Storm Clouds Rolling In (71 page)

She looked up just in time to catch the quick look Sam shot at Moses.
“What is it, Sam?”

Sam started, averted his eyes and shook his head.
“It ain’t nothin’, Miss Carrie.”

Normally Carrie would have let it go, but something caused her to press the issue.
She walked over and looked up at her old friend. “I’ve known you all my life, Sam. What is going on?” Still, he just shook his head and kept his eyes down. Frustrated, Carrie looked at Moses and Rose. “What is going on around here?” she demanded.

Rose frowned deeply and looked away.
Moses did the same. Suddenly, Carrie was frightened. What were they hiding from her? “Rose?”

Rose finally sighed and looked up.
“We didn’t want to say anything to you, Miss Carrie.”

“About what?”
Carrie was confused.

“About your Robert,” Sam said in a low voice.

“About Robert?” Carrie echoed.
Now she was completely confused. “I think we all need to go inside.” As soon as they entered the warmth of the house, she turned to them. “I want to know what in the world is going on.”

Sam looked at Rose in mute appeal.
She studied Carrie closely, and slowly nodded. “Carrie just said it’s better to accept the truth of a situation.”

Carrie waited quietly, her body tense.

Sam looked down but spoke in a steady voice.
“We knows how you feel ‘bout beating slaves, Miss Carrie. I done got some news a few weeks back about your Robert.”

Carrie listened closely, a sick dread rising in her throat.

Sam cleared his throat and continued.
“Back in the fall, your Robert Borden had some of his slaves run off. He done went after them, but they were long gone. He decided he was gonna teach his other slaves to not even think ‘bout doin’ the same thing. So’s he went down to the quarters....” his voice choked and he fell silent.

“Tell me what happened, Sam.”
Carrie didn’t even recognize her own controlled voice.

“He took a whip with him, Miss Carrie.
He took three of the slaves—one man, one woman, and a child. He... He...” Sam shook his head as tears welled in his eyes. “The child didn’t make it. The other two were still in bed the last I knew.”

Carrie gasped as huge tears welled in her eyes.
The picture of the slaves flashed in her mind, overlaid with the horror that it was the man she loved who had done such a thing. All she could do was shake her head and groan softly.

“I’m sorry, Miss Carrie.”

Carrie dimly realized Rose was speaking to her, but she couldn’t reach through the fog that was settling on her heart.
With a cry, she jerked away and ran for the stairs.

Moses
’s voice followed her. “You did the right thing, Sam. Robert Borden has to let go of the hate in his heart if he is going to love Miss Carrie the way she needs to be loved. She had to know the truth.”

Carrie sobbed until her pillow was soaked.
Then she pulled herself up and walked over to stare out the window into the cloudless sky. How could she have fallen in love with a man who could do what Robert Borden had done? She groaned and bit her lip, tears falling freely again. Why did love have to hurt so much? What was she going to do?

There were no answers
—only more questions—as she finally drifted off into a troubled sleep.

THIRTY-THREE

Moses mumbled and rolled over, groping for his wife’s warmth. Rose leaned over smiling and said softly, “I’ll be back soon.”

Moses opened his eyes sleepily and took in her dressed condition.
He sat up quickly. “What time is it?” The cabin was still swathed in dark shadows. “Where are you going?” His voice quickened with concern. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” she assured him.
“I just need some time to think before a new year starts.” Rose had been hoping Moses wouldn’t wake up until she had returned because she didn’t know how to explain her sudden, deep need to be alone.

Moses looked at her closely and then nodded his head.
“You’re going looking for answers.” He smiled. “I hope you find them.” He laid back down under the warm covers. “I’m happy right here. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Rose smiled, leaned down to kiss him one more time, and slipped out into the frigid morning.
The sun was still hiding far beneath the horizon but its glow was already kissing the morning sky. She pulled her cloak tightly around her shoulders and hurried down the road leading to the river. When she found the small path to the water’s edge, she pulled up her dress and eased down it carefully, aware a misstep in the dark could send her tumbling into the icy waters. Below her was the large granite boulder she was seeking. She jumped lightly and breathed a sigh of relief when the sturdy rock held her. Eddies of swirling water surrounded her, but she was secure. She drew her knees to her chest and fixed her eyes on the eastern sky.

January 1, 1861 marched onto the world scene with a glory that took her breath away.
Great banks of fleecy, cumulous clouds absorbed the morning rays of the sun and exploded into a glorious pageantry of color and light. Radiant shafts pierced the clouds and sent probing fingers of light shooting into the early morning indigo sky. The wind, blowing briskly just moments before, completely abated, leaving the James a glassy mirror to reflect the panorama unfolding above.

Rose caught her breath at the sheer beauty embracing her.
“Thank you,” she whispered softly. Leaning back, she allowed the glory of the morning to penetrate her heart and mind as she watched God usher in a new year.

Rose had come looking for answers.
Or maybe just to ask questions. Her life was so full, so rich. Why wasn’t she satisfied? Why did her dreams and longings still eat at her, demanding attention? She was so happy with Moses. She and her daddy had spent long hours together catching up on the years that had been stolen from them. Watching her mama’s joy gave her a deep contentment of her own. Still, her heart was restless.

“Am I free to go now, God?” she whispered.
“Can Moses and I leave Cromwell to start a life of our own?” Moses supported her dream to go to school and become a teacher. He had listened to her talk for hours about teaching Negro children to become all they could be showing them how to break the bonds of tyranny that had held not only their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well. He wanted her to be a teacher and was willing to do whatever it took for her to become one.

Was it indeed time to go?
Her mama wouldn’t be alone any more. Her daddy was here to stay. The thought of leaving her mama made her heart ache, but the frustration of merely longing for her dreams was eating at her, too. Then she frowned, thinking of all the children she would leave behind her here. Carrie had allowed her to turn one of the barns into a school. For three hours every day she was teaching the Cromwell children to read and write. Daily, she watched them blossom under the wonder of learning. Could she leave them behind? Wasn’t she already a teacher? Why was there such a burning to go north and go to school?

Rose already knew the answer.
She, too, wanted to become all she could be. There was so much she wanted to learn. So much she wanted to know about things that were nothing more than mysteries to her now. Her heart was hungry for knowledge. She stared into the morning sky and allowed her frustrations to explode from her in a mighty sigh as the brilliance of the sun drove back the colors and painted the sky a vivid blue. “Aren’t I ever going to do anything but ask questions, God? Will I ever get answers?”

Slowly, words her
mama had said many times floated gently into her mind.
Askin’ questions keeps you comin’ to God, Rose girl. You can rest sure he done got all the answers. You can also rest sure he ain’t gonna tell you till you need to know. He don’t mind the askin’ though. As long as we’re askin’ that means there be somethin’ in us that still believes he gonna tell us one day. And he will, Rose girl! When the time be right, he gonna answer all dem questions.
Then Sarah had paused and looked deep into her little girl’s eyes.
If we done knew all the answers, there wouldn’t be no need to trust God. Wouldn’t be no need to get to know him. And that, Rose girl would be the tragedy. Knowin’ all the answers without knowing God... Why knowin’ em that way wouldn’t mean nothin’!

Rose hadn’t understood her mama back then.
Now she did. She lowered her eyes to stare into the glassy water spread before her and bowed her head. “I trust you, God. You’ve brought me this far. Just please keep me going in the direction you want me to go. I don’t want to choose my own way and end up somewhere I’m not supposed to be.” She closed her eyes and lay back, listening to the water lapping against her rock.

Slowly, the lapping of the water faded away and a picture rose in her mind, a picture so clear it was as if she could reach out and touch it.
She was walking briskly down a city street, her arms full of papers and books. People, both black and white, smiled and nodded to her as she hurried along. Soon she came to a simple white building, with a small covered porch for its entrance. She stepped inside and was immediately welcomed by a room full of young, shiny, black faces. They reached into their desks as soon as they saw her, and pulled out stacks of paper and books—plenty enough for everyone. Then they turned to face her as she moved to the front of the room and took her place behind a massive, oak desk. “Good morning, Miss Rose,” they said in unison. “Good morning, class,” she responded cheerfully.

A fish slapping back against the water after it jumped up for its breakfast broke her from the vision, but not before a voice sounded clearly in her mind.

One year, Rose.
You will be free... In one year…

Rose was breathing hard as she bolted straight up and stared out at the water.
Had she been dreaming? She shook her head, remembering every detail of what she had seen. The voice still rang in her head—every vibration whispering it was true. But it was the peace more than anything that told her it was more than her imagination. The peace stole into her heart and stilled the restlessness. The peace consumed the questions and left her only with a determination to make the most of the next year.

“One year,” she whispered in awe.
“One year.” Suddenly, she had to be with Moses. She had to tell him what she had seen—what she had heard. She jumped lightly from her rock, climbed the bank, and walked rapidly down the road leading back to the quarters.