Tell Me Why (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

Anna-

“Anna, do you ever think about what it would be like to die?” Jessi asked.

“Don’t talk about stuff like that, Jessi. Don’t you know how badly we’d all miss you?” I replied harshly, terror filling my heart. Turning to stare at her, I was surprised to find she was no longer in her room with me. Moving in a complete circle, I wondered where she’d gone. “Jessi?” I called, as I left her room and entered the hallway. The sound of running water came from the bathroom but, for some reason, my feet seemed reluctant to move in that direction. “Jessi?” I called louder, but there was still no answer.

“What’s the matter?” Caleb’s voice interrupted, sending a soothing feeling through me. If Caleb was here, then everything was going to be okay. He was always protecting Jessi and me.

Something wet soaked through my shoes and I glanced down to see a river of water rushing past me and tumbling down the stairs behind Caleb.

“Something’s wrong,” I said, gesturing to the
water soaked floor that was now ankle deep. He simply stared at it, a blank expression on his face. Wading through the water to the oak railing, I peered over the edge into the living room below.

Danica was standing in the rising water with her hands on her hips
, glancing around. “Hank, I think we have a leak somewhere.” She didn’t panic or move, merely continued to watch the rising water, while Hank dug into a closet, pulling out a fishing pole. He procured a worm from his pocket and proceeded to bait the hook before casting it into the water.

Shaking my head, I glanced back at Caleb who was still staring at the water.

“Jessi?” I called again, remembering my search. I forced myself to go to the bathroom door, pushing it slightly. Peeking inside I saw a giant swimming pool that was overflowing. So this was where all the water was coming from. Stepping inside, I searched behind the door for some type of valve to stop it. A splash sounded behind me and I turned to find Jessi floating face down in the water.

“What are you doing?” I shouted, waiting for her to get up. “Help me find a way to
shut off the water!” Suddenly, the water turned red as the blood began gushing from her wrists, spreading quickly outward and staining the water.

“Help me!”
The scream tore from my lips as I struggled to get to her. “Jessi! No! Not Jessi!” The water became too deep for me to walk and I had to start swimming through it. A metallic coppery taste filled my mouth—it was her blood. I tried to grab her sleeve, but she kept floating just out of my reach. My limbs grew heavy and I started to think I was going to drown in this pool with her.

“Somebody help me!” I screamed violently, spraying drops of the vile liquid from my mouth. “Please! Help!”

“Anna!” Caleb’s strong arms grabbed me and I sobbed in relief. “Annalisa!”

My eyes flew open to find Caleb leaning over me, his eyes wide with worry.

“Are you awake now?” he asked. I blinked several times. “You were having a nightmare.”

Wrapping my arms around his neck and dragging him closer to me, I sobbed against his chest
, the remnants of the terror I’d just experienced still clawing at me. “Don’t ever let go of me,” I pleaded, keeping him close.

“Never.” He spread out next to me, continuing to comfort me. “It’s okay now. It was only a bad dream
.”

“No it wasn’t. I was dreaming about finding Jessi. It’s all too real,” I replied, my words muffled against his chest. “I have
been having nightmares like this a lot lately.”

He sighed heavily, his breath rippling through my hair
.. “How often is a lot?”

“Two or three times a week. I hate them. They’re alway
s weird distortions of the truth and it freaks me out.”

“Do you need to talk to someone?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, puzzled. I was talking to him right now, wasn’t I?

“I mean like a therapist or something. Face it. You’ve suffered a pretty bad trauma. It’s completely understandable
that you’d be having these dreams.”

I snorted, lifting my tear stained face toward him. “You had the same shock I did. Do you need counseling too?”

Surprisingly, he shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe. I’ve had several bad dreams of my own; and we all know I’ve been trying alcohol therapy, while personally financing the Jack Daniel’s Company.” He nodded toward the massive pile of empty bottles in the corner. I knew he was making a half attempt at being humorous, but I wasn’t in a laughing mood.

“I’m not sure how I feel about talking things out with a stranger. I’d rather just talk with you.”

He nodded. “I get that; but sometimes talking to the stranger is what helps. They’re outside the situation and aren’t affected by the emotion of everything.”

Sighing, I stared into his eyes, reaching up to brush some of his hair back from his face. “I think I’m simply overwhelmed with everything.
All this stuff revolving around Jessi’s death—her funeral, scattering her ashes, your drinking, her other friends asking to do fundraisers, Danica's breakdown—everything points back to her suicide. It sounds callous, but I can’t escape it.”

“Then let me help you. Spend the rest of the day with me until
the gig tonight. I’ll take you on an official “first date”. There’ll be no talking about our troubles of late. It’ll just be the two of us, hanging together and having a good time. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds lovely. By the way, did you call Stephanie back about that fundraiser idea?” I asked.

He shook his finger at me. “Did you hear what I said? No talking about all of that. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. The rest of today is just you and me time. I need it too. We have five hours left before we need to get ready for tonight. Let’s make the most of it, okay?”

“All right
.” I smiled. “What do you want to do?”

Grinning, he winked at me. “I wanna rock your world!”

***

“When you said you wanted to
“rock my world”, hanging from a harness against a rock wall at your gym wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.” I grumbled as I stretched to reach the next handhold above me.

Caleb laughed from where he hung on
a rope beside me. “Well,” he replied as he reached for a hold of his own, “I have other ways of exercising—ways that I really enjoy, but you told me I had to wait a week before I could do them. So, I had to come up with a plan B.” With a charming boyish grin, he stared down at me from his perch, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

“You’re such a guy
.” I puffed, dragging myself higher. I was determined to make it to the top. No way was I letting him outdo me.

“For your sake, I certainly hope so.” The sound of his chuckling floated down to me as he continued to move quickly upward.

“How many times have you climbed this thing?” I asked, completely out of breath.

“I dunno. More than I can remember at the moment.”

“So, you brought me here so you could show off?” Honestly, I was impressed. He was really fit.

“Of course. Gotta show my girl I’m a good catch.” He laughed again.

“I already thought that. Scaling a wall is proving nothing to me.”

“It is to me,” he replied
, reaching the top and glancing back toward me.

“Really?
What’s it proving?” I asked as I crept beside him, completely ready for my aching limbs to stop trembling.

“My girl has stamina.” He swung closer to me, giving me a quick peck on the lips. “Not many people make it to the top.
Most give up when it gets hard, but you kept going. I’m proud of you. Are you sure this is the first time you’ve done this?”

Flashing him an exhausted smile, I nodded. “Yep. And it may be my last too. Thank you for letting me impress you.
Now, can we please get off this thing and maybe go for a massage or something? My muscles are screaming.”

Heat flared in his eyes. “Sure
, if I get to be the massager.”

“Somehow I don’t think that would lead to me being any more relaxed.” I laughed, glancing down to the spotters holding the ropes beneath us. “We’re ready to come down.”

Soon we were on the floor and being helped from the harnesses.

“Are you ready for the next part of our date?” Caleb asked.

“Only if it involves sitting,” I complained—mostly to tease him, though my legs were still shaking a bit.

“It does actually, but we’ve got to do a little walking to get there first
; but it’s not far. I can carry you if you want.”

I laughed. “I’m okay, really. Where we headed?”

“It’s a surprise.” He stopped by a machine and purchased two waters, handing one to me.

“Thank you,” I said
, as we headed out the door. He draped an arm around my shoulder and we casually made our way down the sidewalk.

“I’m glad we decided to do this today. I feel better already.”

“Me too,” I agreed, as we paused at the street corner waiting for the light to change. Crossing the street, we walked along the sidewalk that bordered the Sound. “You’re taking me to the Ferris Wheel, aren’t you?” I asked as I looked down to where it loomed overhead.

He smiled. “In all the time I’ve lived here, I’ve never once gone for a ride on it.”

“Really?” I was surprised.

“Have you ridden on it?”

“Yep. The guy that asked me to homecoming took me there with him and a bunch of other kids. We all crammed into the car together.”

Frownin
g, Caleb glanced at the Ferris Wheel as if it had betrayed him somehow. “Maybe we should go somewhere else.”

“No. I want to go with you. It
’ll be special. Besides, when I went before, it was dark. Now we will be able to see the view.”

Before long we had our tickets and we were sitting in a car by ourselves, sharing a bag of pink cotton candy. The Ferris
Wheel slowly rotated as other people were loaded into other cars and soon we stopped on the very top.

“There was only one reason I brought you here,” Caleb said, leaning toward me.

Licking remnants of cotton candy from my lips, I stared back at him. “Really? Why’s that?”

“Because
, I wanted to kiss you at the top.” His lips descended and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. The sweet flavor of his mouth mingled with mine and I closed my eyes, sighing into him. This was so romantic. The Wheel began turning in earnest now, giving the car a slight jolt, causing us both to start laughing as we automatically reached out, trying to find something to stabilize ourselves.

“I love you,” I said automatically, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I was pretty sure I was blushing as well.

“I love hearing you say you love me,” he replied with a grin, moving in for another kiss.

Sliding my arms around him, I giggled against his mouth.

“What?” he asked, breaking away slightly, the sunlight hitting his eyes, and bringing out every shade of blue inside them.

“We’re missing the view,” I teased, unable to look away. He was gorgeous—both inside and out. Sometimes I still had to pinch myself, unable to believe he wanted me. I knew he’d been a player in the past, but things were different between us. Our friendship made our relationship something more. Besides, I trusted him with everything I had inside me. He’d never let me down.

“I’m not missing anything,” he replied, his gaze never leaving me. “I like the view I have just fine.”

He kissed me again, and I found myself smiling through it. In spite of all that had happened lately, Caleb made me feel so happy, so loved.

He gave me hope for the future.

Chapter Thirteen

Anna-

Scents from
the large bouquet of tulips in my arms kept catching on the small breeze and wafting around us. Caleb had insisted on buying me a bunch when he saw me admiring the wild splashes of color as we strolled, hand and hand, through Pike’s Place Market. I wasn’t about to refuse him. They were beautiful. I only wished they could live forever as a tribute to the time we’d spent together.

After the Ferris
Wheel, he’d taken me to see a romantic comedy at one of the nearby theaters, where we’d shared a small bag of popcorn. It was hard for me to pay attention to the screen, however, since Caleb insisted on constantly nibbling at my neck and ear—not that I was complaining.

Casting a golden hue over the water, the sun was beginning to take
its dip over the horizon as we walked back to the loft. It wouldn’t be long before we would need to start getting ready for tonight. My stomach suddenly growled, reminding me that popcorn and cotton candy wasn’t going to sustain me for the rest of the evening.

“Do you wanna stop at that little sub place by the ferry and get some dinner?” I asked. “My treat.”

Caleb shrugged noncommittally. “I dunno. I’m pretty sure we have something we can eat at the house.”

“Really?” I teased. “You boys have been buying something beside
s alcohol to go in your fridge?” Even though I was joking, I was partially serious too. Because of the time I’d spent at the loft, it seemed the refrigerator was better named the beer cooler than a food holder. These guys spent ninety-nine percent of the time surviving on take out and alcohol, according to their trashcan.

“We’re full of surprises like that,” Caleb replied with a laugh, appearing
unoffended by my ribbing. “Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my girl starve?”

I laughed. “I’m capable of cooking a meal myself, you know.”

“I do know that. I love it when you cook for me. Some of your mom’s skill has rubbed off on you, I think.” He squeezed my shoulders gently. “Your mom is pretty awesome. Your dad too, for that matter.”

Smiling, I nodded. “I have to agree. I couldn’t have been born into a better family.”

We walked in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. “Your parents are some of the few, rare examples that really make me believe in marriage.”

His comment caught me by surprise. “Seriously?” I’d never heard him talk like this.

“Well, my parents certainly haven’t been the poster children for it,” he said wryly. “My real mom ran off with another guy—not that I blame her, entirely, for that. My dad is a piece of work. And he and Danica . . . ,” He let the sentence trail off, not needing to explain any further.

“So
, you’re not a big fan of marriage I take it?” For some reason, my heart fell slightly at his words. Despite how loving he was to me, he seemed very jaded when it came to the big picture.

“Oh, I’m sure I could be a fan, if it was with the right person. But
, I think the next logical step for me would be to ask someone to move in with me first, just to see how things work out. I’d want them to have a chance to try me out and make sure I’m what they really wanted.”

“Makes sense,” I replied, feeling downcast and a bit jealous
at the way he described this mystery someone. I wasn’t even going to lie to myself. I wanted it to be me. Maybe this was more of a fling for him, but I really couldn’t imagine him leading me on that way. Maybe he didn’t want to take a chance on ruining our lifetime of friendship.

“Do you think you’d ever be willing to do something like that?” he asked, and my heart started racing. What was he saying?

“Something like what? Living with someone before I was married?”

He nodded, glancing down at me.

“I’ve never really thought about it before now. I suppose so, if I was really in love with them. I mean, my parents lived together for a year before they got married. It seems to have worked well for them. Why?”

“Just wondering
.” He smiled. Dropping his arm away from me, he stepped ahead to open the door to his apartment building, ushering me inside and into a waiting elevator.

“I’ve had a great time with you today.”

“Not bad for an impromptu first date, was it?” He grinned widely, hugging me to him as he kissed the top of my head.

“Not bad at all. I may even consider going out with you again
, if you ask nice.” We stepped off the elevator onto his floor and walked to the door.

“You’re talking about our next date and we haven’t even finished our first one yet.”

Opening the door, we stepped inside and my attention was immediately riveted on the dining room table. It was covered with a red tablecloth and two flickering taper candles in the center, an empty vase, with a small amount of water, strategically set between them. Two plates, with disposable napkins, sat on either side of the table and soft rock music played in the background.

Caleb hurried over to the oven and pulled out a
pizza box. “Bon appetite!” he said, sliding the box onto the counter. He looked very pleased with himself.

“You little sneak! You’ve been texting with the guys all this time, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” he replied, sheepishly, removing the flowers from my arms and depositing them into the vase. “I hope pizza is okay. By the time I thought of doing this, it was the best I could do on short notice.”

“It’s perfect!” I exclaimed, my stomach growling in agreement. I was quite delighted with this surprise.

“Sorry we don’t have a whole lot of time to enjoy it before we have to get ready.” He apologized.

“Don’t worry.” Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, dragging him closer. “It’s perfect.” Searching his eyes, I smiled. “You’re perfect too.”

“No, I’m not,” he said seriously. “I’m just a guy who’s in love with you.” Bending the rest of the way down, his lips met mine and he kissed me thoroughly.

***

The thick letter was waiting for me on the table when I got home from school the next day. I knew immediately what it was.

“Looks like you’ve heard back from the admissions office
at Cal State,” my mom said, stepping from the kitchen and watching me eyeing the envelope. “Are you going to open it or stare at it all day?”

Nerves shook me as I carefully tore it open and started reading the cover page.

“Dear Annalisa Vasquez,

Thank you for your application to attend California State University
, Northridge. We are please to inform you that you’ve been accepted into our music program . . . ,”

My mom’s squeal interrupted me as she hurried over to hug me. “Baby, I’m so excited for you. I know that’s supposed to be a really good school.”

“Thanks, Mom. But I’ve already kind of decided
to stay here at UW. The band is here and I want to keep singing with them. And Caleb is here too.”

“I know. I figured you’d say as much
; and your dad and I have no problem with that, either. We simply want you to continue your education, wherever it may be. I’m excited you have choices now. It’s about time someone recognized how talented my daughter is! I often wish your grandpa were still alive. He’d love to know he passed his musical talent on to you.”

“I miss him and Grandma,” I said with a nostalgic sigh. Even though he’d died when I was fairly young, I still had very fond memories of my “Papa.”
Our family wasn’t overly religious, but we did believe in God and an afterlife. I liked to imagine Papa and Grandma were happily reunited somewhere and watching over us.

“So do I
, sweetie. So do I.”

“I really hate death,” I said with a sigh. “Why do people have to die? Why can’t we all exist forever, living happily together?”

“I don’t know.” Concern filled my mom’s face as she stared at me, brushing a hand over my cheek. “I know things have been terribly rough for you lately. I’ve been worried about you and Caleb both. How’re you holding up?”

“Not so great. I keep having nightmares about Jessi. And I still find myself picking up my phone to text her
, and then I remember she’s gone. Every time I see a girl with blond hair like hers, I find myself trying to pretend it’s her and imagine that everything is okay again.”

She hugged me. “Oh, honey. I wish there was some
way I could take this all away from you. I miss her too.”

Tears leaked from my eyes. “I want to know
why
she did it.
Why
? There had to be a reason. And
why
didn’t she tell any of us about it? It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“It’s obvious Jessi wasn’t in her right mind, Anna. Sometimes people do crazy things when they get like that. But
, I agree with you. I hate knowing she was silently suffering too.”

“How do I make it stop hurting
?” I asked, resting my head on her shoulder.

“It won’t ever stop hurting, I’m afraid. But
, maybe it would help if you focused on your happy memories of her, when she was alive, instead of fixating on her death so much.” She stroked my hair softly. “I often wonder if she really knew the damage she’d leave behind, if she would’ve gone through with it. It’s been hard to watch you and see what’s happening to Caleb and Danica. They’ve both suffered so much because of her decision.”

“Caleb texted me today
, at school. He told me they moved her to a mental health facility. How long do you think she’ll be there?”

She shook her head, dropping her arms away from me. “I don’t know. Right now she can’t seem to grasp reality. There were moments when I
was with her, yesterday, where she almost seemed lucid; but then she would start asking where Jessi was. I don’t think her mind can handle the truth. It shut down to protect her.”

“Has Hank tried to come see her?” I followed her into the kitchen, noting the delicious smells coming from the oven.

“No. But I think Caleb made it pretty clear to him that he wasn’t welcome there.”

“He did?” I asked, shocked. “When did this happen? He didn’t mention it to me.”

“This morning. Caleb called him from the hospital to fill him in on what had been going on. Hank didn’t seem to care too much. They had quite the shouting match on the phone and Caleb had to go outside to finish the call so he wouldn’t upset Danica.”

Sighing heavily, I shook my head. “He hates his dad so
much. I can’t even imagine what that’s like.”

“It
has never been a good relationship, that’s for sure. I don’t think I’ve ever seen animosity like that between a father and son before.”

“I wish I had time to go see him tonight before he goes to work, but I have a ton of homework I need to do.” Irritation flooded through me. I was glad graduation was almost here. I was ready to be done with high school and move on with my life.

“Why don’t you go give him a call and check on him? I’m sure he’d appreciate hearing your voice. He’s had a rough day.”

I glanced at the clock. “He’s probably sleeping right now. I’ll send him a text and tell him to call me when he wakes up. He needs the rest. Thanks for all you and
Dad have done to help him out, Mom.”

“Any time, sweetie. He’s like our kid too. We love him.”

Smiling softly, I nodded. “So do I.”

“I know,” she added. “And he loves you. Just keep being there for him. Things are tough right now, but you’ll both get through
it; I promise.”

I hoped she was right.