Tequila Mockingbird (11 page)

Every group needs a designated driver, but sometimes even a hard-core hooch hound feels like taking it a little easy. In this section, we pulled our most beloved kid-lit classics off the shelf, figuring simpler times call for simpler addictions. Whether for hangovers or just hangouts, these nonalcoholic drinks are a tribute to the kinds of stories that hold up so beautifully, you'll want to reread them with totally clear eyes. Pull the covers over your head and grab a flashlight, a friend, and a handful of ice cubes. And then? Lights out!

T
he book that made us all long for our own golden ticket,
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
was Roald Dahl's triumphant tribute to treats. Featuring an enigmatic chocolatier who has captured England's attention,
Charlie
finds five children, including our title character, winning a lucky pass inside the secret dessert lair, where the walls are lickable and the workers are orange (in early editions, Dahl's Oompa-Loompas were black pygmies, which didn't go over so hot with critics). No problem: later editions got politically correct, just in time for grown-ups and children alike to embrace all things
Wonka
. Take a dip into a chocolate martini that loses the liquor, entirely suitable for curious kiddos—and their chaperones, too.

Cocoa powder, for cocktail rim (
page 7
)

1 Hershey's Kiss

1½ ounces chocolate syrup

1½ ounces light cream

Rim a chilled cocktail glass in cocoa powder. Drop a Hershey's Kiss on the bottom. Shake the remaining ingredients with ice and strain over the candy. Prepare for pure imagination.

W
idely considered
the
children's book of all time,
Where the Wild Things Are
is the fantastical story of one boy's giant imagination, turning time-out in his bedroom into a trip to an island kingdom—complete with canoes, monsters, and one humbled temper. Believe it or not, this Caldecott-winning contemporary classic was banned widely when it first debuted—apparently parents and librarians didn't take a shine to such an angry child protagonist—but the kids didn't listen, sending Sendak to the top of their reading piles. Tame your own wild night out (not to mention that monster headache) with a hangover cure that'll stand the test of time.

4 ounces pear juice

2 ounces lemonade

2 ounces ginger ale

Combine the pear juice and lemonade over ice in a highball glass, then add the ginger ale. Now slip on your wolf PJs, draw the shades, and nurse that brain back to earth.

Y
ou'd think a fantasy this trippy woulda been written in the seventies. We all remember Milo, bored to tears with suburban life till a mystical tollbooth arrives in his bedroom. Milo hops into his toy car and drives on through, ending up in the Land of Doldrums (and you thought the Midwest was a yawn). He's not there long, because there are maps to ignore, damsels to rescue, and clock-hawking hounds to befriend. Take your own trip back to summer camp, the boredom-busting destination where a mysterious “bug juice” has been served for eons. Reverse the clock with a color-changing cocktail that trades spirits for spirit.

MAKES ABOUT 8 DRINKS

1 packet powdered juice drink (like Kool-Aid, any flavor)

½ cup sugar

1 liter club soda

Lime, chopped into wedges, for garnish

Mix the Kool-Aid and sugar in a quart of water, then freeze in an ice cube tray. Empty the frozen cubes into cups, top with the club soda, and garnish with the lime wedges. Alternatively, go one cup at a time and save the rest of the cubes for later. Sometimes the best escapes are of the solo (or Solo cup) variety.

A
rare classic you can read in a single trip to the john, this short story packs a tall tale. In “Rip Van Winkle,” one town's most lovable loner escapes his wife's nagging by setting off on foot into the Catskills, a mountainous New York region that the then-bankrupt English author had never even visited—and this was pre-Google! Van Winkle happens upon a group of folks bowling in the woods (don't ask), enjoys a sip from their mysterious keg, and ends up taking a very satisfying nap. Like, twenty
years
satisfying. Appearing in the same volume as “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” (remember the Headless Horseman?), “Rip” inspires a naptime-inducing drink that'll have you nodding off before even
entertaining
the thought of outdoor exercise.

Chamomile tea bag

Kiwi wheel, peeled

Honey, to taste

Brew one mug of tea and add the kiwi—known for its sleep-inducing properties—and as much honey as your wandering heart longs for. This drink is so soothing, you might want to set an alarm first.

A
n American favorite about a British nanny written by an Australian novelist. We all fell in love with Julie Andrews in the movie—and picked up a
terrible
Cockney accent from chimney-sweeping Dick Van Dyke—but this legend originated as a series of kids' books. Starring a stern but winking flying au pair,
Mary Poppins
understood tough love before daytime TV brought it into your mom's living room. We celebrate with a nod to Mary's home turf, Number Seventeen Cherry Tree Lane. This milkshake goes down so sweet, you won't even need a dash of sugar—let alone a spoonful.

1 scoop cherry frozen yogurt

4 ounces vanilla cream soda

5 maraschino cherries, plus 2 ounces of juice from jar

Splash of milk

Throw the ingredients into a blender with a handful of ice. Blend to desired consistency and serve in either a milkshake or a pint glass. For the love of Mary, make sure to garnish with an umbrella. Preferably black.

G
ood vs. evil; man vs. man; wolf vs. dog. In
White Fang
—which you should
not
take on a camping trip—a pack of wolves polish off a couple of dogs before enjoying said dogs' owner for dessert. Tracking the journey of White Fang, the dog-with-a-touch-of-wolf's-blood hero, this quick read explores what makes an animal (or man) truly wild, and how we all take responsibility for bringing out the killer in each other. One easy rule for a wintry hike: whether you're tame or not, never eat yellow snow—unless it comes in the form of our frosty, canine-inspired drink.

2 tablespoons Tang powder

3 ounces milk

Pour the Tang, 5 ounces of water, milk, and a handful of ice cubes into a blender. Blend until smooth and serve in a Collins glass. Drink this one fast enough and you're bound to foam at the mouth.

B
ack when interactive meant reaching out and (novel concept, here) actually
touching
something,
Pat the Bunny
hopped onto the scene with wholesome, scratch-and-feel pages. Remember the sandpaper scruff on the dad? Or playing peek-a-boo with Paul (who was, frankly, too old to be playing peek-a-boo)? This quiet book made a loud dent, selling millions of copies and inspiring dolls, DVDs, and (don't pat
too
hard) even an app. We present a simple drink for long-gone times, back when a tummy ache would send you running to the nurse's office. Get back in the sandbox with one of these.

2 bags peppermint tea

3 slices fresh ginger

Place the tea bags and ginger slices in a tall mug. Fill the mug with hot water and allow it to steep for 10 minutes. Let it cool, then pour over ice in a highball glass. Rest that weary belly—and then it's time to get bouncing again.