Sweet Torture (Fated for Love) (16 page)

There was a tap on the door before it opened
, and her mother stepped into her room. “Are you feeling well?”

Lydia sighed heavily. She had never felt closer to her mother than she did these past three months. She turned her head and gave her a watery smile. “I’m having an attack of the nerves. I want to see him desperately
, and yet I’m terrified.”

Her mother came forward and sat at the foot of the bed. “In good time
, dearest. At the right moment, all will be revealed. Have faith in the return of his affections. His actions will speak far louder than anything he might say in anger.”

“I’m afraid he hates me.” Lydia covered her face with her hands and willed away the nausea

“It’s a very fine line between love and hate, Lydia. We can love so strongly that it leads to resentment for feeling so vulnerable. Hearts are fragile and strong, easy to break but will mend to be stronger. If he truly loves you, as I believe he does, then he will forgive you.”

“How can you have such faith
, Mother? In so many ways, Devon
seems
so much like father, though he is not.”

“Tis true
, I would not wish this experience upon you or for you to love such a passionate and handsome man, but one thing cannot be denied—your father never felt for me as strongly as Devon has felt for you. I can attest to the look of anguish I saw on his face that night. If he had only base intentions towards you, he never would have fought for you as he did, or abandoned his home and family the way he did. Remember, that no matter what he says in anger, you must look past it and find the love he has for you. Such a love does not fade so quickly. He is hurting much like you and together, you must heal.”

“Oh
, Mother.” Lydia sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. She put her arms around her mother, and rested her head on her shoulder. “I hope you are right.”

“Tsk. I am always right. Will you be coming down to dinner or shall I make excuses for you?”

“I think I will cower in my room for the rest of the day.”

“So be it. But today is your last day to be a coward
. Tomorrow we move forward and conquer Devon Brentton’s heart, if not the world.”

“Yes
, Mother.” Lydia looked up at her fierce and loving mother and smiled. Her mother smiled back at her with a rather diabolical twinkle in her eye.

Lydia slept through dinner, only waking when her mother checked on her before retiring for the night. She sat up in bed and waited patiently while the house and its occupants settled and candles were extinguished. She waited until the halls grew silent and servants retired to their bed, so that when she stepped into the shadowed hall, there would be no witnesses to her own diabolical plan. She made her way to Devon’s room, silent as a mouse, and pressed her ear to the door. She could hear nothing. She gently turned the knob and pushed the door open. His room was dark, no fire in the hearth, curtains open but only revealing weak light from the moon. The bed was hung with curtains closed loosely. She crept closer, the floor creaking mutinously under her bare feet, but no sound of movement was heard from the bed.

“Are you a ghost come to haunt me?”

She froze. Her heart kicked into a gallop, and a shiver of awareness rippled through her at the sound of his voice. She turned towards the source, a high backed winged chair by the fireplace where she could faintly make out the darker shadow that was his form.

“Sometimes it feels as though I am,” she whispered.

“How very melodramatic. It isn’t like you.”

“You know me so well
, then?”

“I know you
, Lydia… inside and out.”

She shivered again. His deep voice awoke memories of his hands on her skin, their bodies joined intimately. She stepped into the meager light by the windows
. A blessedly cool breeze wafted through the curtains and cooled her cheeks.

“What are you doing
here?”

“We came to
—.”

“We?”
he said darkly.

“My mother and I
.” She waited with baited breath. She squinted into the darkness, anxiously watching for any movement. He was sitting perfectly still, his back towards her, his dark head a silhouette above the chair.

“Your mother?
What business do either of you have being here.”

“We came to see you
, Devon. To make things right,”

“Things?” He
slowly rose from the chair and rounded it, giving it a hard shove as he passed it in a sudden burst of ferocity. It crashed into the wall with a startling bang, and Lydia was frozen with fear as Devon stalked towards her, only stopping when they were toe to toe. She could feel his breath on her face.

“What
things
do you think you can set right, Lydia? There is no coming back from where we have both gone. You’re married, and I’m an empty carcass of a man.”

“No
, Devon,” she said with more breath than sound. The weak moonlight lit his face just enough to reveal his anguish, the lines of strain and sadness. It was all because of her, and she feared not only would he reject her, but also that she could never make it up to him. She wanted to take it all away, and only give him joy and happiness. Was it too late to mend his wounds? She was ready to devote her lifetime to it, if only he would let her.

“I am not married
, Devon,” she swallowed hard. She had so many things to tell him, and yet suddenly, her mouth felt as if it were filled with cotton. “After that night, my mother called off his suite. She supports my desire to be with you now. That’s why we are here.”

He stared hard at her, one cynical eyebrow slowly raised and doubt filled her. She closed her eyes against it and licked her dry lips.
She felt like a dried up leaf, brittle and scuffed from life.

“These are the
things
you wish to mend? You said you didn’t want me, that I was not good enough to marry. When did you change your mind? When did the puritanically ice queen of London thaw out her heart and decide that love was good enough?” He said angrily as he backed away from her and retreated into the shadows.

“The moment you left my room.”

“You mean the moment our affair became public knowledge,” he sneered. “That’s precisely why you are here with your mother, isn’t it? Now that the great Lady Lydia Covvington has been ousted as a doxy,
things
must be mended.”

“That’s not it at all.”
Lydia quivered. He was nothing but a darker shadow in the darkness, pacing back and forth beside the bed.

“The hell it is. That’s why my parents are also here. A united front to see me leg shackled to the woman I ruined. It’s positively diabolical the lengths one’s family will go to preserve their own good name. Do you think me such a fool? To blindly fall on my knees before you
and beg you to marry me again? Think again.”

“I love you
, Devon. That is the one and only reason I am here. I know you hate me, and I deserve it, but you said you loved me, and I take that to mean that if I fall to my knees and beg it of you, you will be with me again.” She wanted to go to him, to put her arms around him, but his malice radiated from him in waves, holding her immobilized.

“Get out
, Lydia. Leave this place, and let me suffer in peace.”

Her heart contracted painfully. She had known he would not accept her easily
, but to be so maliciously rejected stabbed at her confidence. She clasped her shaking hands together before her and took a deep shaky breath. “No, Devon. I already gave up on us once; I will not ever do it again. I will love you until I take my last breath even though you may hate me now. I will prove it to you.”

His shadow moved the bed and sat, his head bowed. “Get out.”

Lydia moved on wobbly knees, found the door and left without another word. She had said all she needed to say, for the moment. Tomorrow, the real battle would begin. She returned to her room and climbed into bed. Her biggest obstacle, besides Devon himself, would be Olivia, who was guarding him like a ferocious mother tiger. But if she was to prove how much he meant to her that would mean spending her time with him and caring for him. That would be difficult to do if Olivia bars her from his room.

She was exhausted. Her energy flagging greatly
, she nestled her head into the pillows and closed her eyes. Tomorrow would be the first day of winning his heart back by whatever means necessary. She would have to prove that she was here only out of love. It was true her reputation was in tatters, but it was strange that the occurrence of something she had feared for so long had passed without so much of a flicker of pain to her. She cared for nothing but Devon now, for healing the rift between them and beginning again. She no longer cared about the thoughts of others, or the social whirl. She had more important things in her life that are worth far more.

She suspected her mother had a lot to do with diminishing the effects of the scandal on her. They had left for the country that day, retired to their small cottage surrounded by farm fields
and meadows, until Lydia was able to open her eyes without crying. Their only communication with the outside world had been with Devon’s mother.

How
quickly ones priorities could change. How fickle her previous self now seemed. She would do anything to take it all back, to slap the girl she had once been and tell her that none of it was worth it—the reputation, the balls, the delicate social standing. She had given up on love for such petty things. Now she was paying for it. But in truth, she was blessed, her eyes were opened, and she was given the gift of a second chance.

Chapter 16

Lydia awoke and dressed with a renewed sense of purpose. Carefully pinning her hair in a sedate knot she arrived in the breakfast parlor to the surprise of her mother, and the tentative smiles of the other residents. The men returned to their papers, Lady Ellsley and Olivia resumed a conversation about draperies for the master suite, and her mother watched her with kind warmth.

Lydia proceeded to the sideboard where she began to gluttonously fill a plate with eggs, kippers, ham, toast, and bacon. Breakfast had become her favorite
meal of late, and she relished every savory bite, washing it down with a steaming hot cup of tea. Her mother watched her favorably and always remarked on the health benefits of such a hearty appetite.

Lydia sheepishly slowed her pace as she became aware of
Lady Ellsley’s and Olivia’s curious stares. Lady Ellsley smiled knowingly. Olivia raised a puzzled brow before turning back to her own breakfast.

Lydia concentrated on her own plate
, and thought about how to bring Olivia to her side. Never before had they been in opposition to each other. Olivia had always been there for her, been her ally and staunch supporter even when Lydia herself was getting in her own way. Olivia was as honest as they come, as she always wore her heart on her sleeve, and was never afraid to speak her mind, or do what she thought was best. Now that included keeping her brother from the woman who drove him away.

Lydia had queried the young girl assigned to assist her this morning, and was told that Olivia took it upon herself to tend to the majority of Devon’s needs. His valet had arrived yesterday as well, but it was Olivia who brought him his meals, checking on him frequently throughout the day. Lydia wanted that role. The more time she spent with him, the more she could convince him of her love. It was not about marriage and reputation, which is exactly what he thought now. It was about earning his forgiveness, proving to him that she regrets every second that they have spent apart, and that she will do anything to guarantee they would have a future. Her only obstacle, besides Devon himself, was Olivia.

The
gentlemen stood and excused themselves from the ladies. Lady Ellsley and her mother were discussing a trip to the village, and when Lydia turned towards Olivia, she caught her gaze darting away.

“Perhaps you and I could take a turn in the garden?” Lydia asked. “I would love to tour your new home with you
.”

She could read Olivia’s hesitancy on her face. She had hoped their tender feelings of friendship had not withered in such a short time.

“I suppose I can ignore the beast for a while longer,” Olivia murmured. They both stood and exited towards the French doors.

“Your pelisse
, Lydia, you mustn’t catch a chill,” Lady Covvington called after them.

Lydia waved her off and stepped out into the early morning sun. Olivia was ahead of her
, and she directed them towards a winding path through raised beds leading towards the back of the formal gardens.

“If you’re up to it
, there is a brilliant walk towards the east that leads to a view of the ocean.”

“What do you mean
, if I am up to it?” Lydia said in puzzlement.

“You’ve never been very fond of nature. Remember those
amorous birds?”