TALES FROM WITCHWAY WOOD: Crash 'n' Bang (21 page)

Within seconds, the grassy field was a mudbath. Puddles formed and joined up with each other. The crowd turned their backs on the stage and began pushing and shoving and splashing their way over the slippery ground towards the gates like a stampede of wildebeests in soggy sunhats. The judging panel deserted their table and fled towards the shelter of the Celebrity Tent which, being flimsy as well as glittery, promptly collapsed on top of them.

The Boys hesitated. The stage was open to the elements. It was already covered with a slick of water. Rain hammered down on their heads and on their instruments. Their Moonmad T-shirts were dishcloths. Tallula’s hair was a bedraggled mess. Rain filled their eyes, flooded their ears and streamed off their noses. But – this was their moment. Nothing was going to take it away from them.

‘A one!’ shouted Arthur.

‘A two!’ yelled O’Brian.

‘A one, two, three!’ shrieked Filth.

And they began to play.

My, did they play! They played better than they had ever played in their lives. This was Crash ’n’ Bang and it crashed and banged like nothing you’ve ever heard before. It was fire, it was sparks, it was excitement. It rose above the sound of the rain and it exploded! The drums smashed, the piano rumbled, the penny whistle twinkled and soared. And then, to add to the glory of it all – Tallula sang.

‘
I used to be a loner,

I used to be a freak,

I used to be a moaner,

I used to be a geek . . .
’

TT hurtled on to the stage. He just couldn’t help it. He stood with his arms outstretched, swaying in time.

‘Yeah!’ he shouted. ‘Crash ’n’ Bang! Yeeeeeaaah!’

‘
But since I started singing,

My life has changed and how!

I used to be a Werewolf but I’m all right now.
’

Chip was onstage now, eyes ablaze, jigging from side to side with his knuckles rapping the floor.

‘UH!’ he roared. ‘UH, UH, UH!’

‘
I’m all right noooooooow!

Yes, I’m all right nooooooow!

I can growl, I can bite,

But I can sing, so that’s all right,

Used to be a Werewolf but I’m

All right now! Take it away, boys!
’

And the Boys took it away. They took it away further than they had ever taken it before. Arthur forgot about all the little annoyances he had endured over the course of the last week. O’Brian forgot about the curse. Tallula forgot about her frock. And Filth? Well, he only cared about his drums anyway.

It didn’t matter that it was raining. It didn’t matter that they were playing to a deserted field. It didn’t matter that there was no one to judge them. All that mattered was the music – the tightness of the drum rhythms, the perfection of the piano chords, the magical interweaving of the penny whistle. Crash ’n’ Bang. That was what mattered.

But, wait. A deserted field? Let’s look again.

Standing right before the stage was a ragbag collection of – what –
fans
?

Yes. Fans. Friends, family, supporters. All swaying and grinning and tapping their feet, holding umbrellas and waving a huge banner. The letters were running badly but you could still read them.

GO BOYS! WE’RE WITH YOU!

Who are they, these lovely supporters who had organised a coach to bring them all the way to Sludgehaven to spring such a wonderful surprise? I will tell you.

Sludgegooey. Charlene, Jemella and Roxanne. Arthur’s mum. O’Brian’s fourteen brothers. Spag Yeti. Conf Yeti. Chip’s cousin Rocky, who he hadn’t seen in years. Helpful Bob. TT’s Aunty Maureen, who had given him Gareth. Even Tallula’s Werewolf friend Shirley, who she had lost touch with after the hairbrush row. And there was one other.

Standing slap bang in the middle of the line was a Fairy. A Fairy with delicate little wings and a gauzy dress. In her hand was a tiny wand that she waved in time to the music. Over the gauzy dress, she wore a little leather jacket with holes cut for her wings. On her dainty feet were galumphing great boots that you would never associate with Fairies. It just goes to show. You shouldn’t make assumptions. Fairies
do
like Crash ’n’ Bang. Well, this one did.

Incredible though all this was, the Boys didn’t let it put them off their stroke. And Tallula didn’t let the sight of Shirley faze her. She had another verse to sing.

‘
I used to be a loner,

I used to be a nerd,

An always-stay-at-homer,

Who never said a word,

But since I started singing,

My life has changed and how,

Yes, I used to be a Werewolf

But I’m all right now!

I’m all right noooooooow!

Yes, I’m all right nooooooow!

I can growl, I can bite,

But I can sing, so that’s all right,

Used to be a Werewolf but I’m

A-l-l-l-l-l-lll

Ri-i-i-i-i-ght

NOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
’

Tallula’s final triumphant howl died away, Filth threw his drumsticks in the air, Arthur slammed down the piano lid and O’Brian kissed his penny whistle and let it fall back to his chest. Then, reluctantly, he faced the Fairy.

She gave him a knowing wink. It was a ‘you’ve-suffered-enough-and-have-hopefully-learned-your-lesson-but-cross-me-again-at-your-peril’ sort of wink.

O’Brian winked back. It was a rueful ‘I-know-I-overstepped-the-mark-but-I’m-truly-sorry-and-glad-you-liked-the-music’ sort of wink.

Then – very deliberately – the Fairy raised her wand . . . and the rain stopped! It didn’t die out slowly – it just cut off. The sun came swimming out from behind the clouds as though it had never been away, blazing and shining and glistening in the steaming puddles, making the world a truly wonderful place again.

Now, what could be nicer than that?

Going Home

A huge moon swam in the sky as the band van drove slowly up the winding trail leading to the top of the Misty Mountains. It was overheating a bit because TT had forgotten to top up the water. Steam was rising from the bonnet and the engine was making a funny noise.

‘We’ll stop for a few minutes,’ said TT. ‘Let it cool off.’

He turned off the engine and applied the handbrake.

Everyone sat quietly, looking back over their shoulders at the faraway lights of distant Sludgehaven. Well, everyone except Tallula, who didn’t have a window.

‘I’ll try the radio,’ said Filth. He reached out and fiddled with the knobs. A silky voice filled the interior.

‘
. . . and this is, of course, Sylvester Smoothy, bringing you
Sounds Of The Night
. Before the next request, a bit of disappointing news. We were hoping to announce the winner of today’s Battle of the Bands competition, but an unexpected cloudburst meant that the competition ended in a washout. We tried contacting Ali Pali, but he was unavailable. Rumour has it that he is having second thoughts about his new record label and thinking about taking a long holiday instead. Neither Scott Sinister nor Lulu Lamarre were contactable, but I have here the Mayor of Sludgehaven, who would like to say –
’

The radio crackled horribly then lapsed into silence.

‘Lost the reception again,’ said Filth and switched it off.

Nobody said anything for a while. They just watched the faraway lights.

‘Well,’ said Arthur. ‘It’s over. That’s it. We played in a battle that nobody won. But d’you know what? I’m not that bothered. I never really cared about the fame and riches bit. And I wouldn’t want to go touring anyway because of Mam.’

‘Yeah,’ said Filth. ‘I just wanted to play Crash ’n’ Bang in public, that’s all. Just once, to see what it felt like. And we did. And it was great. But I’m ready for home now. Gotta clean that kitchen, man.’

‘It went down surprisingly well with the fans, didn’t it?’ said TT. ‘I couldn’t believe it when they all turned up. I honestly think some of them actually
liked
it. My Aunty Maureen was very complimentary. Fancy her showing up. Gareth liked seeing her again, didn’t you, Gareth?’

Gareth blew a bubble to show that he had.

There had indeed been a happy mingling when the Boys and Tallula had stepped offstage. There had been hugging and much congratulation and pats on the back. There had been a few awkward moments as well, of course. O’Brian and the Fairy weren’t too sure how to act with each other but finally decided on a stiff handshake and an assurance from O’Brian that, in the future, shoes would be mended on time, on the house. O’Brian’s brothers had been on the Fairy’s side, but O’Brian didn’t feel too resentful because at least they had turned up to support him and pretended to enjoy the music. Besides, he was curse-free! Not only had the missing Pot turned up in the back of the van – why or how it came to be there will for ever remain a mystery – but even better, the T-shirt had returned to normal size so that he was able to get it off! He had presented it to TT, who used it to wipe the dead flies off the van’s windscreen.

Tallula and Shirley had given each other a hairy hug and promised to go clothes shopping some time. Arthur’s mother had brought him a home-made curry, so he was happy. Sludgegooey hadn’t bothered to bring Filth anything, but the Banshees had baked him a special cake with his name on so it didn’t matter. Helpful Bob had smilingly thrust an envelope in TT’s hand, which turned out to be a very,
very
large bill. Interest on the Magic Card. That was a bit of a downer. Even the reunion with his Aunty Maureen wasn’t stopping TT worrying about how he was going to pay, now that there would be no cheque and no foreseeable future with
Genie Sounds
. Unless . . .