Take a Bow (3 page)

“Hey, I’ve gained some weight this summer, thank you very much,” Ethan protests.

Jack gasps. “Yeah, you are probably what, a buck fifteen soaking wet? Big improvement.”

I shake my head; the last thing we need to do is make Ethan even more self-conscious about his appearance. It took me two years to get him into jeans and T-shirts that actually fit. And then I swear he grew another six inches.

“Okay, so the attention shifts from our bulking stud of a lead singer to the magnetic drummer.”

Ethan interrupts. “Yes, because that often happens with drummers.” Jack glares at him. “But do go on….”

“You’re all obviously jealous of the attention I receive.”

“
Obviously
,” Ben and I say in unison.

“But things get even more complicated as Red realizes that Ben will never return her feelings for him.”

“Um.” I know better than to try to reason with him, but I try anyway. “Maybe the fact that Ben’s gay has something to do with that?”

Jack nods at me with such sympathy. “But the heart, it wants what it wants.”

“Sorry, Emme, this —” Ben gestures at me. “Not my thing.”

Ethan begins to bang his head against the table. “Okay, we do have an audition next week, so can we please get on with this?”

Jack finally gives up. “Fine. I leave you all to become a ginormous star and marry an Oscar-winning actress-slash-Victoria’s Secret model, while Ethan dies by getting hit by a bike messenger while busking outside a subway station, Ben goes to Montana to raise wild goats, and Red, to recover from her heartbreak over Ben’s rejection, turns to her old friend Jack Daniel’s. Happy?”

Ben claps. “That it’s over? Yes.”

“Wait, how exactly is this being easier on me?” I ask. “I still have an addiction and I’m miserable.”

“You guys wanted the short version.” Jack shrugs his shoulders and dives into his food.

Both Ben and Ethan glare at me, not wanting to prolong this any more.

“Plus” — Jack shoves a few fries into his mouth — “I thought it was best to make it short and sweet. We don’t want Mount Saint Emme erupting again.”

Ethan’s fork drops, Ben looks down at the floor, and I just sit there with my mouth open. I can’t believe Jack would bring up … The Incident.

Jack realizes, too late, what he’s done. “You know, I …”

“Oh, so
now
you’re at a loss for words?” Ethan says through clenched teeth. “Two seconds too late.” He gets up to go to the bathroom.

“Emme …” Jack’s voice is a low whisper.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’m the one …”

I don’t even want to think about what happened this summer. Ethan and I haven’t talked about it since. Nobody has.

I was hoping that we’d returned to normal. Things seemed to be a lot better.

However, Ethan’s abrupt departure from the table makes it clear:

Appearances can be deceiving.

The following afternoon, Sophie knocks on my door.

“Greetings from Maryland!” She holds out something wrapped up in tissue paper.

“You remembered!” I take the gift and start to unwrap the tissue.

“Of course I remembered. I only do it every year.”

It’s a pink scallop seashell. “These are my favorite.” I turn it over in my hand and rub the smooth surface.

Sophie shakes her head. “I can’t believe you keep them. The first time I gave you one was because I was eight and cheap. What else do you give someone from the beach for free?” She glances over the other shells she’s given me, all lined up on my bookshelf.

I place my newest shell next to the others. “It’s not that.”

“Right, it’s the thought that counts.”

“Stop it.” I pick up the first one she gave me, a black-and-white shell. “I just think it’s interesting to think about its journey. Where it’s been, you know? It’s probably traveled thousands of miles in the ocean and it ends up on a beach in Maryland.”

“And then on some girl’s bookshelf in Brooklyn. What a life!” She laughs. “Although I really shouldn’t judge, since my journey hasn’t been anything to brag about.”

Sophie sits down on my bed and I see her study the photos on my wall. There’s a collage of all the talent competitions Sophie and I have competed in. Sophie is wearing a blue ribbon or gold medal in all of them. But the photos stop when we’re around fourteen. Our schedules at CPA don’t really allow us to do much outside of school, and, well … Sophie really hasn’t shone through as much as we thought she would.

She shakes her head, as if she’s trying to get rid of whatever thought is there. “Sorry, I’m just in a crabby mood. Bad night.”

“Oh, did you and Carter get into a fight or something?”

Sophie reaches into her bag and pulls out a stack of newspapers and printouts from online gossip columns. “No. I spent all last night posing for photographers and I was cut off in every picture except one.” She hands me a spread from the Gossip Guru that has a picture of Sophie clutching on to Carter. “Carter Harrison and friend …
and friend
!”

I look at the photo. She has one arm wrapped around Carter, while the other holds his hand. “It’s pretty clear that you guys are a couple.”

She picks up the photo and studies it. “That’s not my point. I’ve been with Carter for two years now — shouldn’t they recognize me already? And we’re seniors now, so time is running out.”

I know how much pressure senior year is going to be. I never thought it would get to Sophie, but she seems more stressed out than usual.

Sophie puts the articles back in her bag. “I really need my name out there. It’s only a matter of time before I start working with talent scouts.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t agree with Sophie’s decision to avoid college and immediately dive into the world of Broadway and record contracts. It’s not that I doubt her talent; it’s just such a hard business.

“Anyway.” Sophie lays her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry to dump that on you. How are things with the guys? Do you know what you’re going to do for the audition?”

“Oh, it’s fine. We’re debating which of Ethan’s songs to do.” I feel a slight stab in my stomach as I say his name. When he returned to the table, we started talking about what songs to perform and mapped out a practice schedule. I tried to talk to him afterward, but he rushed off to the subway. I guess maybe it’s better to let it go. I said my peace. Well, I said a lot of things. It was more like I was declaring war, but I had to do it.

“Hello?” Sophie waves her hand in front of my face. “Earth to Emme.”

“Sorry.”

She tilts her head. “Is everything all right?”

I nod. I’m glad to have Sophie back, and not just from Maryland, but back in my life. Each year it seems like she slips away from me. I know I carry the blame since I have to dedicate so much time to the band. But between homework, rehearsals, school performances, and band gigs, I don’t have a lot of time for anything. Still, there will always be time for Sophie. We’re a team. We’re best friends.

I pull out the sheet music with my scribbles over it.

Sophie straightens up. “I’ve been warming up my voice. Tell me everything about it!”

“I’ve been working on this one idea for a while. It’s about searching. The song is about searching for that person, the one who completes you. Sort of like ‘Where are you already?’ but I think it also works with where we are right now. Searching for our future, where we belong.”

Sophie nods at me while she studies my lyrics. “Amazing, Emme. Really amazing.”

I sit down at the keyboard in my room and begin to play the song for Sophie. After a few run-throughs, she begins to sing along. I love this stage of the writing process, when the song is like an intimate secret shared between us. It’s a bond that can’t be broken by school or by anyone. It’s only the two of us.

After we practice for a while, I type out the reworked lyrics. (Hearing Sophie sing always inspires me to make a few changes.) She hesitates before taking the sheet.

“Um, Em, I was hoping you could do me a huge favor.” She begins to curl a long brunette strand of hair between her fingers. She does this when she waits for a callback list to be posted or when she thinks she’s going to say something that will upset me.

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive. I’ve never been tough like her. She’s center stage. I’m background. That’s just the way it has been and always will be.

She sits down next to me on the piano bench and grabs my hand. “I know how extremely busy you’re going to be, and I was hoping you could write out the accompanying part so I could practice with Amanda.”

“Oh.” I try to not sound hurt. Amanda is a junior music student who has been practicing Sophie’s other vocal department songs with her. But the songs I write have always been between the two of us.

“You know that Amanda is nowhere near the pianist that you are, but I really want to do well. It’s senior year and it’s hard for you and me to find the time with our schedules. You understand, don’t you?”

What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t give Sophie every advantage to nail her audition for the performance?

“Of course. I’ll write it up tonight and send it to you.”

“Oh, Emme.” Sophie hugs me. “You’re the greatest friend ever! I’m eternally indebted to you. You are so getting an entire paragraph in the liner notes for my first album.
To Emme, who has been my biggest supporter and friend since day one.
”

I know that Amanda could never replace me. Really, when I think about it, she’s helping me out. Senior year is going to be busy and I need to let go a little. I don’t have the time and I can’t do it all. If I keep trying to juggle everything, someone is going to end up getting shortchanged and I don’t want to do that to Sophie and the guys, not to mention to my sanity.

After Sophie leaves, something registers in what she said. Her album. We used to discuss how I was going to write and produce her albums. But she hasn’t said anything about me being part of her album in months.

Wow, Emme, needy much?
I think.

Senior year hasn’t even started, but I’m already worried about not being a part of an album that doesn’t even exist yet.

I know how much I mean to Sophie. I’ve got to remember her Plan. I’ve always been part of it, a big part of it. And nothing will change that.

“I seriously can’t believe you let her do that,” Ethan whispers to me a week later at the auditions for the freshman welcome program. We’re all lined up in the hallway waiting our turn.

I try to look content as I watch Sophie walk into her audition with Amanda. “She’s been practicing the song more with Amanda than with me,” I explain. “Do I need to remind you that I’ve been a little busy rehearsing with you guys?”

Jack stops twirling his drumsticks for a second. “Yeah, for two hours a day. You’ve got twenty-two other hours for Sophie. But apparently that isn’t enough for the wanna-diva.”

It’s an argument we’ve had a lot. Ever since freshman year, there has been this pull on me between the guys and Sophie. Sophie thinks I spend too much time with them and they — well, they don’t like her.

Ethan motions toward the door to the auditorium stage. “She’s in there right now singing
your
song. Do you really think you’re going to get the credit for it? You have to remember that this audition is also about you.
You
are being judged right now … if she even bothers to mention that it’s one of your songs.”

“She would never …” I know there’s no way Sophie would take credit for the song. Everybody knows I write her songs. And she’s been practicing with Amanda more than me, so am I supposed to punish her because
I’m
the one who’s not available?

They don’t get it. And they never have.

Ethan shakes his head. “She’s already done the unforgivable, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask.”

Ben gets up and crouches next to us. “Hey, guys, we’ve got
our
audition coming up, so can we just concentrate on that, please?”

We both nod.

“Hey, Emme.” Carter comes up to me. “Where’s Sophie?”

I point to the door. “Oh,” he says. “Why aren’t you in there?”

Ethan gets up and walks away. Carter takes his seat.

“She’s in with Amanda.”

“Oh.” Carter looks upset. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

He gives me a look that says
No, it’s not
. And maybe it isn’t, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Ben’s right; I’ve got to get my head into our audition.
That
I can do something about.

I gesture toward the script rolled up in Carter’s hand. “What are you doing?”

He looks at it. “Oh, I’m doing a monologue from
Death of a Salesman
, but this is the script for tomorrow’s scene.”

I don’t know how Carter balances everything we do with school and acts in a soap opera at the same time. I know his mom worked out some arrangement so he only works about ten hours a week, but still.

He flips through the pages. “You don’t even want to know what shenanigans Chase Proctor is up to now.” He laughs and messes up his overly styled blond hair.

Oddly enough, I haven’t really watched
Our Lives, Our Loves
since I’ve known him. Sophie was always obsessed with it, so I get updates every now and then about Carter’s character, Chase Proctor, the good guy who turned bad after his parents got a divorce when his father started cheating with his mother’s twin sister, who everybody thought was dead after she was trapped in a house that was set on fire by Chase’s estranged grandmother, who … oh, never mind.

Sophie and Amanda emerge from the audition, and Sophie heads straight for Carter. “You weren’t here to wish me luck.”

“But you don’t need luck when you have a song by Emme,” he says, grinning at me.

“Oh, hey, Emme!” Sophie gives me a big hug. “The song was great. I could tell they loved it.” Amanda hangs behind her. She won’t even talk to me. I don’t know what she has against me since we’ve only ever exchanged a handful of words in the past. She’s the only junior here, so she should show me some gratitude for being such an unreliable friend that it got her into the audition.