Authors: Nancy Thayer
Gerry shook his head, as if completely perplexed. He stepped away from Emma. To Marina he said, “Can we go somewhere private to talk?”
“No!” Emma clenched her fists. “You have no right!”
“Emma.” Marina stood up and put her arm around Emma, holding her tightly. “Emma, it’s okay. Emma—”
The front door slammed. Lily floated into the room, blithe and summery, in a little pink-checked sundress, with her luscious red hair drifting around her head.
“Guess what! Eartha’s asked me to go to Paris with her!” Seeing a strange and handsome man in her living room, she flounced forward, holding out her hand graciously. “Hello. I’m Lily Fox.”
Gerry muttered, “Good God, how many of you are there?”
Abbie came back into the room. The baby was tucked carefully against her breast, and with her free hand she held the bottle to the infant’s mouth. He was sucking eagerly. “Oh, good, Lily, you’re home. I was going to make iced tea for all of us but we’re out of tea and lemons—”
Lily’s jaw dropped. “Where did you get that baby?”
Marina released Emma and strained forward to see the baby in Abbie’s arms. Marina’s face radiated a pleasure Emma had never seen before.
Emma’s heart sank.
“Oh my God,” Emma whispered. “Of course.
Of course
you’re going to choose a baby. Who would ever choose us?”
She stepped back over the coffee table. Blinded by tears, she pushed past silly Lily and Abbie and the perfect baby.
“Emma, wait,” Marina called.
But Emma didn’t stop. She wanted to get out of that room. She wanted to turn her back on Marina before Marina turned her back on them.
She fled up the stairs and into her room. She shut the door and fell on her bed, where she curled up in fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest. She hurt so much it was almost intolerable. A high burning pain flamed between her breasts.
She hated Marina.
Hated
her. She wanted Marina to die, it would be better for Marina to just die than to leave Emma’s father for another man, but of course Marina wasn’t leaving Emma’s father, she was leaving Emma’s father and his three obnoxious unlovable daughters.
After years of loneliness, their father had fallen in love, had found happiness, and now Marina was going to just walk away from him. And Abbie would give up her chance at love, and Lily would do whatever the hell she wanted, and Emma and her father would live out their lives, spinster and widower, two rejected and unloved human beings.
She had thought, when she arrived home at the beginning of the summer, that she had reached the most extreme point of misery. But she’d been wrong. That had all been a minor rain shower compared to the tempest of grief and self-loathing that descended on her now.
“Emma?” Abbie came into the room. She sat on the edge of Emma’s bed. “Are you okay?”
Emma snorted. “Sure. I’m peachy keen.”
“Marina has taken Gerry—and the baby—out to her cottage to talk.”
“To
talk.
Right.”
“You think they’re going to jump into bed together? Give Marina some credit, Emma. She’s not an idiot.”
“You saw how she drooled over that baby.”
“Well, babies are adorable. Nature made them that way. But it’s not about Marina choosing the baby over us, Emma. It’s about whether she really loves Dad or still loves Gerry.”
“He’s so handsome.”
“So’s Dad.”
Emma wanted to wail. She rolled over and threw herself onto Abbie’s lap. “I don’t want Dad to be hurt!”
Abbie cuddled Emma against her. She smoothed Emma’s hair. “I don’t want him to be hurt, either, Emma. But you and I can’t do anything about it. It’s up to Marina.”
“I hate her.”
“No, you don’t hate her. You love her. So do I.”
“I want to stab her. I want to stab her in the foot.”
Abbie laughed. “I understand your thinking. You’re not crazy enough to kill her, but you’d like to hurt her.”
“I would. I would like to hurt her as much as she’s hurting us.”
“But, Emma, she hasn’t decided anything yet.”
“Emma?”
The door opened, and for a moment Emma’s heart leapt with hope, but it wasn’t Marina. It was Lily who walked into the room.
Emma said, “Go away.”
Lily said, “Emma. Millicent Bracebridge is on the phone. She wants to talk to you.”
Emma stared at Lily for one long moment. Then she sat up and held out her hand for the cordless phone. She smothered the receiver with a pillow as she cleared her throat. When she said, “Hello?” her voice was surprisingly normal.
Abbie grabbed Lily by the arm, escorted her out of the room, and shut the door behind them.
“Let’s go to your room,” Abbie said.
They opened Lily’s bedroom door. She’d forgotten how messy it had become over the last few days of the summer. Well, of course, she’d had to sort through things fast when she packed to go over to Jason’s. Still, it was a shambles.
“Oh, Lily.” Abbie turned around. “Let’s go into my room.”
Abbie’s room was the anti-Lily’s. All her clothes were tucked away out of sight and her bed was made with nunlike perfection.
“You live in a convent,” Lily said.
“You live in a pigpen,” Abbie shot back without any particular venom. She waved at the chair by the window and threw herself down on her bed. “What did you say about Paris?”
“Abbie, Eartha asked me to go with her to New York, and then to Paris. She wants me to stay with her for six months, maybe more. She’ll pay me five thousand dollars a month, plus I’ll get room and board free,
plus
I’m sure she’ll give me more clothes.”
Abbie smiled. “Sounds like a dream come true for you, Lily.”
Lily fingered her engagement ring. “But what will I do about Jason?”
Abbie was taking off her clothes as she talked, and her mind was clearly not on Lily or even on Marina and the baby. “Have you mentioned Eartha’s suggestion to Jason?”
“Not yet, I—”
“Better do that first.” Abbie reached for the robe hanging on the hook on her closet door. “It may not be any kind of problem at all. He might be glad for you to have the opportunity to travel awhile before settling down.”
An odd kind of panic seized Lily. “But what if he doesn’t?”
“Then you’ll have to make a decision, won’t you?” Abbie smiled. “I think you’ll be surprised, Lily, at how good it feels to just …
jump.
”
Lily stared at her sister. “Abbie … are you okay?”
Abbie smiled mysteriously. “I’m fine, honey. I’ve got to be over on Farmer Street in twenty minutes, and I need to take a shower and change. Let’s talk later.” She pulled on her bathrobe and headed off to the bathroom.
Lily wandered back down to the living room. She was disappointed to see that it was empty. Hurrying to look out the kitchen window, she saw Marina and Gerry walking toward the Playhouse with the baby. It gave her an unpleasant twist in her heart to see them like that. What if Marina went back with Gerry? What would that do to their father? He had been so happy lately, so much more
there.
Lily was seized with a sudden desire to rush outside, grab Marina by the shoulders, and apologize for the way she’d acted about their mother’s bedspread. About the way she’d acted all summer. Not showing Marina her engagement ring. It would be terrible if Marina chose Gerry instead of their father because Lily had made her feel unwanted!
Marina, Gerry, and the baby disappeared inside the Playhouse.
Lily took a deep breath. Now she had to deal with her own choice. Now she had to tell Jason.
She had planned to meet him at his apartment around six. They weren’t going out to eat tonight; they were saving money toward their wedding. For the first time in a long time, Lily didn’t have an
evening function to attend. The summer was winding down. People were returning to work and to organize their children for school and college. Around Labor Day there would be another rush of events, but tonight, this summer night, she was free.
She walked over to Jason’s place, let herself in, and checked the cupboards and refrigerator. She’d make spaghetti, she decided. She found a bottle of inexpensive red wine, opened it, and poured herself a glass to drink while she cooked. Jason came in as she was putting together a salad.
“Hi, babe,” he called. “Smells good.” As always, he headed right for the shower.
In a few minutes, he came out, smelling like Ivory soap and shampoo, wearing clean jeans and a white tee shirt. His hair was still damp, his face brown from working in the sun. Lily kissed him, and he kissed her back, thoroughly.
She’d spent enough evenings with him by now to know that whatever she wanted to discuss could wait until after he’d eaten, so she handed him a beer and tossed the salad and set the table. As they ate, he talked about his day and Lily told him some of what had gone on for her. Not until they were through eating did Lily say, “Jason, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”
He was getting another beer from the refrigerator. “So hit me.”
“Eartha’s asked me to go to Paris with her this fall.”
“Cool, honey.” Jason threw himself down on the couch and put his feet up on his old beaten-up coffee table. “For how long?”
Lily swallowed. “About six months.”
“Six months!” He swung his legs to the floor and turned around to face Lily. “Six months?”
Lily hurried to sit next to him on the couch. “Jason, she’s going to pay me five thousand dollars a month! Plus room and board, plus I know she’ll buy me some
sublime
new outfits.”
“Hell, Lily, what do you need expensive clothes for? You’re fine just as you are.”
“But, Jason, I
like
expensive clothes—but that’s not the point.”
“No, the point is, you’d rather be with that rich old broad than with me.”
“The thing is, Jason,” Lily said quietly, “I haven’t been anywhere.”
“Well, I have, and let me tell you, Nantucket is as good as it
gets.” He swallowed hard. “And if you really loved me, you wouldn’t want to leave. For
six months.
”
“I do really love you,” Lily protested.
But Jason stood up and began to pace the room. “I was afraid this would happen. I could see it coming.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That Yardley woman’s going to give you a taste for the kind of luxury I’ll never be able to give you.”
“That’s not true!” Lily insisted. “I don’t see why you’re so upset! I just want to have a little adventure before settling down.”
Jason skewered her with his stare. “Six months, Lily? Six
months
?”
He was so handsome, so sexy, and she never wanted to hurt him. Lily crossed the room, wrapped her arms around his waist, and pressed herself against him. “Jason. I love you. I want to marry you. Think of how much money I’ll make.” She moved her hips against his.
“Don’t start with that,” Jason said. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. “You want too much, Lily. You want two different things at the same time. And you can’t have that, Lily. You’re going to have to make a choice.”
Jason turned his back on her and went out the door, slamming it hard behind him.
“Don’t go,” Lily begged, but he was already gone.
She ran her hands through her hair. She sat down on the couch and sipped some wine, then immediately stood up, restless with her emotions.
He’ll come back
, she told herself,
of course he will. He just needs time to walk it off, to think.
She cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, and made herself a cup of tea. She tried watching television, but her attention was all over the place, she kept thinking of things she wished she’d said to Jason, things she wanted to tell him right now. An hour passed, and then two hours, and she began to freak out a bit. Where was he? It really wasn’t fair of him to just walk out on her like that, just to leave without talking things over!
And what had he said? That she wanted too much? That she wanted two different things at the same time? That she had to make a choice?
She couldn’t stay in the little apartment any longer. She
grabbed up her purse and went to the door, stopping for a moment to consider whether she should leave her engagement ring on the table. That would scare him! she thought. Maybe he’d be more flexible about their plans if he thought he would lose her.
Or maybe he would believe their engagement was off.
She kept the ring on, and hurried through the dark night back to her house.