Sweet Gone South (20 page)

His gut tightened. Should he do this? Could he?

He sifted through the other bags and boxes.
College graduation. Sixteen years old. Eighteen years old. Her first dance. Fourteen years old. Her wedding day. Her debut. Upon the birth of her first child or thirty years old, whichever comes first.

He tried to imagine Emma at those stages of her life but he couldn’t. There was no way he could get her there alone. His mother and Arabelle were happy to help but they couldn’t be there for everything. It might only be hair bows and correct birthday party attire right now but there was a whole big life in front of them filled with bras, long dresses, dances, boyfriends, and wedding plans. He rubbed his temples and stared at the bags and boxes that were the roadmap of Emma’s life. If it were left to him to blunder along, she’d be wearing a bee Halloween costume to her prom. She’d pretend to sting her date and she wouldn’t have a bra. Then the boy would seduce her because she’d have no idea what was going on. She’d get pregnant. He’d kill the boy. To escape jail, he’d have to take Emma and flee the country. Then he’d have another baby to raise and ruin.

Idly, he lined up the jewelry in chronological order. Carrie had liked her jewelry, which had made her easy to buy for. He’d bought a good portion of this.

He wondered if Lanie would be easy to buy for.

But he had not come here to go through Carrie’s treasures. He was looking for another velvet bag — a gray threadbare one, if memory served.

The bag held the ring left to him by his grandmother, intended to be used for an engagement ring. But in spite of the three large perfect diamonds, he had known Carrie wouldn’t like the antique platinum filigree setting so he hadn’t given it to her, had never even shown it to her. Instead, he’d taken her to Cartier where they had chosen a ring together. He allowed himself to indulge in that memory — how he’d laughed when she’d tried to be demure and insist that she favored a modest stone in a plain setting. How he’d known by the look in her eyes the second she’d seen the ring she really wanted, the one that now sat in its original box waiting for Emma. He’d been sharper then or maybe he’d just been attuned to Carrie. He always could read her.

Not so with Lanie. He had no idea if she would like this ring, or if she would even accept it. And would he be relieved if she didn’t? On some level, probably. Yet he wanted her. Emma needed her. If things had just progressed on as they were going, maybe they would have arrived at this spot anyway so it didn’t matter if he was ready. This was what was best for Emma and Lanie. He would catch up. No one ever had to know.

Right now, Carrie was somewhere, stamping her foot and howling at the moon, with all the sweet fire she’d possessed when she was alive. Several months ago, his father had said to him, “You should think about dating, son. Carrie would want you to move on with your life.” Then they’d both laughed because they knew it wasn’t true. What Carrie
would want
was for him to curse every sunrise that happened without her until the day he died.

“Sorry, Carrie Lou,” he whispered. “I might never have done it, if not for Emma. She needs a normal family. But this has nothing to do with you and me. It’s a whole different box.”

He opened the worn bag and let his grandmother’s ring fall into the palm of his hand. After he’d bought Carrie’s engagement ring, he’d talked to his mother about giving this ring to Arabelle. She had advised against it. At the time, Arabelle had just entered medical school. “Wait,” Gail Avery had said. “We wouldn’t want to give her a ring more generous than what her future husband will be able to buy for her. Just hold on to it for now.”

And he had. Arabelle was still single and he hadn’t thought about this ring in a long time. He certainly never thought he’d need it for an engagement ring.

Yet, here he was. He sighed.

Would it fit Lanie? Did it need to be cleaned? If so, he would have to wait until after the weekend to take it to Reed’s Jewelry. This engagement had to remain absolutely top secret until his father’s office issued a statement. They’d probably want a picture too. If the press were left to their own devices, they would likely rehash the whole mess, along with Mallory’s lies.

Would Lanie expect a declaration of love? Of course she would. Engagements came with love and she deserved it. Could he honestly give it to her? Maybe. After all, there were all kinds of love.

He could do what he had to. And he would be damned happy about it. He dropped the ring in his pocket and snapped the steel box closed. Then he opened the heavy door and caught Karen’s eye.

“I’m ready,” he said with resolve. And he was.

Then an odd stray thought crossed his mind. Once they were engaged, one way or the other, he was going to get Lanie in some clothes that fit her.

Five dozen dark chocolate stars — the last task of the day, all done and perfect. Lanie picked up the tray and headed toward the storefront. It was fifteen minutes until closing time but she would go ahead and put them in the refrigerated case.

“Hi,” came the voice from behind her and up went the tray in the air and down came five dozen perfect dark chocolate stars to the floor.

“I’m so sorry.” Luke rushed into the candy kitchen and bent over to help her clean up the mess. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She threw the candy into the thrash and picked up the tray. And it
didn’t
matter. If she was about to lose her whole life, the citizens of Merritt could do without chocolate stars for one day.

Luke smoothed back a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail. “You’re so tired. And no wonder. You work hard here and I have been letting you do everything for Emma and me.”

Ah, the first step to letting her down easy. The
it’s for your own good
tactic.

“Not everything,” she said, wiping her hands on the towel that hung from her apron.

“How about I take you out for dinner? Pam called. She’s taking her little cousin for pizza and to some kind of princess tea party and story hour at the bookstore. She wanted to take Emma along. I thought it would give us a chance to have dinner and then come back and talk.”

So this was it. She wasn’t even going to get to see Emma. She was probably never going to see her again.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather have the talk first.” There was no way she was going to sit through a meal with him, knowing what was coming.

“All right.” Luke nodded. He wore a French blue shirt that intensified his eyes and he’d loosened his tie. “If we don’t have time to go out afterward, we can order pizza.”

Ha! Like she was going to eat with the man who’d just dumped her. Like she would ever be able to eat again.

“I’ll come over in a little while. I want to shower first.” This might kill her and she didn’t want to die in out-of-season chef’s pants.

When Luke opened his door for her a half hour later, he was wearing khaki shorts, a white golf shirt, and no shoes. She loved him barefoot, loved seeing that tattoo on his ankle.

“You look pretty,” he said. Well, she’d tried. Though they were snugger than she liked, she’d put on the yellow linen cropped pants and white cotton sweater Tolly had bought for her birthday last year.

To her surprise, Luke took her in his arms. To her surprise, she didn’t have the strength to pull away. Hating herself, she clung to him. He didn’t kiss her neck or let his hand drift to her bottom. This wasn’t a sexy embrace but a comforting one, which proved he knew she was going to need comfort.

She pulled away.

“I’m sorry I made you spill your candy,” he said. “And I’m sorry that I let you work so hard.”

“You aren’t responsible for everything bad that happens, Luke.” She walked toward the sofa, but changed her mind and sat down in the club chair. “Let’s talk.”

He smiled a tight little smile. “Let’s do.” He sat on the ottoman and faced her. “You might know what I’m going to say.”

“I might. But I think I’m going to make you say it anyway. I think you owe it to me after the full court press. But I just want to say, I never, ever encouraged Emma to call me mommy. You heard it when I did.”

He wrinkled his brow. “I didn’t think that. You put Emma’s interests above everything in your life. That’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Yeah, well.” She dragged her hand across her face. So the buttering up before the bomb had started. Probably the next words out of his mouth would be
it’s not you, it’s me.

“I’m going to get right to the point.”

“Good idea.” In five minutes, maybe less, it would be over and she’d be gone. She wouldn’t ask why, ask him to reconsider, or even ask if she would ever be allowed to see Emma.

“I’ve been thinking about love, Lanie — the different kinds of love. Though we have not been seeing each other long, I have come to a conclusion. I love you, Lanie. It’s a quiet, settled love, a love of satisfaction and one that won’t burn out.” He reached into the pocket of his shorts and withdrew something. “Can you take that love and this ring, Lanie? Can you take me and Emma? We want you for all time.”

What? This wasn’t what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say — well, it didn’t matter.

The ring that lay in his palm was a diamond ring. It looked old and she knew platinum when she saw it.

“Are you asking me to
marry
you?”

He nodded. “Well, ultimately, yes. For now, I’m asking you to get engaged. I thought we’d take a little time about setting a date. Give Emma a chance to get used to the idea and give you time to make a wedding — you know, the dress and all. It takes time. Also, we’d need to decide what we want to do about living arrangements. Whether we want to buy a house right away or continue to live here a while. I suppose turning both apartments into a bigger living space could also be an option though I don’t know if — ”

“Wait!” She waved her hands. “You aren’t going to tell me that you’ve made a mistake, that you realized you had to end this when Emma called me mommy?”

Confusion assaulted his face. “That’s what you thought? No. I want her to
keep
calling you mommy. I want you to
be
her mother.” He reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand. She leaned into it. Oh, God. How she loved his hand on her cheek. “Lanie, you’re good for us.”

To be Emma’s mother. To be Luke’s wife. Her heart lifted. It sang songs. It did a tap dance.

It sank.

“I’m not sure you’ve thought this through.”

“I can assure you I have. I think everything through. Every day.”

“You do remember that I told you I can’t have children.”
Also, I’m no good at sex. I might do okay at submarine racing, but when it’s the real deal, well …

He nodded. “I know that a doctor, who you saw one time, told you that you couldn’t. I assume that you’ve never seen a specialist.”

“No.”

“Then I’m not convinced that you can’t. But even if it’s true, we have a child.”

We
have a child.

“Also,” Luke went on. “If we do decide we want to expand our family, there’s adoption. I have connections. We probably wouldn’t even have to wait very long to get a baby.”

We, family, baby.

Was it possible? Maybe he wouldn’t care that she wasn’t like other women in bed. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. Maybe she should tell him.

We, family, baby. Emma. We have a child.

Luke took her left hand and teased the tip of her finger with the ring, smiling and biting his bottom lip the whole time.

“Say the word, Lanie. Say the
right
word.”

We, family, baby.

“Yes, oh, yes.” He slid the ring onto her finger and she threw her arms around his neck. He kissed her hard and sweet. Suddenly, she was ravenous. She hadn’t eaten since Missy had made her that peanut butter bagel three years ago.

She laughed into his neck. “Will you order me that pizza now?”

“All in good time.” He rose from the ottoman and pulled her to sit on his lap on the sofa. “First we need to talk about a few details. Now, about that Candy Land floor … ”

4:30, Thursday afternoon. Lanie had been engaged almost twenty-four hours and no one knew except the two of them.

That was about to change. Luke hadn’t wanted her to tell anyone, including the book club girls, until after the senator’s press secretary released a statement but she had been adamant. Her friends had always been there for her and she would not have them learn of her engagement by reading about it in the paper. Though, she had to admit, that might have its upside.

She entered the bar and grill of the Merritt Country Club. Almost empty. She’d been right. This was a good place to tell them. In another hour, it would be getting dark and all the men on the golf course would be in here settling bets and drinking, but by then she’d be gone. Maybe.

She slid into the round corner booth and ordered a pitcher of margaritas, a platter of nachos, and another of stuffed mushrooms. On impulse, she added an order of fried green beans. If she fed them well enough, they might not turn on her for not returning any of their countless calls. Oh, and a virgin margarita for Missy. Missy liked to pretend she was drinking, especially in public. She liked to shock people without actually doing anything wrong.

Just as the food and drinks came, all three of them arrived together. That meant they’d ridden together and talked about how they were going to handle her. The last she had talked to any of them, she’d been crying on Missy’s shoulder, which meant Missy had told them what a mess she was. When they went to sit down, there was a little power play to see who would sit beside her. In the end, Lucy and Tolly won, hemming her into at the center of the round booth. Missy had to settle for the seat on the outside next to Lucy.

They all gave her pitying looks. They felt so sorry for her, they weren’t even going to fuss at her for not calling them back.

Tolly broke the silence. “Are you all right? I was in court all day long. Thank goodness it was city court and I didn’t have to see that devil from hell.”