Summerfield (16 page)

talking to Ben. Now, I gave him a choice. Pick you or pick this job.
Since you aren't going to be able to talk to him for the rest of the
summer I would advise him just working and the only reason I'm, not
just firing him is because of Joe."
"You can't do that. You can't just threaten to fire someone for dating
your daughter. And I need my phone. How am I supposed to talk to
Ella or Kara?"
"First, he lied to me. Second, you can talk to only those two people.
If I catch you talking to anyone else then I take it away
permanently."
I rolled my eyes. How could he be so unfair? "Would you listen to
yourself? You're being ridiculous!"
"I'm trying to protect you."
"From what?" I screamed, my head beginning to spin as I leaned on a
chair for the support.
"Getting hurt." He answered simply.
I sighed, tired and worn of fighting. "You don't think this isn’t hurting
me? Ben isn't the one hurting me right now, it's what you're doing."
He shook his head. "I'm done fighting with you Mara Belle." I winced.
"I'm going to go lay down."
I waited until he had gone upstairs to his room before I made my way
out the door. I had changed out of my dress after the wedding,
luckily, and into a nice summer dress. I decided to go to the one
thing I knew would understand what I was going through.
"Hey, Buttercup." I greeted my old horse, giving him a hug. "How you
been, huh?" Of course there was no answer. "Not much for conversation,
eh? That's alright. I need someone to just listen for a while. Dad's
sure not good at that. Or even talking for that matter." I complained,
running my fingers through his mane. "So, Dad figured out about Ben
and I. I guess it was only a matter of time, but he's being so unfair.
Forcing us to break up and making me go back to Lavance. Leaving you
again." I sighed, leaning my head against Buttercup's. "I guess maybe
this could be best. Chances are I wouldn't have been able to stay here
and be with Ben.
"Buttercup, I have something to tell you. Something I've only told my
mom and now you. Which I guess makes me sound kind of crazy, but oh,
well. See, I have this really bad disease that I can't make better." I
paused, realizing those were Mom's word when she had told me about her
own illness. "I might die." I blurted, forgetting beating around the
bush. "I wish there was a way that I could just, not have anyone know. I
wish there was a way to change my fate too, but I guess all things
happen for some kind of reason right. Or maybe not. I mean, I never
saw what reason there was for my mom dying. I don't understand why I
have to now. I don't want to leave anybody and I don't want to die. So
why am I? But maybe there's a way that no one ever has to find out though."
It was like a light bulb going off. I had an idea. It would hurt
everyone, including myself, but it wouldn't hurt near as much as them
having to watch me suffer.
And it seemed to be the perfect plan.
***
"Belle."
I looked up from what I had just read over for the tenth time to see
Ben, who looked surprised, standing in front of me. I realized that I
was now on the front porch, in the swing. I had decided that it was
easier to write here than in a stable.
I glanced to the floor boards of the porch before my eyes flickered
back to his. "You do know that it's life threatening for you to be
here right now, right?"
He tried to smile, but it faltered and he seemed to give up on trying.
"I needed to talk to you about something."
I nodded, closing my eyes and looking the other way. I couldn't look
into his eyes when I knew what was coming. "What?"
"I, um, well..." He stuttered over his words and I sighed.
"To make it easier on you, just tell me what you chose."
I could feel his eyes on me and I was suddenly losing my brave air
about me. He sat next to me on the swing, not touching me but I
noticed from the corner of my eye that he had reached to push my hair
back out of my face, but moved away before he had. "I need to tell you
something."
I closed my eyes tightly shut and took a deep breathe, trying to stay
calm. "You...didn't choose me." It wasn't a question.
"Just hear me out. I need this job." He was quick to defend his
reasoning. "My parents are near going bankrupt and I need money to pay
for college and-"
"Do you love me?" My question surprised us both as I finally looked at
him again. My eyes not leaving his.
He nodded, looking intently at me. "Of course I do. It's just-"
I shook my head, moving back when he tried to touch me. "It's okay.
You don't have to explain."
"Yeah, I do." He argued. "I do love you, but I need this job and
you're leaving soon."
Sooner than you think. "You do whatever you need to do." I honestly
only wanted him to be happy. I folded up the piece of paper I had been
reading and handed it to Ben. "I knew what I was going to do before I
knew your choice."
He starred at the folded piece of notebook paper and then back at me.
"You were going to break up with me?" Though it was a question, it
didn't really sound like one.
I looked down, not even able to look in his eyes. "It explains
everything in the note. Everything."
He stared at the note again and looked back at me and I could have
sworn there were tears in his eyes, but I tried not to believe it. "I
guess then I better get home."
I leaned over and placed a short kiss on his cheek, not able to fully
kiss him right now in fear of breaking out in sobs myself. "Bye Ben."
He stood up from the swing, and glanced back at me. I couldn't tell
what all he was feeling because there seemed to be a mixture of
things. "I meant every word I said Belle. Loving you, wanting to be
with you. I meant it all."
I smiled, swallowing back the lump in my throat. "I meant it all too."
He starred for a second longer before turning around and walking back
to his truck and leaving.
That was probably the last time I was ever going to see him again.
***
I sighed as I placed two envelopes on my bed. One for Ella and
one for Dad. This was going to be the hardest decision I'd ever made,
but I needed to do it.
I looked around my room again. All the things I've had since I was a
kid laid all over the place. Pictures of my past and memories. It was
going to be hard to leave the memories behind mostly, but I knew this
was the only way I could do what was right for everyone else. The way
to make it easier.
I picked up the old picture of my mom and I and, zipping it into my
bag that I had packed.
I took one last look around and noticed a tear falling. I took a deep
breath, wiping it away and closing my door for the last time.
I didn't want to think about the things I was leaving behind as I made
my way through the house. When I came to Dad's door I simply whispered
an I love you and went on my way. I needed to get going fast before
Ben read his note and tried to stop me from going.
I made my way outside after finally being able to say goodbye to my
childhood home, letting my eyes flutter closed for a second as
memories flooded me.
I blinked away the past as I threw my bags into my newly painted pink
truck. Even the memories I had in this truck we're hard to bare. All
the memories of Ben and I that were trying so hard to resurface.
I quickly ran towards the stables, getting in one goodbye in person.
Buttercup was simply standing there as if expecting me to come back. I
ran my hands over his coat and smiled. "I'm going to miss you, you
know. We've had a lot of good times." I bent down to match my eyes
with Buttercups. "Love you." I kissed the top of her head and stepped
back. "Bye boy." I whispered before going back to my truck and taking
off.
***
Ben,
First I just want to say sorry for not having the ability to tell you
this in person, but I was just afraid.
I've been afraid of a lot lately. You were kind of the one thing that
always made me feel better though.
I'm leaving Summerfield. I'm not going back to school but I
can't come back here. I love my dad, and my aunt, and I love you, but
this is what I have to do. It may seem like I'm just running away,
which I guess I technically am, but I'm doing this for a good reason.
I have leukemia.
That is the reason I've been so weird lately and been pulling away
like I have is because of that. And even though since finding out has pretty much crushed me, you were
always able to make me smile. And I love you even more for that. It's
nearly impossible to think that I won't see you again, but I think I'm
doing what needs to be done. Maybe it's a selfish choice, I don't
know. I don't know the right way to handle this.
But I want you to know one thing without doubt. I love you.
I know things didn't go the way we probably thought they would, and
not the way I was hoping for, but at least we had most of the summer,
right? The best summer of my life, hands down.
There's no way of forgetting you and I'll miss you.
I love you.
~Belle
Chapter Fourteen
If this was death, I had a complaint to make. I didn't think it would
honestly hurt this much. And if it did I thought it would be more of
an internal feeling. Not my arms aching and barley able to move. Not
my legs stiff and my ribs feeling like they might have collapsed.
I'm sure this wasn't the way I was supposed to be dying. I honestly
though it would be more my organs failing me, my heart stopping and a
then a peaceful air wash through me, knowing that I was drifting away.
But this was just hell.
I hurt everywhere. Every muscle ached, and every bone felt as if it
had been broken.
Not to mention a continuous beeping sound that made my head pound even
more then it had been before. This death stuff was just awful.
"Belle?" I heard a familiar call softly from beside me. Though I had
heard the male voice before I couldn't for the life of me place who it
was. "Belle?" He tried again. I made an attempt to try to open my eyes
but talk about an epic fail.
"Her pulse is speeding up." I heard a new voice say, obviously
speaking to the man trying to wake me. It was a woman, her voice
sounding only a tad concerned, but more formal than anything.
"I think she's almost awake." The male voice responded.
"What..." I struggled to get my vocal cords to cooperate. My breath
sped up along with my motions and I felt light headed. “What’s going on?” I
finally got out before letting out a long breathe and relaxing against
a pillow. My eyes still weren't open but I knew where I was and what
most likely condition I was in.
"Belle?" The man said in surprise, his voice sounding enthused.
"Belle, can you hear me?"
"Yes." I strained.
"Belle, can you open your eyes?"
I realized the voice now as Dr. Harvance’s and slowly, with great
effort opened my eyes. I blinked a few times, trying to get use to the
lighting and seeing the world. "What happened?"
Cliché-waking up in hospital line.
"You were in an accident. You wrecked your truck. You're pretty banged up."
"How badly?"
He frowned. "You broke two ribs. Twisted your ankle and sprained your wrist."
"Psht, that's nothing." I grinned, trying to make my own self more at
peace. I wasn't dying quite yet.
Dr. Harvance smiled, shaking his head as he made his way to the end of
my hospital bed, looking over my chart. "You sure are something
Belle."
"Something good or something bad?"
He chuckled, glancing at me for a second before looking back at my
chart. "You just," He paused again, locking his eyes with mine. "You
remind me a lot of your mom. She always had such a great spirit about
her. Like you."
I bit my lips and looked to the ground. "Too bad that spirit couldn't save her."
"What happened to your mom was a very unfortunate accident, but even until the very end she was still strong. She didn’t stop trying to fight."