Stink and the World's Worst Super-Stinky Sneakers (4 page)

“All I need now are a few dead elephants,” said Stink.

On Saturday morning, Stink could not wait to start his new career. He set up his lab in the kitchen sink. He laid out tweezers and eyedroppers on a towel. He lined up ten empty little spice jars on the counter. He collected a whole jar of real toilet water —
from the toilet!

Perfect!

The doorbell rang. “Hi, Eliz — I mean, Sophie of the Elves,” Judy said. “C’mon in. Dr. Franken-stink is in his lab. Stink! Your friend with the funny name is here!”

Stink came out of the kitchen wearing Mom’s apron and green rubber scrub gloves. “Hi, Sophie,” said Stink.

   “Stink’s making stinky perfume,” Judy explained, drawing circles in the air for the cuckoo sign.

“Want to help?” Stink asked.

“Sure,” said Sophie. “I like making magic potions and stuff.”

“Magic potions!” said Judy. “You mean
love
potions?”

“Let’s go,” said Stink. “Maybe we can make some potions that turn big sisters into warthogs.”

Back in the Franken-stink lab, Stink got out Mom’s measuring cups and spoons. Sophie stirred together spices and food coloring. “Are you entering the smelly sneaker contest next Saturday?” she asked Stink.

“Definitely,” said Stink.

“Me too,” Sophie said.

Stink looked down at Sophie’s sneakers. They were bad, all right. Her toe poked out of one, the laces were almost black, and the tongues hung sideways, worse than a slobbery dog.

“They smell like a swamp!” said Stink, even though he knew his stinkers could beat hers any day.

“And these aren’t even my worst pair!” Sophie grinned.

   
Uh-oh,
thought Stink.

“Well, I sure hope one of us wins,” Sophie said.

“Yeah, and I hope the one of us is me!” Stink joked.

“Here, add some toilet water,” Stink said, pouring the water from the toilet into the blender. They added green pickle juice. They added P.U. garlic. They added slimy dead-flower water.

“Disgusting,” said Sophie, staring at the oogey green murk in the blender.

“What else stinks around here?” asked Stink.

“Besides you?” said Judy, walking past the kitchen.

“Hardee-har-har,” said Stink.

“This potion smells bad, but it’s not even close to corpse flower,” said Stink.

He ran upstairs and came back in a flash, holding up a small, amber glass vial. “Toad food!”

“Tofu?” asked Sophie. “Tofu doesn’t smell.”

“No,
toad
food. Actually, it’s dead shrimp eggs from my science kit. Even Toady won’t eat it.”

Stink shook the bottle till it was empty, then pushed the buttons on the blender.
Mix. Whip. Puree. LIQUEFY!
Stink and Sophie watched the twisting tornado of green gunk whip itself into a frothy frenzy.

OFF!
“Perfect!” said Stink, peering into the foaming blender.

In no time, they had ten whole bottles of putrid perfumes lined up and down the counter.

   “Let’s label them and give them names,” said Stink. “How about
Eau de Corpse Flower
? It’s French.”

“Essence of Toad,”
said Sophie.

“Venus de Stinko,”
said Stink.

Just then, Mouse crept into the kitchen. She took one whiff, let out a yowl, and bolted outside through the cat door.

   Stink handed Sophie an eyedropper. “Help me fill this little vial,” said Stink. Sophie squeezed the last drops from the blender into the teeny tiny bottle, then screwed the cap back on. She helped Stink tie a piece of string around it, looping it over his neck.

“What are you going to do with this stinky perfume?” asked Sophie of the Elves. “Keep away vampires?”

“Keep away sisters!” said Stink.

“P.U.!” said Judy, coming into Stink’s room. “Did you take a bath in that stinky perfume or something?”

“Or something,” said Stink.

“Then I hate to tell you, but you have a UFO in your room.”

“Do not,” said Stink.

“Not the alien kind of UFO,” said Judy. “An Unidentified Flying Odor. I can smell it from my room.”

Stink kicked his sneakers under the bed.

“Stink, it’s those sneakers. You’re stinking up the whole house with those yucks. You have to get them out of here.”

Stink tossed his sneakers into the hallway.

“That’s even closer,” said Judy. “I can already smell them up on my top bunk! Even Mouse is about to pass out from the fumes.”

Stink went back to his desk and scribbled on a piece of paper. He came out into the hallway and tacked up a sign over his sneakers:

   “Ha, ha, very funny. Like that really helped,” said Judy, pinching her nose closed and talking in a funny voice.

“Then just shut your door,” said Stink. “Like this!” He slammed the door on purpose.

Stink heard Judy stomp into the bathroom. Stink heard Judy slam the medicine cabinet door. Stink heard Judy rattle around in the hall.

Stink could not concentrate on drawing comics. He could not read the
T-for-Toads
encyclopedia. He could not hear himself think with all that stomping and slamming and rattling.

Stink opened his door.

A cloud of white dust attacked him. He coughed and waved his hand in front of his face. Stink could hardly see his sister. Judy had powder in her hair and on her face and all the way down to her shoes. She looked like a human marshmallow. She looked like the Abominable Snow Girl. She looked like a cumulonimbus cloud.