Summer Love (5 page)

Tears Still Came

Nine

The warm fuzzies she’d been feeling for him retreated. “I see. And where does this Dr. Freedman have an office? Portland?”

“No, she’s in Dallas.”

Simone started to interrupt, but Sam kept going. “She’s the most renowned in her field.”

Simone put her hands in her lap and gritted her teeth, steeling herself for the fight she felt coming. “How am I supposed to get there? Drive? Fly? I can’t afford that, Sam. And then there’s Sabrina. Am I just supposed to drop everything and leave her? Leave my job, my family, everything and everyone I’ve ever known? For how long? And do all that just so she can tell me that I have a fifty-fifty chance. I can’t, Sam. I won’t.” Simone turned so she faced him. “I won’t do it.”

Sam tossed the remainder of his sandwich back on his plate and wiped his hands on a napkin. “Simone St. James, why do you think I sent you an email?”

She snorted. She had no idea. “The bigger question is why did you leave without saying good-bye?”

“I told you—” Sam began but she cut him off.

“Yes, I know, you said you had to get over you wife.” Simone squeezed her hands together. “I get that. What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t have told me what was going on. You said you loved me. You made me promises and I believed you. I let myself fall for you. Hard.” The pain she’d felt at his leaving pressed against her heart. She blinked back tears. “But you didn’t trust me. You didn’t call or text or email. Instead you totally cut me out of your life without a reason.”

He reached out to touch her face but she backed away.

“I found out I was pregnant. Then I was told I had cancer. And then I had a baby. Those are huge moments, Sam. Huge.” As hard as she fought, the tears still came. There had been so many times she’d wanted to talk to him, tell him how she was feeling, and now that she started she couldn’t stop. “And you weren’t there for any of it.”

“I know,” he said.

“You know?” Simone growled, frustrated. “You don’t know.” She slid her chair out. The legs scraped against the linoleum. “How can you say you know anything about me anymore?”

He stood too and came toward her.

“No. No. No,” she bawled, backing away from him. “Were you there when I had morning sickness? When I couldn’t even keep down crackers or water? Were you there when I went in for the first ultrasound? Or when the doctor came in and told me there was a growth on my spine? Were you there when the doctor told me I should abort the baby and start chemotherapy, or when I made the decision not to?” She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to force down the screams. It didn’t help.

Sam tried to come toward her again, but she stuck out a hand. “No. Stop. Don’t come any closer to me. Do not come any closer.”

He stopped. His eyes were wet and he wiped at them with the back of his hand. “You’re right,” he said. “I wasn’t there when you needed me.” He balled his hands into fists. “Sim. Not being there when you needed me is one of the biggest regrets of my life.”

Sabrina started to fuss, probably sensing the tension in the room. Simone turned and it was then that she noticed that a portion of Sabrina’s bouncy chair had gone over the ledge of the table. The chair began to tip. Simone watched in horror as it moved, taking Sabrina down.

“Sam,” she whispered ferociously.

He saw what was happening and caught Sabrina while she was in the air. “I’ve got her,” he said calmly. “I’ve got her.”

Simone fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

Yes, he did have her, and wasn’t that what she wanted? No matter what happened to Simone, Sabrina would have a parent. Sam really seemed to love Sabrina and she seemed to like him. If nothing else, there was that. She would have a father.

“That’s good,” she whispered. “Really, really good.”

Her Forehead

Ten

Simone allowed herself to crumple into a ball on the floor. The pain in her back flared to life, but she didn’t move. Not even when she heard her mom and sisters walk into the house. They came through the door in the kitchen. The edge of the door smacked into her foot. 

“What the hell?” Sara yelled.

“Simone. Simone.” Her mom rolled her onto her back.

“What did you do to my sister?” Liv asked, stepping over her mom and Simone.

“Nothing,” Sam replied. “Can you take the baby? I need to go to her.”

“Damn straight,” Liv said.

Simone’s heart began to beat loudly. She couldn’t hear anything else. Every movement happened in slow motion. She began defining time by the beats of her heart.

Beat one. Sam’s boots came into view.

Beat two. Her mom and sisters moved out of the way.

Beat three. Sam picked her up and cuddled her in his arms.

Beat four. She opened her eyes to Sam’s worried eyes staring down at her.

Beat five. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Beat six. “Hang on, love,” Sam whispered softly. “I’m going to get you some help.”

Beat seven. Simone closed her eyes.

Beat eight. Everything went dark.

***

When Simone came to she was startled by an extra bright light. She opened her eyes and immediately knew she wasn’t at home. The room was bathed in sunlight. The walls were painted a frosted blue. Navy curtains hung at the three different windows. Sam sat on a cushioned window seat and was gazing out a large bay window.

It was difficult not to suck in a breath at how handsome he was. His dark hair went past the collar of his gray pinstriped suit. The muscles on his arms and back strained against the jacket, making them more pronounced. He was turned so she could see his angled profile, the length of his lashes that curled slightly at the ends, and his soft lips. Her belly fluttered with wispy butterflies.

“Where am I?” she asked when he turned to her.

He stared a moment as though he were coming back from a long trip. “This is a bedroom in my house.”

Simone sat up quickly, too quickly, and felt immediately woozy. The soft plaid comforter fell to her waist, revealing a white nightgown. She pulled the comforter over her chest. “How the hell?” That wasn’t where she wanted to begin. “Why?” she finally asked. “I told you no. What about Sabrina?” Didn’t he understand she couldn’t be away from her? She didn’t know how much time she had left. Six months. Two years. But she knew she didn’t want to waste time away from her daughter.

Sam stood, came over to the bed, and sat. His hand reached out to touch Simone’s knee. Even through the covers her body responded to him.

“Sabrina is here. She’s sleeping in another room.” He indicated a monitor on the nightstand.

“How long have I been out?”

“Almost twenty-four hours. I had a doctor come to your house and verify you were okay. He explained you were probably just exhausted so we let you sleep.

“Your mom helped me pack a few things for you and Sabrina. I had a driver take us to the airport. Sabrina, you and I flew on my jet from a little airstrip near Bandon to Dallas.”

While he talked Simone’s mind reeled. How had she slept through all of that? She didn’t remember any of it. And what about Sabrina? Who’d fed her? Changed her? Took care of her?

Sam continued, “When we arrived here, I carried you to this room.”

“And Sabrina?” she asked. “When’s the last time she ate? What about changing her? What about naptime and playtime and— ”

Sam squeezed her knee. “I handled it. Sabrina is easy to take care of. She cries when she wants something. There are only so many things she could need.” He shrugged. “I figured it out.” Then he smiled. It was a sad smile. “Her mother, on the other hand, is a bit more difficult to figure out.”

Simone sighed and leaned back. “I’m not difficult. I told you what I wanted. Coming here wasn’t the answer.” Simone’s hair was a curly mess and hung in her eyes. She tucked it behind her ears. It was obvious Sam didn’t believe Simone understood her prognosis. He needed to understand that there was little hope. She crossed her arms. “Here’s how our appointment with your awesome doctor will go. Ready?”

Sam turned so he fully faced her. “Please. I’m all ears.”

“Your doctor will run a bunch of tests. After a day or two, she’ll call me into her office. Her face will be serious. Then she’ll clear her throat and tell me… the exact same news I got from
my
doctor. That I have a fifty-fifty chance of survival.”

“You don’t know that,” Sam said, his face grim.

She wasn’t done. If Sam thought he could have Simone and her daughter delivered to his house like some kind of package, he’d better think again. So, yeah, she was just getting started. “And what about this nightgown? Was this something your wife wore? Am I like the new doll—your replacement wife? Is there a whole closet full of clothes to go along with this?” She pulled at the nightgown disgustedly.

Sam stood. “What kind of a man do you think I am? What kind of person?” He moved to the door. “When my wife died I had her things packed up and sent to her parents, except two items that were too personal to part with.” He shook his head. Simone’s heart sank to her toes. “I get why you might worry, but that’s why I took off. I was worried about those same things.” He came back over to the bed and touched her face. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with her. They aren’t residual, leftovers from a past I wished I still had.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. “You’re completely unlike her. You’re fiery, independent, and full of life. She… was different. Quiet. Reserved.” He gave Simone a pointed look. “Well-mannered.”

Simone huffed. “What are you saying?” If he thought he was making the situation better he was so wrong.

He tapped her on the nose and sat. “I’m saying you’re difficult, a total pain in the ass, and for some reason I adore all of it. All of you.”

She wanted to stay mad. He was obviously a man used to getting what he wanted, probably because he was spoiled rotten as a child, but she saw the sincerity in his eyes, the kindness in his face. What he’d done—basically kidnapping Sabrina and her—he didn’t do it because he wanted to control but because he really, truly cared. 

Simone sighed. “For some reason I adore you too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have to go back. I can’t stay here. I have a job, a home, my mom and sisters. I have a life. And as much as I appreciate what you’re trying to do, it isn’t right.”

Sam ran his hands through his hair. “Woman, you’re infuriating.” He gripped Simone by the chin. “Do you still love me?”

That was putting a girl on the spot. “I-I told you I did. I do. I never stopped loving you, which pisses me off because you left me—twice, you son-of-a-bitch. You don’t trust me.”

“It isn’t that I don’t trust you.” He closed his eyes a moment and opened them again. “I usually think my decisions through. I’m usually clear headed and…” He shook his head. “With you, everything is different. I know I made stupid mistakes, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Love me despite my faults?”

Simone thought about it. He’d left the first time without a word. The second he’d believed she was lying. His decisions were stupid, but she could understand why he did what he did. Before that, from the moment they met two summers ago, she knew he was the one. Time and a couple of bad decisions meant to protect, not hurt, couldn’t change that.

“Yes,” she finally said, meeting his gaze.

“Good.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the mouth. “Because I’m not through with you.” He kissed her neck behind the ear. “And I won’t ever be through with you, Simone St. James.” He pulled aside her nightgown and kissed her shoulder. “I love you. I love our daughter and I—” He paused, trailing kisses across her collarbone. “I want to spend my life with you.”

Gracious, the things that man’s mouth could do to her body. She pressed into him, desperate to be close.

His lips covered her mouth and he pushed it open, flicking his tongue inside. She met him and responded, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him to her.  He pulled back and she opened her eyes, questioning. “What?”

“If we’re to be together I need your trust. I need your belief in me. I know there’s a lot about me you don’t know, but we belong together. Surely you feel that.” He placed a hand over her heart. “In here.”

From the beginning she’d known he was the only man for her. After he’d left, her sisters had said she should be with other men just so she’d know the difference, so she’d be experienced and understand what she liked. But she’d never been able to fathom going through with it. She knew what she liked. Sam’s touch, his kisses, everything. Sam’s body fit with hers like they were made for each other. She didn’t need to be with other guys to know that.

Simone swallowed hard. “I do,” she said, touching his bottom lip with the tips of her fingers.

As soon as she said the words, he was on her, kissing her hard. She returned the kiss, grabbing his hair in fists. He shrugged out of his suit coat and began to unbutton his shirt, but she tore it open. He smirked. “That’s what I mean. Fire.”

Simone bit back a smile, working on the buttons of his shirt. One look into his hungry eyes and she realized anything was possible if they did it together.