Surrender to Fate (Fate's Path Part One: A New Adult Romance Series) (13 page)

The next week of work went by so incredibly slowly that William was certain a whole month had come and gone by the time it was finally Saturday. While he had tried to concentrate on his job at the lumberyard, he found it increasingly hard to do so. Just when he would seem to have his head focused on the task at hand, he would see her. Margaret was always stopping by the lumberyard for one reason or another, either to bring her father something to eat or if she was needed to help out on the sales floor. But for some reason, Margaret’s visits to the lumberyard this week were not up to the normal frequency and William was forced to recall the details of her from last weekend and the fishing lesson.

William’s thoughts were not completely monopolized with Margaret. In fact, he equally dwelled upon memories of Sarah. He could not believe that after months and months of her being gone, that he still hadn’t heard a word from her. He didn’t want to, but he was beginning to question everything that they had promised to each other before she left. Even in the face of his extreme disappointment, and Sarah’s lack of contacting him, he knew he could never forget everything that she had made him feel. He still held onto their promise; that they would be together, someday. They had a connection that ran so deep, that no matter how much time passed, and no matter what direction their new lives took them in, he would always hold a place in his heart that solely belonged to Sarah. His frustration began to build as he tried to make sense of everything that was now complicating his life. If he was still clinging to his promise to Sarah, how could Margaret have the affect on him that she did?

As soon as he asked himself the question, the vision of Margaret from the day of fishing flooded his mind. The way her breasts swelled to the top of her corset was an image that William could not erase from his mind. And when she was near him and her body brushed up against his, that alone was a mouth-watering feeling that couldn’t be ignored. He knew what it was about Margaret that was driving him crazy, and the fact that the rest of her body was left to his imagination was enough to send him over the edge, craving the next time he could indulge his hunger, and curiosity, for Margaret’s breathtaking body.

Despite it being his day off from another grueling week of work, William was awake before the sun on Saturday. The simple explanation for that was because he was certain that he didn’t catch a wink of sleep the whole night. He had tossed and turned, wrestling between the anticipation for what the day with Margaret would entail, and knowing how badly it would hurt Sarah if she knew what he was doing, but even more so if she knew how he was
thinking
…about Margaret. His justification to himself seemed rational enough. Sarah had been gone nearly a year. He would always love her; he felt no hesitation in admitting that. In fact, he was certain that he would never quite feel the exact same love for anyone else for as long as he lived. But, he also knew that the chances of being with Sarah again were slim to none. As much as he wished that weren’t the case, he knew it was. There would be no way for him to find himself in California, and there was nothing left here for her family to come back to. All he could really hope for with Sarah was that she would find happiness in her life, knowing that whatever happiness came to her, it wouldn’t be from him. He had always thought that he would spend his life being the one to love her, but since he knew he couldn’t be, it seemed too painful of a hope to hold onto any longer. A gut wrenching realization struck him--it might be time to move on, without Sarah. He shook his head in disappointment at himself. How could he even bring himself to think that? But, he knew the answer. He knew, as hard as it was to accept, that he would most likely not see Sarah again. He wasn’t sure what was in store for him as far as Margaret was concerned, but he knew that she was at least here, for him to find out.

Sarah went to bed that night, begging herself to dream about Will and Colorado. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw Adley’s face, felt his lips, and felt his hands go down her body and press her into his body. She would snap her eyes open, shake her head, and start the process all over again. But it was no use. The only thing she could concentrate on was the ache emanating from deep inside her body, and she knew it was from craving Adley’s touch.

Tomorrow, I will tell Adley. I will tell him that my only interest in him is that of friendship.
Even to herself, she recognized how ridiculous that sounded. Especially after she allowed herself to be so easily overcome by Adley’s advances today. Not only did she allow the advances, she was sure that kissing him back the way she did only spurred on his motivation, and was now the culprit of her budding desires to feel
overcome
again. But Adley would just have to respect the fact that friendship is what she wanted from him. Nothing more.

Sarah spent a fitful night of sleep. Despite beseeching herself to dream of Will, she dreamt of Adley. But it wasn’t just any dream. They were on a blanket under the tree overlooking the field. His hands were stroking and discovering her body, and while she would tell him that they couldn’t do this, her hands were on his, guiding them to touch her, to explore her, to please her. As soon as Sarah was about to call out Adley’s name in ecstasy, her dream instantly took her to Coon’s Cove. She was wading in the deep cool water, trying to make it to the shore where William was standing, waiting for her. But each step she took, she sunk deeper and deeper into the soft mud. She held out her hands, crying out for Will, but just as her head was about to go under the water, she was jolted out of her dream and her eyes shot open. She glanced from side to side, and realized where she was. She was in the little house, Matty snoring softly on the other side of the living room. She placed her hand over her chest and felt the rapid pounding of her heart. She wondered if it was from the part of the dream about Adley, or from the fear of drowning. While the part with Adley was undeniably pleasurable, both parts of the dream felt equally dangerous.

Thankfully, morning finally appeared and Sarah couldn’t have been more relieved. She knew what she had to do. She had to, once and for all, tell Adley about Will and derail the out of control freight train that was heading straight for her. It was the right thing to do. She knew where her heart was. Her heart was with Will, and it seemed that her heart would crack into pieces if she were to wait any longer to stay true to her promise, to stay true to him.

She found Adley outside underneath one of the farm trucks. She walked up quietly, instantly scolding herself for admiring the way his faded blue jeans hung loosely against his thick legs, and narrowing in at his waist. His shirt had pulled up, and she could see the muscles that rippled in his abdomen as he wrestled with the nuts and bolts of the undercarriage of the truck. Not wanting to waiver in her determination, she cleared her throat and looked away.

Adley froze under the truck and she sensed his hesitation for a moment before he put his wrench down and slid himself out. He shielded his eyes with his forearm from the sudden brightness and squinted up at Sarah. In one swift motion, he jumped up and wiped his hands on the back of his jeans.

Oh my God, Adley. Why? Why do you have to look like you do and make this so hard for me?
Sarah couldn’t help but bite her lip as she looked at him. He wore a white, or what used to be white, undershirt tank top that was now streaked with spots of grease. His shoulders billowed out in a divine muscular display. And those arms, that just yesterday were around her. Now Sarah was mesmerized by their obvious strength, the bulging biceps, forearms equally as strong, and his hands--that in her dream--knew every inch of her body.

He took a rag from his back pocket and began to wipe the grease from his hands as he looked at her, waiting for her to speak first.

Barely finding her voice, she whispered, “Hey, Adley.”

“Hey, yourself,” he seemed to know his affect on her and smiled slyly.

“Sorry to bother you…but, I wanted to talk to you.”

Raising an eyebrow, Adley took a step closer to her. “Okay. So talk.”

Knowing what happened every time he had stepped to her in the past, Sarah instinctively took a step backward. Punctuating that this time would be different, she held up her hand. “Look, Adley…I need to tell you something. It’s not fair for me not to be honest with you. And, I do care about you…so I need…”

Ignoring her gestures, Adley took another step toward her closing the gap quickly. “I care about you, too, Sarah, and I need…” he trailed off, and let his eyes drift down the length of her body, and waited for her imagination to complete his thought.

“Please Adley, just stop,” she held up her hand again. “Please, let me finish. Please?”

Adley held open his arms, welcoming her to continue, although Sarah could still detect a glint in his eyes that made her wonder if he was going to take her seriously.

“You know that there was someone in Colorado, that I had to leave?”

Adley nodded, but allowed her to continue.

“His name is William, and…he and I…were close, very close. We were best friends.”

“Best
friends
?” Adley slightly turned his head and looked at her suspiciously.

“Well, no. I mean, yes. Best friends, but we were more than that. I’m trying to tell you that…I made a promise to him. We promised each other, actually. I promised him…my heart.” There. She said it. She finally said it out loud. She sighed heavily, and waited for Adley to say something, to say anything, to end the awkward silence hanging between them.

Adley looked down at the ground and rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb several times before he looked up at her.

“So…what are you saying, Sarah?”

Clearly, he wasn’t going to make this a cut and dry discussion and go back to working on the truck.

“I’m saying that…it’s not right for me to be with you. Not when I’m thinking about someone else.”

Adley took a deep breath, jammed the rag back in his pocket, and put his hands on his hips. “You didn’t kiss me like you were thinking about someone else. What about that, Sarah?”

“Adley, that is why I have to tell you this. It was wrong to kiss you, and I’m sorry. I’m trying to do what’s right. Today. Please, please don’t make this any harder than it already is?”

Adley kicked at the pebbles at his feet, “So where does that leave us? Or I guess there isn’t an
us,
is there? Where does that leave
me,
Sarah?”

This was infinitely more difficult than Sarah had imagined, and she had imagined it being bad. “I still want to be…friends…with you, Adley. We are still going to see each other all of the time. How could we not? We live right next door to each other. I want to still see you, and talk with you and…”

“And torture me to be around you, and not be able to
be
with you?” His eyes glowed as intensely as ever before. “This sounds like it’ll work out just fine for you, Sarah. You get to have your…
William
…your clear conscience…and me, whenever you want, still wrapped around your little finger?”

Adley shook his head and stared at her. “I don’t think so, Sarah.”

Now it was Sarah’s turn to be caught off guard. This is not how she expected Adley to react. What did she expect, really? She thought he would simply, understand. She couldn’t believe how naïve she was to think that this would all go smoothly, and things would just be okay. This was most definitely not how she scripted this whole scene playing out. Suddenly, she felt very confused. This whole thing was spinning out of control, and she felt nauseous.

“What are
you
saying, Adley?”

He paused, but still didn’t take his eyes off of hers. “I’m saying that…I won’t…I can’t…be around you, and just turn off all of these feelings that I have. In case you don’t remember, they’re pretty strong feelings.” Adley waited as if he knew the memory of yesterday would wash over Sarah. The memory of how good it felt to be against his body, and feel him wanting her. When her face flushed with the remembrance, he continued. “I’m saying that if I can’t be with you, and I mean
with
you, then I don’t see how I can be around you at all.”

The way he emphasized the word ‘with’ made Sarah’s stomach flip. She could only imagine what that would be like, to be ‘with’ Adley. Her heart instantly started to pound. She knew that her heart was Will’s, but the last thing she expected was to feel how her body yearned for Adley, and he had just cut off all contact with her.

Her mouth was bone dry as she tried to formulate her words. She searched his eyes, but saw only sincerity in what he was saying. “What do you mean?” Her voice quivered as she fought off the tears.

His voice softened, but was nonetheless, just as convincing. “I mean, no. I can’t be your
friend
. I can’t still be around you like nothing has ever happened between us. And frankly, I’m amazed that you think
you
could still be around me, and pretend like nothing had ever happened. I guess what happened didn’t have the same effect on you that it had on me.”

Sarah thought of the irony of his statement. If only he knew that what had happened between them most definitely did have the same effect on her, and maybe even more so, than what he actually felt. In fact, Adley brought out the exact feelings that he had set out to with ease, and that is what scared Sarah the most. She realized that it all boiled down to one simple fact. She didn’t trust herself. She didn’t trust herself to withstand the feelings, the cravings, that Adley tempted her with.

Sarah pursed her lips and slowly nodded. “Okay. Fine, Adley. If that’s how you want it, fine.”

“No, Sarah. That’s not how I want it. Obviously. What I
want
is you! I want to feel you, I want to breathe you, I want taste you. I want you in my arms, I want you against by body, and I want to have you in every way that I’ve imagined having you. I could
show
you how badly I want you. You could
feel
how badly I want you, Sarah.”

He paused again, allowing every word to sink slowly into her. Sarah stared blankly at him. She no longer knew what to say.

“But you’ve made the choice, Sarah, not me. What I want doesn’t matter. So, you can go about your business, and I’ll go about mine.”

He gave her one final nod, indicating the discussion was over and climbed back under the truck. Sarah stared for a moment longer as she heard him start banging the wrench against the truck. She turned slowly, and walked away. She was still in disbelief at how the whole thing played out. Never in her wildest could she have predicted this as the outcome. As she walked back toward the garden, she tried to convince herself that despite the fact that she was not happy with having no contact with Adley, that maybe it was for the best. After all, isn’t this what she wanted? To put an end to the ever growing snowball of guilt that she felt every time she was with him? To feel that finally she was staying true to the promise, staying true to what she truly believed that she and Will shared?