Stink and the World's Worst Super-Stinky Sneakers (2 page)

   “Ha, ha, ha! Gotcha!” Stink cried, jumping back up.

“What did it smell like?” Sophie asked.

“Feet!” said Stink. “It’s not that bad. Just smells like dirty socks when your feet sweat and you take your shoes off.”

“Sounds bad to me,” said Webster.

Stink squeezed the next bottle. “Uck. This one smells like onion. Maybe garlic. Phew! Bad breath,” Stink said, waving his hand in front of his face. “P.U. This one smells like my soccer shirt! Armpit alert!”

“It’s B.O.!” somebody shouted. “He did it! He really smelled B.O.! And he didn’t even faint!”

After Stink smelled all the body-part smells, he moved to the next station. Rotten eggs! Dirt! Perfume! Moth balls! Skunk! Rotten cabbage! Dog breath! Old fish! Dead broccoli?

   Stink sniffed and snuffled his way through a dozen yucky, rotten smells. He made a few faces, but he guessed every single smell right.

“P.U.! How do you do that? You didn’t miss one!” said Webster.

“I just follow my nose,” said Stink, sticking his expert sniffer in the air.

   “You always were nosy,” said Sophie of the Elves, laughing.

“Some people have an excellent sense of smell,” Mrs. D. explained.

“I smell something, too,” said Sophie.“Hamburgers!”

“When do we eat lunch?” asked Webster. “My digestion is empty.”

Class 2D sat at the picnic tables outside, munching on sandwiches. Mrs. D. passed around flyers from the museum about a stinky sneaker contest being held at the park in two weeks.

   Stink read the flyer.

“Wow! Check it out! Can anybody enter?”

“Anybody with smelly sneakers,” said Mrs. D., chuckling.

   “Stink’s are the
WORST,
” said Webster, backing away from Stink.

“But my sneakers are so smelly I had to wear rain boots today,” said Sophie, showing off her pink polka-dot boots. “I bet I can win.”

“My sneakers will beat the pants off yours any day,” Stink told Sophie.

“But you haven’t even smelled mine,” said Sophie.

Stink shrugged. “I’m just saying.” His sneakers just
had
to be the smelliest. But what if Sophie’s were super-stinky bad, too? Or worse?

“Well, I’m sure my daughter will want to enter the ‘Smell Monsters,’” Mrs. D. said, making air quotes with her hands. “That’s what we call
her
sneakers. So, I hope to see some of you there in two weeks.” Then Mrs. D. asked them all about what they learned at the Gross-Me-Out exhibit.

   “I learned that even walruses have dandruff,” said Eliza.

“I learned the words to the diarrhea song,” said Patrick.

“Let’s wait till AFTER lunch to hear that,” said Mrs. D.

“I learned how to say
fart
in Spanish,” said Jordan.
“‘Pedo.’”

“I learned that spit is gross,” said Riley.

“I learned that there are more critters in your mouth than people in Australia,” said Sophie of the Elves.

“I learned that Stink is the best smeller in the world!” said Webster.

“We should call you The Nose,” said Sophie. “You know how to smell better than a dog.”

“Better than an ant!” said Stink. Everybody looked at him funny. “What? An ant has five noses,” said Stink, nodding his head and tapping his honker. “No lie!”

“I’m home!” Stink called, bursting through the front door.

“How was your field trip?” Mom asked.

“You mean my
smell
trip!” said Stink. He reached into his backpack and handed his mom the flyer for the smelly sneaker contest.

“I think it really stinks that Stink got to go to the Stinky Museum and I didn’t,” said his big sister, Judy.

“It was so way fun. And gross. I learned a ton of smelly stuff.”

“Like what?” Judy asked.

“Like everybody has their own smell, except if you’re twins. And guess what? We can smell stuff even when we’re sleeping, and, oh yeah, a boy moth can smell a girl moth a block away.”

“Mr. Nose-It-All,” said Judy.

Stink stuck his expert sniffer in the air. “Is something burning?”

“Ack!” said Mom, rushing to the kitchen and whisking the skillet off the stove top. She waved her hand through the smoke. “I was making toasted cheese sandwiches for you kids.”

   “And now your cheese sandwiches are toast,” said Judy, cracking herself up.

“Good thing you smelled something, Stink,” said Mom.

“Human Smoke Alarm!” said Judy.

“At the museum, kids were calling me The Nose,” said Stink, tapping his right nostril. “I found out today that I can smell stuff really, really great, better than anybody in my whole class. Sophie says I smell better than a dog.”

“I should hope so!” said Mom. Mom and Judy cracked up.

“Woof!” said Stink.

“And here I thought you just had a nose for
trouble,
” said Mom.

“Laugh all you want,” said Stink. “But this nose could make me famous.”

“My elbow’s famous,” said Judy, holding up the elbow that once starred in a picture in the newspaper.

“No, I mean it. When I grow up, I’m going to do something great with this nose.” said Stink. “You can’t waste a nose like this.” He admired himself in the mirror, turning his head from left to right and studying The Nose, his best feature.