Take Two (35 page)

“But we won’t always be here for God.” Bailey lowered her eyes to the dresser where she must’ve known Rachel’s journal was.
“Your friend Rachel’s life told us that much.”

Andi understood the message. There was risk for the people who walked away from God, who believed that He’d be there waiting
in the tomorrows of their lives, when they were tired of exploring the world, when they wanted the safety of His narrow path
once again. What if tomorrow never came, the way it hadn’t come for Rachel Baugher? “I don’t know,” Andi sighed. “I have to
find my own way. That’s all.”

“Okay.” Bailey’s smile was sad. “But remember what the Bible says about life. Real life.”

“That only God can give it?” Andi knew her Scriptures. That much hadn’t changed.

“Exactly. And apart from Him, there is no life at all.” Bailey stood and checked the time on her phone. “I have to get going.
Wanna join us for dinner?”

“No, thanks.” Andi met Bailey near the middle of the room. “Taz is taking me out. We’re celebrating his film and the fact
that finals are over. I get to see the finished movie for the first time tonight.”

Bailey nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving Andi’s. “Be careful, girl. And call me if you need me.” The two of them hugged.
“Let’s get together early next week.”

“Okay.” Andi was glad they’d talked. It had been too long without a heart-to-heart, and even though they disagreed about life
and the way to true happiness, they were still close. Closer than Andi had thought. Bailey wasn’t going to write her off just
because of her decisions. Andi was grateful, because someday — some very far-off day — she might want to be like Bailey again.
And when that day came, if it came, Bailey would be her best friend ever. The way she couldn’t really be right now, when they
were so different.

Bailey left, and a few hours later Andi arrived at Taz’s doorstep.

He stepped out onto the small landing and looked at her for a long time, his eyes taking in the length of her. “You’re the
most beautiful girl on campus, Andi. In person, and in front of the camera.” He led her in, and she caught the smell of incense
burning in another room. It was sweet and spicy, but not overpowering, and it mixed with something cooking in the oven. A
Mexican dish of some kind. Andi took off her sweater and laid it over the back of the first chair they walked past. She wore
skinny jeans and boots, a form-fitting navy-blue T-shirt and her best perfume. She hoped it would be enough to finally convince
him to make a move and kiss her.

She looked around his apartment, at the way it felt like him. She’d only been here one other time, and then only to meet up
with him before a movie.

Now, with his roommates gone and the place cleaned up, she took time to appreciate the place. Photos of partially nude women
hung on the walls, each of them shot in dramatic black and white, a collection of art the way only Taz could appreciate it.
He watched her. “I look at those photos, at the way they use their bodies to make a statement about love and nature.” He gazed
at a row of portraits, and then back at her. “And all I see is you, Andi. The way you would look in every picture. Every pose.”

Her head spun, and her mouth went dry. He was falling for her, he had to be. If he didn’t kiss her tonight, she would find
a way to kiss him. She couldn’t go another night without feeling his touch.

They moved into his living room, which consisted of an old leather sofa topped with a number of warm, fuzzy blankets. He came
close to her, so close she could smell the freshness of his skin.

With the lightest brush of his fingers, he framed her face. “I thought we’d start with the film.”

“Great.” She felt a thrill of excitement run through her. “I can’t wait.”

He clicked on the TV and turned off the lights. But before he pushed the Play button, he sat on the sofa beside her and faced
her. “You won best actress, Andi. I didn’t want to tell you until now, so I could see your eyes.”

Hope surged through her. “You’re serious?” She wanted to get up and run around the room, but she threw her arms around his
neck instead. “You know what this means?”

A soft chuckle came from him. “It means I was right.” He pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes. “You have a gift.”

“It means I can act! I can do this for a living, I know it!”

They looked at each other for a long time, and Andi wanted him to kiss her in the worst way. But just when it seemed like
he might, he put his arm around her shoulders instead and eased her close against his side. “The film is amazing, and it’s
all you.” He hit the Play button, and the movie began.

When they reached the scene where she strips down, Andi held her breath. But Taz had stayed true to his word. The scene was
shadowy and sensual, and other than the moment when she looked at herself in the mirror, it would’ve been impossible to tell
she was the actress.

“Beautiful,” Taz whispered near her ear. His breath came faster again, the way it had when he filmed the scene. “You take
my breath away, Andi.”

He whispered to her again and again throughout the film, and when it was finished, when he hit the Stop button and powered
down the television, Andi could feel his desire like a physical presence. Taz turned to her and lightly touched her forehead,
her cheeks. “You’re mine. You know that, right?”

“Yes.” Andi didn’t hesitate. Her whisper was breathy, revealing her own heightened sensuality. “I’ve belonged to you for a
long time.”

That was all he needed to hear. In a move that felt almost scripted, Taz kissed her. The feeling was like every wonderful
thing Andi had ever experienced, all rolled into one brilliant rainbow of emotions. She wasn’t sure when he eased her onto
her back or how he moved from kissing her to touching her, to peeling away her clothing. But whatever was happening, Andi
didn’t want it to stop. She’d never felt like this in all her life.

Thirty minutes later, when she had given Taz everything she had to give and was getting dressed, she felt a flickering pang
of regret. Her father’s face flashed in her mind, and she imagined for an instant how disappointed he’d be, how this was a
promise that could never be lived out after tonight. But even if her father knew, and if she were forced to defend herself
and her actions, Andi would do so. Because nothing in all her life had ever made her feel the way Taz had this past half hour.

She wasn’t just another college girl sleeping with any other college guy. She was in love, and Taz was everything she’d dreamed
of. She would remind herself as often as the doubts might come. So what if she wasn’t the sweet and innocent virgin she’d
hoped to be. She was a grown woman, mature enough to make her own decisions. Never mind everything she’d been taught or the
narrow path she’d read about in the Bible. Everything would be just fine. What she and Taz had shared wasn’t sex or sin or
anything of the sort.

It was art.

Breathtaking and beautiful.

L
ISA SAT STRAIGHT UP IN BED
, gasping for air and clutching at the covers. A feeling of utter doom surrounded her like thick fog and she could do nothing
to get away from it. It was Andi! Her daughter was in trouble.

Lisa shot a look at the bedside clock. Just after midnight, three in the morning in Bloomington. Keith was in LA so it was
too late to call him, too late to call Andi. But that didn’t change how she felt. She sat up straighter and realized her heart
was pounding. Faster, louder, faster, louder.

God, what’s happening?

Pray, my daughter. You must pray continually.

The answer came quickly and with it a vivid picture of Andi the way she’d looked in the jungles, wide-eyed and happy, telling
the women about Jesus. Something had changed that, she was suddenly certain. Never mind if Andi’s Facebook didn’t give clues,
and if Andi kept convincing her and Keith that everything was okay. It didn’t matter that Andi had never given them a reason
to doubt her. This was an emergency. The intensity of Lisa’s fear and panic couldn’t have been worse if she were watching
her daughter fall off a cliff.

Andi was in deep, desperate trouble.

Pray.
She had to pray. That’s what God wanted and that’s what she would do. She climbed out of bed, trembling, shivering.
Please, God … be with her. Save her from whatever’s happening. Please.

Lisa fell to the floor, to her knees and then flat on her face, her nose and mouth pressed against the rough carpet fibers.

God, she’s our girl, our only child. Please, help her. Give me a window to her life so I’ll know how to intervene. Open the
lines of communication and clear the deception. Please, God …

Lisa prayed that way for twenty minutes, battling the darkness and fear, the certainty that Andi was in dire trouble. Finally
the panic eased and she stood, weary, exhausted from the fight. Even then she prayed, because that’s what God wanted from
her. She could hardly wait for morning because this time she would press until she received real answers from her daughter.
She would accept nothing less. Because if the intensity of her strange and sudden certainty was accurate, her precious daughter
didn’t face the sort of trouble that could be quickly fixed.

But the sort that could destroy her.

K
ELLY AGREED TO THE WOMEN’S CONFERENCE
for one reason. She had never felt further from God and Chase in all her life, and she was scared to death. Scared about
the road she was on and terrified about where it might lead. Besides, Laurie had raved about the speakers and the music, and
she’d done something else that pushed Kelly over the edge.

She’d arranged a babysitter for Molly and Macy.

When the teenage leader of the church’s youth group showed up at her house just after eight that Saturday morning, Kelly was
ready. She showed the girl around the house and explained the meals for the day. “You don’t mind cooking?”

“Not at all.” The girl smiled easily. “I cook all the time for my little sisters.”

Finally, when Kelly had introduced Molly and Macy to the teenager and when she was certain she’d left every possible emergency
number, she set out for Laurie’s house. She was running early, so she stopped at McDonald’s and bought two orders of hotcakes
and a sausage biscuit. That way she wouldn’t be hungry for lunch. She ate on the way to Laurie’s and carefully wadded up the
wrappers and reached back to stick them in the pocket behind her seat.

Not that Laurie would be looking. Kelly was leaving her car at her friend’s house so they could ride to the conference together.
Besides, she’d told her friend she was doing better. Which she was. Most days. Especially since her appointment with the therapist.
Sure enough, he’d diagnosed her with a moderate to severe case of depression. More severe now that Chase was refusing to give
up his crumbling movie dreams and come home. The doctor had prescribed Prozac, which was supposed to help not only elevate
her mood, but also cut her appetite. Kelly wasn’t sure if it was working yet, but she did feel a little better.

Laurie lived just a few miles away, and soon the two were hugging before getting into Laurie’s car. “I have a feeling about
today,” Laurie told her as they climbed inside. “God’s up to something big.”

Kelly hoped so, but she certainly didn’t feel it. She’d spent less than an hour talking to God the entire month of May, and
now she felt like a hypocrite wasting a day at a Christian women’s conference when she could be home cleaning or reading to
her girls.

The event was in downtown San Jose at the HP Pavilion. Once they found a parking place and filed in with thousands of other
women, Kelly’s doubts returned.

“It’ll take a half hour to get out of here,” she told Laurie. “I mean, if something goes wrong with the girls.”

“It’s raining outside.” Laurie put her arm around Kelly’s shoulders. “They’ll be inside watching movies and coloring all day.
Nothing’s going to go wrong.”

Kelly had to agree. The rainy weather did limit the possibility of injuries. But maybe that wasn’t why she felt uneasy. Maybe
it was because Chase had flown down to LA that day and now he was meeting with his Hollywood friends and trying to figure
out what to do next. He wanted nothing to do with Kelly’s more practical response, which was fine. He was bound to see soon
that the optimism from his Hollywood friends wouldn’t pay their bills.

All around them seats were filling up fast. “There have to be eight thousand people here.” Laurie leaned close, in awe over
the gathering. “Can you imagine, this many women in one place praising God? Like a glimpse of heaven.”

Kelly felt completely and utterly detached from the reality happening around her. What had happened that she wasn’t caught
up in the excitement? Back in her Indonesian days, she would’ve loved nothing more than a day like this, surrounded by women
worshiping the Creator. But here … she had no right to be excited about worship. She was at odds with her husband and she
could barely get up each morning. What good would worship do except remind her of her failings?

The music started, and a sharp, professional praise band started in with “Blessed Be Your Name,” a beautiful number by Matt
Redman. The music and words were familiar, but Kelly hadn’t heard them in so long that the memory of them almost seemed to
belong to someone else. Even still, there was power in the sound of thousands of women’s voices singing the same song, believing
the same message.

“Blessed be Your name, in the land that is plentiful …”

Kelly was familiar with the first verse, the picture of joy and prosperity during times when it was relatively easy to worship
God. She let herself be drawn by the music, by the ebb and flow of it. By the time the song reached the first chorus, ladies
all around her were rising to their feet, hands raised in praise. Kelly moved her mouth, singing along even if she didn’t
feel the words.

The second verse kicked in and Kelly finally felt her heart engage.