TEEN MOM TELLS ALL (5 page)

My great grandmother,
grandmother and mother were all single parents. They all had one
boy and one girl by the time they reached 20. I followed the
pattern
EVEN THOUGH I WAS ADOPTED INTO
ANOTHER FAMILY AS AN INFANT
. I got
pregnant at 16 and again at 19. I had one boy and one girl. Not a
coincidence to me. I’ll tell you why. My daughter is 18 years old,
graduating from high school and she is not pregnant. Why? One
reason is that I spent an enormous amount of time telling her about
teen pregnancy, consequences, and pointing out how it has hampered
the forward momentum of women in OUR BLOODLINE. What’s on the news
is news, what’s in books is books, but this particular issue
clings to our female family members
for some reason. I told her you have to fight
it, and you
have to fight it now.
It was an all out war on her self-esteem from
middle school. I could see her battling with it, but we worked at
it. Helping her to feel good about herself and celebrating her
uniqueness. She had to accept being rejected by schoolmates. She
made up her mind that worth and value does not come from the
outside. It comes from within.

Discussions about sexuality started during her
middle school years. Although those talks were necessary, I kept
them light and progressed according to her level of inquisition.
Because of our families history, it was important to attack
pregnancy, STD’s and low-self esteem early on. I had to give it to
her straight. Sex does not convey love. A sweet whisper in your ear
that you are beautiful or “the one and only” does not mean it’s
true. Most often we went through consequences of her actions. She
had to imagine what it was like to be left with the responsibility
of a baby. Fortunately, because I was a single parent her memory
bank fueled the conversations. She saw me making the trips to
social services, to the court houses, riding the many buses,
hunting for jobs, searching for babysitters, going through college,
moving from place to place, crying at night, frustrated during the
day, and not having much assistance through it all.

I made her think about herpes,
chlymidia, and HIV. Life tied to a doctor’s office didn’t sound
appealing. I made her think about life dating a drug dealer. How
many bullets would she dodge? How many trips to the prison would
she make? How many times would her house get raided? I worked to
convey the message of
“permanent
damages”
when she made choices. Often
times, there’s no going back and undoing damage. Especially when it
comes to matters of the heart. Love is a strong force whether it’s
“puppy” or adult. I’ve seen kids steal and kill for people they
love. I’ve also seen them pay with the rest of their lives. I hope
you hear. We’ve got to cut these behaviors off at the root
WHICH IS IN THE MIND.

Prevention is key. Childhood is the time where
learning begins. Children are impressionable; just like sponges.
Why not feed them principles for living that will last them a
lifetime?

Take the time to assess what barriers have existed
for YOUR family. What seems to afflict your female family members?
What seems to afflict the male family members? What is the
mentality that drives the bad decision making side of the house?
Are there certain behaviors being taught by family members as
acceptable, although contrary to societal and moral laws? Does your
family have moral boundaries? It’s definitely healthier to adopt a
moral code if you don’t have one.

All the love you feel inside for your children,
siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members, show it
by educating them about your experiences. Successes, failures, and
painful memories. Don’t hide it, cover it up, or keep it hush,
hush. Tell it in all love and humility. You’ll preserve another
generation.

Chapter Two

M
ONEY

T
ALKS

The road to financial stability includes
examining spending habits. Owing money to companies for clothes,
shoes, and electronics is not wise. Clothes, shoes, and electronics
do not earn interest nor have a resale value. Eventually, the
clothes go out of style, the shoes wear out and the electronics
become outdated. Even financed trips, and vacations taken at the
wrong time can cost you years of worrying about repayment.

Here are some common sources of debt
accumulation. Much of the debt could’ve been avoided if the shopper
would wait, save some cash, or pass up buying unnecessary
items.

Rental Stores.
Renting furniture, TV’s, appliances waste money.
By the time the entire rental agreement is paid, the buyer has paid
2-3 times what the items are worth. And what happens if some
payments are missed? The items are repossessed and all the money
invested is lost. The rental store can re-rent the items to another
individual and collect fees.

Please Note: After items have been rented a
few times, they are sometimes sold wholesale for cash. Save money,
then visit a rental store and ask to see their wholesale items.

A simple strategy is to save the money that
would be paid weekly on a rented television, and pay cash for one.
If you really can’t afford a big screen television, don’t buy one.
Trying to impress people isn’t worth being in debt. If you can’t
afford furniture, put pillows on the floor and call it China
Town!

Mail Order
Catalogs.
Ordering items through the mail
does not free you from having to pay the bill. Some people believe
that they can avoid mail order collection calls and throw the
payment notices away. Don’t be sucked in to the advertisements. NO
MONEY DOWN, NO PAYMENTS FOR 4 MONTHS! It sounds good, but when its
time to pay, will you be ready? If you like to order, but hate to
pay STOP ORDERING! Don’t destroy your future ability to buy a
house, or get a business loan because of a $600 outstanding mail
order clothing bill.

Abandoned
Property/Apartments.
Leasing property and
apartments means being accountable for the entire amount of the
lease and property maintenance. Property managers want to collect
the full amount of the lease even if you abandon the property. They
also want the property left in ideal condition and if it isn’t, the
repairs are charged to you. Unpaid balances on lease agreements and
repairs end up on the credit report. Abandoning apartments and
rental houses also produces bad rent references. Property
management companies will be reluctant to rent property to an
individual who abandons property. They check past rental history to
approve rental agreements.

Broken lease agreements can be a result of
relationships gone sour. Remember whoever is on the lease has sole
responsibility for making rental payments. A roommate, whose name
is not on the lease, can leave at any time without any financial
responsibility. Also, the lessee can evict a roommate at will.
Verbal commitments will not uphold when dealing with unrecorded
living arrangements. Two names on the lease means if the
relationship falls apart, both parties are still responsible for
the payments. Delinquent or non-payments of rent will appear on
both credit records. Judgments will also appear for any unpaid
property damage.

A simple strategy is to make a roommate
accountable by legitimately adding them to the lease. If your
potential roommate is not responsible, think twice about getting
into an agreement with them.

Also, try to avoid illegal house sharing
especially if your residence is subsidized or section 8 housing. It
cuts down on confusion and avoids unnecessary evictions.

Defaulted Student
Loans.
Student loans servicing centers
provide many opportunities for recipients to make payment
arrangements. They offer forbearance periods of up to 3 years.
Communicating with them is what they ask. Throwing away the payment
notices and never contacting their office, does not eliminate the
debt. The interest rates on these loans are low and small payments
can eliminate them quickly. Letting the loan go into default
destroys credit rating.

Overrun Bank
Accounts.
Writing bad checks and letting
them overdraft your account is costly. Paying $30 per occurrence
can get expensive. Even worse is to close the account, and never
clear up the charges. The bank communicates your irresponsibility
to other banks. Being barred from opening other accounts is very
likely. Stealing from a bank is not wise. At some point in the
future, you will probably desire to have an account. Make payment
arrangements for money owed on an over-drafted account. Don’t try
to avoid reimbursing the bank for overdrafts.

Chapter Three

I
NTIMACY
&

S
ELF

C
ONCEPT

This subject requires being put into the
context we are discussing. Social decision-making is our topic.
Decisions about sexuality have a direct effect on the future.

Living a promiscuous lifestyle has its
risks. I meet many people who talk about how fun that lifestyle is
and within a four-month period they experience depression,
frustration, disappointment or all of the above. Promiscuity also
contributes to low-self worth and a negative self-image. A person
who feels used, (even when they don’t admit it), develops defense
mechanisms and self-hatred. Then a hateful, rebellious,
disrespectful, defensive anti-social attitude arises. It also
becomes easier for that person to participate in self-destructive
activities such as drug abuse and prostitution. Conflicts can arise
between partners who haven’t been honest about their sexual
activity with other people. Fights, assaults, and murders can stem
from the lies and deceit of promiscuity.

Ex. Two ladies on a mutual job site
discover that they have both been sexually involved with the same
partner. They start an argument, and fight at a job site. The man
is not at the site, but lives in same neighborhood as the women.
Since they decide to argue and fight, both ladies are taken to
central booking and lose their jobs. (This situation can also be
vice versa for men.)

What has been gained? Nothing. What has
been lost? Employment history and a job reference for both
ladies.

Unprotected sex is a dangerous thing. For
some reason, people still aren’t getting the message that knowing
someone a long time, or having grown up together, does not exclude
them from carrying a STD. Many individuals’ dreams are shattered by
relationships with people THEY KNOW. Decisions about sexuality
affect your career choices, income, mental state, and future
plans.

• Career management classes can’t help anyone
  who is constantly depressed
  

• Job placement can’t help someone who has to
  quit because of childbirth.
  


It’s hard to save money when
childcare expenses keep coming.

Career plans and
objectives will always be delayed or never achieved when there are
no boundaries set in your private life.
UNPROTECTED SEX LEADS TO THE SAME THING IT ALWAYS HAS:
UNPLANNED PREGNANCY AND DISEASE.
Both of
these affect your income and career in one-way or
another.

Ladies and Gentlemen, what are your careers
and personal goals worth to you? Parents, what are your children’s
futures worth to you? Are they worth sacrificing over today’s risky
sexual choices?

Take a minute and think over the choices
you’ve made repeatedly in your lifetime. Identify the pattern of
behavior and their results. Then answer these questions:

• Are you satisfied with what your life has
  produced over the past years?
  

• What consequences have you already dealt
  with because of your choices?
  

• Do you see areas where your sexual
  behaviors have controlled and dominated your career and income
  potential?
  

• Are you concerned about personal
  safety?
  

Once you answer these questions, then you
can make a written commitment to change choices if necessary and
anticipate the results of the new behavior.

PAST

Choices Results

TODAY

Choices Results

You

What about you? Do you have interests
beyond daily duties and pressures? How do you want your life to
look like in 2 years? 5 years? Do you know what you’re looking for
in a relationship? A friend? A husband/wife? Another person won’t
respect you if your goals aren’t established. NO GOALS, NO
BOUNDARIES - NO BOUNDARIES, NO RESPECT - NO RESPECT, NO FUTURE.

It’s a terrible thing not to have personal
plans for yourself. Personal dreams, educational goals or career
plans should be considered as you make personal decisions. Everyday
hustle and bustle doesn’t readily allow time to plan and create for
the future. You have to make the time. In relationships, living
without a purpose, makes it easy for another person to come along
and drag you into their plan. Consequently, you may find yourself
giving all, (body, mind, and soul) and received nothing. Your
personal goals and dreams can go unfulfilled year after year while
clinging to someone else’s. What a bad feeling to find out the
relationship you thought was you’re a ticket out, was actually a
ticket deeper in!