Taking Chances (23 page)

‘But why would he want you to know? It doesn’t make any sense.’

‘It does if he wants us to break up,’ Ellen answered.

Not sure how to argue that, Matty fell silent again.

Ellen looked at her and felt the pain of what was happening plunge to the very depths of her heart. She’d so desperately wanted Matty to protest, to point out how she had got it wrong and how everything was going to turn out all right. But Matty couldn’t, and as the far-reaching effects of the past two hours started to close in on her it was as though she was being swallowed into a vacuum of despair.

‘Why did I go back to the hotel?’ she said, almost to herself. ‘Why the hell did I do that?’ She looked at Matty. ‘I keep wondering was it really a tit for tat, or was there something much deeper and more calculating that was driving me, something I’m not really in touch with?’

‘What do you mean?’ Matty asked.

Ellen shook her head. ‘I’m not sure,’ she answered. ‘I
guess
I’m just thinking about all the strange and frightening things that go on in the subconscious, things we’re not even aware of … Like Michael wanting me to find him with Michelle, like me running to Tom …’ She paused for a moment, then getting up and going to the window she said, ‘If Michael wants out of our relationship then it could mean the end of everything for me – or certainly as far as this movie’s concerned. So was there something in me that knew that, and made me go to Tom in an effort to get the movie out of Michael’s hands and into mine? At least then I’d have something …’ She turned back to Matty. ‘Something he wants as much as I want him. Maybe I could use it to bring him back to me.’

Matty was looking at her with narrowed, baffled eyes. ‘Is that what you think?’ she said. ‘That you’d do something like that?’

Ellen shrugged. ‘I think I just did,’ she answered. ‘But I don’t know if I meant to.’ She sighed deeply and her breath shook on a sob. ‘I had dinner with Ted Forgon the other night,’ she said. ‘I told him what was going on with the movie, you know, about the casting and Michelle playing the part of Rachel, and you know what he said? He told me to get Tom on my side. There was no point working on Michael, he said, Tom was the one to give me what I wanted, so I had to do what I could to change his mind.’ She looked at Matty with a grim, almost baleful smile. ‘Maybe that’s why I did it,’ she said. ‘Maybe it was always in my mind to sleep with him in order to get what I wanted, and finding Michael with Michelle gave me all the justification and excuses I needed.’

‘This isn’t you talking,’ Matty said. ‘You’re in post-trauma shock and analysing your motives like this is only going to screw you up even more. I think you should get on the phone to Michael now and tell him where you are.’

Ellen’s heart lurched, but even as she recoiled from the prospect of speaking to him, she was longing for him with a desperation that felt it might explode from her heart. It all seemed so wrong, so utterly out of kilter with their lives and how very deeply they loved each other. In just over seven weeks they were supposed to be married. He had wanted that so much. The honeymoon was arranged. The church was booked. All their families’ flights were reserved. They couldn’t back out now, and surely to God they didn’t want to. Despite what had happened she couldn’t make herself believe he didn’t love her any more, even though there was every chance he didn’t. But she didn’t want to consider that, she wanted only to see his eyes as they gazed deep into hers, to feel his arms around her, as in her heart she relived the joy and laughter they had shared, the intimacy, the dreams, the power and strength of their love. It wasn’t all over. It couldn’t be. They were so much a part of each other’s lives now, had built so much, come so far. They would get past this, they had to, because neither of them wanted the alternative.

Her head went down as she felt herself slipping into the comforting realms of denial, but even there she could find no escape from the pain. It was filling her up, crushing her, scaring her. Even if she could she didn’t want to take the movie away from him, she wanted to make it with him, and if it meant having Michelle in the lead she’d live with it, just as long as they stayed together.

She was about to pick up the phone when it suddenly rang. She looked at Matty and felt her heart begin a slow, fearful throb as Matty reached for the receiver.

‘Hello?’ Matty said.

‘Matty, it’s Michael again. I’m really worried about Ellen. Tom says she left the Four Seasons almost an hour ago, but she’s not answering her phone. Has she called you since we spoke?’

Matty’s eyes went to Ellen. ‘She’s right here,’ she said, ‘I’ll pass you over.’

Ellen’s face was deathly pale as she took the phone. ‘Hello?’ she said.

‘Darling, are you OK?’ he said. ‘I’ve been going half out of my mind wondering where you are. Are you coming home?’

Tears were stinging Ellen’s eyes at the love and confusion in his voice. ‘Honey, I’ve … I’ve had a little too much wine to drive,’ she said. ‘I think I better stay the night with Matty.’

‘I’ll come and get you,’ he said.

‘No. Don’t do that.’

‘Ellen, I’ve missed you. I want to see you.’

Her throat was locked with emotion, and though she wanted to scream at him for what he had done, she also desperately wanted to carry on as though it had never happened.

‘I want to see you too,’ she whispered, ‘but Michael…’

‘Yes?’ he said when she didn’t continue.

She looked out at the starry night sky and envisaged him standing in their study, his belovedly handsome face creased with concern. ‘Honey, I think it’s better if I stay with Matty until Michelle leaves. Please don’t think I’m trying to pick a fight,’ she rushed on as he started to protest, ‘I just think it would be a good idea for you three to spend some time together. I’ll see you at the office.’

‘Ellen, I can’t agree to this,’ he said. ‘I want to see you,
now
.’

‘No, Michael,’ she said. ‘Please, just do as I ask and don’t insist I come home until after Michelle has gone. Is she still leaving the day after tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then it’s not long to wait, is it?’ She paused. ‘Do it for Robbie,’ she said. ‘Let him have some time with his mommy and daddy.’

He was silent, and Ellen could feel her heart breaking
as
she tried to figure out what he was thinking. He had to be wondering if she knew what had happened, guilt alone would make him think that. But short of asking her right out there was nothing he could say, and the fact that he didn’t argue any further was a horrible confirmation that what she had seen really had taken place. But now she was just as guilty as he was, for she had made love with another man and were he ever to find out about that it would be an end to his friendship with Tom – and how the hell could they carry on with the movie if that were to happen? Though somehow they’d have to, because with so much investment already in place, or spent, there was no backing out either.

‘Do you have a breakfast meeting in the morning?’ he asked.

‘No.’

‘Then meet me at seven thirty in your office. I’ll bring coffee and bagels.’

She said nothing.

‘Ellen?’

‘Yes?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ she whispered, and barely able to hold back the tears she abruptly ended the call. ‘Then why did you screw her, you bastard?’ she sobbed. ‘Why the hell did you do it if you love me so much?’ She turned to look at Matty. ‘I don’t even have the luxury of getting mad at him,’ she raged, ‘not unless I want him to know I’m as guilty as he is.’

Matty sat quietly, waiting for her to calm down. It was a while before she spoke. ‘I was just wondering,’ she said, ‘you know, about Tom, and what he was like? I mean, he’s kind of cute and … All right, I’m sorry, I should never have asked,’ she finished hastily as Ellen looked at her in disbelief.

A few seconds ticked by.

‘I just had the feeling that he’d be kind of good,’ Matty said, ‘but no big deal.’

‘OK, he was,’ Ellen confessed. ‘But it wasn’t like it is with Michael.’

‘Did he make you come?’

‘I don’t
know
.’

‘Well you were there, weren’t you?’

‘OK, yeah, I guess he did. But none of this is relevant, Matty. It’s only Michael who counts.’

‘As far as you’re concerned. And as far as he’s concerned you’re the only one who counts. But Michelle and Tom have feelings too. One of them could be seriously in love with one of you guys.’

A cold dread opened up in Ellen’s heart. ‘I hope to God it’s not Michelle,’ she said. ‘If it is, then there’s every chance this could happen again.’

‘And if it’s Tom?’

Ellen sat with that for a while, then finally raised her eyes to Matty’s.

‘If he is in love with you, you could use it to persuade him out of casting Michelle,’ Matty said, slightly awed by the machiavellian slant to her own suggestion.

Ellen’s eyes widened. ‘In favour of you?’ she said.

Matty shrugged. ‘If Michelle’s no longer in the running for Rachel, then as far as I can see it, we can both only win. Better still, after what he did tonight, I can’t see Michael putting up much of a fight to keep her. Not if it’s you he still wants, which it certainly seems to be.’

Ellen was thoughtful again, then finally shook her head. ‘I know what you’re saying,’ she responded, ‘but I could never use Tom like that.’ Then her eyes came back round to Matty as she added, ‘Except I already might have.’

Chapter 11

THERE WERE NOW
only three weeks to go before the wedding and though there wasn’t a single shred of doubt in Michael’s mind about how much he loved Ellen, or how much he wanted her to be his wife, he wished to God they weren’t having to go through all this fuss. The main problem was the religious orientation of both their families, meaning that there was just no way they could avoid the church, the motherly input, the endless list of guests, or the thousand and one other things that went into making up the crushingly expensive circus of a Catholic wedding.

Still, apart from being rushed off their feet, and having far too little time to spend together, they seemed to be coping with it all, and whatever it was that had forced Ellen to spend a couple of days with Matty before Michelle had returned to Asia didn’t appear to have left any lasting damage. At least he didn’t think it had, but in truth it was hard to tell when there was so much going on around them. Occasionally he got the sense that Ellen was avoiding him, but then, during the times they did manage to spend together, she was as loving and receptive as ever, unless she was putting on an act. But she seemed excited about the wedding, and kept insisting how much she was looking forward to the honeymoon and being able to relax and spend two whole weeks just enjoying each other.

It was of course what he wanted too, but whether it was guilt that was taking the edge off his own excitement, or whether it was the way Ellen seemed to be putting on an act, he couldn’t really say. All he knew was that something wasn’t right. Of course, there was nothing like a guilty conscience to breed paranoia, so maybe it was all in his head, and as her oddness of behaviour had only started about a week ago, it was easy to persuade himself that it had nothing to do with Michelle at all.

But it wasn’t easy living the lie, unable to explain why he’d done what he had, or to swear it would never happen again. Though nothing would ever induce him to confess, when the only one it would really hurt was Ellen. Of course it would never have happened if she’d come to the airport that day, for there would have been neither the opportunity, nor the inclination. Not that it was her fault, things had just turned out that way, but there was no doubt that he’d been seriously pissed off when he’d discovered that it was a meeting with Chambers that had taken priority.

Sure he wanted the script in shape, but he wasn’t unaware of the way those two flirted with each other, and it wasn’t something he liked too much. He’d never said anything, because the last thing he wanted was to come on like some paranoid, insecure jackass, but there was no getting away from the fact that that was partly what had driven him to make love to Michelle that night, but only partly – and though he really didn’t like to think about it at all, he couldn’t help wondering what had driven Michelle.

At first he’d thought it was something that had just happened, one of those situations that had arisen and they had both got carried away. But he was far from being certain about that now, not only because of what had been going on in his own mind at the time, but because of the whole way it had come about.

After Michelle and Robbie had collected him from the airport they’d returned to the house, and almost immediately he had gone out again to take Robbie to his karate lesson. Michelle had stayed behind and when he’d returned she was swimming in the pool.

‘Hi,’ she’d called, as he’d come out onto the patio. ‘Any chance of a drink?’

Feeling in need of one too, he’d gone back inside to mix two large Martinis. Despite the darkness and being so high in the hills, it was as hot as hell, so when he took the drinks outside and Michelle suggested he take a dip too, he stripped down to his boxers and dived in with her.

As they swam they talked, but his mind was barely on what they were saying, for he was thinking about Ellen and just exactly what she and Chambers might be doing down there in the privacy of Chambers’s hotel room. The fact that she was so late getting back, and that she hadn’t bothered to call either, was making him think the worst.

‘Mmm, that feels so much better,’ Michelle said, climbing up the steps of the pool and reaching for a towel. She was wearing a black one-piece bathing suit, cut high on the leg, and plunging almost to the waist at the front. She had always had an excellent body and Michael couldn’t help noticing just how good she looked as she strode over to where he had left their drinks.

‘You look tense,’ she smiled as he came to join her.

‘I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind,’ he answered, picking up his drink and going to sit on one of the loungers. ‘Do you want to talk about Robbie?’