Texas CHAOS (Texas Heroes Book 2) (21 page)

“Please, that sounds good.” She walked beside her mother-in-law.

“What's wrong with my girl?” she asked. “I've known you long enough to recognize sad eyes when I see them.”

They didn't get as far as the house. Jenna broke down in tears as Louisa led her to a swing underneath one of the big oaks in the yard. “I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Logan seems happy, but he keeps trying to push me away. All I want to do is be with him, live here, and be a part of his life. Yet he has suggested me going off to school or rejoining the trick riding group.”

Louisa patted her shoulder and made an exasperated noise. “Men.” Picking up Jenna's hand she began to talk. “I can assure you that Logan wants nothing more than to make you happy. He's worshiped the ground you've walked on from the moment he brought you home. I do know he feels that he's too old for you, but you're the one who is going to have to convince him how foolish that notion is. Why, I've never known two people more perfect for each other.”

Jenna wiped her eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. The day he called from the hospital after you'd been admitted, the boy was beside himself. You were still unconscious and he'd been told you were pregnant. All he could talk about was getting you home.”

For a moment what Louisa said didn't register. She'd known Logan was worried about her. Then the impact of the words hit home. “He called you before I woke up?”

“Yes, of course. He wanted Dad to come and retrieve Stormy as well as the other stock.”

Jenna swallowed, her world beginning to implode. “And he told you I was pregnant?”

“Yes,” Louisa said slowly, trying to determine what was going on. “Why?”

Standing, Jenna didn't know which way to turn. “I need to go home. I need to think.” With a quick embrace, she was off – running. The truth of the matter slapped her in the face. The only reason Logan had proposed, the only reason they were together was because he'd thought she was carrying his child. “Oh, my God,” she sobbed. It had been her who insisted they get married right away. If they had waited, the truth of her condition would have righted itself.

No wonder Logan kept trying to put distance between them. He hadn't wanted to marry her. He'd just been doing the right thing – again. Logan was protecting her.

With tears streaming down her face, Jenna ran toward Logan's home. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Logan wiped the sweat from his brow. “Damn, it's hot.” Anytime they ran guys through these controlled practice burns, he swore it'd be his last. “They need to invent air-conditioned suits.” Bryan-College Station was located about two hours south east of Austin. It was home to the former University of Texas rival, Texas A&M. The rivalry had quieted down when A&M had switched football conferences, but to Logan the battle of the Aggies and Longhorns would never end.

“You can say that again,” Titan agreed. He checked his chart. “We both need to get three more guys certified. What's tomorrow look like for you?”

Leaning back, Logan gave it some thought. “I'm supposed to manage the 'smokehouse' tomorrow till noon. After that, I'm available for whatever.”

“Noted.” Titan looked through his notes. “I wanted to get out of here early tomorrow if I could. It's my wife's birthday.”

“It is?” Logan beamed. “Well, that's a priority. Makenna is one special lady.” He thought of the woman he had waiting for him at home. “Speaking of ladies, I think I'll check on mine.”

“Yes, good idea.” Titan slapped him on the back. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

“What can I say? I'm one lucky son-of-a-bitch. I just keep waiting for her to realize she made a mistake.”

“We're both lucky if you ask me.” Titan remarked. “I'm just thankful to be able to take care of my wife. She had a hard time with her ex.”

“Some men don't deserve a woman's love,” Logan said, then wondered if he fell into that category. When he went home, he'd make sure Jenna knew how happy she made him. He was tired of worrying about something that might never happen. It was time to appreciate what he had, to realize how very blessed he was. “Excuse me, I think I'll check in at home.”

They parted ways, both intent on touching base with their wives. Logan stepped off to one side of the administrative building so he could hear. He was about to dial the house phone when he noticed Jenna had left him a text message. This wasn't like her, she usually wanted to hear his voice. But knowing what he was doing, the intensity of the training he was conducting, it made sense. Clicking on the message Logan opened it up.

Logan, I hope you are okay. I reconsidered your suggestion about visiting the Cowgirl Angels and checking out the movie thing. They are practicing just outside of Moore, Oklahoma which is between Oklahoma City and Norman. Stormy and I are headed up that way now. I left you a note that will explain a little more about how I feel, it’s on the mantel. Take care of yourself and I will check in so we can talk about what to do next.  Jenna.

To say he was surprised was putting it mildly. Confused, Logan tried to reconcile this unexpected development to Jenna's previous adamant refusal to even consider the movie offer. A shiver of apprehension danced along his spine. He reread the text again. The wording was a little strange. Pressing a button, he called his house. No answer. She'd already left or she was outside. Feeling a bit desperate, he called her cell but there was no answer there either. Oh well, there were laws against using the phone while driving. He was glad she chose to be safe. He also made up his mind to get the pickup equipped with blue-tooth. In his mind he could see the Ford headed down the highway pulling the one-horse trailer. 

Running one big hand through his already messy hair, Logan tried to get a handle on what had happened. Well, he'd gotten what he asked for. Was he happy now?

No.

Back at Gray Wolf, Jenna had just finished loading Stormy in her trailer. She'd called Dixie and Anne to tell them she was coming to rejoin the troupe, expressly to take part in the movie. She offered no explanation other than she'd changed her mind. No one questioned her decision, they all seemed thrilled. Securing the trailer door, she knew she'd have to sit down with Logan eventually and get some answers, but what she'd just realized and learned was too fresh – too painful to deal with. When she cranked the truck and pulled out of the driveway, giving Gray Wolf one last look, Jenna thought she might cry. At least the road to Moore was a long one, she'd have plenty of time to think.

Over at College Station, thinking wasn't getting Logan Gray anywhere. He had a bad feeling. Something told him he'd made a mistake – a big one. As soon as he could break away from this school he would. Moore was only a little over five hours away.

* * *

The weather was warming quickly. Spring was officially here. A wet sheen on the asphalt was throwing up a fine film as the water evaporated in the morning sun. Wildflowers were beginning to pop up along the side of the road, a dash of pink here, a sprinkle of purple over there. Jenna couldn't appreciate any of it. All she could do was keep heading north and watch the road. Every time she relaxed her brain to think, a sense of panic nearly forced her to pull off on the right-of-way. What a mess she'd made of her life – and Logan's. The events of the past few months began to crystalize in her mind. This was all her fault. She'd pushed and pushed until she got what she wanted no matter how anyone else felt about the matter. Jenna had taken advantage of Logan's affection for her and his natural male instincts. His habit of protecting her had been taken way beyond the point he'd intended. So she'd do as he asked and find a path other than the familiar one she'd longed for. A path that she would walk alone and not by his side.

When she'd spoken to Anne and some of the other girls on the phone, they were ecstatic that she was on her way. They said the plan was to practice their routine, then allow one of the directors to come and tell them any particular shots he'd like to capture. The first question she'd be faced with, Anne relayed, was would she bull ride in the film.

Right now, her answer was no. She'd promised Logan and she'd stand by that promise.

Flipping on the radio to a local country station, Jenna gripped the wheel. The sky above and before her was dark. Thunderstorms were the norm this time of year. Thank goodness the arena at the Bar X where they'd be practicing had a covered pavilion. At least they wouldn't get wet in the volatile storms that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. As the miles flew by Jenna cried, wondering what Logan was doing and what he'd say when he found out she was gone.

* * *

Logan cut out from the training school sooner than he should have. He hated to foist some of his responsibilities off on Chief Sloan, but he was anxious to get home and then head out to talk to his wife. His parents had tried several times to call him, but he just wasn't in the mood. At least all of his guys were certified for another year. Now he needed to get his personal life on the right track.

When he arrived at home, Logan was out of the truck and in at the door as quickly as he could move. Sure enough, he could see the envelope propped up on the mantel with Jenna's familiar delicate script. Suddenly his movements slowed and he seemed to be walking through an atmosphere too thick to move through with ease. Remembering their last conversation, he felt regret wash over him. He'd only wanted what was best for her.

Taking the envelope in hand, Logan walked into the kitchen. He needed to find his reading glasses. Out of habit, he flipped on the small TV that sat on the bar – then he opened the letter. The noise from the TV wasn't a distraction, he was concentrating solely on the words written on the plain white paper.

Dear Logan

How I love you. I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. My only wish has been to belong to you. And I got it! Marrying you was my ultimate dream. Until I realized it wasn't yours.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have traded the last few weeks for anything – but I came to understand that you aren't happy. New husbands don't keep trying to push their new wives away. And they tell them they love them. You never have. Not once. I said the words over and over again, but I realized you never said them back. Ever. What am I supposed to think? And then I accidentally learned the truth. You proposed to me because you thought I was pregnant. I should have known – and I pushed you to marry me quickly. I'm so, so sorry. Please begin whatever proceedings necessary to dissolve our marriage. I know you'll do the right thing. In the meantime, I've taken your advice. Be well, Logan. I won't tell you I love you, I know you don't want to hear it. 

Jenna

Logan stared at the words on the page. His heart felt like it was about to slam out of his chest. FUCK! What had he done? She had it all wrong. But it wasn't her fault. He'd screwed up – royally. Not love her? Was she crazy? He worshiped the ground she walked on. The only reason he hadn't said it out loud was that when he did – she'd own his soul. And when – not if – she walked away, he wouldn't survive the loss. But now she'd done exactly as he feared. Jenna was gone. And it was all his fault. If he was going to survive, he had to get her back.

The assertion that he only proposed because she was pregnant was ludicrous. But he'd known that misunderstanding could happen and it was up to him to correct it. In fact, he had lots of things to set right. And he would – just as soon as he could get to Moore, Oklahoma.

As if he'd conjured the scene from his thoughts, the news reporter's words jumped out at him.

He focused on the television image and froze. “God, no,” he groaned. A mile-wide F-5 tornado was headed straight for Moore. All residents were being urged to flee. An adrenaline rush of pure terror swamped Logan. Moore was right in the middle of Tornado Alley. It had been the scene of about five other devastating tornadoes in the last several years.

The only thing Logan could think of was that Jenna was in danger. He could lose her and it was all his fault.

CHAPTER NINE

“Excellent, Jenna!” Anne praised her, as she slowly allowed her body to come to an upright position. Hanging upside down from a galloping horse took concentration. Her state of mind wasn't helping, all she could think about was Logan. Her heart was broken. Riding wasn't proving to be the solace it usually was. Still, as she'd been taught – the show must go on.

When she'd arrived, Jenna had been pleasantly surprised by the welcome. They'd thrown her an impromptu party where she'd met some of the new folk. Everyone seemed nice and excited to be working on a media event like 'A Cowboy's Heart'. Jenna's favorite was Eunice Orwell who rode Jolly, a dappled roan who could line dance to Achy-Breaky Heart. That horse would surely steal the show.

“Let's do it one more time from the top.” The director's voice boomed over the loud speaker. At his direction all of the girls and their mounts fell into formation. 

Jenna nudged Stormy to take her place. Even though she knew the routine by heart, watching the other performers and taking their movements into consideration was paramount.

“Look at that cloud!” Ginger pointed to the northern sky.

Jenna who'd been in the performing zone, followed her friend's eye. What she saw made her gasp. The whole northern horizon was black. A thunderstorm of massive proportions was approaching. Lightning lit up the sky with jagged slashes of electric energy. “God, that looks serious.”

“Well, we're under the pavilion.” Jody whispered in a tone that said she was only pretending to be brave.

The horses were restless, prancing in place. Jenna knew animals could pick up on weather signals a lot quicker than people. Her time with Logan had taught her quite a few things. His being a first responder to all types of situations had exposed her to things other people might not be aware of. And one of those things was tornadoes – how to recognize them and how to avoid them if possible.

“Anne, I think we need to leave,” she murmured lowly as she moved Stormy nearer their leader. “I think that cloud is going to develop into a tornado any minute.”

“Really?” Anne stared at the bank of clouds. “It just looks like a rain storm to me.”

About that time, a chorus of gasps went up from the group. A funnel cloud had formed, a swirling mass of blackness that hovered in the air, then reached for the ground – growing as it went. All of the things that Jenna had learned came flowing back. She remembered what Logan had told her of the tornadoes in Jarrell, Waco, and Wichita Falls – all between here and home, right in the heart of Tornado Alley. She remembered the stories, the 300 mile winds that literally ate the pavement off the roads and eradicated whole neighborhoods as if they'd never been. “Come on, let's go!”

In the next few minutes, the sirens began – long, low wails that built in intensity before they faded out. Jenna didn't know about everyone else, but they made her blood run cold. She yelled out directions and calls for calm as the riders all loaded up their mounts in trailers. No one wanted to leave their four-legged friend behind. The whole time Jenna kept an eye on the cloud which was growing and darkening. She could see debris being caught up in the funnel cloud and flung about like so much flotsam.

As soon as they could, they loaded up. “Which way?” Anne asked, looking at Jenna. She didn't know if she had any better insight, but she tried to imagine what Logan would tell her.

“Let's head south and keep an eye on it. Our only chance is to out run it, get out of its way.” With that pronouncement, the caravan of scared women and horses hit the road. The backdrop for their exodus was a massive mile-wide hell of ferocious winds and flying missiles, seemingly bent on swallowing them up.

A few hours south, Logan was driving toward Oklahoma like a mad man. Oh, he was obeying traffic laws, he fully intended to arrive in Oklahoma in one piece. The idea that Jenna was in trouble, that something could happen to her and she'd never know how much he loved her was absolutely unthinkable.

As he traveled, Logan listened to the news and what he heard scared him to death. The storm had indeed produced a mile-wide F-5 with super destructive winds. Raw power. He'd tried to call her with no success. Undoubtedly all of the cell phone towers had been destroyed. What if she was hurt? He tormented himself with questions. What if he never saw her again? The possibility almost paralyzed him.

* * *

“We need to get back and see if we can help.” Layla exclaimed and they all stood together to watch the storm dissipate. Large hail had fallen and still littered the ground.

“I hope people weren't hurt...or worse.” One of the girls muttered.

“Let's head back to the pavilion and see the damage.” Anne hovered around them, wanting to gather them to her like a hen with chicks. “I'm just thankful Jenna got us on the move to a safe place.”

The trip back to the pavilion was almost impossible. Four times they had to stop and remove large debris items from the road. Jenna couldn't believe what she was seeing – nothing was left standing – nothing. Where there was once trees, now there were mere stumps. Where there was once houses, now there were piles of brick and rubble. Moving slowly down the littered highway, they would have missed the pavilion or what was left of it had there not been a portion of the sign stuck halfway in the mud. It was obvious – if they'd stayed, they would not have survived.

The trauma left Jenna shaking and she had to hold herself back from calling Logan. He'd always been her touchstone, the one she turned to, the one she ran to – and now she'd lost that. Wrapping her arms around herself, she trembled as she realized how easily this all could have turned tragic. 

After securing the animals in a make-shift corral, the women volunteered in any way they could, helping set up food stations and an area to collect names of survivors. The list of missing people was climbing, but confirming a death toll was slow. Jenna worked automatically, her mind a bit numb from all that had happened.

Meanwhile...a few miles away, Logan searched frantically. He used his radio to bypass normal channels and contacted the fire chief. The dispatcher patched him through to the hospitals and the morgue. After giving them Jenna's description he at least had the knowledge she hadn't been transported to any facility at this point. After that, he headed to the area where the practice arena had been located and began to walk the streets asking everyone he met if they had seen anyone who looked like his Jenna. Most just shook their heads, everyone had their own problems and focus. Finally, one man responded positively when he mentioned horses and trailers. “Yea, there's a group of women helping out down near the Baptist church. I don't know about your girl, but that would be a good place to start.” A tsunami of relief cascaded over him. He'd been praying with faith, but imagining the worst. With renewed hope, Logan set out in the direction the man indicated. 

The closer he got, the more he strained his eyes. Just a glimpse, God just a glimpse of her would be heaven sent. His eyes roved a group of people who seemed to be handing out bottles of water.

No. Not her. A brunette – no, his heart sank. Logan was shaking like a leaf, all the while chanting her name in a prayer. “Jenna, please, Jenna.”

And then he saw her.

Her hair was in disarray and her shirt was dirty and torn, but to Logan she was the most beautiful thing in the world. As he approached, she didn't see him. Her eyes were on a small boy who was crying. She gave him some water and a hug while he clung to his father. By the time she'd straightened up, Logan was on her. Without warning, he swept her up – cradling her near. “I love you. I love you. I love you, Jenna Gray. Thank God, you're okay. I was going out of my mind.” All of the words and emotions came rushing out. He didn't have to think, Logan was just reacting to the ultimate relief of finding the woman he loved, alive and well.

“Logan!” She clasped him around the neck and hung on, her eyes roving over his face. “What are you doing here?” With one hand she cupped his cheek, to her surprise she found tears. “What's wrong? Are you hurt?”

With disbelief, Logan gazed into her eyes. “I was worried about you. When I heard you had come here, like I suggested – I wasn't relieved, I wasn't happy. I had been suggesting that you do things and go places as if you were single, not because I didn't want to be married to you, but because I was afraid you'd regret tying yourself to me. I was wrong. I was stupid. I want you to come home. I can't live without you.”

“Put me down, I'm too heavy.” Jenna was trying to process what he was saying.

“Not on your life. I've got you in my arms again and I'm not about to let you go.” Ignoring the glances they received, Logan carried her to his truck, steadying her on his knee while he opened the door. Then he crawled into the seat, settling Jenna into his lap. He shut them in, then buried his face against her neck. “Now, maybe I'll survive.” He gently kissed her cheek, letting his lips rub over her skin. “What would I do without you? You're my life.”

Jenna wanted to just accept what he said, to take him at his word. But she had too many questions and this time she had to be sure. “I love what you're saying and I want to believe you...but...” She paused, then with a groan, she spilled her deepest hurts and fears. Laying her palm on his chest, she unconsciously caressed him. “You never said you loved me. In bed you welcomed me, but outside of the bedroom, you acted like you wanted to push me away.”

“I was a fool.” He tightened his arms around her. “I have loved you almost from the start, even when I knew it was wrong. After we married, I was so afraid you'd realize what a mistake you made. I felt that if I told you I loved you, then you left – it would kill me.” Logan sighed. “I guess I was holding a part of me back trying to ensure that I survived.”

Framing his face, Jenna kissed him. “If it had been my choice, I would have never left you.” She was shaking, everything that had happened – from the tornado to leaving Logan – had coalesced into an emotional storm. Jenna felt battered and unsure. “But you married me only because you thought I was pregnant. Then I pushed to get married immediately and you were trapped.”  

With an exasperated laugh, Logan cupped her chin so she'd look up at him. Before he began speaking, he kissed her with more tenderness than he ever had before. “A sweet trap, but not because of the baby. I made up my mind to propose the moment I saw you hit the ground after you were bushwhacked by that damn bull of mine.”

“But your mother said...”

Pressing a finger over her lips, he continued to speak. “Mother knew the series of events, but she had no way of knowing what was going on in my heart. Marrying you has always been what I wanted more than anything. I just remember...”

“Remember what?” Jenna pressed after he'd slid his finger in a trailing pattern down her throat and over her heart.

“My old Chief, my mentor... he was a good man. But he was tortured. He fell in love and married a much younger woman.” Logan pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “They were happy until she became bored and left him. He worshiped the ground she walked on, and when she left, he never recovered.”

“I'm not her, I'm Jenna. Your Jenna.” She weaved her fingers in his long dark hair and kissed him reverently on the forehead. “All I want is you. I'll build a life for myself, I'll do all the things that will make me feel happy and fulfilled. But the center of my universe is you. None of it would matter without you.”

Logan let out a long breath of relief. “I'm sorry for the way I acted. I'm sorry for not making you feel like you were the most important thing in the world to me.”

“Shhh,” Jenna whispered. “It's okay. Let's go home. I want to celebrate life and make love to my husband.”

Logan couldn't find a thing in the world wrong with her suggestion.

* * *

This trip from Oklahoma to Texas was different than the one before. All of the uncertainty was gone. This was a new beginning for them both. As they headed toward their future, Logan admitted that she'd belonged to him from the moment he'd opened his arms, saving her from the flames. She was not only his wife, Jenna was his best friend.

The drive was five hours long, and once more he'd had to arrange for someone to go pick up her horse and her rig. That was okay, he smiled indulgently at her sleeping figure. He'd spend the rest of his life making arrangements for her care and comfort. That's what husbands did.

When they pulled up to his house, he carried her in. She roused and turned in his arms, burying her head in his chest, as if seeking reassurance that she was back where she belonged. Capturing her lips, Logan made his way to their bedroom, then gently undressed them both. Jenna was still sleepy enough to be cuddly, but she was fast waking up, her gaze meeting his with hunger in her eyes.

“You're so sexy, baby,” he growled. His eyes roved over her sweetly rounded breasts, her nipples so swollen and suckable, then down to perfectly curved thighs – and between them lay a silky bare heaven. “Don't ever leave me again. If I say something to make you think I want you to go, smack me upside the head – because I won't mean it, I'll never mean it.” He ran his hands over her sexy body. The countless hours he'd spent longing for her had paid off in unbelievable returns. Now he could enjoy holding her, kissing her, stroking her gorgeous body until the fires stoked within blazed into a wildfire.