Textual Encounters: 2 (6 page)

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Jake

12:55
pm:

This is
messing ME up?

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3:31pm:

Jake, you there?

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Jake

3:37pm:

Sorry for the delay.
I’m FUCKED UP, remember?

3:56pm:

Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to upset you. What’s up?

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3:57pm:

Jake, I said MESSED up. And besides, you’re full of shit. I need to get to my next lecture.

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Jake

3:58pm:

No, let’s chat.

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3:59pm:

Maybe later tonight.
I don’t have time now, the lecture’s starting.

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Jake

4:00pm:

WTF is wrong with you? Why can’t I be a little upset with this situation of ours? You come over and make love to me for how many hours? You ask me to come inside you and I’m the bad guy for getting attached?

4:05pm:

Fine. Ignore me. But I’m not the bad guy here, Christine. You’re the bad guy. You’re
the one fucking with my emotions just so you can get your rocks off. This is NOT right.

4:11pm:

Forgive me for falling in love with you and
expecting that you might actually love me in return.

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8:13pm:

Are you still
ranting and raving like lunatic old man? Or has the mental Viagra worn off?

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Jake

8:14pm:

Still at work. I need space. Time to think. Time to get my head straight, as you put it.

8:23pm:

OK, what’s up?

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8:24pm:

Jake, go read what you wrote earlier today.

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Jake

8:28pm:

Okay… What about it?

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8:28pm:

Read the text from 405 out loud.

8:30pm:

I

8:30pm:

AM

8:30pm:

NOT

8:31pm:

CHRISTINE!

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Jake

8:31pm:

Shit, I’m sorry. It was obviously a slip…

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8:32pm:

And you wonder why I refuse to get attached to your old pathetic geriatric ass? Jesus, wake the fuck up.

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Jake

8:34pm:

Katie, I‘m so sorry.

8:45pm:

I get it. I don’t blame you
for being pissed off. It’s just that only Christine has ever pissed me off that much. So it was a natural response. Definitely not anything personal or intentional. I’m so very sorry.

9:13pm:

I’m sitting here wondering why you’re not answering your phone or my texts. I hope you respond soon. I miss you and love you. There, I admitted it: I love you. And this is killing me.
But you were right. I’m fucked up. No, I’m more than just fucked up, I’m dying.

9:37pm:

I’ll leave you alone for now. Write me when/if you forgive me.

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Jake

3:46am:

Katie, I’m sorry about the slip up yesterday. It was obviously not something I said on purpose. I know you realize that.

3:47am:

Obviously, I’m falling
for you. I’m falling hard. I hate when you do this to me – ignoring me. Give me another chance? I think I might surprise you. You might just end up loving me after all.

3:48am:

I can be the man you’ve always dreamed of. And more.
I have no problem working at proving that to you.

9:46am:

You know what’s weird? I just re-read everything leading up to when I called you Christine. And you’re right. I was
a little grumpy yesterday. I was way out of line.

9:52am:

I have a meeting at 10:00am with
one of our senior accountants so I thought I would send a quick message to apologize for all of that old man lunacy. It was uncalled for.

9:54am:

What
is absolutely TRUE, though, is that I am falling in love with you. And you’re right, it’s fucking me up in a bad way. I can’t stop thinking about you. I look for your face everywhere I go. I close my eyes and imagine the things I want to do to you the next time we’re together and when I open them, I feel like I’ve been dunked underwater. I’m drowning in you, Katie.

9:57am:

When I went back
to read our texts, I saw something that bothers me. I’m not ready for you, Katie. I never should have agreed to be with you, to hang out with you. I was vulnerable after Christine disappeared. I knew it, even back then. But I went ahead and allowed myself to fall for you. I needed time to recover from her. It was unfair of me to drag you into my hell.

9:58am:

So I understand why you’re ignoring me. I’ll give you a
break from my psychosis. And hopefully in a few weeks or months or whatever it takes for me to get my head on straight, you’ll agree to meet me again. For coffee. Or lunch. Something safe, so I can look at you with objectivity and determine whether I can be the man you want. And deserve.

9:59am:

I love you, Katie.
You’ve changed me forever. Please remember that.

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Jake

7:32pm:

Hey, are you around?

7:34pm:

I wanted to check in, in case you cared. And let you know that I still think of you. Every. Day. I can’t escape my thoughts of you.

7:35pm:

And I have a confession to make. I went for one hell of a run at lunch today and instead of my usual route, I ran past your apartment. I know it’s a little creepy, but I just couldn’t remember what you looked like. It’s about 2 miles from the office. When I got there, I just stared up at your window and remembered that time we were in your room.

7:37pm:

And
you were there earlier. I stood there and stared up at you in your bedroom for a good minute to two. I even walked up to the front door. But I couldn’t hit the bell.

7:38pm:

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I CAN walk away. Just like you want me to.

7:40pm:

But I still miss you. Don’t think for one minute that I don’t.

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10:13pm:

Jake? What you
just wrote was sweet. Really sweet.

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Jake

10:14pm:

Katie, it’s so nice to hear from you. What are you up to?

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10:14pm:

We’re having a party. It’s noisy in here. How about that coffee?

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Jake

10:14pm:

When were you thinking?

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10:15pm:

How about now?

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Jake

10:15pm:

You sure?

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10:16pm:

Of course I am.
But I won’t go back to your apartment.

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Jake

10:16pm:

Of course not, I understand. You don’t want me to be more fucked up than I already am, right?

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10:17pm:

It’s more about not knowing where I really stand, Jake.

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Jake

10:18pm:

Didn’t you read my texts? I’m surprised you don’t know where you stand, Katie. You’re everything to me.

10:21pm:

Still want to meet?

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10:30pm:

Sorry, I just stepped out of the shower.

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Jake

10:30pm:

Want me to pick you up? Or do you want to meet somewhere?

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10:31pm:

Sure, pick me up. But I have a question first.

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Jake

10:31pm:

Ask away. I’ll answer whatever you throw at me.

10:33pm:

Still there?
Or should I just pick you up and you can ask me in person.

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10:35pm:

If it were that simple, I’d ask you in person.

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Jake

10:36pm:

Oh, a serious question… I love those!

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10:37pm:

Well, you probably won’t like this one.

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Jake

10:37pm:

Try me.

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10:38pm:

OK. Here goes. If I had unrestricted access to your iPhone, what kinds of messages would I find there?

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Jake

10:38pm:

Easy. Outside of the work-related emails, all you
would find would just be messages to you and a few friends.

10:39pm:

Why, w
hat do you think you’d find?

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10:39pm:

I think I would find confessions of love to Christine. I think I would find you begging for some kind of response.

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Jake

10:40pm:

Maybe before I met you.

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10:41pm:

Jake, I don’t think coffee is a good idea tonight.

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Jake

10:42pm:

??

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10:45pm:

Y
ou’re lying to me. I know you are. When’s the last time you texted her? For real. I’m a big girl, and I want to know the truth.

10:51pm:

That’s what I thought.

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