Taste of Reality (18 page)

“We’ll see what happens, but if they give Kelli that job, I don’t see how you can just sit back and be happy.”

“Oh, don’t think I will for one minute.”

“Damn, Anise. When I first came over here, I was planning to ask you how it feels to be promoted, but stupid Kelli ruined the whole vibe.”

“I really don’t know how it feels. I’m happy on the one hand and discontented on another. Maybe I’ll feel fine once I’ve actually started the job. And when I’ve seen that first paycheck.”

“That’s the best part of all. And, hey, I know I gave you a hard time about applying for this, but I want you to know that I really am happy for you. I still don’t trust those bastards, but I’m glad you finally moved into management. That’s a major accomplishment, and I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“I hate Kelli for coming over here.” Lorna frowned. “I was feeling like I could dance the whole night away, but not anymore.”

“Yeah, you looked like you were having a pretty good time out there.”

“I was. But there still aren’t any decent men in here.”

“Is there ever a time when you’re not looking for a man,” I said, sipping on my virgin raspberry margarita.

“No. Not really,” she said, sipping from a beer mug and smiling. “You know, this music is a little loud even for me.”

“I was thinking the same thing earlier.”

“Elizabeth looks so happy, doesn’t she?”

“Yes, she does. She really wants to be with her parents, and I have the utmost respect for what she is doing.”

“So do I, but I would never do it,” Lorna said. “My parents treated my brother and me like shit. We always felt like we were in their way, and I think they regretted having both of us. So when it comes time for them to be taken care of, I hope they die instantly, because otherwise I don’t know who’s going to do it.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say,” I said.

“Maybe it is, but if you knew what I went through as a child, you wouldn’t question me.”

“I guess.”

We sat and listened to the music for a few minutes, but I soon became tired of competing with it.

“I’m going to say good-bye to Elizabeth and head home,” I said.

“Not me. I’m here until everyone else leaves.”

“Figures,” I said, smiling and hugging Lorna.

“You take care, and congratulations again on the promotion.”

“Thanks.”

I walked over to the crowd standing around Elizabeth. Half my coworkers needed designated drivers, which I thought was unfortunate on a weeknight. But who was I to say one way or the other. These were grown people.

“Anise!” Elizabeth beamed. She’d fallen into the drunken category as well. “You’re not getting ready to go, are you?”

“Yeah, unfortunately I am. But I wanted to come tell you how much I’ve enjoyed working for you, and that I wish you all the best in Wisconsin.”

“Thank you and congrats again on getting that promotion. Nobody deserves it more than you. I mean that.”

“Thanks. Well, I guess I’m out of here.”

“Okay,” she said, and we embraced.

I really was going to miss her, and we were both experiencing a sentimental moment.

“You take care of yourself,” she said, releasing me.

“I will, and you do the same,” I said, and saw Frank staring at me from across the room.

I was congratulated five additional times on my way out the door. The night air felt exhilarating, and the stars shone for miles. I walked slowly, because I was tired, but partly because I was sure Frank would follow behind me. It probably wasn’t such a good idea to be seen with him with so many Reed Meyers employees on the premises, but Frank usually didn’t care about that. I took a few more steps and turned around, but he was still nowhere in sight. I even sat inside my SUV longer than necessary before starting the engine. But he never showed. I waited a while longer and drove off in disappointment. I’d resisted him for the longest time, and maybe he’d decided that it wasn’t worth all the begging he was doing and that he wasn’t going to bother me any longer. I hoped I was wrong about all of this. Because deep down, I had to admit to myself that I needed the attention he was giving me.

I drove into Greenwood Estates, circled around to the cul-de-sac and pulled into my driveway. Multiple lights beamed from each of the twelve houses in our subdivision, but the area was still darker than I liked.

I continued into the garage and then into the house, but like every other time I didn’t come straight home from work, I forgot about the mail. I took off my blazer and laid it at the bottom of the staircase. Then I opened the front door, preparing to walk out to the mailbox, but stopped when I saw a huge bouquet of red roses right by the door.

I didn’t bother going to get the mail, but brought the flowers inside. I opened the tiny envelope and pulled out the card, which
said: “Congratulations on your promotion. We’re all so proud of you. The training department at Reed Meyers.”

What a nice gesture, I thought to myself, smiling.

But I was a bit confused, because I still didn’t know who’d sent them. Lorna would have signed her own name and probably would have sent them during the day so I could enjoy them at work. No, without a doubt, this was something a man would do. Which meant it had to be Frank. Although, it didn’t make a whole lot of sense for him to send me flowers and then keep his distance at the club. However, if it was him, I was glad he hadn’t signed his name on the card. I couldn’t help but wonder what David would have said had he been here to receive these. I mean, what if he’d casually dropped by for some reason? I knew that wasn’t the case, but I had always been a what-if kind of person. I always worried about what might or could be, because it was better to be too cautious rather than terribly sorry.

I took the flowers into the kitchen, removed the wrapping, put them in a vase and set them on the island. They were absolutely beautiful, and I was glad the heat hadn’t wilted them. Maybe they hadn’t been delivered until late, because I didn’t see how they could look so bright and alive when they’d been left outside.

I walked through the bedroom and into the master bath and filled the double Jacuzzi with bubbles and hot water. When it was ready, I undressed, stepped in, turned the jets on medium, closed my eyes and sighed with relief. This almost felt better than sex. Almost. Well, maybe not almost, but it would suffice for tonight, because there was nothing else. With the exception of the last time David and I had made love, which was now weeks ago, I couldn’t remember how long it had been or when I’d actually wanted to. We’d never been all that compatible, and he wasn’t the most attentive lover. I’d tried to have an orgasm while we had intercourse, but it never worked. Fifty percent of the problem had to do with him coming too quickly and the other fifty percent had to do with the
same reason. He wasn’t fond of foreplay, and when I suggested the idea of oral sex, he’d told me to forget it. He’d said it was filthy and unnatural, and that as much as he loved me, he would never
be able to do it. I’d been disappointed, because I still remembered how good it felt with my boyfriend from college. Lorna had told me that every white man she’d been with had taken care of her without any instructions, and I’d heard the same thing before from another white girlfriend of mine. Black men were funny about things like that, though. Not all of them, because some of them knew how to sex you up so well that you thought you were floating on Mars. But there were those few who basically got what they wanted and rolled over in a coma.

I leaned back in the tub and thought about Frank. I wondered if he was still at the club and why he hadn’t tried to communicate with me. Maybe I wondered about these things because I felt so alone. The house was too quiet, and even though David and I hadn’t been all that happy, it still felt good knowing someone else lived here. I tried not to think about Frank—I even tried not to
want
to think about him. But I just couldn’t help it. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to know what it was like to be held by him. I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone who seemed to really care for me. I didn’t know if his obsession was a good thing or not, because sometimes he came on a bit too strong, but I loved the way he gazed at me. I loved the attention he showered on me. I was beginning to realize how much I wanted him to drop by my office. I even looked forward to seeing him in the break room, and almost enjoyed hearing him beg me out to dinner. But the way
he’d acted at the party was so unlike him, almost as if he’d given up, and now I was feeling anxious.

I tried to relax my muscles, nerves and mind for a half hour longer, and then I drained the Jacuzzi, dried myself off and did all the other things I did after taking a nice long bath. I removed one of my short silk gowns from the dresser, pulled it over my head, folded
back the comforter on the bed and fluffed two pillows, one after the other. I turned on the television and satellite and did my usual scanning, but when I didn’t see anything, I searched for the continuous jazz channel and left it there. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, and as much as I tried not to, I thought about Frank. I knew he’d been the one to send me those flowers, and I had a mind to call him. I didn’t know if he was listed, but I knew directory assistance could tell me one way or the other. Which they did.

“Hello, Frank? It’s Anise.”

“I know.”

“I hope it’s okay that I’m calling.”

“It’s fine. Did you get the flowers?”

“Yes. And that’s why I’m calling, to thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome. And I hope you don’t mind that I sent them to your home.”

“No, not at all.”

“I figured you might get too many questions if I’d sent them to you at work.”

“I’m sure I would have.”

I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you go, but thanks again for the roses” was all I could say, because he sounded so distant. I was starting to feel nervous.

“You took the time to find my number, and now you’re already going to hang up?”

“Well, yeah. Because you don’t sound like you’re in the mood for talking.”

“It’s not that, but I began wondering today if I was bothering you so much that you were getting irritated with me. So when I saw you at the club, I figured I would leave you alone.”

“It’s not that you’re bothering me, it’s just that this whole thing is awkward considering the circumstances.”

“I know. You’re married.”

“Yes, I am. But I admit, it really is over between my husband and me. As a matter of fact, he’s probably going to file for a divorce.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I know none of this is easy.”

“No, it’s not, and it’s just a matter of time before people at work find out about it. Which is why I haven’t even told Lorna about my separation.”

“Lorna thinks the world of you, and she makes such a huge difference in my department,” he said.

“She’s good, and she’s got a lot of personality.”

“Yeah, she does have that.”

“Were you busy?” I asked, because I was at a loss for words again.

“No, actually, I just walked in maybe ten minutes before you called.”

“Were people from work still hanging out at Ricardo’s?”

“Yep. There were a few people who left when I did, but the rest of them were still getting ripped.”

“I can only take so much of that happy hour atmosphere, and then I have to go. It’s not that much fun when you don’t drink.”

“I know what you mean. I don’t mind drinking a beer or two every now and then, but getting sloppy drunk isn’t my thing.”

“Were Jim and Lyle still there when you left?”

“No, they walked out right after me, and the funny thing is, they don’t talk to me as much as they used to. Not long ago they were pumping me for an officer position, but I haven’t heard one thing about it in weeks. First Jim trusted me enough to try and talk you into taking my job if it opened up, and now he barely speaks to me.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know. It’s really strange.”

“Who knows with them. They’re both so unpredictable.”

“This is true. So,” he said, changing the subject, “did the flower shop do a good job with the arrangement?”

“Yes, it was beautiful. And just so you know, I was really happy when I read the card, too. It really made my day.”

“I’m glad I sent them then. I had Rose Blossoms deliver them as close to dusk as they could. They don’t close until seven, and the owner agreed to deliver them herself on her way home.”

We were both silent again, and I felt uneasy.

“So tell me Anise, why did you really call?”

“To thank you for the roses.”

“But you could have done that at work tomorrow morning, right?”

“Well, yeah. I guess,” I stumbled.

I wished he wouldn’t force me to the wire like this.

“Then tell me why you called. It’s not going to hurt anything.”

“Okay,” I said, breathing deeply. “I called because it really bothered me when you didn’t say anything to me the whole time we were at Ricardo’s.”

“You’re serious?”

“I am.”

“I wanted to. You know I did. But it’s like I told you, I didn’t wanna keep harassing you.”

“And there’s something else I need to confess. I hope I don’t regret it, but I want to be honest with you.”

“Okay.”

“You were right when you said part of the reason I don’t want to go out with you is because you’re white. I mean, my marriage is part of the reason, too, but the other definitely has to do with you being white. It’s not because I’m a racist, but it’s just that I’ve been treated so horribly by some of the white men I’ve worked for, and I don’t know if I could handle being stared at by every black and white person who sees us together in public. And the reason I know we’d be scrutinized is because I always take a double look myself whenever I see an interracial couple.”

“Really? Why do you think you do that?”

“I don’t know. I guess because it looks out of the ordinary. But don’t get me wrong; even though I’ve never dated a white person, I’ve never had a problem with anyone else doing it. I think two people have every right to see each other if they want to.”