Stricken (The War Scrolls Book 1) (11 page)

Chapter Ten

“Wisconsin? I thought you never wanted to go back. How bad was your friend’s car accident? And when did you start talking with your friends back home? You never have before. Are you in trouble, Aubrey? Just say…oh, I don’t know, say
ducks
if you are. I’ll call the police for you; tell them you’ve been kidnapped. Where are you?”

Aubrey paced across Killian’s living room, her cell phone clutched in her hand. Her aunt’s voice shook on the other end, words spilling from her lips in a breathless jumble.

“Aunt Mel, I’m fine,” she said when Mel broke off to take a breath. “I haven’t been kidnapped, and I’m not being held hostage.”

“Are you sure? I mean really sure, Aubrey? John called me, you know. He said your friend looked dangerous. Did you know him before? Is he in a biker gang or something?”

Aubrey stopped pacing and pressed her forehead to the cool glass of the wall-length window, staring out into the backyard. There were no trees out there and few plants. The entire area had been covered in concrete, with uncomfortable-looking benches and target boards lining each side of the lot. It appeared cold and uninviting to her.

“Aubrey?”

“I’m sure, Aunt Mel,” she said, closing her eyes. “Killian has been good to me. He’s helping me.”

Mel didn’t speak for a moment and then said, “I didn’t even know you had a Killian in your life.” She sounded hurt.

“He’s only here temporarily. He’s a part of my past, nothing more.” She hadn’t lied, not exactly. Killian was part of her past in a roundabout way. A present reminder of a past she’d like to forget. She didn’t have the energy to explain that to Mel, though.

“There wasn’t a car accident, was there? You’re going back to deal with what happened, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Aubrey cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the painful lump forming there. “I need to face it, or I’ll never get past it.” She didn’t want to, but what choice did she have? If going back could save people, she had a moral obligation to do so.

“Are you sure you’re ready? You never even talk about it.”

“I’m not sure,” Aubrey admitted. “But I have to do it.”

Mel’s quiet sigh sounded like static distorting the line. “You’re coming back, though, right?”

“Yes, I’m coming back.”

“You’re sure you don’t need company? You know I’ll fly back if you need me. God knows, Spain ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Aubrey smiled as her aunt slipped into the Southern contraction she professed to hate with a fiery passion. “I’m sure, but I love you for offering.”

“You’ll call me? Who’s taking care of Zee?”

“I’m taking him with me, and yes, I’ll call you. Twice a day if it makes you feel better.”

“It does. Call three times. Should I try to talk you out of this?”

“Not this time.”

“Then I won’t try.” Mel sighed. “But you call me if you need me, you understand? I’ll be on the next plane back as soon as you say the words.”

Aubrey closed her eyes and took a deep breath, fighting not to cry. “Love you, Aunt Mel.”

“Forever and a day, hon,” Mel replied on cue. “Kiss Zee for me. And tell this Killian if anything happens to you, I will make his life a living hell.”

“I will.” Aubrey held the phone to her ear for a moment longer and then hung up. Her heart ached, but what else was new? She sighed and opened her eyes, staring out the window again.

“You okay?”

Aubrey jumped, spinning around.

“Sorry.” Dom grimaced, holding up his hands. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I didn’t hear you come in.” Aubrey shook her head at the warrior leaning against the far wall. He was even larger than Killian if that were possible. Even with his tattoos, Dahmiel didn’t appear nearly as imposing as his Halfling brother, though. In a way, he reminded her of Aaron. Kindness and mischief lurked behind his bright angel eyes, his love of life evident in the smile lines around his mouth.

“I’m like a cat.” Dom grinned.

Aubrey laughed a little at the goofy expression on his face. “More like a giant tiger.”

“They’re grrrreat!” Dom deadpanned.

Aubrey couldn’t help the bright smile that spread across her face at his ridiculous Tony the Tiger impression. Dom appeared more overgrown child than deadly Fallen warrior. Unlike his brother, he put her at ease, made her feel comfortable. The more time she spent with Killian, the more keyed up and nervous she became. He made her feel safe, protected, and that made her nervous. So did the way her heart rate always kicked up a notch when he was near. She felt drawn to him in some weird way, and
that
terrified her.

“Seriously,” Dom said, sobering, “are you okay?”

Was she okay?

“I don’t know.” She hesitated, torn between confessing to the things clouding her mind and keeping them to herself. But that’s what she always did, wasn’t it? Bottled things up instead of talking? Hadn’t exactly worked in her favor thus far. “You’ve lived for hundreds of years. Does life ever get easier?”

Dom pushed away from the wall and moved across the room toward her. “When Fallen younglings start their warrior training, the first thing they learn is a piece of Fallen wisdom.
Perfer et obdura. Dolor hic tibi proderit olim.
”

“What does it mean?”

“Be patient and tough. Someday, this pain will be useful to you.” Dom stopped a few feet from her and smiled. “No one, not even the Fallen, likes to hurt. But sometimes, pain is what shapes us into who we are and gives us the tools that help us find who we need to be. Humans get so caught up in how they wish things were they forget to appreciate the experiences that make them who they are.”

“It’s hard to appreciate who we are sometimes,” Aubrey said. “It’s hard to look to the future when your past hangs like storm clouds overhead.”

“History can be oppressive,” Dom said, propping himself up on the back of the sofa. “The Fallen know this well. We have several millennia of history hanging over our heads, but we accept it.”

“Why?” She shook her head, thinking over the Fallen history and her earlier questions to Killian about why the Fallen continued to atone for their sins. “Your people have punished themselves for so long. When does your debt to us end?”

“I don’t know.” Dahmiel held his hands up, shrugging. “Facing the past and owning up to the mistakes we made is the only way to unburden our future. Our people were prideful and self-serving. We put honor aside, too blinded by demon trickery to realize the depths of our depravity. Until our people regain honor, our futures remain burdened, weighted with the bodies of the thousands of your people who died because of our sins. We face the past to remember those who deserve remembrance and to lay to rest the ghosts of those who do not.”

Is that what she needed to do? Face her past to remember and to forget? She wasn’t sure, but maybe, like the Fallen, she needed to let go of self-serving motives for cowering away and turn to face the things she’d tried to bury behind an eroding wall in her mind. Maybe it was time to stop hiding.

“It won’t be easy,” Dom said as she considered this, “but like the Fallen, you may find it freeing.”

Aubrey frowned, her brows furrowing. “Your people find your guardianship of humans freeing?”

“Some of us do.”

“But why?” she asked. “Humans are violent and cruel. We kill each other without thought. We lie, cheat, and steal. We take from the weak and destroy the planet with our greed. Why keep protecting a race barreling toward self-destruction?”

“Because, despite all of those things,” he said, “humans
live
. Their lives are fleeting, burned out so quickly. But they still make an impact on this world. They still leave footprints in the hearts of others. They change things, one person at a time. They laugh and cry and love, and no matter what tragedy knocks them down, they pick themselves back up every single time and rebuild.

“Humans can be cruel like you said, but watching them is like watching Fallen children. They misbehave and cause trouble, but they’re so innocent and so full of life. They’re not mired in the past or fighting for the future. They live in the here and now, accepting life as it comes. And when they love one another, they can be fiercer than a Fallen warrior fighting for his mate’s life. If anything is worth protecting, shouldn’t it be that passion and zest for life?”

Aubrey stared at him, unsure how to answer his question. She’d never considered things in quite that way. For so long, she’d assumed the Fallen and Nephilim disliked her people, that they resented their role as humanity’s stewards, but maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe her experiences with the Halfling had clouded her judgment more than she’d thought, made her perceive things through a film of personal bias and fear. Made her judge not only the Fallen and Halflings like Killian too harshly, but her own people too.

The possibility startled and shamed her.

“The Fallen aren’t monsters, and we aren’t perfect,” Dom said, hauling himself to his feet. “We’re just people, like you. And so are Halflings.” He dipped his head in her direction and gave her a comforting smile. “I didn’t intend to interrupt, but I saw you in here and wanted to say hi. I’ll leave you to your phone calls now.”

“Dom, I—” Aubrey looked up at him and gave him a small smile of her own. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The strange warrior patted her on the shoulder, winked, and strolled from the room.

***

“What did you tell your aunt?”

“Hmm?” Aubrey lifted her gaze from the frayed hem of her T-shirt and frowned.

Killian perched on the arm of the sofa, watching her.

Abriel and Dahmiel sat in two of the chairs grouped on the far side of the room, controllers in their hands. Clashes and explosions erupted from the television.

“Yes!” Dom cheered, dancing a jig in his seat.

Abriel cursed under his breath.

“I’m sorry, what?” Aubrey asked, turning back to Killian.

Her eyes caught on his. He’d been staring at her.

Heat bloomed in her cheeks.

More and more often over the last few days, she’d caught him staring at her. He didn’t look away when she noticed, either. He held her gaze for a long moment as if confused by her. She usually looked away first, unnerved by the weight of those angel-bright eyes on her.

He made her jumpy. And living in his bedroom didn’t help. She was surrounded by him at all times, and it was overwhelming.
He
was overwhelming.

If Abriel and Dom noticed the way Killian watched her, they never mentioned it. They minded their own business, going out of their way to make her comfortable. Dom was friendly, gregarious. Abriel was quieter, more subdued.

She liked them both.

“What did you tell your aunt?” Killian asked again.

“Oh. Um…” Aubrey shrugged. “Just that I was going back to deal with some things.”

Killian sat quietly for a moment, absorbing this. “Is she Elioud too?”

“No.” Aubrey shook her head. “She doesn’t know about any of this.”

“Ah,” he said as if he understood.

Aubrey still didn’t. In the last few days, nothing else had come crawling out of the dark to find her. She slept restlessly all the same, scared her luck wouldn’t continue to hold. Not even being surrounded by two Fallen warriors and a Halfling eased her mind much.

Knowing she had to go back home terrified her. Made her restless, listless. What answers would they find there? What would Killian and his blade-brothers do with those answers?

Even though he’d given her his oath, she was afraid to find out.

“Will you tell her the truth one day?” he asked.

“I…no, I don’t think so.” Aubrey bit her lip, frowning. “I don’t think she’d fare well in this world, you know? She’s…she’s different. Young.”

“You’re only nineteen.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Killian arched a brow as if to ask for an explanation.

“I mean…innocent, I guess. Practical.” Aubrey’s frown deepened. That wasn’t quite right, either, but she wasn’t sure how to explain her aunt to Killian. “She wouldn’t know what to do with this world of angels and demons. It doesn’t fit into her view of things.”

“She’s normal,” Killian suggested.

“Yes.” Aubrey nodded. That was one of the things she loved about her aunt. Her concerns were normal. The price of oil. Local gossip. What she should wear to dinner or whether her dress made her look fat. She was spontaneous, but in a way, Aubrey knew exactly what to expect with her. That comforted Aubrey. She didn’t want to ruin that by exposing Mel to this frightening, ugly world of Killian’s.

“I understand,” Killian said.

“Dude, come on!” Dom boomed.

Aubrey jumped, startled.