Sweet Torture (Fated for Love) (15 page)

He need
ed to move past this, to overcome the demon of anguish that was ravaging his insides. A new emotion swelled within him—a sense of determination and will to succeed. He had given into the pain, and given himself over to the madness, but it had not been enough to forget her. Now he needed to take control. To be the cool gentleman he once was, and to be the man his family needed him to be. He was his father’s only heir; he had responsibilities and a family to help care for. He had a purpose, he had a light at the end of the tunnel in and with the people who loved and needed him.

He sat up slowly as the room tilted around him. He reached for the cup of cold tea
, taking two large swallows to moisten his mouth. He reached for the chicken and took a bite. He chewed slowly and then swallowed, waiting for his stomach to revolt.

Nothing.

He took a few more bites and then reached for the cheese. It was a small victory to keep down solid food but he would take it. His next goal would be to clean himself up, and then leave his sick bed for fresh surroundings. For the first time, Devon felt as if he were healing.

Olivia reached the front hall as Bronson, the butler, pulled the door open. She stepped out on the portico where she found her father handing her mother down, and another carriage pulling up behind them.

“Oh
, dear God.” She froze as Colton came up behind her and she grabbed his arm in panic. “I expected my parents at some point but not this.” She watched as a footman opened the door to the second carriage and handed an elegant woman down, her face shielded by a fashionably wide brimmed bonnet. He turned to the other occupant and handed her down. She stepped out gracefully, standing tall and using her hand to block the afternoon sun from her delicate skin. Her blonde hair shone in the light with pale streaks. She turned towards Olivia and smiled warmly.

Olivia smiled in return.

“I’ll be damned. This will kill him,” Colton said.

Olivia’s father stepped forward
, and shook Colton’s hand. “Rather unexpected I know, but it was urgent.”

“Urgent?” Olivia said nonplussed. “We are harboring a barely civilized ape
, and
you
had urgent business?”

“Olivia!” Her mother admonished. “We should go inside. There is much to discuss.”

Olivia and Colton shared a worried glance.

“Tis a pleasure to see you again
, Lady Covvington.” Olivia turned to the two women who approached. “It has been some time, Lydia, you look well.”

“You
, as well,” Lady Covvington answered. “Marriage suites you, from the looks of it.”

“Why thank you
, Lady Covvington. Let us move to the drawing room where we can have some tea. Bronson can bring a plate of sandwiches if you have not had luncheon yet.

“That would be wonderful,” Lydia said smiling.

Olivia twinkled with delight at her dear friend. So much had happened since she had last seen her and yet her visit here now was an utter shock. She glanced at Lydia’s gloved hand as she stepped past her and did not see a ring of any sort. Questions buzzed inside her like impatient bees but she also worried. What were they doing here, and how would she explain it to Devon?

She had a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were about to go awry.

They continued with banal pleasantries as cups of tea and cucumber sandwiches were dispensed. Olivia sat, back straight as a tuning fork and humming with nervous energy. Her gaze kept darting from Lydia to the doorway repeatedly, as if Devon would unexpectedly enter and start tearing up the room like an angry bear. The minutes passed as Colton asked about their travel here and news from London. Finally, things drifted to an uncomfortable pause, and her eyes lingered on her father until he exhaled heavily.

“I’m sure we are unexpected
, but as I said before, it was urgent.”

Olivia shot another glance at Lydia and her mother
, who seemed suddenly tense in anticipation.

“I would like to see Devon
, if I may. It has been so long…” Her mother said pleadingly.

With
surprise, Olivia realized she was asking her permission. She looked to Colton for support.

“Well…”

Her mother’s hand shook as she brought it to her chest, and the color drained from her cheeks.”

“Devon is quite well
, I assure you,” Colton said reassuringly. “It’s just that…”

“Dear God
, what is it.” Olivia’s father demanded.

“He is very unpleasant
, at the moment,” Colton offered.

Her parents visibly relaxed.

“You may see him if you wish. Just be forewarned that he is behaving as an utter ass.” Olivia continued, “and I would not mention to him that we have other visitors.” She paused and looked at Lydia.

Lydia stiffened and looked away
. Lady Covvington sat up straighter, and took her daughters hand in a tight grasp. “That is understandable given the circumstances; we would appreciate a rest after our journey.”

“Certainly
, my lady, I can show you to your rooms. They should be ready now if you will follow me.” Olivia led them from the room. Their rooms were in the opposite wing from Devon’s, but she already had the dreadful feeling that a fuse had been lit.

Seeing Lydia and her mother
settled, she returned to the drawing room and the awkward silence that awaited her. She would have none of it.

Her father was pacing the floor in agitation.
“Can I see my son now?” he said belligerently.

“After you explain to me why
, after I asked you not to come, that you arrive unexpectedly, and with the woman who drove him away?” Olivia returned.

“Do not address you father in that tone
, young lady,” her mother warned.

Olivia turned to her. “We found Devon in an opium den
, mother. Pale as the dead, and his mind twisted in illusions. I thought he was going to die on more than one occasion, and now that he is coming back to us, you wish to push him away again?”

“We want nothing of the sort
,” Her father argued. “There is much to be discussed, but first—god dammit—I will see my son.”

“Why is she here?” Olivia demanded. She would not let anyone—her parents included—destroy the fragile progress Devon had made in his recovery.

“Things need to be set right, Olivia. Lady Covvington sought our help because Lydia needs Devon just as much as he needs her. They are here to make amends.”

“That’s impossible. Devon wasn’t good enough for her to marry, she told me so herself
.”

Olivia’s mother pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve
, and dabbed at her eyes. “She could not marry Lord Caverly, Olivia. She now realizes the mistake she has made, and wishes to make amends. We support this, if it means our son will return to the man he was and be happy.”

Olivia sat heavily on the sofa
, and brought her hands to her face. She pushed her fingertips into her brows and circled around her eyes in exasperation. What they wanted was impossible now she was sure. The man her brother used to be was gone. All that they could have was the man he was going to be after the healing was done. He might look the same, but he would never
be
the same. She had watched him for countless hours as they had returned to England from Amsterdam. She watched him writhe in delirium shouting Lydia’s name. She had mopped the sweat from his brow and started to hate Lydia, as well. She had never seen nor heard of anyone being so broken from love. It was terrifying.

“Perhaps you should see him
, and judge for yourself if such a rift can be mended, but I warn you. He cares for nothing, and no one, at this time. He can be quite abrasive.”

“I will show you to his room
,” Colton offered.

Her parents
nodded and followed Colton from the room silently. Olivia followed behind them slowly. She was curious to see the reception they would receive after having not seen him for so long. Upon their return from Amsterdam, they had asked for privacy and time for Devon to recover and gain some semblance of himself. It was a terrible shock to her parents, and even more so when Colton and Olivia had demanded to be married immediately. There was no protest, only bewilderment and blind acceptance. They had been through so much. All of them had, but it was not over yet, and Olivia’s deepest fear was that if pushed too far, Devon would run again and never return.

When she peeked in the
doorway, her parents stood at the foot of the bed, and Devon was sitting up. Olivia entered quietly, and was pleased to notice he had eaten some of the chicken and cheese. Her mother wept quietly as her father stoically made small talk and asked about his health. Devon responded with single word answers. His face was as hard as granite and devoid of emotion. He still looked so pale; the only color was the deep purple circles under his eyes. Her mother came to his side and took his hand. She watched as Devon stared at it like a foreign object and then accepted the comfort. Olivia exhaled in relief.

“We are so glad to have you home
, son,” her father continued.

His voice had grown deeper. She watched in amazement as he fought to contain his own emotions.
How awful it must have been for them, both their children gone without more than a note. She hung her head in shame and turned to leave. She looked up as she entered the hall and at the end stood a ghost of a woman.

“Lydia
,” She gasped. Olivia quickly looked back at Devon’s room, but no one had heard her. She strode forward quickly and grabbed Lydia’s arm, towing her down the hall towards the main stairs.

Lydia followed complacently as they reached a small private parlor
, and Olivia closed the door behind them and turned on her.

“You have some gall coming here.”

Lydia wilted like a singed flower beneath her glare and sat on the settee. “I had to, Olivia. You don’t understand.”

“By all means
, make me understand, Lydia. You ripped his heart out and now you wish to put it back. I’m not sure he has a heart anymore, to tell you the truth. What are you doing here?”

“We came to apologize and more specifically
, I came to beg his forgiveness.”

“And then what?” Olivia said scornfully.

Tears began to fall from Lydia’s eyes in rapid succession, but she did not look away. “I love him, Olivia. Only him. You say he no longer has a heart and nor do I. We both ripped them from our chests and have lost them.”

“No
, Lydia. You ripped his out and threw yours away for Lord Caverly,” Olivia snapped.

Lydia flinched. “Whatever the case may be, he will be my final judge. Only he knows what truly lies between us and if he doesn’t want me
—,” a sob erupted from her, “then I will leave and never face him again, but I must tell him that I love him, and I’m choosing him. It is he, or no one.

“Too little to
o late, Lydia,” Olivia said with scorn.

“You have no idea how right you are
, Olivia. I will do everything in my power to mend it, and to mend our friendship, as well.”

Olivia turned her back to her and hastily wiped away a tear. “I wish you luck with that endeavor.” She left the parlor and closed the door leaving Lydia alone. The day was rapidly unraveling and all she wanted was to lie down
, and to feel Colton’s arms wrapped around her.

*~~~

Lydia sat in the empty room as still as a statue. She had lost everything in the time Devon had gone, her reputation, her heart, her best friend… Her mother had become her sole support and warrior. She looked around the room in bewilderment unsure of what to do. Was she wrong to come here? She knew it would not be easy, but if he had truly loved her, surely forgiveness would not be so difficult. It was certainly easier to run away, her mother had said as much, and promised that no matter what, they would be together and face whatever came their way. But Lydia didn’t want to contemplate a life without Devon. There was only one option, one choice to be made, and he would have the final say. He would want her or he would not. If only she could see him without anyone around. She didn’t want to face him alone, but nor did she want witnesses to her unraveling. The idea alone of facing him again and all the anger he would unleash on her was terrifying, but she couldn’t back down. It was now or never.

This was the hardest thing she had ever done before
, and she wasn’t going to back down. She would accept his decision with whatever dignity she had left and leave it at that. What was most important was that he knew the truth, all of it. He had to know she loved him, and would love him until the day she died. All she needed now was the appropriate moment and privacy in which to do it. As for Olivia… she would mend that fence in time. Olivia had a heart bigger than anyone she knew, and she was sure that they would be friends again in time.

There was a soft knock before a maid entered and asked if she needed anything. Lydia dabbed at her eyes and stated would return to her room. She requested a bath and some broth and retired to her room to think. She wanted to mentally prepare for Devon, to rehearse all that she would say and do. The anticipation was making her shaky and nauseous. She paced her room until the bath arrived
, and then once she had washed all the dust off, she sat against the pillows on her bed to slowly sip the steamy broth. It did little to calm her stomach, so she lay on the bed and stared at the canopy above.