Ten Things I Hate About Valentine's Day

Ten Things I Hate About Valentine's Day

Margaret Finnegan

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 Margaret Finnegan

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Ten things I Hate About Valentine's Day

1. It is a commercial racket. Obviously. Only
shallow couples need a holiday to help them celebrate their love
for one another. If you really love someone, you show them every
day. Isn't that what you told me, Brian?

2. Chocolate. Do I like chocolate? Of course.
Would it be nice to get a beautiful, heart-shaped box of chocolate
from someone who claims to love me? Naturally. But does it have to
be on Valentine's? Not at all. Just because all the women I know
get such tokens of affection from their boyfriends/husbands on
Valentine's is no reason I need-- or even want--such things. In
fact, if you think about it, a box of chocolates is pretty cliché,
and who needs cliché, huh, Brian? Although, it sort of begs the
question: Can something be cliché if a person "totally forgot" that
it was Valentine's Day and therefore was not actually trying to
avoid being cliché? Humph. That's a stumper.

3. Romantic dinners at nice restaurants. So
hard to get reservations! So expensive! So dark! Who wants that on
the most romantic day of the year? No. Wouldn't it be "easier to
heat up a frozen burrito and watch Sports Night." Your words,
Brian. Your exact fricking words. Although, again, let's face it.
The main reason there was no reservation was because you
"forgot."

4. Did I mention that Valentine's is a highly
publicized event? TV, radio, newspaper, the Internet. Google had a
little Google doodle for it. There are decorations in every store,
even Starbucks. You work at Starbucks.

5. It's your mother's birthday, for Godsake.
February 14th. How can you remember one and not remember the other?
And don't tell me you forgot it was her birthday because I know for
a fact you took her out to lunch. I saw it on Facebook.

6. Speaking of which, your post showed her
handing you a giant red card with the words, "To my #1 Valentine.
Mummy loves you best."

7. Flowers. Totally fleeting. Not unlike your
memory, apparently. My memory, however, is not fleeting. In fact,
you could say it is dwelling on how breathtaking unbelievable it is
that you did not notice the giant heart magnets affixed to our
refrigerator: the ones that say, "Remember! It is almost
Valentine's. Get me something nice."

8. Conversation hearts. U R F#*%*#.
Obviously.

9. Lingerie. Don't count on seeing any.

10. XOX? In your dreams.

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Margaret Finnegan is a
writer and writer instructor. Her work has appeared in Salon, LA
Times, FamilyFun and other publications. Connect with her online
at
http://margaretfinnegan.blogspot.com
and
at Smashwords:
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MargaretFinnegan

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MargaretFinnegan