‘I loved you very much, too,’ she murmured into what had been my ear as her arm tightened around nothing.
I was only a presence then as the creature’s giant eye grew larger, blazing with power, until it whispered in a harsh, unfamiliar voice.
‘Finally,’ it said. Its eye met mine, full of love and triumph and hope and a thousand other emotions I couldn’t begin to name. It spoke one last time.
‘I told you, child. There are always options.’
And then it died.
The moment of its death hit like another big bang. Everything exploded around me in a flood of white light that shattered eternity.
I was flung too far to comprehend with a force beyond flying.
To be honest, I wish the creature had been able to give us some sort of warning of its intentions.
Because Anyan just about had a heart attack when the corpse he’d been sobbing all over sat up in his arms, gasping for breath.
‘Reader, I married him,’ I said to Iris as I watched Anyan dandle Layla on his knee after passing Grace over to my father.
‘No, you didn’t,’ my succubus friend reminded me absent-mindedly before chasing after Grizzie and Tracy’s just-toddling boys, Tom and Dennis. Their mothers had come in long enough to pass their kids over to Iris and then they’d sacked out next to my dad on our couch. They still had their coats on and the girls’ birthday presents in their hands, and they looked about as tired as I felt.
‘I was being literary,’ I called out after Iris in my defense. It was true that Anyan and I never married, simply because supes don’t go in for that type of thing. But I had given him a promise to love him as fiercely as I could, and then I’d given him babies.
Twin girls to be exact, currently resplendent in Pampers and matching blanket rompers. I watched as my father and Anyan cooed over them, thankful for their adoration. The truth was, I think Anyan and my dad only really forgave me for eviscerating myself once I’d given them babies. Before that, there had been a substratum of our relationships made up of a steely wall of anger that never quite gave way.
I couldn’t blame them, of course. If either of them had done what I’d done, I’d have killed their dead bodies. Twice.
‘Oops, I think Layla needs changing,’ Anyan said, standing up with a groan. He looked as tired as I did. Twins did that to a body. But standing there with his hair sticking out at every angle, his gray eyes shadowed by dark circles, and baby sick staining his Eukenuba shirt, I’d never thought him handsomer. My love caressed my dark head with his strong hand as he went to change our girl.
My dad rocked Grace gently as she promptly fell asleep. Layla was Anyan’s child – big gray eyes and enough energy to keep both of us on our toes. Grace was mine.
In case there was any doubt, the air around Grace shimmered, and lying on my dad’s chest was a tiny, perfect seal dressed in a blanket romper.
‘I’ll never get over that,’ Grizzie said, her voice awed.
‘Me neither,’ I said drily. After seeing Grizzie and Tracy go through it themselves, I thought I’d been ready when Caleb told me I was having twins. Until I gave birth to one girl and one seal. A true selkie, Grace had gone ahead and reverted to her watery form in utero.
‘Thank the gods I never let you talk me into a human doctor,’ I reminded my father.
‘I know,’ he replied with a chuckle. ‘Although I do sometimes like to imagine the conversation when the ultrasound found flippers.’
‘Something tells me the doctor would not have found the situation as funny as we would.’
‘Probably not,’ my dad replied, still chuckling. He stroked a gentle hand down my daughter’s fur. To be honest, I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with having a seal pup for a baby, although Anyan dealt with it much better than I. He was the one to coax her back into human shape, after all, when I’d been squeamish about nursing a baby seal.
‘They’re a miracle on so many levels,’ my dad said, touching upon the elephant that, although it had shrunk in size, still stood in a corner of every room.
Grizzie and Tracy both looked away uncomfortably.
‘Dad, I had to do it,’ I said for about the millionth time. Of course, Anyan chose that moment to return with Layla, who was squirming around in his arms trying to see everything there was to see.
Hearing what I said, Anyan growled. Layla hiccoughed and looked up at her daddy.
‘Are we really going to have this conversation again?’ I thought it had died with the babies’ birth.
‘I know you did what you had to,’ my dad said, to my astonishment. ‘I’ve thought about it a lot, obviously, since I was told what happened. And I’m starting to understand. I just wish…’
His words trailed off. He didn’t have to say what he wished; it was what we all wished – that I hadn’t had to make that choice, that I’d known and could have warned everyone, that I hadn’t had to actually go through with it.
‘That’s not how sacrifice works,’ I reminded my dad and Anyan. ‘It had to be real. It was real. And I’d do it again to save you and save everyone we love.’
‘No, you won’t,’ Anyan said flatly. But his eyes were on our twins. He’d been willing to die for me, and it was particularly unreasonable that he’d taken so long to accept that I’d be willing to do the same for him. But he’d been that unreasonable. Anyan had been furious with me after I’d woken, an anger fueled by all that fear he’d felt seeing me die.
We’d had to start almost from scratch when I came to. He’d felt betrayed in a way I couldn’t figure out until Iris made me stop and put myself in his shoes. Even if I’d done it for the right reasons and it had worked out, that moment of losing me had hurt Anyan as deeply as a person could be hurt. It didn’t matter why I’d done it or that it had ended all right, my actions had wounded him in as final a way as possible.
Once I understood that, I’d been able to approach him differently. Instead of being upset that he didn’t get that what I’d done had been for him, I acknowledged the fact that what I’d done had eviscerated him as messily and as painfully as it had me. I’d asked for forgiveness for real, and he’d been able to give it to me.
He’d also given me twins less than a year later. I couldn’t help wondering if my fertility was a parting gift of the universe or the creature, or if there was simply something in Rockabill’s water. But our babies had certainly been the magical fix to our relationship that babies usually aren’t.
I think they reminded the barghest that we can
all
love others more than ourselves, and that he didn’t have the monopoly on martyrdom. That’s when he’d apologized to me for being so hurt, and everything had gone back to pretty much perfect.
We watched as Layla shimmered again, turning back into a human baby. I shook my head, wondering what she was dreaming about, and wondering how long she’d stay with us. Instead of looking forward to a kid going to college, I had to look forward to a kid moving into the sea.
Parenthood was going to be as interesting as anything else in the supernatural world.
‘So, tell us about your date last night,’ Anyan said to my father. ‘You like this lady, don’t you?’
‘Patti’s real nice,’ my dad said, blushing almost as red as the sofa he sat on. ‘She cooked dinner over at her place, and it was nice.’
Anyan chuckled. ‘Nice, huh?’
‘Yeah,’ my dad said. ‘Real nice.’
My eyes darted between the two men, who seemed to be communicating on some level of testosterone I couldn’t quite comprehend, but I was pretty sure I didn’t want to translate.
Grizzie butted in, coaxing a few more details about Patti from my dad, and then we continued to chitchat. The gossip from Rockabill was blessedly normal, something I still appreciated, as I was still grateful I’d been able to go back home.
And that was when the rest of the guests showed up.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ Caleb said, clip-clopping inside still wearing his medical scrubs. Well, at least his shirt. He’d gotten a job at the local clinic, under a glamour obviously, and was making a good living in Eastport as Dr Caprone. Iris walked back in from the porch, where she’d chased the toddlers, one squirming bundle of Grizzie-spawn under each arm. She kissed her mate, passing him Tom at the same time. She kept the other toddler, Dennis, for herself.
‘Trill and Nell are coming; they’ll be late. Ryu’s just coming now,’ Caleb said. ‘He and Daoud are unpacking gifts.’
‘Hopefully not out of Daoud’s pants,’ I muttered, going outside to help.
‘Hey, boys!’ I called, wandering down to where Daoud and Ryu were trying to extricate an enormous package out of the tiny trunk of Ryu’s latest sports car. I couldn’t help laughing.
‘She who laughs gets no presents,’ the baobhan sith said, glaring at me over the top of his dark designer sunglasses, before continuing to mutter swear words at his car.
‘I’m sorry. Can I help?’
‘Nah,’ said Ryu as Daoud pushed down in a way that must have released whatever was stuck. The big, wrapped package came out, looking only slightly the worse for wear.
Daoud had dressed comfortably in jeans and a T-shirt, knowing he’d be covered in spit-up within minutes. He carried the gift toward the house, pausing to give me a peck on the cheek.
‘Way to give birth a year ago,’ he said, winking cheekily.
‘Thanks,’ I said drily. ‘Get in there and grab a baby. I swear they’re multiplying like Tribbles.’
The djinn chuckled, and did as I bade him, leaving me with my ex. Ryu gave me a big hug, then withdrew to look at me critically.
‘You look tired,’ he said.
‘Twins,’ I said with a shrug. ‘You look as gorgeous as ever.’
He chuckled, striking a pose before taking off his sunglasses and tossing them in his car. ‘I can’t help but be beautiful.’
‘So what’s going on? How’s the compound?’ I asked as we moved toward the house.
‘Everything’s good. Busy, but good.’
His charming smile never wavered, nor did his confident voice. But I knew Ryu well enough to know he was being evasive.
‘So how’s the Initiative going?’ I asked, referring to the North American human-supernatural governmental alliance that Trevor, Ryu, and a counterpart in the Canadian government had set up.
‘It’s going great,’ Ryu said, but his smile was forced. ‘Negotiations are good, and we’re working toward an accord based on mutual understanding. The humans sent to help us are very … helpful. Especially the American.’ That last bit was forced out, as if Ryu was trying to convince himself of what he was saying.
I narrowed my eyes at the baobhan sith. I’d met the woman Trevor had sent to work with Ryu at the compound. A tall, leggy, no-nonsense redhead, she’d intimidated the crap out of me. Not that she was supposed to be an antagonist. The Initiative was really more of an exchange program – we’ll show you our world if you show us yours – than anything else. Once both sides understood each other better, formal talks could begin, and supes and humans might start to work together more.
So I couldn’t understand why this woman was causing Ryu to grit his teeth like she was a pain in his molar. Unless…
‘What’s the American’s name again?’ I asked.
‘Maeve.’
‘Pretty name,’ I said, watching him closely.
‘I’m sure it is.’
‘She’s pretty, too.’
‘I guess. But she’s just so … full of herself.’ Ryu was actually grinding his teeth as he shuffled restlessly on his feet.
‘She’s gotten under your skin.’
‘What?’ Ryu looked shocked.
‘Nothing,’ I said, smiling at him innocently. Whatever was going on, I’d not seen Ryu this discombobulated over a woman, ever. And I’d once been the woman who was supposed to discombobulate him.
‘Trevor here yet?’ Ryu asked, obviously wanting to change the subject from Maeve. I couldn’t wait to question Daoud about what was going on between those two, but it would have to wait till later. Not least because of Trevor. I looked at my watch.
‘He should be arriving in three … two … one…’
Just as I said ‘one’, a black car pulled into Anyan’s long driveway, smoothly rolling up.
‘How’d you know?’ Ryu asked, clearly impressed.
‘Trevor is always exactly on time,’ I said. ‘Although I doubt Trevor is in that car.’
Indeed, when the sedan rolled up, it was a minion that got out. In fact, it might have been an intern. The young man was barely old enough to be called ‘man’, and he was visibly nervous as he passed me a small present.
‘Our government wishes you and yours a happy birthday. For your twins. Um, so we wish them a happy birthday. And you a happy birthday because they’re yours. Thank you, ma’am.’ The nervous young man retreated back into the car without letting me respond, and the sedan backed sedately down the driveway.
‘What the fuck was that?’ Ryu asked, his head cocked at the awkwardness of the preceding exchange.
I sighed happily. ‘That, Ryu, is the stilted dialogue of freedom. Trevor has officially given up. After nearly two years of stalking me, convinced I still had power after the creature died, he’s finally lost hope. I only rate a minion now. Thank God for minions.’
Ryu turned to me, looking me over critically. ‘And you’re sure all that power’s really gone?’
I blinked at him. ‘Are you kidding me? Of course! I died that night, Ryu. And then the creature took my death into itself, and used the last of its power to give me life. I’m just like I was before.’
Ryu’s lips twitched. ‘Good speech. That’s very convincing.’
I was about to protest but he walked past me. ‘Did you make that taco dip of yours?’ he asked as he walked toward our front door. I wanted to follow him to insist on how powerless I was, but more guests were arriving.
They were a mix of glamoured supernaturals and friends from Rockabill and Eastport. For despite my trepidation, I’d gone back home. First I’d made it up to Anyan, and that had been my focus. Then I’d started appearing around town, and then I’d started working again at the bookstore.
After a long discussion, we decided not to try to glamour the locals. Instead, we told them nothing. We let the rumors fly, neither denying nor confirming anything. Half of the town was convinced I was part of some government hoax; the other thought I was part of some government conspiracy. Both were wrong, but both sets of rumors granted me an iota of respect I hadn’t had before.