Take It - Part Two (10 page)

“I’m so excited for you,” my mother exclaims as she yanks me forward into a hug. I’m not surprised that she’s pleased I finally bagged a good man. I’m just sad the day I graduated college or the day I was hired on at BioSim didn’t elicit this excitement. This hug is tighter than any I can remember, and all I did was ruin my life so a man could come bail me out. I wonder if they make a congratulatory greeting card for that?

“Don’t you think it’s kind of fast?” I ask, trying to catch my breath as I wiggle out of her tight embrace.

“That’s how the most epic love stories begin. It’s about taking risks and opening your heart to the right people. Pierce is the right kind of people, I can feel it in my bones.” My mother’s eyes well with tears and some choice words almost hop from my mouth, but I catch them. I’m done dumping my anger on her. I nearly ask if she felt the same way about my father before he destroyed her. Instead I bite my tongue, quite literally, until it hurts.

“I’m hoping it works out. Pierce has been adamant about us taking it slow. Now all of a sudden he’s asking me to move in with him. My compass hasn’t been pointing me in the right direction lately. I don’t trust myself.”

“Then trust my judgment and do it. Men like Pierce don’t come along every day, and you deserve to be taken care of. It’s what I always wanted for you.”

“I don’t really want to be taken care of, Mom. You know that. Taking care of myself has always been important to me. I feel like I’m losing sight of that. It scares me.”

“Every now and then we have to be vulnerable and trust the people in our lives to help. And sweetie, if it doesn’t work out, though I know it will, you can always come back.” She kisses the top of my head, making me feel like a child. “Oh he’s here,” she squeaks as Pierce’s truck pulls in the driveway.

Looking at my bags by the door, I feel hopeful. Being cared for, starting something new with a guy, who by all accounts is actually interested in my well-being. I love my mother, but being in this house isn’t helping me move on. If anything it’s rooting me to the past.

“Ready to go?” Pierce asks, and I can see his enthusiasm is forced. He looks exhausted, and now I’m feeling terrible.

“Are you okay?” I analyze his face with a feeling of dread.

“There was a three-alarm that had me up most of the night. Everything turned out fine though. No casualties, just a lot of work.”

The smell of smoke is thick around him, and I see soot marks at his temples. His eyes are heavy, but the familiar twinkle is still there, fighting to glow through the exhaustion.

“We don’t have to do this today,” I chime in, feeling immensely guilty for being a burden.

“It’s no problem at all. We’ll load your stuff and get settled, then I’ll take a shower and crash for a couple hours. I can function on very little sleep.” Pierce is slinging my bags over his shoulder before I can talk him out of it.

“Here,” My mother smiles as she hands me a brown paper bag, reminding me of mornings trying to catch the school bus. “I packed up some sandwiches. I thought you should have something to munch on.”

“You’re too kind.” Pierce winks, seeming genuinely grateful for her ham and cheese sandwiches on rye with the crusts cut off.

My things are loaded into Pierce’s truck, and I’m excited for this. Genuinely and thoroughly excited. Seeing Pierce in his tight T-shirt and gym shorts with his sleepy eyes and his short hair unkempt has turned up the heat I feel for him. Tonight when we’re settling into his bed and I’m seeking refuge in his arms, surely our primal instincts will take over and we’ll give in to the passion. It might not have me shrieking and shivering the way with Harrison did, but then again it might. I feel myself tingle as Pierce’s hand comes down on my thigh, and he looks at me with a sexy half smile.

“I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you for this, Pierce. You’re a lifesaver.” Lacing my fingers in his, I pull his hand up toward my mouth and kiss the back of his hand, which smells smoky. He frees his hand from mine and runs it through my red locks and stops at my shoulder, his thumb moving up and down on my neck. I want him to say he can think of some ways for me to pay him back. I want to hear some innuendo and something sultry accompanied by his hand sliding down between my legs.

When we pull into his small driveway he parks his truck outside a run-down garage. The house is older than I imagined, but it’s well-kept besides showing its age through a sagging porch and chipping paint.

“I bought this place from my grandparents when they moved into a retirement home. I love it because it reminds me of my childhood. I spent every summer here, helping my grandfather around the house, fixing up old cars. We actually brought this truck back to life. It was our last project before he died.”

“It’s a nice house and a beautiful truck. I’m sure you have great memories here.” I glance around the front yard, taking note of the yellow rose bushes that bring color and life to the otherwise tired-looking lot.

Pierce has my bags slung over his shoulder and gestures for me to head into the house. Not too long ago I would have shoved him aside and insisted on carrying my own bags, but admittedly, there is something nice about him doing it. Have I been going about this all wrong? So many years spent adverse to help, walking the tight rope between self-sufficiency and being bitchy.

“Can you grab my keys out of my pocket?” he asks, shifting the bag to the side so I can get a better angle. I lunge forward and slide my hand into the pocket of his gym shorts. His tense thigh and the silky mesh material are pumping with heat. I could easily move my hand inward and brush him erotically, forcing a blush and a giggle. Or, if I let my beastly desire out of its cage, I could grab a handful of him and gaze into his eyes until he was firm and throbbing within my grip.

Instead I grab the keychain and follow his instruction to open the heavy red front door. Giving it an extra hard turn to the left and then a firm nudge with my shoulder, I push through the door with a huff.

Bobbling into the living room, I steady myself on the back of the couch. It’s plush, and like the rest of this room, feels very inviting. It’s not the cold bachelor pad I feared but a well-put-together, cozy place.

“Make yourself completely at home. The fridge usually has some decent stuff in it if I make it to the farmers market on Saturday. I’ll show you how to work the washing machine—the knob is broken, but once you learn the trick, it’s simple. Other than that poke around until you find what you’re looking for. I’m an open book, nothing to hide here.”

I thought I’d feel strange. I assumed I’d get here and everything would come crashing down. But I’m looking forward to the new opportunities living here might bring. Maybe I can’t go back to my old field of work. Maybe the time I spent with Harrison will always be a spectacular and wondrous disaster, forever existing in my mind and heart, but
real life
is here. I can picture myself nestled up next to Pierce on the couch, binge-watching television, and eating some new recipe we tried together. With any luck it won’t be long before we’re framing a picture of us from the weekend trip we took to the beach and putting it up on the mantle above the fireplace.

I never once saw any of those things happening with Harrison. Everything was the here and now, the sensations and the anticipation, but was there any real content to what we had? Just because the mere thought of him could send lightning bolts through my body doesn’t mean there was ever a chance for it to exist on this plane.

“Should we break out your mom’s sandwiches? I have a dining room table, but I think I’ve eaten at it maybe twice. I usually just grab dinner while watching sports in the living room. Maybe you’re better with that stuff than I am.” Pierce opens the paper bag from my mother and grabs two plates and glasses.

“Not really. I didn’t have a dining room table at my place. It was a glorified studio apartment but in a great location. I’m not domestic. I’m not a slob, but I wouldn’t call cooking and cleaning my fortes.

“We all have our own strengths.” He shrugs, handing me a sandwich and gesturing to the table. “I wasn’t much of a mechanic either, but I kept at it with my granddad and eventually caught on. You know the old saying: anything you put your mind to.”

“I’ve always wanted to better things. I constantly had my nose in a book and then switched the books out for case studies. I always wanted to be part of something that changed the world. I never really saw my mother’s life make a contribution. She folded socks and made beds and look, she cut crust off sandwiches. Something about that always made me shy away from following in her footsteps.”

“I hear what you’re saying, but look what her contributions really did for the world. They helped make and support you. Those sandwiches gave you the energy to apply yourself in school. That clean bed is where you crashed every night and recharged for the next day. She might not be in the limelight, but through your success she’s changed the world a little herself.” Pierce takes a big bite of the child-size sandwich and stops chewing suddenly when I smile widely at him.

“I really don’t know how you do it. How are you this perfect? You really challenge me to look at things with new perspective. You’re so kind, and your job—you’re a hero for a living. Why in the world would a guy like you want anything to do with me?”

“Don’t do that. Don’t sell yourself short. You have so much to offer, Jenny. We have a lot in common. We’re selfless. We take care of people we love. I really like spending time with you. I’m glad we’re giving this a shot.”

“I was surprised to hear you shifting gears so quickly and asking me to stay here. I’ve got to be honest I wasn’t sure how long I could do the platonic, getting-to-know-each-other thing. I really want to take this to the next level.” I am so ready. The void that Harrison has left inside me needs to be filled. And while Pierce’s kindness has begun stitching up the tears in my heart, I need more. I need his hands exploring my body, discovering how to tease and tantalize me.

Pierce’s face flames red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry if I gave you a mixed message. That was really stupid of me. I was just worried yesterday when Harrison showed up, and I thought you needed some space. Asking you to come stay here, I meant it more as a way for you to change your scenery and keep moving forward. I wasn’t thinking of it in terms of our relationship. I see why you would have thought that.” Pierce drops his sandwich on the plate and rubs his forehead, looking aggravated with himself and very tired. “I have a spare bedroom here. I cleaned all the sports junk out of it last night and put some fresh sheets on the bed. That’s not what you were thinking though, were you?”

Like a cartoon anvil landing on my head, his words crush me. He wants me to be his roommate, not his live-in girlfriend. We’re no closer today to having sex than we were the last time I threw myself at him. He still sees me as damaged and now that he’s met Harrison, maybe more so.

“Maybe this was a mistake,” I croak as I stand to leave. “I really don’t know what we’re doing here. You say you care about me, you see a future for us, yet we’re not really moving forward at all.”

“I don’t want to move forward until I’m sure you’re done looking backward. I’ve been hurt before too, Jenny. It’s probably apparent, but I don’t walk away from people who need help. That puts me in a position sometimes to get stomped on. The older I get the more I learn how to reduce those odds, and it’s with time. We may not seem like we’re moving fast enough for you, and if that means you want to go look elsewhere for something you need, then so be it. But really look at what we’re doing and then ask yourself if it’s that strange. We have common interests and we’re spending time enjoying each other. We’re talking and listening. We’re present right here, trying to connect. I’m not going to lie and tell you I don’t want to take you in my room and have sex with you. There is a real desire to do that, trust me. But tomorrow morning when we wake up, where are we? Do you feel any better than you did the day before? Probably not. But if you take time to get back on your feet and remember what makes you happy all on your own, then we don’t have to worry about finding ways to distract from the pain. Anything we do is about what we want to do and what brings us close.”

I don’t hide my astonishment. I want him to understand I’ve never heard this from a man before. “Does it really have to be one or the other? Do I have to be all whole and perfect for you to be with me?” I feel the tug of emotion rising up in me, and I know I’m making his point. The tears pooling in my eyes drive home what he’s saying.

“If you can look me in the eye right now and tell me a part of you isn’t just trying to feel better, to feel something, then do it now.”

I look deep into his kind eyes and search for those words. But after a second I drop my head against the back of the couch. “Then what am I doing here if this isn’t the right time for us?”

“We can still do what we’ve been doing, can’t we? What’s wrong with eating together, with hanging out and watching television shows we love together? I want to be here for you. I want to help you get back to the place you were when you felt the best you ever have. And then when you’re there, I want to see where we fit into that. That sounds normal to me.” Pierce’s level face loses its defensiveness and warms with kindness.

“I guess that does sound kind of normal. Getting to know each other, me feeling normal again.”

“I’m going to jump in the shower then crash for a couple hours. If you want to go back to your mom’s house I’ll be happy to take you, and it won’t make this weird at all. I promise. But I say we should give it a try.”