Sweet Nothing (24 page)

“Hey,” I said, pulling his hand off me. “Keep your hand on the wheel.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It’s already started.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m your first partner, so I get why you don’t see it. See, the guys start out here, and they inevitably find a serious girlfriend, because—” he popped his collar “—the uniform gets ‘em wet.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Then the worry starts. They quit running toward the burning cars, they start wearing their seat belt, they start saying pussy things like ‘Keep your eyes on the road, Quinn,’” he said, lowering his voice. “Like before you got engaged or had a kid you didn’t have anything to live for.”

“I didn’t.”

“
Psh.
Pussy.”

I smiled, never so grateful for an insult.

My shift ended, and I hurried over to Benched for a workout. Lifting always helped clear my head, but even after an hour and sweat pouring from my body, my head was still consumed by thoughts of Avery. It had been that way for weeks, which was why I bought the ring. Nerve-racked or not, I had to make it official, had to make her mine. I just needed it to be perfect.

With my thoughts overrun by planning for our future, I hurried back to my apartment to prepare dinner, knowing Avery would be too tired to cook when she finished her shift.

I’d picked up a few groceries the day before. Now that Avery had been spending more nights at my place, I tried to keep more in the fridge. Unfortunately, I lacked any real cooking skills, so I was attempting to make spaghetti, which didn’t look like it could be that hard.

I was just dishing the noodles onto plates when Avery walked in the door with a groan. Her ponytail had slid down to the nape of her neck, and dark circles shadowed the underneath of her eyes, but she still looked beautiful in her peach scrubs.

“That shift was never-ending,” she huffed as she kicked off her sneakers. She padded her way to the kitchen, rising up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

“I hope you worked up an appetite.”

“
Mmm
… what’s that smell?”

“That’s not very nice. Dax can’t help his … aroma.”

Avery laughed, shaking her head. “I thought you couldn’t cook?”

“I figured it was time I learned.” I grabbed both of our paper plates and carried them into the living room, placing them on the coffee table. “We need to get a real table.”

Avery looked at me sideways with an amused smirk before she picked up her fork and began to spin the noodles. “A table? You don’t even have real plates.”

“Neither do you.” I elbowed her lightly, taking a bite of my food.
Damn, I’m not a bad cook after all.
“Maybe we can buy a set at The Kitchen Store this weekend.”

“Plates?”

“Why not? Normal people have dishes. They also have this really cool silverware made out of metal.”

“Yeah.” She breathed out a laugh. “But those people live together, Josh.”

“You’re right. We can move your stuff in this weekend. I can get Quinn to help. We can get dishes and a table next weekend. And a strainer. You don’t even want to know what I had to do to strain the noodles,” I said, hoping to God she didn’t freak out.

Avery dropped her fork, her mouth gaping open. “Seriously?”

“I mean, I’d have to ask him first, but he wouldn’t mind helping out if he doesn’t have plans with Deb.”

“So, you’re going to ask Quinn. How about asking me first?”

My heart felt like it seized. I slowly turned to her, swallowing hard. “Avery,” I began, nervous as hell. “Move in with me.”

She placed her small hands on either side of my face. “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“My apartment is at least ten years younger. How about you move in with me?”

“Yeah,” I said without hesitation.

“Maybe we should think about this for a week or so. We shouldn’t make a decision like this without really thinking it over.”

“Avery, I’ve thought about it. A lot.”

“You have?”

“You haven’t?” I asked, feeling nervous all over again.

“It’s a big step.”

“I know this is what I want. I don’t wanna waste any more time.”

“Living together can really be hard on a relationship.”

“I’m starting to wonder if it’s you who isn’t sure about us.”

“It’s not
us
I’m unsure of. It’s the living together, family … the entire idea just makes me nervous. I don’t have a lot of good experience with family.”

“You have me,” I said, feeling hurt. Avery was all the family I’d ever needed, and as far as I was concerned, we already were. “We can make family a good memory for us, Avery. I thought that’s what we’ve been doing.”

Her shoulders sank. This was so unlike Avery that I wasn’t sure what to do. I had known from the beginning a relationship with me scared her, but after everything, I’d thought we were past that.

I lifted her chin with my finger, forcing her to look me in the eye. “What can I do?

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not giving up, so tell me what I need to do to make you okay with this.”

“There’s so much we don’t know about each other. I haven’t even met your parents.”

I visibly cringed. I wasn’t expecting that at all. “Avery, that’s not a good idea.”

“Are you ashamed of me?” she asked.

“What? No, hell no,” I said.

“Then why?”

“It’s hard to explain,” I said.

“Something I’d have to see for myself?” she asked.

I closed my eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“How are we supposed to live together if you don’t trust me to love you? I’m not going to judge you because of your parents, Josh. I know you don’t judge me because of mine.”

My eyebrows pulled in. “Your parents died, Avery. How could I judge you for that?”

“Because I lived, and they didn’t.”

I blinked then shook my head. “Don’t say that. It was an accident.”

“So was ours, but it’s still my fault. Don’t think I don’t remember pulling out on a red light.”

“Stop,” I said, watching her eyes gloss over. “I don’t want you to blame yourself for either. What good would it have done if you’d died with your parents? They wouldn’t have wanted that, Avery.”

“I know,” she said, picking at her nails. “But I thought you’d understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Feeling guilty. We were both kids.”

I stood. “Oh, no. You can’t compare the two. And this isn’t about me.”

She reached for me, but missed.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Bring up my sister to avoid talking about your parents.” I felt my cheeks warm, and I began to pace. It was a strange feeling, wanting to hold her and walk out at the same time.

She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“You sure?”

She blinked, looking around the room, as if the answer were in the corners. “I would be a horrible person if I were.”

“You’ve been doing it your whole life, Avery. I know exactly how it is. I don’t blame you, but you have to stop.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking.

“You don’t like talking about them. You’ve barely said a word about them, but you can talk to me.”

“What else should I say?”

“That you miss them. How it affects your life now. How it affects us.”

She lifted her hands and let them slap against her thighs. “I miss them. Being forced to let them go made it impossible to hold on to anything. I could let go of Deb, my job. I could let go of you—right now, if I wanted—and not bat an eye.” She covered her mouth, shocked at her own admission.

A shot of adrenaline rushed through me. “Avery …” My teeth clenched. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation.

Every one of my muscles relaxed, and then I pointed at her phone. “Call work. You’ll need a four-day weekend.”

Her hands slowly lowered from her face. “Why?”

“I’m taking you to Savannah to meet my parents.”

Avery was fidgeting with her yellow skirt that hung just below her knees. She was nervous about meeting my mother, and the icy road conditions did little to calm her fears.

Thankfully, we were heading south, where ice and snow wouldn’t be an issue.

“Are you sure this is okay?” she asked for the tenth time as I pulled off the highway, into a gas station.

“Yes.”

I could feel her watching me as I put the car into park next to a pump.

“You’ve barely said anything in the last hour,” she said.

“Sorry. I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

I sighed loudly, rolling my neck from side to side, needing to stretch my stiff muscles. “A lot of stuff, baby. Do you mind getting us snacks?”

She thought for a moment before she smiled and shook her head, causing her messy bun to bob back and forth.

I handed her a twenty from my wallet. “Could you grab me a vanilla Frappuccino while you’re at it?”

Avery took the bill from my fingers and pushed open her door. She walked across the lot, giving me a reprieve from her line of questioning. A couple of guys noticed her tiny skirt that was barely visible beneath my Adidas hoodie, and I bristled.

I got out of the car and began pumping gas while watching Avery through the large glass window of the gas station. She hated road trips, but she was excited to drive down with me to meet my family. I struggled to create a better memory for her, knowing what waited for us in Richmond Hill. I was dreading having to see my mother again. Last time I had been home, she was falling down and incoherent for the majority of my visit. But, if enduring her for a few days would make Avery happy, then I would gladly suffer through her presence.

While I waited for my tank to fill, I pulled out my cell phone and called my mom. After several rings, she answered, uncertainty in her tone.

“Hello?”

I squinted one eye, already regretting the call.

“Hello?” she said again.

“I’m coming home for the weekend,” I blurted out.

“Josh? This weekend? You could have let me know a few days ago. The house is a mess.” I rolled my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. My mother hadn’t cleaned her own home in years. She paid someone to come do it every few weeks.

“I’m not worried about the house. I’m bringing a friend.” I glanced up at the window to see Avery standing at the cash register, waiting to pay. “Is that going to be a problem?”

She was silent for a moment before responding.

“Of course not. Your friends are always welcome here.”

I mumbled a good-bye before disconnecting the call.

Avery returned, smiling brightly with her hands loaded with candy. “I thought you said it would be warm when we hit South Carolina?”

“I said it would be warmer. I told you not to wear a dress.”

She narrowed her eyes as she handed me my drink and made her way to her side of the car, slipping inside.