Tanderon (26 page)

“Do you want me to come in and speak to the proctors?” he asked quietly, taking one of my hands in both of his. “They’re bound to be waiting for you.”

I shook my head slowly, smiling a little. “It’s something I have to handle now,” I told him gently. “You’d better be getting on back.”

He hesitated again, still holding my hand, then reluctantly let it go and straightened my tie.

“If you need anything, don’t forget where I am. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

He walked away then, turning once to wave while I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Pete had been right about Freddy, since it looked like it was all he could do to keep himself from locking me in his protecting arms. And that from a man who knew more of the grislier details of my work than Pete did. I shook my head to get rid of that picture before walking into the dimly lit hall that led to my quarters, and sure enough, Morrison and Olveri were there waiting for me.

“You just made it, Santee,” Morrison said, standing up from the edge of the OD’s desk where she’d been sitting. “How did the colonel’s lesson go? I’ll bet you aren’t as anxious as you were to pick up more demerits.”

“It wasn’t anything much,” I replied with a shrug, making sure my voice sounded distracted. “I hardly got to see the colonel. His sergeant lectured me for a while, then he came out and told me to remember his orders. Then he dismissed me, and I came back here.”

“You sound disappointed,” Olveri said with a frown. “What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know,” I said with another shrug. “More time with him, maybe. When he was punishing me this afternoon, I got to spend four whole hours with him.”

I had my eyes partially unfocussed, but I could still see them glance at each other.

“Morrison,” I said in a musing tone, “what sort of a family does he have? Is he married?”

“You can’t be serious!” Morrison blurted, she and Olveri both looking shocked.

“The colonel is married to his job! And even if he weren’t, he wouldn’t be interested in a kid!”

She’d said what I’d hoped she would, and that made it my turn to be shocked.

“I’m not interested in him that way,” I quickly assured her. “It’s just that – ”

“It’s just what?” Olveri pursued sharply when I cut the sentence short.

“You spoke to him about me,” I said to Morrison, ignoring the other woman. “What does he think of me?”

“What do you think he thinks of you?” Morrison demanded, her fists on her hips.

“You haven’t even been here a full day, and you’ve made more trouble than all the rest of the cadets put together!”

“I just wanted him to know that I was tough too,” I said miserably, hanging my head.

“But he doesn’t seem to care! He told me that the next time I got into trouble I’d be spanked. I wouldn’t mind if he did it himself, but he’d probably have someone else do it. Now I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean, ‘tough too’?” Olveri persisted. “And what do you have to do?

What does any other cadet do?”

“I’m not any other cadet,” I told her, adding bitterness to my voice and the eyes I raised to her. “I’m his daughter, but he won’t admit it. I don’t know much about him, but I want him to want me! I want to be near him, and feel that he’s proud of me!”

“Are you sure you’re his daughter?” Morrison asked in disbelief, looking shaken.

“You don’t look like him.”

“I have his red hair, don’t I?” I countered. I knew that Pete had been a redhead in his youth, and every bit of truth makes a story sounder. “And Mom said there was no doubt. She never wanted to talk about him, but she would smile when she remembered. There’s a picture Mom has of the two of them, and he’s looking at her so – so – approvingly! I just want him to look at me that way.”

There was deep silence for a full minute, then Morrison took over.

“Olveri, why don’t you take the rest of the rounds,” she said while keeping her attention on me. “I’ll catch up to you later.”

Olveri glanced at each of us then left without a word, and Morrison took my arm and led me back to the OD’s desk. She perched on the edge of it as she had earlier, and folded her arms.

“For someone who wants the colonel’s approval, you’ve been acting awfully strange,” she said. “Did you think he’d pat you on the head for quoting regulations at him? Or for earning more demerits than any other five cadets?”

“But he’s like that!” I protested. “I wanted him to see that I was like him.”

“He’s a full colonel and the boss around here, not a cadet on her first day,” she countered. “If you want him to start thinking about how nice it would be if you were related to him, you’ve got to be the best cadet around, not the worst. Every demerit you get pushes you farther away from him.”

“But what if I can’t be the best cadet?” I asked, pretending I was trying to keep the misery out of my voice. “He won’t ever want to know me then.”

“You – have – to – try!” she said, emphasizing each of the words. “I’ll give you all the help I can, but you have to do it yourself. No more wisecracks, no more ignoring orders, no more anything out of the way. Are you willing to do it?”

“I think I’m too much like him,” I muttered, shaking my head before meeting her gaze again. “All I can do is try.” Then I hesitated before adding, “Why are you being so nice to me after the way I spoke to you? Most other people wouldn’t bother.”

“I’m not most other people,” she responded with a shrug, her voice dry. “And anything I can do to make my job easier is to my own benefit. You’d better get to bed now. Morning comes early around here.”

“Okay… and thanks,” I said before walking to the door of my room. Then I turned and added, “I really will try.”

“Then you should make it,” she answered evenly with a nod. “Good night.”

I went on into the room and closed the door behind me, seeing that Elaine and Linda were already in bed but not asleep.

“It certainly took you long enough,” Linda said with acid dripping as I walked over to my bunk, then she grinned. “Did it hurt much?”

“Of course not,” I responded with a yawn as I stretched. “I haven’t been a virgin in a long while.”

Linda glared and turned away, so I gave her my back and started to undress. There was no way for me to change my character with these two, but it wasn’t necessary.

A proctor might come at me faster than was safe, but Elaine wasn’t the fighting type and Linda was too concerned over her manicure to stoop to baseness like that.

I’d just have to see to it that I soft-pedaled it with any other cadets I met. Some of them were bound to be the way I was first time around, and I didn’t need any challenges to ruin the work I’d done. Since it had been Morrison’s idea for me to behave, she’d be nothing but approving when I did. And even if she kept quiet, Olveri looked like the type to spread the word of my parentage far and wide.

Being the colonel’s daughter would have a few drawbacks, but not many proctors would try to push me too hard. The colonel could conceivably develop sudden fatherly interest in me, and military interest in anyone who gave me too hard a time. I had some pretty strong doubts about how smart I was being in going along with Pete’s idea, but he’d caught me in a weak moment and now I was committed. If things continued to go as well as they’d been going, that’s probably how the venture would end up – with me committed.

I threw my worn uniform onto my footlocker, then lit a cigarette and got into bed.

The sheets were cold, bringing up the thought of how nice it would be to find Val there waiting for me. Then I firmly put that thought aside for consideration at another time. If Val ever understood and accepted the fact that there could never be anything more between us than sex, it might be possible to work things out with him. Until then… I finished the cigarette and put it out, then turned over to get some sleep.

When the proctors came banging on our doors at 0500 on the dot, I almost turned out for calisthenics naked. I sleep in the raw because I can’t stand having anything choke me, and I barely remembered to grab a set of fatigues in time. After that I got shoes and socks on fast, and was one of the first out to the back of the barracks to line up. I was “trying.”

By the time everyone else made it, the proctors were walking up and down checking on the spacing. Just like the day before, Morrison and Olveri came through the muted dust and stopped in front of me.

“Dress up that line, Santee!” Morrison ordered, looking me over in disapproval. “I want to see you put a ruler to shame!”

I opened my mouth, glanced at her, then moved slightly even though I was just as well lined up as anyone else.

“Yes, ma’am,” I responded after I finished.

She stared at me for a moment with a slight smile on her lips, then she nodded.

“That’s just the way I want it to be,” she said. “See that you remember how it’s done.”

She and Olveri moved on, and I followed them with my eyes. If I’d been too good at taking orders even Morrison would have wondered, but I’d get lots better as the time passed. As long as it didn’t look like a miracle, no one should notice a thing.

They started the calisthenics, and anyone who was cold to begin with warmed up fast. I seemed to be in better shape than any of the other girls there, even if I hadn’t been out of a hospital bed for much more than a week. Even so, when 0600 rolled around I was happy to go back to shower and dress. The pain in my left shoulder was nearly gone, but my body had protested the exercise by producing a large number of aches that took turns coming and going. I didn’t like it, but also didn’t see much that could be done about it.

Since my chores had to be done and my bunk made before I left for morning parade, I went from exercising to rushing around. Thanks to that wonderful schedule I’d been blessed with, I would not be back to quarters until it was time to dress for evening parade. I made it with a couple of minutes to spare, then double-timed with everyone else to parade.

Elaine tried to join me on the way to the mess hall, but I told her gently that I had to hustle. I only had ten minutes to eat, and part of those ten minutes had to be used to get to my first class. As soon as I left her I shifted to overland travel mode, which really let me move.

I blew into the mess hall, found to my surprise that my breakfast was already waiting, then wasted no time swallowing it. I was just about finished by the time Pete got there, and was able to leave after he sat down. He stared at me on my way out, and I gave him a cow-eyed look. Let him wonder what it meant.

I still ended up being late to class, due to the trouble I had convincing a guard that I was supposed to be in the classrooms building at that early hour. When I walked into the room I’d been assigned to, it was empty except for a short, broad, male proctor.

“You’re three minutes late,” he said, tapping his wrist. “Two demerits. Up front and put your hand out.” I walked to him slowly, and put out my left hand without commenting. “That isn’t the hand you use to write with, is it?” he asked.

“No, sir,” I answered, paying careful attention to the expression that reached my eyes. He took his tickler and gave me two sharp raps with it, then gestured to the side of his desk.

“Pick up a notebook and pen and grab a seat,” he directed, throwing the tickler back on his desk. “You have a series of tapes to watch, and you’re required to take notes.

Move it.”

I got the book and pen and then went to sit down. Wire recorders were never used for taking notes since they would have made things too easy. He started the tape, and I was overjoyed to see that it was titled, “The Benefits of Discipline.” I could hardly wait for the rest of the series.

The day continued the way it had started. I rushed from place to place, but I wasn’t late again and didn’t pick up any more demerits than anyone else. When I reported for extra study at 1700 hours, they had to dig to find something as I still had no trouble with class work. I finally got back to quarters at 1745, feeling more strung out than I had in a long time.

“Hi, Diana,” Elaine said as I walked in. “I missed seeing you all day. Hey, what happened to your hands?”

I looked down at my reddened hands and shrugged.

“I got hit with some dishwashing after lunch, and that water was a little hotter than I’m used to.” What I didn’t add was that that job had to be somebody’s idea of being cute. They’d had to turn on one of the dishwashers only half full. “We can talk after I shower, Elaine. I really need it this time.”

She nodded sympathetically, so I grabbed a towel and headed straight for the showers. The long rows of stalls were deserted, and it didn’t take long before I was out of my clothes and under the hot water. At least that was one good thing about the Academy: no matter how short on the rest of the amenities it was, it never ran out of hot water.

I had all of five minutes to luxuriate, but I spent most of it remembering the one class I hadn’t minded that day. It was called “Federation Progress,” and I hadn’t appreciated it the first time I’d been at the Academy. I’d assumed then that it was nothing more than an attempt at propaganda spreading and had dismissed it from consideration. But the officer who taught it this time was a surprise in his own right as well as in the way he taught the course. His name was Captain Ellis, and he was short, thin, and balding, with the sort of narrow face that usually means a waspish temper.

I’d turned in my class card when I’d been motioned to, and took the seat I was assigned with the thought that a lecture on the glories of the Federation’s forward steps was likely to put me to sleep. I yawned behind my hand until everyone had been seated, then Captain Ellis moved to the front of his desk and leaned back against it.

“Although this course is formulated to consider Federation progress,” he’d said in an unexpectedly mild and mellow voice, “I propose that we begin from the other side of the coin, so to speak. The Federation has many beautiful, fully developed planets to its credit, but what about failures? Are there any dismal, better-hidden backwaters to consider, or is the Federation perfect?”

Most of us smiled at the thought of the Federation being perfect, but no one volunteered an answer.