Summer Lovin (26 page)

She stepped forward, coming up close to his desk. “When I met you, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted out of life. Or at least I told myself I knew.”

He waited, his steely gaze never leaving hers.

“I thought I was a hot-shot ex-fed who was about to start her own business and have it all.” She shook her head at her naïveté. “I told myself I hadn't fallen in love and it just wasn't in the cards for me. Then you came along in your suit and tie and your uptight ideas about rules and propriety, and I was so damn sure I could handle the attraction.”

She shook her head and laughed at herself and the fool she'd been. “I mean, after all, I'd had affairs, I'd had sex, and what else would it be with a guy like you, who was so different, so opposite of me and everything I believed in?” She glanced at him through lowered lashes. “Are you with me so far? Because if you don't say something soon, I'm going to lose my nerve and bolt,” she warned him.

“I'm listening,” he said in a deep, compelling voice. “In fact, I'm hanging on every word.”

But he remained on his side of the desk, thick mahogany wood and deep emotional distance separating them. Distance only she could bridge and, drawing a deep breath, she somehow found the courage to go on.

“Then I got to know you.” Closing her eyes, she remembered their first awkward meeting, then immediately recalled how she'd found him shirtless, digging a place for Ima to root. She couldn't forget how he'd shown up with pig-raising books for Sam and realized she'd probably fallen in love with him then. “And I saw there was so much more than someone from a completely different world than me.”

“And that scared you,” he said, finally contributing to the conversation and helping her out.

“Yeah. Along with the intense heat and chemistry we generated,
you
scared me.”

“Why?”

She rolled her eyes because in her mind, the answer was obvious. However, it wasn't apparent to Ryan and she owed him every word of explanation. “You scared me to death, Ryan. Because I'd grown up watching my parents' marriage. It was always hot and passionate and always ended in one of them compromising their beliefs for the other.”

“So? Isn't that what love is all about? Nobody has to change, but sometimes one or the other person has to give a little.” Confusion laced his tone.

She almost smiled because he'd just provided her with his view on relationships. And love.

Nodding slowly, she continued, “Yes, that's what love is all about. And at thirty years old—”

“Hell, you make it sound like thirty is ancient.” He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration clear. “It's a goddamn excuse, Zoe, and it's about time you admit it, if not to me then to yourself.”

He'd raised his voice at her and a swell of emotion rose in her throat, tears forming in her eyes. And she wasn't even halfway through with what she had to tell him.

“Yes it was an excuse,” she yelled back at him, her harsh tone and criticism aimed at herself. “You think I don't know that? But if I don't explain why I needed the excuse, then we have no hope of getting past it. So if you don't mind, I'd like to continue.” She forced a deep breath into her lungs and only when she was sure she wouldn't cry, she started to speak again.

He grinned.

Damn the man.

“By all means. Go on.” His voice had softened as had his expression, giving her courage and hope.

“At the time, when I couldn't face how I felt about you, I started focusing on our differences. And I told myself that after doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted, I wasn't capable of having an intense, committed relationship while maintaining my independence.”

“And you didn't trust me not to demand you change,” he said, his disappointment strong.

“Because I didn't trust
me.
I didn't trust myself not to give in to you, to do anything to keep you happy, even if I lost myself in the process.”

He shook his head. “I wouldn't let that happen.”

She nodded. “I know that now. Just like I know I wouldn't lose myself to any man.” She couldn't help but smile. “Not even to you, despite how charming, sexy, and charismatic you may be.”

He stood up straighter. Then the man in the Italian-cut designer suit and silk tie, the man she'd first met with the twinkle in his eye and the ability to make her laugh, strode around the desk and came up beside her. “Say that again.”

“What?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes and feigning innocence.

“Tell me again how charming, sexy and charismatic I am.” He sat on the desk and leaned closer.

She laughed. “I think you're missing the point.”

He shook his head. “With any luck, I think I'm just catching on.”

Not only were they joking and laughing, but he'd closed the physical and emotional distance between them. When she inhaled, she took in his musky cologne and heady scent, and arousal hit her hard. Only this time, her desire didn't frighten her. It just made her more determined to explain and win him back.

“So just how did you come to these momentous conclusions?” he asked.

She sensed the seriousness in his question and settled herself beside him on the big desk. “That's probably the easiest answer I can give. I realized I was faced with losing you forever and
that
scared me a hell of a lot more than overcoming my fears.”

“What are you saying?”

Although they sat side by side and though they were more relaxed with each other than before, something very important was missing and Zoe knew that move was also up to her.

Reaching out, she placed her hand over his, making that connection for the first time today. “I love you, Ryan.”

“Zoe—”

She placed a finger over his lips to silence him and felt the electric zing straight down to her toes. “I'm not finished yet.” And she wasn't, since words of love weren't nearly enough to make up for not returning those words after he'd uttered them, and for leaving him in the first place.

She licked her lips, dry from nervousness. “I love you, but that's not all. And after all you've said and done, it's certainly not enough, I know.”

His gaze met and held hers.

“I want to be with you and I'm willing to move to Boston to make that happen, assuming you want the same thing, that is. You see? I've learned my lessons well and I'm willing to compromise.” She laughed nervously, and was perilously close to passing out on the spot.

“You are, huh?”

She swallowed hard and waited, but he remained silent for too long. “It won't work, will it?” she finally asked.

He shook his head. “I can't see that it will.”

Again silence surrounded them.

The pit in her stomach grew wider, her disappointment profound. “I guess I can understand, considering how I jerked you around. You said you loved me and I didn't say anything back, and whether it's an ego thing or you just can't trust in what I say or feel, I get why it won't work anymore.”

Zoe knew she was rambling, but she didn't think she could stand the pain that would fill her once she allowed herself to think.

“I really don't think you understand.” He spoke in a gentle, compassionate voice and she hated that he was trying to let her down easy.

She stepped backward. “I need to be going.” Pivoting, she started toward the door, unable to leave her hurt and mortification behind fast enough.

“Wait.”

She turned in time to see him jump off the desk and dart around her, blocking her exit.

“If you're leaving, you really don't understand and I need to explain,” he said with what sounded like panic in his tone.

Confusion along with anticipation took hold inside her. “You're damn right I don't understand.”

“But you will.” His expression softened before her eyes. “I'm trying to say that it won't work because you can't be in Boston if I'm going to move to Ocean Isle.”

She blinked and shook her head, certain she'd heard him wrong. “You're going to what?” she asked.

He grasped her hand and pulled her toward a chair. She willingly let him lead her. Once she was seated, he knelt beside her. “I'm going to move to Ocean Isle.”

Her head spun and she was glad she wasn't standing. “Ryan,” she said, completely overwhelmed.

“You need to know a few things. First, I was planning to drive down and see your parents this weekend.”

She tipped her head to one side. “Why?”

His bigger hand covered hers. “Because I needed them to know I'm not going to take Sam away and I wanted to tell them in person.”

She opened her mouth then closed it again. “I'm…I'm floored. Confused. What's going on?”

He didn't respond immediately and she sensed him searching for a way to explain.

“Even though my parents have come a long way and are willing to work hard at being a different kind of family, in my heart I believe Sam's best interest and ultimate happiness lie with your family. Not mine.”

His heartfelt words along with the magnitude of the gesture reached out to Zoe. The man already owned her heart, but now he had the key to it, as well.

Still, knowing how Ryan felt about his sister, about Sam, and about blood ties, she couldn't let him make such a huge sacrifice and she shook her head hard. “No. You should—”

“Be her uncle. My parents should be her grandparents. We'll all be a part of her life, but she deserves a real family that understands her.” His smile grew wider as he said, “Your parents provide everything she needs much better than we ever could.”

“I don't know what to say except thank you.” A tear rolled down Zoe's face and she wiped the moisture away with the back of her hand. “You're an incredible man, Ryan Baldwin.”

Amazingly, he flushed.

She realized that
they
were still unresolved and she pushed on with a question. “So you were going to move to Jersey to be closer to Sam?”

“No. I was going to talk to your parents and work out a schedule for weekends and holiday visits.” He inhaled deeply. “And then you showed up here first, saying everything I dreamed about, but never thought I'd hear.” His voice was gruff and deep.

Zoe glanced down, ashamed of the pain she'd caused him while she'd searched her own heart and soul. “I wish I could have come around sooner.”

“Then you wouldn't be
you.
” He nudged her chin up with his hand and looked into her eyes. “And I love you, too,” he said.

Warmth filled her heart replacing most of the fear that had lodged in her chest. “Are you sure I didn't wait too long?” she asked him, still uncertain.

Ryan shook his head. He'd probably have waited forever for her, but thank God it hadn't come to that. “All I wanted to hear was that you loved me. Offering to uproot your life for me was an added bonus.”

She'd provided him with the proof he hadn't realized he needed. Proof that Zoe had come to terms with her fear of losing herself in their intense relationship—which he intended to turn into an intense marriage as soon as humanly possible.

“You deserve someone who's willing to compromise as much as you already have. I can do that for you now. I can do that for
us.
” She smiled the sexy smile he adored.

“Compromise is nice, but you don't have to. Since Sam's already going to live in New Jersey, don't you think it makes more sense for us to live there?”

“What about your law firm?”

He shrugged. Although he couldn't say he'd thoroughly thought this move through, he was able to improvise based on certain helpful facts. “I can already practice in New York since I'm licensed there. And if it makes sense, I can always take the New Jersey bar exam.”

“You'd do that for me?” she asked, green eyes wide with wonder and gratitude.

Despite that the thought of Continuing Legal Education classes and bar exams made him shudder, he assured her, anyway, “I'd do that for us.”

She responded with a quick kiss.

“Don't you realize that I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with you? You and your wacky family,” he said, laughing. “I just have one prerequisite.”

“And what would that be?”

“Do you think you can move out of your parents' house now? I'm not sure I could live with my in-laws and stay sane.”

“In-laws?” Her voice cracked as she said the word.

He nodded. “That is what I want them to be.”

“Are you asking me to—”

“Marry me, Zoe.” He hoped it helped that he was already on bended knee.

“Yes!” She laughed and threw her arms around his neck, knocking him to the floor. Her body snuggled into his, the fit perfect and right.