Suffocate (7 page)

Chapter 14

Stuart

This has been the longest week of my fucking life. Avoiding Luke face to face wasn’t hard, thanks to his job, but resisting the urge to text him flirtatiously was much harder. Especially at night. Especially laying in bed imaging just one more taste of him. Why is it the things we can’t have the most always taste the best?

Pulling my camera back up to my eye, I take another picture of the outside of the hospital, knowing the memories that lie inside are ones that I want to be surrounded by when I move.

If I could take Luke with me I would.

“Of all the things you could take a picture of, you choose the hospital?” Luke ponders from over my shoulder.

I lower my camera and turn to face him, breath stolen from me at the sight of him freshly clean, freshly shaven, and bright eyed before work.

Like something off a boy band poster in nurse wear. Does the same thing to me I imagine it does to teenage girls. Am I right?

“Capturing all my favorite things,” I playfully answer before deciding to take an impromptu picture of him. Quickly I snap a photo and then another admiring how naturally beautiful he looks on camera.

“Why?”

“So I have them when I wanna look at them.”

“Is that why you take photos? So you can look at them when you want?”

My camera lowers and I stare into his eyes that are genuinely curious. Letting my tool hang from my neck I answer, “Because life is full of amazing moments that you don’t wanna let go of. That you want frozen in time and in your memory. That deserve to be captured. People say photographs are worth a thousand words, but I don’t agree. I think they’re worth a thousand emotions. You can look at one and feel everything you felt in that moment. It’s like being given the ability travel back through time in a blink. It’s magical.”

Luke smiles softly at me. “Then why aren’t those the only types of photos you take? I mean last time I heard you take pictures at toddler birthday parties and bikini model shoots, not to mention the fights at TKO. Why not focus on what you just said?”

“In the beginning, to piss off my parents. But as time went on I realized life is full of enough things you can’t pick, like your parents or who you fall in love with,” my hand twitches like it wants to touch him so I grip my camera strap instead. “So you should make the most of things you can choose. Besides, who am I to judge what moments in life matter to others?” Feeling emotions strongly settling I decide to lighten the situation. “Besides, you think my apartment is cheap? Gotta work to eat.”

He laughs me off and rolls his eyes.

“Speaking of eating....wanna grab a bite?”

“Bout to start my shift.” He points to his scrubs.

“I understand.”

“But maybe another time.”

“Maybe.”

Luke opens his mouth but immediately closes it like he’s rethinking what he wants to say. “I’ll um...send you a message later.”

“Sure.” I take a step forward preparing to kiss him, when the honking of a horn brings me back to the reality that I can’t do that out in public.

Tell me if you see a creepy stalker with a camera. Why are you looking at me like that?

He turns and heads towards the hospital without another word. Frustrated I run my fingers through my hair and let out a deep breath.

He deserves to know. Everything. Maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’ll be willing to sneak around with me? Maybe he won’t hate me for what I’m choosing to do. For why we can’t be together like I know he wants.

Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I quickly scan my contacts and hit call. After three rings, I hear a voice snap, “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe C.J. is calling you to do his dirty work.”

Any idea what she’s talking about?

“Um...” I hum out confused. “I wasn’t aware he had dirty work. However I am now curious. What is it?”

Erin remains silent.

“Okay...” I clear my throat. “I’ll let that go and pretend you didn’t say anything to me because obviously you shouldn’t have, if you do me a two part favor.”

“I’m listening.”

“What time does Luke’s shift end?”

“Let’s see,” she starts mumbling to herself doing some sort of weird medical math I don’t understand. “Probably scheduled for 12, but home closer to 1.”

“Mind letting me in?”

Slowly she questions, “For....what?”

“I wanna surprise him with breakfast when he gets off—”

“Make it eggs whites,” she quickly instructs. “Avoid extra carbs like pancakes or French Toast which he saves for the weekends, but do have him a cup of decaf ready and make sure it’s
real
bacon. He bitches that it’s the worst for you, complains until he’s blue in this face you shouldn’t eat it, but then he does. It’s his own little greasy not so secret, secret.”

Mentally making notes I announce, “Got it.”

“Anyway, I’m not coming home, so you can let yourself in. There’s a spare key on the side of the house wedged between the wall and hose.” Before I can respond she explains, “You wouldn’t believe how many times Kellar locked his keys in the house back in the day.” I chuckle and she asks, “What’s the other part of the favor?”

“Can you make sure C.J. has no idea that this conversation ever happened?”

“Keep a secret from Mr. Bossy Pants. I would
love
to,” her attitude lets me know just how upset she is.

Running the ball of my tongue ring across my lips I pause before offering, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Do you wanna talk about why you’ve been avoiding seeing my brother but suddenly wanna give him a romantic evening at home?”

“No.”

“Then we’re even,” she sighs. “Good luck tonight.”

“Thanks,” I say before hitting the end button.

Truth is...I’m gonna need it.

Chapter 15

Luke

It’d been seven days since I’d seen him. Seven long days. Was it too much to ask for it not to sting so much? I know I’d been busy with work, but I can’t help fight the feeling he was avoiding me. Our texts were short and sparse. You don’t think it was because I didn’t let him...ya know, the last time we....ya know? What? I don’t think I need to say the word for you to understand the picture I am painting. Ugh. Not now. Not the prude speech right now.

“Well there’s the nurse with too much heart,” Charlotte teases, coming towards me where I’m leaned over the counter waiting for Shelia to get off the phone.

Deserting the desk I head for her. “Well hello North Carolina. You look extra bright. Date went well?”

“No.” She shakes her head full of dirty blonde curls. “Awful. Pretty sure you guys play on the same team.”

I smirk.

I could’ve told her that, but she’s so damn stubborn she wouldn’t have listened anyway.

“Speaking of guys and dates, are you gonna go out with Dr. Sheldon?”

My face scrunches.

Inter office relationships are never a good idea. Period. Especially not with someone who looks like he’s performed a face lift on himself a time or two.

“Rumor has it—”

“That’s never a good way to start a sentence.”

She giggles and swats my arm with her small hand. “Rumor has it, he asked you this week.”

“Um...last week actually,” the memory of him asking me out an hour after having Stuart underneath me pops back in my brain.

Not hard to say no when you just finished screwing the only person in the world you want to.

“And you told him no because...”

Uncomfortable with the line of questioning I head down the hall to check on the last patient who is ready to be discharged. “Because I said no.”

“Were you busy?”

“No.”

“Is it cause he’s got hair plugs?”

“That doesn’t help,” I mumble.

I’m not that shallow. But, I do believe if you can afford to make your face tight as the results from a Buns of Steel video, you should be able to at least get a decent set of hair additions. Wow. I sounded like my sister just then. Don’t tell her I said that.

“Then what is it? Do you have a boyfriend?”

Stopping outside the room, I hesitate not answering.

“You do!” she squeals gleefully.

I don’t. Do I? Are we even anything? I said I wanted to be more than just a face in his bed yet here I am. Feeling exactly like that.

“I—”

“What’s his name?”

“I—”

“Is he younger?”

“I—”

“I bet he’s younger,” she cuts me off again.

This is Charlotte. Cute girl from a small town with a mouth twice the size of her that runs at twice the speed it should. She’s been at this hospital almost as long as I have. A great work friend even if she is a little intrusive. Why are you suddenly looking at me like that now?

“Either way it’s good you finally have someone. You know, you’re always here and picking up extra shifts. Going the extra distance for patients. The lazy nurses. Taking care of everyone. I like the idea of you taking time for you. Oh! I love the idea of someone finally taking care of you!”

“Nurse!” the patient from behind the cracked door croaks.

“I’ll let you get to that one. You know how much I hate patients over 60.” And as quickly as she came, she scurries away.

With my hand on the knob I brace myself.

I liked the idea too. Too bad that’s all it was. And most likely all it’ll ever be.

Chapter 16

Stuart

The sound of the front door closing comes at the perfect time. I shut the hot water off and rise to my feet satisfied with everything I put together.

I’m pulling out every stop I can to cushion the blows I’m gonna be bringing him. Cheap tricks? Somewhat, but if this is the last time he’s gonna speak to me or wanna see me, I at least want it to be memorable.

“Who the hell—” his voice shuts off at the sight of me. Looking like the breath has been knocked out of him he whispers, “What are you doing here?”

“Figured you could use a little relaxation.” I wave my hand at the bath beside me with the candles lit in the corners of the luxury tub. With an innocent shrug I finish with, “And you deserved an apology from me...for me acting like...well like...”

“Like an asshole.” Luke fills in the answer without a smile.

“Isn’t that a little harsh?”

“What else do you call someone who you fuck and then doesn’t answer your calls?” My face screws tightly. “Someone who says one thing than treats me like another.”

“That.” I point at him trying to lighten the situation. “All of that. You’re right. So, before you string me up by my neck and give me a well-deserved verbal lashing, let me do this for you.” Luke raises his eyebrows. “Let me help you relax. You deserve it.”

With a hard swallow I watch as he gives in and starts to undress, the sight of him naked in front of me like something that people carve into marble. My eyes wander across his creamy skin searching for one flaw, one tiny scar to make him more human, yet I come up empty.

Walking over to me, he takes the hand I’m offering to help him into the tub. Upon sinking into the hot water, he let’s out a euphoric moan. The sound causes me to adjust my bulge before leaning down beside him, hand immediately massaging the back of his neck. A groan leaks out of him as I notice his cock start to rise in the water.

Remind me that a hand job in the bath is not romantic.

I sink the hand rubbing his neck into the water briefly. Once it’s wet, I drip the heated droplets across his shoulders, watching them roll down his body looking like one of my erotic photos. My fingertips drag across his pimpling flesh while my eyes stay locked on this picture perfect moment of him being on the brink of an orgasm from barely being touched by me.
By me
.

Seriously remind me that it would not be sweet to jerk him off right now. A hand job in the bath is not romantic. A hand job—

“Stuart,” he groans lifting his hips up tempting my free hand to relocate.

Fuck it. I am not the poster kid for romance.

While my left hand continues rubbing his neck and tense shoulders, my right slides into the water and directly on top of his cock causing him to hiss out my name. Prepared for him to stop the action, I’m surprised when he melts into my touch sliding further into the water allowing his dick to float up. Taking his cock like it’s a sacred offering I begin stroking him slowly, gently fondling his nuts too, not wanting to rush this.

If I’m going to give him up, I’d like to savor every curve, twist, and moan that I can.

With one hand massaging his dick and the other his neck, I let my eyes focus on the most erotic moment continuing like some well awaited Hollywood sequel. The muscles in his neck are straining with each passing pump as the water knocks against the bathtub walls, splashing at the base of the lit candles. His breathing becomes more and more shallow, which I’m learning is a neon warning an incoming orgasm is pending. Unable to resist I let go of the back of his neck, awkwardly lean over the edge of the bath, and slide his cock against my tongue, my ring rolling around like the best wing man a guy could ever ask for.

Luke’s fingers thread through my hair as I suck hard, anxious to taste what I know he’s holding back. Still resisting, I feel him strain harder under my touch each time his cock dives deeper.

Helplessly he cries, “Stuart!” A warm sensation rushes through my mouth as his pulsating dick provides everything I know I want to experience with only him in my life.

Part of me can’t believe I just said that, but look at me. I’m risking everything, my future, my unborn son, for just one last moment with him. That’s got to mean something right?

When Luke finally loosens his grip on my head, I swallow the last of the reward for a job well done, and lean my face inches from his. To my surprise he lifts a wet hand and strokes my cheek softly.

“I hate that I had to wait a week for you to touch me again.”

“I hated not touching you that long,” I shyly answer leaning into his affectionate touch.

Is it weird I’ve had probably over a hundred partners and not one has ever touched me like this? Will you not focus on the number and focus on the big picture please?

He pushes his lips against mine softly, letting them linger. Reluctantly he pulls away and whispers, “Get undressed. Now.”

With a wicked grin, I rise to my feet and start to shed my clothing.

What? He insisted! What kind of guy would I be
not
to get naked to help his lover he owes an apology and hours of making up to? I’m not that kind of a bastard.