Taking Chances (22 page)

Then she started to shake, and seconds later some of the horror of what this meant began to reach her. She tried to resist it, to push it away as though it could be erased by sheer will of denial. Her head began to swim. She looked around and felt so strange and liquid inside she thought she might faint. She moved towards the bathroom then turned away. She barely knew what she was doing as she returned to the sitting-room, picked up her briefcase and went out of the front door.

As she got into her car she had no clear idea where she was going. She guessed it must be to Matty’s. She was numb, unable to connect her thoughts to the pain, or the betrayal to belief. The image of their intimately entwined bodies was trying to take over her mind, but she closed it out. It was too much to deal with. The
devastation
of her dreams, the total crushing of her heart, were a reality she was unable to face.

She turned into Benedict Canyon and the car rocked as she took the corner too fast. She pressed a foot on the brake and slowed right down. It was as if, by doing that, she might slow the beat of her heart and decelerate the rise of her panic. The road twisted down over the hillside, cutting a route in the darkness between the huge, glossy mansions of movie stars and moguls. Palm fronds etched black across the face of the moon, spotlights glowed from porticoed porches, traffic sped past her. She reached Sunset and drove on to Santa Monica. Minutes later she was heading along Melrose to Doheny. The streets were so familiar; but the lights seemed dazzling as a strange, enervating emotion engulfed her. It was as though she were driving through a space that had no connection with time; that had lost its recognizable features of normality. The edges of her mind were blurred, the feelings inside her were like a force that had detached itself from her soul and was seeking to devastate her heart.

She left her car with the valet and rode up to the fourteenth floor. Her heart was thumping, all her senses, as distant and alien as they seemed, were now honed on what she was doing. She had left the world that she knew and was walking into another that would lead her along paths she was afraid to tread, but was refusing to resist.

‘Hi,’ she said as Chambers opened the door, and she heard herself laugh at his surprise.

‘Did you forget something?’ he asked, clearly bemused.

‘No.’ She smiled.

He watched her walk past him, then he closed the door and followed her inside.

She turned to look at him, her eyes slowly scanning his face, until they finally came to rest on his lips. She felt
no
need of words, for the air between them was suddenly thick with the desire that had overcome them earlier, and the fire in her loins was a power she had no wish to control. She knew he could read her thoughts, could feel him picking up her need and silently she willed him to use it, even abuse it, any way he saw fit.

Neither of them moved, until finally she began to unfasten the buttons of her shirt. His eyes remained on hers as she peeled the fabric from her skin and let it fall to the floor. Then she removed her bra and let that fall too. He looked at her breasts, taking in their full, creamy smoothness, the large, tight buds of her nipples, moving his eyes over them lingeringly, caressingly, then returning them to hers. She began to unzip her trousers, but moving forward he stopped her. And, taking over, he undressed her himself, while kissing her mouth, deeply, erotically, demandingly, before making a descent over her body to the aching moistness between her legs.

She moaned softly as his tongue sent sensation after sensation flying through her, then she watched as he undressed himself. His body was as large and powerful as she’d expected, his arousal was immense. She moved into his arms and opened her mouth to his tongue. Then slowly she slid down his body, kissing his neck, his shoulders, until reaching for his penis she took him deep into her mouth.

‘Oh Christ,’ he moaned as her fingers raked his legs, found his balls and dug hard into his buttocks. He sank back against the wall, allowing her to bite him, suck him, squeeze him, until he could bear no more. Quickly he pulled her to her feet, scooped her up in his arms and carried her through to the bedroom.

He laid her down on the bed, then stood over her, gazing at her wild chestnut hair spread out on the pillows, her beautiful mouth so soft and red and inviting. Then he looked at her body, and the way her legs were opening to let in his eyes. He leaned over her
and
gently inserted his fingers. ‘I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I saw you,’ he whispered.

She looked up at him, then her eyes fluttered closed as he began to move his fingers back and forth.

‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I’m sure,’ she responded. Desire was pulling through her with such a force that even the thought of him entering her was arousing her to a point where she’d never be able to turn back, and as he lay over her she opened her legs wide ready to receive him. And then he was there, pushing into her, filling her, pulling her to him, and plunging the huge, commanding power of his erection to the very heart of her.

His mouth found hers and his tongue moved into her too. His movements were so skilled that as he played her she could feel her entire body giving way to sensation. He knew what she wanted, where to touch her, and when to increase his motion so that she cried out in shock and rapture. He held her to him, pressing her to his chest, and carrying her to a place that she couldn’t avoid. Then he was moving there with her, holding her tighter and tighter as he rammed himself into her and felt the harshly breaking spasms of her climax gripping him like a soft, hungry mouth.

A while later she sank into the bed and he lay over her, his heartbeat pounding against her, his penis still hard and not yet ready to leave her. Her head was turned away, but he could feel her breath on his hand, then the wetness of her tears. He held her closer, then let her go as, sobbing, she pulled herself away and got up from the bed.

‘I’m sorry,’ she gasped, ‘I’m so sorry …’

‘Ellen …’

‘No, don’t say anything.’ She was crying so hard it wasn’t easy to speak. ‘I should never have come back here. I shouldn’t have done this. I wasn’t … I wasn’t thinking straight …’

‘Ellen, listen …’

‘No. You don’t understand,’ she sobbed. ‘Michael and Michelle … I saw them … Oh God, I should never have done this to you.’ She looked at him and a sudden rage and confusion began to tear her apart inside. ‘Why do you want her here?’ she pleaded. ‘Why does she have to be the one to play Rachel? She’s ruining my life. She’s taking Michael and Robbie … Oh God …’ She looked frantically around the room as though trying to find a way out of her pain. ‘I have to go,’ she choked.

‘Ellen! Wait!’ he cried as she ran into the other room and began pulling on her clothes.

‘No, no, don’t touch me,’ she begged as he came in after her. ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen. I love Michael. Please understand that. It’s Michael I love.’ Then the memory of him on the lounger with Michelle suddenly swamped her and she almost collapsed. ‘He still loves Michelle,’ she sobbed as fresh tears streamed down her face. ‘I saw them together … He was … They were…’

‘It’s OK,’ he said, grabbing her shoulders. ‘Just take a breath. That’s it. Now, are you telling me you found him with Michelle? Making love to Michelle? Is that what you’re saying?’

Ellen nodded and closed her eyes as the pain seared through her. ‘Make her go away, Tom. Please! Please!’ she begged. ‘Let someone else play Rachel. Oh God, what am I saying? It’s not going to stop him. Nothing is. They’ve got Robbie. He’s holding them together and … I can’t bear it.’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘What have I done?’ she choked. ‘Oh God, what have I done?’

‘It’s all right. No-one need ever know,’ he assured her. ‘Ellen! Are you listening to me?’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’ve got to go. Please forgive me. Please try to forget I ever came back here tonight,’ and before he could stop her she’d grabbed up her
purse
and was running out of the room.

By the time she arrived at Matty’s the pain and horror was taking her over completely. Her car phone kept ringing, but she didn’t pick up. She was too afraid to speak to Michael, and too ashamed to speak to Tom. It was as though her entire life had suddenly plunged into the depths of a nightmare with no possible way out.

‘My God! What happened to you?’ Matty cried as she opened the door. ‘You look terrible.’

‘I walked in on Michael and Michelle,’ Ellen answered, going past her to the kitchen. ‘Where’s the wine? I’ve got to have a drink. Are you on your way out?’

‘Yes, but it can wait,’ Matty responded. ‘What do you mean, you walked in on Michael and Michelle? Like, they were …?’

‘Yes,’ Ellen confirmed. ‘Next to the pool. They didn’t know I was there. They still don’t know.’

‘Michael called here earlier, looking for you.’

Ellen’s heart contracted as she turned to face her. ‘He was looking for me?’ she said, holding on to the words as though they were some kind of lifeline. ‘What time was it?’

Matty shrugged. ‘I don’t know. About an hour ago, I guess. Pour me one of those. I’ll just make a quick call then I’m at your disposal.’

Ten minutes later they were sitting either end of the sofa, drinks in hand and the total travesty of the past two hours now fully revealed. Matty’s face was pale with shock, while Ellen looked at her and wanted only to die.

‘I don’t know what to do, Matty,’ she said. ‘I mean, I can’t go back home, not while Michelle’s there, and how the hell am I ever going to face Tom again?’

‘Well, I guess we’d better deal with first things first,’ Matty responded, ‘and that’s where you’re going to spend tonight. It’ll have to be here, apart from anything else you’re in no fit state to get back in a car, but you’ll
have
to call Michael and let him know where you are.’

Ellen’s eyes closed as the dread of speaking to him closed around her heart.

‘When does Michelle leave?’ Matty asked.

‘The day after tomorrow. Or that’s when she’s scheduled to go. Things may have changed by now. Oh God, Matty, I was so afraid something like this would happen, and now it has I’ve gone and made it so much worse. What the hell was I thinking? What was I trying to prove?’

‘It’s not so abnormal to do what you did,’ Matty informed her. ‘You were probably in shock, or denial. Does Tom know about Michael and Michelle? Did you tell him?’

Ellen nodded. ‘After we made love I just went to pieces. I made such a fool of myself, but yes, I told him.’

‘Must have done wonders for his ego,’ Matty murmured. ‘Anyway, do you think he’s likely to tell Michael what happened – between the two of you?’

Ellen shook her head. ‘He said he wouldn’t.’ Then suddenly she stiffened. ‘Oh God, Matty,’ she breathed. ‘I’ve got to speak to him. I don’t want him to tell Michael I know about him and Michelle either.’

‘Why?’ Matty asked as Ellen snatched up the phone.

‘I don’t know. I guess because everything’s so complicated and I need time to think.’ She asked for Tom’s room number, then passed the phone to Matty. ‘You do it,’ she said. ‘I know I’m a coward, but I can’t face speaking to him again yet.’

Matty took the phone and put it to her ear. ‘Hi,’ she said when Chambers answered. ‘It’s Matty Shelby here, Ellen’s cousin.’

‘Hi Matty,’ he said. ‘Is Ellen with you?’

‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘She’s here.’ She paused, then said, ‘Try to understand, she doesn’t feel up to speaking to you right now, but she wanted me to ask you … Well, if you speak to Michael … She doesn’t want him to
know
that she walked in on him and Michelle, so would you mind …?’

‘Tell her I’ll do whatever she wants,’ he responded. ‘How is she?’

‘Kind of shaken up, but she’ll be OK.’

‘Michael’s looking for her,’ he said. ‘He called here about fifteen minutes ago. I told him we’d been working all that time and she’d just left, so he’s going to be expecting her home pretty soon.’

‘OK. I’ll tell her. And thanks.’

Ellen listened as Matty relayed what had been said. She felt sickeningly light-headed, displaced, unconnected, bewildered and afraid. She wanted Michael so desperately it was like she was drowning. She belonged wherever he was, not here where he wasn’t. She wanted the clocks turned back, the last scenes of her life unplayed out, the terror of her future never to come into being. ‘He just got back today,’ she said, pressing her fingers to her eyes. ‘I should have gone to the airport, then none of this would have happened.’ She looked up at Matty’s face. ‘How can I tell him I’m staying here for the night when he’s only just got back? What excuse can I give?’

Matty was at a loss.

‘I’ll have to tell him that I’ve decided to stay here until Michelle goes,’ Ellen said finally. ‘It’s going to make things worse …’ She laughed bitterly. ‘How much worse can they get? And for all I know it’ll be what he wants, me out of the way so they can all be a family again.’ She turned to look out at the night and by the time she turned back her eyes were submerged in hopelessness and pain. ‘I don’t suppose there’ll be a wedding now,’ she said, barely able to get the words past the terrible ache in her heart.

‘OK, don’t let’s start jumping to conclusions,’ Matty chided. ‘We don’t know what really went on there tonight. Nor do we …’

‘Matty! They were making love!’ Ellen broke in. ‘What more do we need to know?’

‘All I’m saying is sometimes these things, well, they just happen. They don’t mean anything, they just …’

‘No, Matty,’ Ellen said. ‘The woman’s Robbie’s mother, so whichever way you look at it, it means something.’

They sat quietly for a while, both absorbing the irrefutable truth of the last words.

‘You know what I keep thinking,’ Ellen said after a while. ‘I keep thinking that he wanted me to find out. That something in him wanted me to walk in and find them like that.’

‘Oh come on!’ Matty protested.

‘But he knew I’d be home any time,’ Ellen insisted, ‘so he had to know what a risk he was running, and they were right there, next to the pool. They weren’t even in her bedroom where I might never have found them.’