Suffocate (5 page)

Chapter 9

Stuart

“Almost late,” Sara snaps in the waiting area. “Surprise, surprise. Couldn’t get your mouth off of someone’s dick?”

I wish it would’ve been his dick.

“Could you pretend for thirty seconds that we were actually friends once and use that to drown out the rage that boils inside you?”

“Could you pretend for thirty seconds that you actually enjoyed what created this thing inside of me?”

“I didn’t,” I speak in a quieter tone. “I need you to understand that.” Sara’s face contorts to the angry one it’s typically stuck in. “What happened was a mistake. A big one. One I can never undo, but one that is bringing me something that I am opening with welcome arms.”

“And I’m not?” She snaps a bit louder. “You act like I wanted a baby! Definitely didn’t want one by someone who would rather play butt darts than go clam diving.”

The choice of language. Classy isn’t she? See why I wanna be around in my son’s life?

“You’re unbelievable.”

“For calling it like it is?” She crosses her ankles. “What you do is awful. It’s disgusting. It’s unnatural. And no matter how hard you wish the world would change, it will never accept you for your choice of lifestyle.”

“You don’t choose who you fall in love with Sara.”

“But clearly you can choose who you put your penis in. Same thing.”

Frustrated I slightly turn away from her and rest my face against my balled up fist.

“Oh, and just so we’re clear,” her voice cuts through the blood that’s thrumming through my ears. “The
minute
I can prove you have broken your end of the deal I will end everything you know and love. The only reason I haven’t already is because it’ll drag my name down along with yours.”

Hatefully I ask, “Haven’t figured out how to play the complete victim yet?”

“Oh believe me,” she spurts. “I’m working on it.”

“Of course you are,” I mutter as they call us to the back.

If I ask for them to check if the baby is 100% percent human or more importantly how much demon it is, think they would?

Chapter 10

Luke

“You’re wearing that to Boy’s Night?” Erin judges harshly from leaning against my doorframe.

“What’s wrong with this?” I motion at my clothing.

“You look like you’re going to ask me do I wanna switch to Geico.”

My face frowns as I fold my arms across my salmon colored polo.

“This is why they don’t invite you.”

“Because of my wardrobe?”

“Because you
say
wardrobe,” Erin points at me matter of factly before strolling into my room.

“What’s wrong with the word wardrobe?”

Erin rolls her eyes and slides down leaning against my bed knowing how I feel about others in it. “The fact you want me to explain it says it all. Now moving on. Change. Jeans and a black polo.”

Turning to retreat to my closet, I groan, “How about a deep coffee color?”

“Just say brown,” she mutters. “And no. Wear a black polo. You’ll look great in it.” I don’t say anything, but strip my shirt off to change. “I hate sitting on the floor.”

“You could’ve kept standing.”

“Why can’t I sit on the bed? I still don’t get that. I mean you’re too anal retentive to have bed bugs—”

“Don’t even joke about those.”

“What is it? You’ve been like this since we were kids.”

Pulling on my shirt I lean against my closet door. “One night when I was younger I had had a nightmare. So like the scared kid I was I stumbled into mom and dad’s room right in the middle of them having...sex,” the strange feeling of the word leaving my mouth about my parents forces me to tug at my collar. “After shooing me out of the room, they calmly came to talk to me about what I saw. Dad explained that the only person you should have in your bed is the person you can love the way a daddy loves a mommy. No one else belongs there. I was 4 but the speech stuck.”

Over thinker even then.

“Have you ever shared your bed with anyone?”

My mind briefly flashes to Stuart spread across it. I glance down.

The plan was to get him over to Logan’s old room where the guest bed is but while grabbing the guest blankets, he wandered into my room and passed out there. Craziest thing is he looked like he belonged.

“You have!” She shrieks. “I knew it! With Matt right?”

The mention of the only serious boyfriend I’ve ever had slightly shifts my attention up. “No. We spent the night at Matt’s when we slept together.”

“But you two hung out here—”

“And we slept there. I had rules.”

“You always have rules.”

“I learned when our parents died life was simpler with them.”

“And lists. And lectures. And all the fun sucked out of living.” She mocks me. “Change your shoes.” Before I can fight with her, her phone rings dragging her in a hurry out of the room.

Look, it wasn’t that I didn’t like Matt. A lot. He was a decent guy, but there was something lacking. More importantly, he wanted me to move in with him. To leave my sister, Maxx, and Kellar who all needed me. If it’s family or love, family will win every time.

Chapter 11

Stuart

On a mischievous smile I give a shoulder shrug and take a swig of my beer.

“You can’t just give a fucking shrug,” Kellar snaps at me. “You have to agree he is the best Bond we’ve ever had.”

“This conversation again?” Luke says from the chair on the other side of me. “Why do you insist on having to be right about this?”

“Because I am!” he yells from the opposite end of the couch. “Come on C.J. you agree right?”

“Oh yeah.” C.J. nods. “Daniel Craig. Best Bond yet.”

“I’m just saying let’s not rule out Sean Connery.”

“He was delicious in his prime wasn’t he?” Luke chimes in and my eyes roam over to steal the millionth glance of the night.

I can’t help it. He’s the one who came in looking like an adult friendly version of an Abercrombie ad.

“Co-sign,” I extend a fist for him to bump. He stares at it slightly confused for a moment but eventually balls a fist and bumps it back, bumping another smile on my face.

I like his innocence. It’s refreshing.

“He was attractive but that’s not enough to make a good Bond.” Kellar rises to his feet. “And on that note, I’m out.”

“Where you going?” I toss my head at him.

“Home to my beautiful wife who agrees that Daniel Craig is the best Bond ever.” We laugh and he follows it with, “Besides, the Kid should be home from his date in the next hour and with Maxx’s hormones so up and down it’s better if I’m there for the ‘how did it go’ conversation.”

“Maxx okay?” Luke’s immediate concern makes me smile again.

A little over protective, yeah. But other than C.J. I’ve never had any one in my life show half as much interest or concern over me. I’ve got a mother who would rather tell her friends her son is ‘finding himself’ than admit there’s even a possibility he’s gay and a father who would disown me if he ever caught wind to the fact I’m same sex oriented. Can’t pick who you share blood lines with, but you can pick your family. And I pick these guys.

“She’s as fine as she can be this close to popping,” Kellar answers fishing out his keys. “She’s just so miserable, which means I’m miserable, which means my dick is miserable.”

“And that’s why I’m betting on you for your fight against Bone Crusher.” C.J. finishes the last of his beer. “Because sexual frustration is the ultimate secret weapon in the ring.” Shooting me a crooked smirk he raises his eyebrows. “Co-sign?”

“Co-sign.” I nod.

“You should bet on me because how many times have you seen me lose?” He tilts his head.

Never. Undefeated. In fact, I still take pictures of the same Fight Nights at the bar where he got his start. It’s the little place that brought us together. That introduced me to the one person my future is worth risking for.

“That helps.” C.J. laughs rising to his feet. “I’m gonna bounce too. Erin should be getting off any minute now. She was doing hair and make up for the Ballet. Their makeup girl called in sick last minute.”

“She’s really good. I took some stills for the model she did last week.” I put my beer bottle down on the coffee table.

“Yeah...she’s pretty amazing,” he states proudly. “And now I’m going to go home and let her be amazing behind doors as well.”

“That’s my baby sister,” Luke grouses.

“I know.” C.J. chuckles like an asshole following Kellar to the door. “You heading out too?”

Luke’s eyes meet mine. Every bone in my body is aching for him to tell him no. Not yet. Just give us a few minutes alone even though I know we shouldn’t. After clearing his throat he looks at C.J. who is now frowning. “Yeah. In just a minute. I gotta use the bathroom.”

“Want us to wait?” Kellar volunteers steps away from front door.

“He’s a big boy,” I sigh. “I’m sure he can walk to the parking lot on his own.”

C.J. gives me a warning look that I actively avoid by pretending to check a text on my phone.

“Night,” Kellar calls out.

“Stuart.” C.J. grabs my eyes back up to his. With a very cautious look he states, “I’ll text you in the morning about that
thing
.”

You know there’s no thing right? Does he realize how transparent he looks right now?

With a serious face I say, “Night.”

Once he strolls out moments after Kellar, Luke questions, “Bathroom?”

“I’ll show you the guest bathroom.” I stand.

“Don’t want me to see yours?” he playfully teases, looking a little more relaxed without an audience.

“You can see mine, if you see my bed too,” the flirty invitation causes his eyes to widen. With a short snicker I shake my head heading around to the hall that runs beside the stairs. “Don’t worry. No pressure for a slumber party. I just like to be the one that puts that blue in your eyes.” With a point of a finger I direct him to the end of the hall. “Bathroom.”

Luke’s body slips beside me close enough for me to inhale the smell of his cologne.

Damn. Can you smell that? What’s that called? Walking Sex Drive?

He shuts the bathroom door and the back of my head immediately hits the light gray painted wall.

Fuck. I can’t do this. He can’t stay any longer than this. We both know I don’t have that kind of impulse control. Hints to how I ended up as a gay man with a pregnant woman.

The sound of the door opening forces my head to lean to the side as he strolls out of the room adjusting his shirt, giving me a peek at a Calvin Klein underwear label.

Oh yeah. I have no will power, so let’s flash underwear labels at me. That’s fair.

Luke stops a couple steps away and points. “You’ve got a pool table?”

“Yeah,” I clear my throat standing up straight, shoving my hands in my pockets to resist stripping him. “That’s my game room.”

“A game room,” he repeats leaning in it.

“Yup. You play?”

“Haven’t in years,” his voice trails off. “When I was in nursing school there was bar they’d all meet up at sometimes. I typically didn’t go, but when I did...pool was always my choice.”

“Wanna play?” The offer falls from my mouth before I can process why we shouldn’t.

Luke looks weary, but the minute I toy with my tongue ring between my teeth he caves, “Okay.”

“Okay,” I echo and motion for him to go in the room.

Inside, I watch him grab two pool sticks from the wall by the bar, handing me one. Luke takes the initiative to rack the balls and watching him leaned over the table has me toying with my tongue ring again.

It’s a tick. Shut up.

“How about a friendly bet?” I offer forcing him to glance up through his gorgeous lashes.

Picture perfect.

“What kind of bet?”

“Just a friendly get to know you bet.”

Luke’s Adam’s apple bobs slowly and my eyes zone in on it, my tongue desperate to drag itself up it.

If he keeps that up, I may lose.

He waits for me to continue and I grin. “Each time I miss a shot, you can ask me a question and I’ll answer. Each time I sink a shot, you shed an item of clothing.” When his face burns I smile wider. “And vice versa.”

Stutters come out his lips before he finally questions, “What happens if we run out of clothing?”

“I’ll accept sexual favors in return.”

“And you think you’ll win?”

“Against you? Definitely.”

He looks ruffled and I mischievously snicker.

That’s the thing I love about him. Just the right buttons get pushed and he goes from being a calculated control freak who color codes his socks and underwear to something wild and out of control. Raw. It’s captivating. And sexy.

“Fine. You wanna break?”

“Nah. I’ll give you a chance to at least get a shot in.”

“Big talk.” Luke says leaning forward running the stick between his fingers.

“Big cock.”

He misses the shot completely.

“Whoops.” I shrug walking around the table. “First question.” I devilishly smile and his eyes flare. “Why’d you wanna be a nurse?”

Luke stands his stick up and leans against it. “My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was younger. It was small and removed. They never mentioned anything to Erin, but I told myself right then, I would go to school to help people like those who helped my mom. To take care of others. I wanted to make a difference in the world like they had made in mine. I know doctors and surgeons were a huge part of it, but so were the nurses.”

“I don’t think you’re cold enough to be a doctor. Most that I’ve met are a lot more stand-offish than nurses.”

He shows me a flicker of a smile before continuing. “Anyway, during my first year in college it came back. Apparently more aggressive, which just cemented any doubt inside to do anything else.”

“It came back?”

“It did. They um...the plane crash that they died in. They were on their way back from a specialist. Erin thinks they just escaped for a romantic weekend.”

“And you never told her anything different.”

“No. And I won’t,” he sternly says to me. “She doesn’t need that on her conscience. She doesn’t need to grow resentment for them trying to protect her. From me trying to protect her. I’d rather she spend the rest of her life thinking our parents were as perfect as she remembers them. About a week before they left to see the specialist, my mom had pulled me aside, made me promise to take care of them if anything happened to her.”

“Them?”

“Maxx and Logan. Dad. She said, they’d all need me if they didn’t have her. And that taking care of them would fulfill something inside of me that only caring for others could. I guess it wasn’t that big of a shock now that I think about it. I was the one who bandaged Erin’s knees when she fell off her bike. Cleaned the scrapes when she fell off the neighbor boy’s skateboard. Gave her Barbie’s casts when they fell down the stairs of their dream house—”

“Why’d they fall down the stairs?”

“Have you met my sister?”

I give a light chuckle while trying to fight the sting in my chest. I clear my throat and break the balls sinking a solid colored one. “Guess I’m solids.” The solemn look is still on his face so I try to drag him out of it, “Which means you get rid of that solid color shirt of yours.”

Luke shakes his head fighting his own grin and pulls it over his head revealing a sight that forces my jaw to drop.

Holy mother of God. Those are painted on right?

Distracted I do my best to shake off the sight as I position myself to shoot again. “Yellow ball corner pocket.”

To my surprise Luke plants both his hands on the edge of the table right above where my shot is supposed to go. “Oh here?”

My stick hits the ball but misses causing a short muffled curse out of me.

“My turn,” Luke says proudly.

“You know that was a cheap move?”

He innocently shrugs.

“Ask away. I’m an open book.”

Unless you’re from my hometown. Then you think I’m someone completely different.

“When’s the last time you had a boyfriend?”

My face twitches at his choice of question. “About 33 weeks ago.”

The day will live forever in infamy.

With an impressed look Luke states, “Precise.”

He wouldn’t forget it either if it was the day he tried to switch teams under the influence because he’d convinced himself it would just be easier.

“Accurate.”

“Red ball,” he claims his own before taking the shot, missing again. “Damn it.”

“Last time you had sex before me?”

Luke’s face turns that soft crimson I’m becoming accustomed too. “Uh...couple of years.”

“Lucky me.” I lean over to take my turn. “Blue ball. Side pocket.” The ball smoothly slides across the table and into the hole. Looking up I point. “I’ll have mercy...you can remove your belt.”

“I don’t need your mercy.”

“Oh yes you do.” I lean back down to take another shot. “Orange ball. Corner pocket.”

When the ball sinks into the location he huffs. “Am I being hustled?”

“I grew up with a pool table in my basement. C.J. and I spent many hours playing and tricking people out of their weekend play cash, so...yeah. Definitely being hustled. Now, since you were snippy about the belt you can drop pants this time.”

Luke’s jaw tenses but he follows the instructions, taking his time with each motion I’m sure to distract me.

Damn him for the fact it’s fucking working.

“Where’d you grow up anyway?”

“It’s not your turn.” I wag a playful finger as I circulate the table. “But I’ll give you a pass. Bontassa, Maryland, right around the corner from C.J. A small place where the money is old and the judgment even older,” I mutter the last line. “Green ball. Side pocket.” When it sinks in, I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

He looks like those fucking fitness model ads you see on Facebook. Trust me. Someone would report him for looking this good in his underwear at the same time praying they can find a picture of him without them.

Luke hesitates, but hooks his thumbs around the band pulling them down in one fluid motion, revealing his glorious cock that’s hardening under my gaze.

Absently my mouth mumbles, “Damn.” Wetting my lips I can’t manage to break my stare. Dropping my stick, I stalk over, push him against the table, and move my lips so they are dangerously close to his.

What? Don’t do it? He’s fucking naked....are you crazy?

When my hand curls around his cock, his eyes drift closed forcing me to play with my tongue ring to stop myself from jamming it in his mouth. After a small hiss Luke’s gray eyes open slightly. “I don’t...I don’t do things like this. This isn’t me.”

Gently I stroke causing him to groan, a sound that forces my already uncomfortably hard member to nudge against its jean jailhouse. “What isn’t you?”

To my surprise Luke wraps his hand around my arm to stop me, a conflicted look in his eyes. “This. I don’t sleep with guys I barely know.”

“You know me,” I counter. “We’ve been friends for months.”

“I barely see you,” he tries to argue. “And when I do it’s so brief.”

“Is it?” Our eyes stay connected. “The BBQs? The dinners? Basketballs games? Baby projects? Those don’t feel brief to me.”

“I...I don’t know. I don’t wanna be just another face you use to pass the time with. I know what that does to people. I’ve
seen
what that does to people. And if that’s where this is headed then—”