, Jake?

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:22pm:

What do you mean?

------------------------------------------

5:23pm:

Are you hiding a body in that gym bag? Or does it just smell like a dead body?

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:23pm:

LOL. Apparently, there WAS a murder. That’s why they were asking questions.

------------------------------------------

5:24pm:

Oh. That sucks. Go get
ready, we can talk about it at dinner.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:25pm:

OK, I’m going to hurry.

5:25pm:

See you in a bit.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

7:46am:

I saw that murder story on the news this morning. Holy shit!

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:52am:

I know
, it’s super crazy. The police are still all over the place. Not so much here, but I see them at the other building in the morning when I leave and last night when I got home after dinner. I expect they’ll be there again tonight.

------------------------------------------

7:53am:

Are you nervous?

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:53am:

Why sh
ould I be nervous? I wasn’t involved….

------------------------------------------

7:54am:

Maybe not, but
there’s a murderer somewhere out there. He seems to like your swanky neighborhood. I’d be worried if it was down here, that’s all.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:55am:

I’m guessing you’re not looking to come over tomorrow after your long shift and spend the day in bed with me?

------------------------------------------

7:56am:

Jake… even if there weren’t a murderer out there, do you think it’s a good idea for me to spend any time in a bed with you?

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:56am:

Yes.

7:57am:

I do.

------------------------------------------

7:57am:

I don’t.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:58am:

Why not? Explain this to me again. Because last night before I dropped you off, there was that moment in the car. After I passed
my finger along your thigh? When you were looking at me? I could see it, Katie. It wasn’t just friendship. You’re holding out. I know you are.

------------------------------------------

7:59am:

I was tired, Jake.

------------------------------------------

Jake

7:59am:

It was more than just tired in your eyes.

------------------------------------------

8:00am:

LOL, what was it, Dr. Jake?

------------------------------------------

Jake

8:00am:

Hunger.

------------------------------------------

8:01am:

LOL.

------------------------------------------

Jake

8:01am:

You wanted me, Katie. I know you did. And that pause before you smiled and thanked me for
dinner, that confirmed it. Whether you like it or not, I KNOW you. I know who you are and I can see into your soul.

8:06am:

You still there?

8:08am:

I know you’re there, Katie. If I’m wrong… fine. But let’s assume that I’m right and you’re reading this right now on jAppe. You KNOW that I know you and you’re probably sweating a little right now. Or at the very least you’re speechless.

8:09am:

B
ecause I’ve hit a nerve. Because I love you so much that I can see through your walls and into your soul, into who you are. And that scares you.

8:10am:

But that’s okay, Katie.
You know why? Because you’re SAFE with me. I’ll catch you if and when you fall. I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt. Ever.

8:11am:

You’re safe to love to me. I won’t let you get hurt because I love you too
much.

8:32am:

I figure you’ll ignore me for a couple of days now. That usually gives you enough time to think things through and send me a text
when you’re ready.

9:00am:

I
know you’ve seen my last messages, Katie. Most likely, you’re deliberating whether to wait those two days, wait and see if I’ll contact you first or if you should just jump ahead and reply. I suggest you just reply. Let’s put an end to any silence. At my age, you realize that even a minute of silence from the woman you love is a minute you’ll never get back, a minute you’ll regret letting pass and filling up with something valuable.

9:09am:

I love you and miss you and would love to see you again. Soon.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

9:27am:

How about that? I went 4 days, Jake.

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:32am:

It was the longest weekend of my life.

------------------------------------------

9:33am:

LOL, why is that?

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:33am:

I’ve been checking my phone for your texts. Every. Second. Of. Every. Day. You’re killing me, Katie.

------------------------------------------

9:34am:

Sorry. I picked up a 12-hour rotation Saturday that stretched into yesterday. I went to sleep when I got home and am just getting up now.

9:34am:

You know what’s weird? Some detectives came by the hospital and asked me about that guy that was murdered across the street from your place. The one we were JUST talking about!!

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:35am:

Why did they want to see you?

9:35am:

No offence, but what do you have to do with this?

------------------------------------------

9:36am:

They said it’s because I’ve been in the area and they tracked me back to the hospital.

9:37am:

They showed me a picture of some guy. Asked if I recognized him.

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:38am:

What did you tell them?

------------------------------------------

9:38am:

What should I have told them, Jake?

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:38am:

The truth.

------------------------------------------

9:39am:

Is that Christine’s husband
? Is that the face I saw?

------------------------------------------

Jake

9:39
am:

Wanna
grab some breakfast? We can talk about this?

------------------------------------------