Take Me As I Am (14 page)

“Are you going to sit around and mope or get off your butt and see to it that Joanna knows you’re part of the team too?” Alice rolled her eyes. “She’s too busy with the new career and her engagement to see that she is leaving you behind. It’s up to you to show Joanna that for the moment, at least, you are part of her life. What the future holds for you will work out the way it should. Joanna will never abandon you.” Alice gave her a sympathetic look. “All you need to look at is the way she acts around you, Thea. It is abundantly evident to everyone watching her with you.”

“I’m not so sure of that, Alice.” She took a seat across from her friend. “Right now it hurts so much that I can’t risk any more pain to my heart.”

Alice let out an exasperated sigh. “You know that in this town, managers are a dime a dozen and most would have snapped up the offer to represent her, Thea. Joanna is sharp as a razor and doesn’t miss a trick and she chose you above all the rest. That should speak volumes to you.”

From what Alice had heard from several people she knew at the recording studio, Thea had amazed Jack and he held her in the deepest of respect.

“She doesn’t have time for me to be around now, Alice. Her life is going a totally different direction than mine.”

“You can go along right with her. You’re her manager.”

“Joanna is big news now. She will want a more experienced manager.” Thea hung her head in what looked like defeat. “It was only a temporary situation. I expect any day now for her to come home and announce that she has replaced me.”

“That’s ridiculous…”

The door opened, followed by a knapsack deposited on the floor before weary sounding steps came toward the kitchen. It wasn’t long before the kitchen door opened and the dark familiar head popped around and gave them both a tired, slow grin.

“Hey, what are you two planning?” Jo came into the small kitchen.

“You know us, Jo, we’re working on a couple of projects.”

“Really, anything I can help with?”

“Well, as it happens…”

Thea gave Alice a sharp glare. “No. Nothing that you need to worry about, Joanna. Have you eaten?”

“Not today. Maybe not for two days. It’s been kinda hectic. Jack said to go home and get some sleep once the television shoot is done since I might not get the chance of a peaceful six hours for some time to come.”

Thea stood and walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of Joanna’s favorite beer, and handed it to her.

“Thanks, you always know what I need.” Joanna gave her a sleepy smile.

“After today your fridge will probably be filled with champagne,” Thea said sarcastically.

“Well, I have to study,” Alice said. “I have my finals next month and unless I buckle down, I’ll be taking the semester again. I wouldn’t care for that. Good luck with the show tomorrow, Jo. Thea, I’ll catch up later okay. Think about what I said.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

†

“What’d she say?” Jo asked.

“Nothing that you’d care about.” Thea took out a loaf of bread. “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

Jo heard the inflection and hurt in Thea’s voice, knowing she was the cause. The depression swirling around Thea ever since Jo had returned from tour broke her heart. At that moment, she was too tired to ponder how to make it right. Jo knew she owed her friend a decent explanation of the engagement and her reasons for accepting. She also needed to hear how she imagined Thea being a part of her life. It hadn’t happened yet—she was just too damn busy. There was plenty of time. Thea was her manager, after all, and that was something she really needed to talk with her about.

†

Just as Alice was closing the door to the apartment, the elevator door opened and Calum walked out. As always, he was dressed in beautiful leather that made him look like he was modeling it for a fashion show. It looked so good on him. If only he were interested in her. She could dream, couldn’t she?

“Hi, Calum. What brings you to this part of town on this lovely evening?”

“Hey, Alice. I just thought I’d see if my girl wants to go look at the sunset. She’s been kinda down lately so I thought it might help.”

Sometimes you meet people and you wish with every essence of your being that they would be saying things to you but they never did. Alice knew in her heart that Thea didn’t appreciate Calum. Thea considered him a friend and her obsession with Jo might shed light on that if she were to ponder it more.

“How would it be if I invited you for coffee for say an hour and then you go see Thea? Jo’s just arrived home and they are discussing stuff.”

It wasn’t exactly true. Alice didn’t know if they were or not but at least she would give them a chance and she knew they both needed that.

“Sure. I can understand that, with Thea being Jo’s manager and all. Makes me wonder why Thea doesn’t spend more time with her though. I thought that’s what managers did.”

“Me too, but I think this may be a little different. Come on, we can walk. I’m the next floor up.”

“Lead the way.”

†

Jo watched Thea whiz around the kitchen and within twenty minutes, she was enjoying a wonderful omelet with a side salad and fries. As she munched on the fries and enjoyed her first forkful of omelet, Thea sat opposite her with a glass of soda in hand.

“I guess you ate earlier?” Jo spooned in another forkful of the delicious mixed omelet.

“I had a heavy lunch.”

“This is delicious. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I started eating.” Joanna polished off the remains of her meal and placed a hand over her stomach, smiling in satisfaction. “Thanks for the meal, Thea. I enjoyed it.”

“Anytime, you know that. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

Jo eyed Thea. Had she taken her for granted, making her feel like she was nothing more than the hired help? “You’re more than that. You know that, right?”

“Sure thing.” Thea looked away. “I can see you’re tired. Go put your feet up on the sofa and watch a little television. It will do you good.”

“Okay.” She reached out and took Thea’s hand. “Come with me and we can talk.”

Jo watched the sad expression on Thea’s face. Whatever it was that was happening between them needed to be resolved. Perhaps they could solve it now and start fresh. Tomorrow her life was going to take on a different direction.

†

When Joanna stood and stretched her lean, tall body, Thea had to stop herself from sighing at the sight. No matter what, Joanna would always be a welcome sight to her. Thea had missed that. The rare occasions that Joanna was there, she would settle on the sofa and fall asleep. That’s what had been missing all these lonely weeks—Joanna’s presence.

“I can do that. Want another beer?” Thea’s heart tumbled as she met the blue eyes of her friend. This was what she had been yearning for—a small measure of contact. She didn’t want much, just a little part of Joanna’s time. This could be the last time. The thought made her heart break. All hell might break loose after today and she doubted they would get the chance to just sit and relax as they used to.

“Sure.”

An hour later, they talked about the television show along with what Jack planned for Joanna next. Thea had agreed and given her opinion on a few of the things. The odd comment was news to her but generally, she knew of Jack’s plans. She, after all, had agreed to them on behalf of Joanna.

A silence descended for a few moments and then Jo cleared her voice.

“We never did get the chance to talk about my engagement, Thea, and what it means.”

Thea closed her eyes, steeling herself for what was to come next. Fear and sorrow gripped her heart. “No, we haven’t. I guess we have both been too busy.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Joanna looked at her bottle of beer then smiled.

“Are you happy, Joanna?”

“I guess so. I wouldn’t have said yes otherwise.” She drank the last of the beer and put the bottle down on the coffee table.

That wasn’t a definite yes. It was more of a sure, anything goes kind of statement that her friend often made. “That’s all that matters and I’m happy for you. When’s the wedding?”

Joanna laughed loudly and sat up on the sofa. “God only knows. I doubt this year if everything goes according to plan. I’m going to be touring for a year at least.”

Thea’s eyes flashed at the statement. Jack hadn’t indicated anything of the sort in their discussions. “Really? I must have missed something in my discussions with Jack.”

Joanna stood and stretched again. Thea watched her realizing that it was becoming too much of a burden to watch Joanna and know she could never be hers.

“It wasn’t Jack’s idea, it was mine.” She walked to the apartment window, smiling.

“Why?”

Joanna turned toward her friend. “Because that’s what it will take to make the big time and I’m going to make it this time, Thea. I know it, but I have to work for it.” She looked out the window again. “Maybe my wish will come true and I’ll finally get an apartment with a decent view. Overlooking a body of water sounds nice, don’t you think?”

Thea rushed to the window and stood next to Joanna. She placed a gentle but insistent hand on her arm and blue eyes looked down at her hand.

Joanna moved, placed warm friendly arms around Thea, and pulled her closer.

“You already have made the big time in my eyes,” Thea whispered.

“Yep, I know that and when we have that window view of the water everyone will know it as well.”

Thea closed her eyes at the words. One word in particular
we
.

She must have forgotten she was going to share that view with her husband to be.

 
For an instant, it didn’t matter. She would bask in the glow of knowing that at this moment in time, Joanna perhaps did mean her.

†

Jo looked into the clear innocent face of her friend. Was she still innocent? Jo didn’t know because somewhere along the way, they had gone their own separate ways. She’d lost the connection that had made all the difference in her life since they’d met. She guessed it was a natural progression. Was it? Then why did she feel so hollow. Jo’s goal was to succeed in country music and that dedication kept her from nourishing their friendship, as she should have. She didn’t have an idea as to what Thea really wanted to do with her life because she never asked.

Normally, she wasn’t much for personal contact but whenever she and Thea had any contact, it was good. It made her feel warm inside and she’d never had understood why she just accepted it as a part of their friendship. It was good to have a best friend and she felt that this woman in her arms was that, even if her way of acknowledging that to Thea was minimal.

Jo captured Thea’s glance and stared into her eyes. She was drowning, mesmerized by the mellow conversation and the feeling of togetherness. It was so right and for a moment the puzzle pieces fell into place for her until the shrill sound of the doorbell broke the spell.

Jo felt bereft but managed to smile and released her hold on the smaller woman.

“Who can that be? I’m not expecting anyone this evening and don’t want any other company,” Thea said with a touch of anger.

“I’ll go see.” Jo left to answer the door.

Two minutes later Joanna walked back in and cleared her throat. “Did you say we didn’t want any visitors this evening?”

Calum walked in behind her giving Thea, who now had rather red streaked cheeks, a long serious expression.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Jo said. “I’ve got a heavy day tomorrow. Goodnight to you both.”

†

“Joanna, please….” Thea said but she was too late. Joanna was already gone.

“If you want me to go, Thea, I will. I’m sorry to interrupt. I thought maybe you would like a little company.” He turned to leave but Thea took hold of his arm.

“I’m sorry about the comment, Calum. We were having a good talk…the first for weeks. I wasn’t expecting you.”

It was another lame excuse but Calum apparently was buying into it as she saw the light return to the young man’s eyes.

Whatever it is that he sees in me, I’m not worth it.

“Stay. Do you want a drink?” She moved toward the kitchen and was surprised when he pulled her toward him.

“I’d rather have a kiss.”

She allowed the hug but turned away from the kiss.

“Calum, there’s something you need to know.”

Chapter Fifteen

This was Joanna’s day and Thea didn’t want anything to stop it from being a success. She knew that her miserable countenance wasn’t going to help, so she opted to stay in bed until Joanna left. She could call her later and wish her luck.

A soft knock on the door heralded the dark head of the woman she had been thinking about peeping inside her bedroom. “Are you awake, Thea?”

What should she do? She could feign sleep and not answer or be honest and acknowledge Joanna’s question.

“Hey, I thought you might be excited and want to come with me this morning,” Joanna said softly.

Thea closed her eyes in dismay at the tentative words. Now she didn’t know what to do. Everything was all crazy again.

“Asleep, huh, never mind. I’ll call you later and tell you how it went.”

Thea heard the words and her tears welled, picking up the disappointment in Joanna’s voice. Rushing out of bed, she tangled herself up in the bedclothes, which delayed her getting out of the door. Joanna was closing the outer door behind her before she could catch her.

“Damn, I’ve missed her.” She rushed out the door hoping to catch her before she got on the elevator. Now while standing in the cold hallway with her feet bare and in her flimsy nightdress, she couldn’t stop trembling from the chill. She realized that for once, her friend might have needed her and she hadn’t had the courage to face her. She had thought that she had overcome her timid ways but it was obvious that she hadn’t. She shook her head in disgust. Once again her insecurities overshadowed all else and made her less than strong.

“I’m so sorry, Joanna.” The words she whispered into the cold empty hallway, in many respects, reminded her of how her heart felt. Barren was the future she had in store once Joanna had moved on with her new life.

It was time to move on with hers, too, but where would she go? No way was Danvers an option. As soon as she set foot in that town, George would no doubt press her into marriage and she had no money or prospects to counter that.

Then like a bolt out of the blue, she realized she did have an option. It might be remote but something she had to try at least. It was her only hope.

†

“Are you nervous, darling?”

Jo looked at Lee and, for a moment, wondered who he was talking to before it dawned on her that he was actually speaking to her. “Me? No, why would I be nervous? I’m going to slay them.” She refused to let this one chance slide by without attempting at least to make it happen.

“Want to tell me why you look so pensive if it’s not the show?”

Hardly. Pensive isn’t part of my makeup.
“Hand me that mirror on the table, Lee.”

Lee handed her the glass.

Jo frowned. Something wasn’t right and it was evident on her face.

“I’ll help you sort the problem out if you would allow me,” Lee said.

“I guess I do look strange. I was thinking about Thea.”

“Really? I was expecting her to be here since she’s your manager and roommate, too. Couldn’t make it?”

Jo didn’t like the tone of his voice. It sounded like he’d already made up his mind that Thea was nothing but a hanger on and not worthy to be her manager. In the past few weeks, he’d even asked her to change to someone with more sophistication and experience. His excuse—Jack was a great man and very fair but others out there weren’t as nice and Thea wouldn’t be up for the job, if that were the case.

Jo let her blue eyes flash icily. “Thea is busy with a final request from me before the show. She must be stuck in traffic.”

“Okay, while you go for the final practice session I’ll look out for her and bring her to your room when she arrives.”

Lee bent and kissed her passionately. Jo pulled away quickly, experiencing the emotion of familiarity and warmth, but the excitement she’d initially felt was missing. She knew then that she’d made a mistake in becoming engaged to Lee. The loneliness of the road made her take the easy option, just as she had in the past. Jo watched him leave her room and looked in the mirror again at her reflection. There was no doubt that she was changing and had been for some time. The change in many ways had been for the good.

What was the catalyst? The contract with Trigon Records? My bid for stardom? Age and experience tempering my old temper tantrums?

In a moment of clarity, she knew the answer. It was Thea.

“Ms. Lackerly, you’re on in five minutes,” some faceless person said, knocking on her door.

Jo picked up her guitar, wishing Thea were going to arrive. She hadn’t really lied to Lee. Thea deserved to be there to see her win or lose the battle. After all, she was an integral part of it happening and it wasn’t the same without her friend by her side. She needed her best friend, Thea. Together they could take on the world. Her heart told her the truth of the words. More than anything else, it reminded her that she had made a mistake in agreeing to Lee’s proposal.

“I guess I was missing you, Thea, and let him sweep me away.”

She stared at the mirror and shook her head.

†

“Where are you going, Thea?”

“I’m going to make my own way in the world as Joanna and I discussed last night.”

Alice couldn’t believe what she was seeing, never mind hearing. Thea was collecting her battered suitcase. “She didn’t really say that, did she? The Jo I’ve met isn’t cruel. It’s not in her character. This is the biggest day of her life and you’re walking out on her, now?”

“She didn’t say it in so many words, but the meaning was clear. She’s moving on, so should I, too. I’m not exactly without any skills, am I? I can cook, clean and work in a motel. I should get work easily.” Thea looked away. “Look, all I want to do is be on my way, out of this town and on the next bus.”

Alice wanted to wring Thea’s neck. Even though she was older, Thea didn’t have the sense she was born with if she was abandoning Jo now. It was cruel and the singer didn’t deserve it. Okay, she might not have been that forthcoming about her engagement and she had left Thea alone for long periods too often. However, she had come home eventually and had paid for everything for the two of them from the time they had come to Nashville and more besides. Jo even gave Thea an allowance, enabling her to have money of her own. She’d heard the singer jovially tease Thea that now that she had her independence, maybe she would leave. Wasn’t that what their mutual friend was doing, now?

“Does she know you’re leaving today?”

“No, not exactly today.”

“I think you should tell her that you’re leaving and not allow her to find out when she arrives home exhausted and expecting to see you and not just a note. I take it you were going to leave a note?”

“Yes. Yes, of course I was…am. I’ve booked a ticket on the bus that leaves at five today. I won’t have time to wait for her to come home. Lately, she’s been coming home later than that. I’m sure she is spending her time with her fiancé.”

“Then why not go and see her do the show. Then you can tell her and leave from there to the bus station. They’re recording the session in an hour and that will give you plenty of time.”

Alice saw the formulation of a negative response on Thea’s face and immediately checked it. “I’ll even give you a lift there and to the bus station.”

“Okay. Just don’t let me be late for the bus.”

“Sure thing.” Alice was grinning as she helped Thea pick up her possessions.

As they left the apartment, she noticed Thea give it a look much like a wistful longing, as though she didn’t want to leave.

This really shouldn’t be happening. What has gone so horribly wrong to make her want to run away from Jo? And just when she’s on the brink of stardom.

She’d bet her next paycheck that Jo did not intend to leave Thea behind.

“By the way, how did Calum take you going away?”

“Oh, that’s another story.”

†

“Hi, Lee. I thought you’d be with our girl,” Jack said.

“Her practice session went reasonably well, don’t you think?”

Jack inclined his head. He noticed the reluctance of the businessman to answer his question fully. “Yes, it did. I know she’s gonna take the country world by storm. Jason called and wants you to call back after you’ve finished here.”

“Okay, that I can do. In fact, Jo doesn’t need me at the moment so I’ll go do it now.” Lee turned to leave then turned back around. “Oh, and if you come across Jo’s negligent manager, she wants to see her when she gets here.”

The words hung in the air like a heavy mist as Lee left. Jack had to chuckle.

So it’s Thea that’s gotten under his skin. Interesting.

He shook his head and while walking toward Jo’s dressing room, he saw Thea.

“Hey, are you looking for Jo?”

“Yes. It’s like a rabbit warren here. I nearly didn’t make it in time.” Thea had the look of a deer caught in the headlight.

“Yeah, some studios are like that. Lee was waiting for you and had to leave, he said Jo was expecting you.” Jack motioned toward a small corridor. “She’s in the door to the left. Will you tell her I’ll catch up with her after she’s wowed them all? Oh, and, Thea, I’m glad you could make it. I know she’ll be fine now.”

†

“Will do, thanks.” Thea watched a smiling Jack disappeared in the opposite direction. Thoughts whirled around in her brain. Why was Lee waiting for her? Joanna had expected her and Jack mentioned that Joanna would be fine now that she was here?

She knocked sharply on the door’s blue fronted panel.

“Come in.”

After taking a deep breath, Thea opened the door and went inside but didn’t see Joanna. Jack said she was in here. Maybe she’s busy and didn’t have time to speak to her. “Joanna, it’s me.”

Joanna emerged from a screen with a beaming smile on her face. “You came!”

Thea did not intend to say anything that would stop her friend’s buoyant spirit. She would need it for the performance. Her eyes were unable to stop moving across the scantily clad figure. Joanna was wearing a lace black bra that barely covered her breasts and a black matching thong. The sight was breathtaking and she could hardly breathe.

“I came. How could I miss your first television performance? I’m your manager aren’t I?” Joanna hugged her, making her heart beat even more erratically.

“I’m glad. I thought you had taken to sleeping late these days.”

The grin Thea received made her wonder why she was even contemplating leaving her friend and going away into the unknown. “No, not really. I’m sorry about this morning I was up late.”

Joanna arched an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t interested in leather clad. Does he know that? It didn’t look like that.”

“He does now,” Thea whispered.

“The thought of going out there without you here… well, let’s just say I’m glad you’re here.”

There was a knock on the door. “Two minutes.

“This happens to us far too frequently don’t you think?” Jo smiled broadly.

“Yeah, it does. We never complete a conversation these days. I do need to talk with you, Joanna.”

“We will. I have two minutes and need to change into something a little more substantial.” Joanna flipped her hand toward her state of undress and moved back behind the screen.

“Want me to leave you to it?”

“No, stay. We’ll go out together. After all, we started this journey together didn’t we?”

Everything was working out fine, wonderful, in fact. Jo knew she could do it now that Thea was there and they would do it together. When she emerged clad in a green cotton shirt and with black leather pants and boots, she saw Thea’s face light up.

“What do you think?” Jo twirled.

“I…I…I’m lost for words. You look stunning. Really amazing. How can they not like you?”

“I think it’s too low key but Lee and Jack think it looks the part. If you approve, then I’ll go with the flow.”

Jo selected a guitar from the two she brought with her. Holding out her hand, she opened the door. “Come on, manager, let’s see what I can do out there shall we.”

“Yeah, go slay them, Joanna.”

†

Neither woman noticed the tall man standing in the shadows who watched them leave the room hand in hand. An acute stab of jealousy hit him as he watched them proceed to the recording area.
Shouldn’t it be me by her side?
That surely was part of the deal when engaged and in love. Wasn’t it?

†

From the wings of the studio, Thea watched the host of the show greet Joanna and ask her a few questions. She settled against a post to watch the interchange. For the moment, she was happy and content watching her friend go through the motions. A masculine voice speaking to her from behind her made her jump.

“She’s quite something, isn’t she?” Lee asked.

“Yes, yes, she is and she deserves this chance. She’s worked so hard for it.”

“Yes, I agree, which is why I wanted to speak to you about something.”