Taste of Reality (27 page)

“I told you. I thought about you.”

“You didn’t do anything else?”

“I went to the store, by the dealership to see my dad and by the house to see my mom. But I still thought about you the entire time.”

“Well, I haven’t been out of the house all day.”

“I wish you had called me when you got home last night, so we could have discussed what happened.”

“I don’t think we
should
discuss it,” I said, wondering how we ended up on this subject.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because it shouldn’t have happened.”

“How can you say that when I know you enjoyed me as much as I enjoyed you.”

He was right, but I hated that he knew the way I was feeling.

“Is my perception correct?” he continued.

“I’d rather not say.”

“You don’t want to say because you know I’m right.”

“What we did last night was wrong, and me calling you on the phone is wrong.”

“Then why did you?”

“Why did I call?”

“No, why did you make love to me the way you did last night?”

“I can’t answer that.”

“You did it because you couldn’t help yourself. You did it because you’re in love with me. And if you’d just admit that to yourself, things would be a lot easier for both of us.”

I wanted to. I really did. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, because it wasn’t even the fact that I was still married to David. It was something deeper than that. It was the color thing that I kept playing over and over like a tape recorder.

When I didn’t respond, he said, “Anise, why don’t you drive over here so we can talk about this in person?”

“You know I can’t.”

“You can if you want to. And I know you want to, so what else is stopping you?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Please, Anise. I need to see you. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want, but I really need to see you.”

“I shouldn’t have called.”

“I’m sorry if I sound like a pest, but when a man loves a woman the way I love you, I don’t see how he can help it.”

I kept quiet.

“Anise, I love you so much,” he said.

My heart raced, and I felt like melting.

“I need time to think things through,” I tried to explain.

“Okay, but can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Have you ever felt with anyone else the way you felt last night with me?”

Why was he asking me the question I’d already answered in my mind as soon as we’d finished making love? But I didn’t want to lie, so I didn’t see any other choice except telling him the truth.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Then don’t fight me on this. Get your keys, and drive over here. You’re alone and so am I, but we don’t have to be.”

He did have a point.

“What if things don’t work out between us?” I asked.

“They will.”

“But what if they don’t?”

“They will, but if for some reason they don’t, then we accept it like we would any other problem.”

I sighed, not knowing what to do.

“I won’t pressure you about anything. All I want is to see you.”

“I’m warning you, Frank, if you try to take things too far again, I’m leaving.”

I tried to sound convincing, but I knew he didn’t believe a word I said.

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“I’ll see you in an hour,” I said.

“I’ll be waiting.”

I pressed the off button, sat the phone on the arm of the chair and wondered why I was so eager to make things hard on myself.

I
KNOW
you don’t like it, but you wanted to know, so I told you,” I said to Monica. We’d gone to church as planned, and Mom had met us afterward for dinner at Ledora’s, the only soul food restaurant in Mitchell. I still hadn’t told Mom about Frank, but when we were alone again I’d told Monica. Now she was out here on the patio firing rocket missiles at me. Which is what I had anticipated.

“A white man, Anise? Are you out of your doggoned mind?”

“No, I’m not. I know exactly what I’m doing. I had my reservations when I went to dinner with him, and then again on Friday at his house, but after last night, I know that I’m in love with him. I didn’t plan for this to happen, but it did.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“What’s not to believe?”

“That you’re actually seeing a white man. I mean, it’s bad enough that you’re seeing someone on the rebound, without being divorced, but this is the worst of all.”

“Why should it matter what color he is? It’s like Mom says, if a man treats you good, what difference does it make if he’s white, red or blue?”

“So your mom already knows about all this?”

“No.”

“Well, since she doesn’t care about color, why haven’t you told her?”

“Because I just haven’t.”

“You haven’t told her because you don’t know how she’s going to react. It’s one thing to say you don’t mind interracial dating, but it’s another when your own daughter is doing it.”

“Mom isn’t hypocritical like that. If she has an opinion, it stands for everything and everybody. And you know that.”

“I still don’t believe you’re telling me this. I’m so glad Marc isn’t here, because he has the same crazy idea that you do,” she said, referring to her husband, who’d gone to visit one of his frat brothers since Monica and I had important issues to discuss. “For some strange reason, he believes that any two people of any race can live happily ever after.”

“And he’s right.”

“But think of all the problems you’re going to have to struggle with.”

“Every couple has problems.”

“But the problems that interracial couples have are much different.”

“And we’ll deal with them.”

“Like I said, I can’t believe you’re telling me this.”

“Well, it’s true, and you may as well get used to it, Monica, because this is how it’s going to be.”

“I’m never going to get used to you messing around with a man whose ancestors raped our own.”

“Monica, please. How many years ago was that? Huh?” I was becoming irritated. “And what does that have to do with Frank?”

“It has everything to do with him. You’re just in denial about it.”

“What is there to deny? His ancestors did some things he’s not responsible for. Plain and simple.”

“I just can’t believe this.”

“How many times are you gonna say that?”

“Until you stop seeing him.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen, and what I need is for you to support me on this. You and I have been like sisters since forever, so I know you’re not going to turn your back on me now.”

“I’m not turning my back on you, Anise. I’m just trying to get you to see what a huge mistake you’re making.”

“I can see right now that this conversation is going to be a no-win situation.”

“I think you should tell your mom about this.”

“I’ll tell her when the time is right.”

“Didn’t she go to your aunt’s after we left the restaurant?”

“Yeah. So?”

“I think you should call over there and talk to her. This is more serious than I think you realize.”

“I’m not calling Mom about this because I’ve already decided that I’m not going to tell her until my divorce is final.”

“You’re making a big mistake.”

“Well, if I am, then I’ll be the one who suffers the consequences, won’t I?”

I was furious and Monica noticed my tone.

“Look. I’m sorry. You do what you have to,” she said, just as irritated. “It’s your life.”

“Exactly. Which is why I didn’t come over here to ask your opinion. I came to share with you what’s going on in my life. I know you don’t agree with what I’m doing, but I still expected you to be here for me no matter what.”

“Like I said, I’m sorry. But you’ve really caught me off guard with this.”

“I realize that, but I can’t help that I’ve fallen in love with someone other than a black man. And I know it’s wrong to see any man while I’m still married, but if David hadn’t betrayed me, I never would have allowed myself to open up to anyone else. I was vulnerable, and to a certain extent, I was looking for anyone to fill the void I was feeling. David made me feel ugly, but Frank kept insisting I was beautiful. He calls me beautiful every time he greets me, and I feel like I’m on top of the world when he does that.”

“So what does Frank look like?” Monica finally broke down and asked.

“He’s Italian, and he’s gorgeous.”

“Really, now?”

“Yes. And, Monica, girl, he makes me feel like I’ve never been in love with anyone else. I thought I loved David, but now I know that what we had was so superficial. It was based on status and a lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with intimacy.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It was, but now I’m feeling a lot better.”

“You haven’t slept with him yet, have you?”

I turned my head away from Monica and glanced across their backyard.

“Anise? Please don’t make me have a heart attack out here.”

“Okay. Then I won’t answer your question.”

“You didn’t? Please don’t tell me you slept with this man after only being with him a couple of times?”

“Well, I did.”

“Not you? Not the person who criticized every girl in college who slept with someone she hardly knew?”

“Things change and so do people.”

“I’ll say they do. Because the Anise I’ve known most of my life is not the same one sitting next to me right now.”

“I’m the same, just wiser.”

“I hope so. Because you’re going to need all the wisdom you can get to deal with this.”

“I’m going to need it to deal with everything. My divorce, my relationship with Frank and my issues with Reed Meyers.”

“And what exactly are you planning to do about Reed Meyers, anyway?” she asked in a less combative tone, and I could tell she was still concerned about my job situation.

“I’m planning to beat them at their own game without filing a claim with EEOC or filing a lawsuit in court. Actually, part of the reason I went to visit Frank was because I needed him to help me obtain some confidential information from the corporate system. But I wasn’t planning on falling for him the way I did so quickly. So when that happened, I didn’t have the heart to ask him to help me. He even offered when I was at his house on Friday, but I didn’t feel comfortable. I love him, and I don’t ever want to give him the impression that I’m using him.”

“You are so caught up. I’ve never seen you like this with any man. Not even with David.”

“I told you, no one can compare to Frank. He’s one of a kind and in my heart I know we were meant to be together.”

“What about his family? What do they have to say about all of this?”

“His parents don’t care who he dates so long as he’s happy. Thank you very much.”

“Hey, I’m just asking, because I don’t want to see you going through a lot of changes because of this decision you’re making.”

“The only person who can’t accept it is you.”

“It sounds like I don’t have a choice
but
to accept it, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“That’s all I’m asking. You’re supposed to be my friend, and friends don’t judge each other.”

“I agree, but I don’t want to see you get hurt either. You’ve already had to hear some derogatory comments from David, and those comments would be even more hurtful if they ever came from Frank. Because somehow being called a black bitch by a black man is not the same as when a white man does it.”

“I don’t think Frank would resort to something like that.”

“If he became angry enough, you don’t know what he might say or do. You haven’t even known him long enough to know one way or the other.”

“And I’m not going to worry about any of that either. I’m going to take my chances with him the same way I took them with David. End of story.”

“Okay. You know what’s best.”

“I do, and I hope this doesn’t come between you and me.”

“Don’t ever think that. I have my opinions, but that has nothing to do with our friendship. I love you the same as I always have, and I’m here for you.”

“I’m not saying things will be easy, but being with Frank is what I want.”

“And I respect that.”

We chatted another hour about how she wanted to plan a surprise birthday party for Marc in a couple of months, and how she wanted to do the same thing for Tamia next year. Our lives were so different, yet we were as close as two women could be. We had our disagreements, but it never changed the way we felt about one another. Our friendship was bond, and no matter what, I knew Monica would be here to pick up the pieces if things didn’t work out, as I’d been there for her. I didn’t let on, but I knew she was right when she said I might get hurt. But there was also a chance that things would work out the way I wanted them to.

That, of course, is what I was counting on.

I didn’t bother waiting until I got home to call Frank. I called him from my cell phone instead, as soon as I left Monica’s subdivision.

“So did you sleep well after I left this morning?” I asked, and turned down my CeCe Winans CD so I could hear him.

“Yeah, I had to get at least
some
sleep, because you kept me up all night,” he said.

“Look who’s talking. I was the one who had to force myself
to get dressed and then try to stay awake in church once I got there.”

“So did you have a good time at dinner?”

“I did. And I’m just now leaving my friend Monica’s now.”

“Did you tell her about us?”

“Yes.”

“What’d she say?”

“She wasn’t too happy about it, but it’s mostly because she thinks our relationship can’t work, and that I’ll end up hurt.”

“But you won’t. I promise you that.”

“I hope not, because I don’t think I could handle being treated the way David treated me all over again.”

“Your husband is a jerk, if I must say so myself. And I would never treat any woman the way he’s treated you.”

I didn’t comment, but I prayed he was telling the truth.

“So what are you getting ready to do now?” he asked.

“I’m on my way to pick up some office supplies and then home, so I can go over some of the documents I pulled from the manufacturing system, and so I can start drafting the memo I’m going to give to the Big Three.”