Sweet Reflection (2 page)

He stiffens next to me and steels his jaw. The vein in his neck is popping away and his teeth are ground tightly together.

“What are you sorry for?” He looks over at me and pauses, waiting for my answer. What
am
I sorry for? It just seemed the right thing to say. My behaviour?

“I shouldn’t have had that much. I don’t normally get that drunk. I think because you had made so much effort with your
Hitch
move to single me out, I felt a bit less inhibited, you know? And I didn’t even think about how many I was drinking because I was having so much fun. I remember that part at least.” The night we met I was out with a group of guys and he approached me like I was a member of staff, shoving some money in my hand and asking me to bring him some drinks. I thought he was an arrogant asshole until I followed him and called him out on it. He said he knew and he was just trying to get me away from the other guys. That’s what got me. I’m a sucker for the confident, arrogant bullshit and it worked just like in the movie.

He chuckles, “So you’ve seen that film, huh? I thought I was being all smooth and shit, didn’t even think about you seeing through it.”

His grin is infectious and I smile back, “It definitely was smooth and shit. I…”

“What?”

“I didn’t do anything embarrassing though did I?” My heart beats faster as I fly into panic mode. What if he says I did? What if I threw up everywhere or stumbled around like a drunken fool? I can’t hear his answer. I regret opening my stupid mouth.

“No. You didn’t. You were fine. Pretty great actually. You did this thing with your tongue that-“

“STOP.
Please
.” I cover my ears with hands, shaking my head side to side. My plea is loud, hoping he doesn’t finish the sentence because it’s something I really can’t deal with.

His deep echoing laugh makes me smile and he reaches out to pull my hands back down to my sides. The jolt of heat from his hand runs through me and suddenly I forget what I’m doing. The sound of the music and people around us fades away and all I can hear is the sound of my heart hammering against my chest, the blood rushing around my body and I’m in tune with the heavy breaths I’m taking. His gaze narrows, and he’s staring into my eyes and I think he’s going to kiss me. Do I want him to kiss me? I see his eyes drop down to my lips and I silently curse as my tongue darts out to wet them subconsciously. James jolts forward and I’m ready for his lips but his whole body crashes against me instead.

He straightens and steadies himself, pulling away from me, “Sorry, are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine. That was unexpected.” I glance behind him and see the fight that’s broken out behind us is being stopped by two guys from security and they’re dragging the drunks out onto the street.

He looks back at me; his gaze is just drinking me in. After what feels like hours but is really just a few seconds he snaps out of it.

“I just need to…” He points to the corridor where the toilets are.

“Oh sure, yeah go for it. I’m going to order a drink anyway.”

He pauses again, “Er…okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” He turns his body to walk away and the loss of his presence near me has me slumping back onto the stool with such force that there is a loud thud. Not the most graceful thing I have ever done.

James

Fuuuucckk.
Last week was a hell of a night. I thought I’d done well at getting her out of my head but tonight is bringing the memories back and I can’t deal with them. They’re still too vivid.
What is it about her that makes me unable to think about anything else? Like when she laughs, I want to be the one who
makes
her laugh. When she puts her mouth on her glass to drink from it, I want it to be on me. When she licks her lips, I want to taste her. This is not good. I was so close to kissing her back there but those idiots ruined it. She wanted it, I could tell. But I know if I have her again I won’t want to stop having her and there’s no way she would go for that. Exclusive fucking but no relationship. What female would go for that? In my experience they all think they can handle it but emotions nearly always get in the way. They start wanting you to do shit with them like dinner, and movies, and shopping, and then it’s all about meeting the parents and the diamond and the house and…Shit! What am I going to do? I hide in the corridor trying to get my head on straight and my throat growls in irritation. That night was amazing although it’s been slightly ruined by the fact she must have been off her face. She really didn’t seem like she was so drunk. She was doing stuff to me that I didn’t realise I had been missing out on but fuck me, they felt good. She’s completely ruined me. I want to do it again, but I don’t see a way round it. She doesn’t strike me as one of those clingy desperate girls, but then they don’t at first.

As I realise I have been gone for long enough, I head out and aim for her again. I’ll just see how it goes. We’ll get drinks and laugh and flirt and then see how we feel. I scan the side of the bar where I left her and realise she’s not there. My brows knit together in a frown as I scan the rest of the room and then I see her. Well, I see him first. Ryan runs the bar here at night and during the day he works at Blake’s construction company. He was a couple of years below me in school though so he must be about twenty-two, why is she talking to him? Something twists inside me and I notice I’ve clenched my fists in an offensive move. I feel myself snapping, what the hell? She smiles up at him, and he puts his hand on her hips and I’m taken back to the night I met her when she was surrounded by a load of guys. In that moment I understand something. She’s just like me. She fucks around. She isn’t going to want to be sexually exclusive. Hell, I don’t know if I could manage it. But I had wanted to try. I guess she’s not into that and it clears things up for me. We aren’t going to happen again.

As if she hears me, she looks over and I know I’m still frowning and staring at them. She has the courtesy to look repentant but it’s too late. The damage is done. “Hey gorgeous, I thought it was you. Where have you been lately, I didn’t see you here last week?” The voice is high and whiny, but it’s definitely not the voice that gets my attention. I rip my eyes away to look down at Shannon. She’s a girl I’ve known for a while, we’ve hooked up a few times. She’s wearing a tight denim skirt and low cut top and she’s so tiny that I can see right down it when I look at her. It’s so obvious now but it’s what I need. I need to remember who I am. I grin that half grin that I’ve been told makes all the girls swoon and she brings her hands up to stroke at my chest.

“I missed you, baby.”

I know I shouldn’t but I look behind Shannon. And the flash in Laurel’s eyes hits me in the gut but I can’t take this back now. Then it changes from hurt to determination. Her eyes narrow. She flicks her hair. And she bites her lip. But she isn’t looking at me anymore.
Motherfucker
. Her eyes are roaming over his chest. Her hand is making its way down to his abs. Mine clench with rejection but I can’t stop watching. She flicks her eyes back to me.

“Shan, you look hot tonight.” My hands move round to cup her butt and I squeeze roughly, my head bending down to kiss the side of her neck. I dare to look back up and raise my eyebrow in provocation.
Wrong. Fucking. Move
. Before I know it my angel has grown horns and her hand is grabbing Ryan by his shirt and pulling him into her. He’s surprised but it doesn’t stop him from feeling her up and her arms come up round his neck. They haven’t come up for air yet. I’m frustrated as hell and can’t think of anything else to do but the same thing they’re doing. I push Shannon back into the wall and place my hands either side of her head. My lips crush against hers and I push my tongue into her mouth, not asking just taking. She moans in response and rubs herself against me, running her hands all over my chest and back. I’m breathless when I pull away and my first thought is Laurel. How will she respond to that one, I laugh to myself. My eyes scan the room and I can’t place them. I walk further over to where they had been standing and look around again. Shit, she left with him. Laurel 1, James 0.

Chapter Two

Eight Months Later

Laurel

I’m so close to crying right now. Wait, is that a tear I can feel on my cheek? Yes it is. Once one falls they all do and they’re streaming down. I can’t stop. And then I’m bowled over whilst the sobs keep my chest heaving and I’m ugly-crying. If anyone else walks in right now I’m going to be humiliated.

“Why are you crying?” Cassie asks and she’s holding back a fit of laughter, I can tell by the way she’s chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“B-b-because, you’re g-g-getting m-m-married.” I wail.

Why am I being such a girl? I run a bridal shop for goodness sake, I should be used to it by now. “I’m s-s-so happy for y-you,” I cry in between the hiccups. She reaches over to the far table and grabs a few tissues out the box. I always keep tissues in the store, and right now I’ve never been more appreciative of that fact.

“Well don’t cry about it, you’re going to set me off.” She’s close, her voice breaks and there’s a hitch as she tries to breathe to force them back but when I stand and throw my arms around her she’s sobbing too. We sway and I grab hold of her tighter than before, not for her benefit, for mine. She’s a sister. Not by blood but that doesn’t matter. I’ve been enjoying my life so much more since she came back into it last year and we’re close again. Like we always should have been. And there’s nothing I want more for her in life than her own happily ever after. It’s her fiancé Blake; I knew from the moment I saw them together. They calm each other and they go all googly-eyed and when you watch them you can’t help but be happy because after all the stuff they’ve been through, they’ve come out of it stronger than ever. I will never tell her, but part of me is crying for me too. Crying because I think it’s something I want but will never have; I still don’t feel capable of it after Darren. A teensy tiny fleeting part of me thought that somehow, maybe, I had a connection with James, but that was ages ago and is now dead in the water.

I had tried all morning to get hold of Cassie, but she wasn’t answering her phone. She always answered it to me. It was coming up to the anniversary of her parents’ death, and I wanted to distract her but not being able to contact her worried me. She had enough good things in her life I was confident she wouldn’t do anything stupid, but she was hurting and I wanted to be there for her. I sat down at a table in the café next door to work, and tried her again. Voicemail. I huffed into my coffee and nearly choked on it when the door opened and in walked James with two girls trailing behind. He was flirting with his little fans and they seemed to be hanging on to every word he was blessing them with. He ordered drinks and leant an elbow against the counter. His gaze drifted across the room and I wanted to slide right down into my seat to avoid having to talk to him. I hadn’t seen him or his sexy swagger since he basically brushed me off in favour of Shannon a few weeks ago, and that was completely intentional.

My eyes made their own decisions though and like magnets they were drawn to his. I wasn’t sure how he’d react. Was he even going to acknowledge me? Yes, he was. He smiled and made his way to the back where I was trying my best to sink into the corner.

“Hey, wasn’t expecting you to be here, thought you’d be at work.” He pulled a chair out and sat down. Oh, goodie. He was staying a while.

“Just took a break to call Cassie, but I can’t get through.”

He rubbed his hand over his chin, and looked at me guiltily, “Ah, now that would be partly my fault. She was pretty upset so Blake and I organised a few surprises for her. It was all a bit last minute. We’ve done a kind of treasure hunt, or memory lane trip and she’s visiting all the places that were special to her and her parents. Sorry.”

Sorry? Why was he apologising? I think my mouth had dropped open. That was one of the sweetest things I’d ever heard and, well, completely unexpected.

“Don’t apologise. That was a lovely idea. I was worried though, I’m just glad she’s okay.”

“James, drinks are done.” One of his fans said moodily and waved the cups around in the air to prove her point. He rolled his eyes and got up out the chair.

“Right, well I better go. Oh, the trip they’re on ends in dinner tonight with some family and friends. Do you want to come? I know its short notice, but we only finished arranging it all late last night. And I didn’t have your number.” He gets out his phone, and hands it over to me to enter the digits. Dinner where he’s going to be there too? For Cassie, I told myself.

“Sure sounds good.” I entered my number and handed it back over.

“James.” Fan number one snapped at him angrily. She was really annoying.

“Cool. See you later.” He winked back at me as he snaked round the tables and I saw him throw an arm over the girl’s shoulder as they got outside.

And since then I have come to realise that once a man-whore, always a man-whore.

I dry my eyes with the tissues and get up, legs slightly shaking like they’re made of jelly and head over to the mirror. Ugh, my foundation is all streaked and I have mascara under my eyes and on my cheeks. Not a good look. I grab my make-up from my bag and start fixing myself. “So how did he do it then?” I ask Cassie. “I’m sure it was romantic. He’s so in love with you, it’s always written all over his face.”

I giggle with her and then sit on the sofa opposite whilst she tells me.

“We were in the clearing on York Street, we go there sometimes to just hang out; there’s an amazing view of the town. It’s so peaceful. And he got down on one knee. I was so nervous. I did not expect it. We had talked about it a few times but with all the stuff that’s gone on with Gran I just didn’t think it would happen any time soon.”