Still Into You (23 page)

I’m glad you’re okay. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. I can barely handle what I’ve put you through already. Love you.

She tried to call him again, but got no answer, so switching programs, she jabbed a message to him.

Todd, answer your phone!

No, I can’t.

Please. I need to hear your voice :(

Not too long after that, her phone rang, the “What You Need” ring tone by INXS filling the room. Clark and Marty stepped closer and stood at the foot of the bed. In her excitement, she dropped the phone on her lap as she scrambled to answer it.

“Todd!” Mia yelled at the phone. There was no response except his ragged breathing. “Say something. Please!”

“I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t used to the torment in his normally happy voice.

“I need you here,” she pleaded, her voice cracking, tears clouding her vision.

“No, you don’t. You need me far away from you. Look what I did to you. You almost died!”

“You did
not
do this to me, Todd. You aren’t to blame. This is all me. Okay? So, please be here with me. Don’t go away. Don’t leave me,” she begged, sobbing hard now.

“Mia . . .”

“No!” she yelled at him, hearing his answer in the saying of her name. Marty took the phone from her.

“Todd. Don’t hang up. Talk to me,” Marty began. Mia wished she could hear what Todd was saying to Marty.

“I know, buddy . . . . . . You don’t have to do this . . . . . . You tell her.”

Mia heard Marty’s words and felt her heart stop. Todd wasn’t coming. Marty’s look of pity confirmed it. Reluctantly she took the phone back from him and put it to her ear, feeling the numbness taking over.

Taking a deep breath, she quietly spoke his name.

“You have a second chance now, Mia. Do something about it. Stop hiding behind the drugs and alcohol.”

“I know.
I know.
I will. But why do you have to leave?”

“I’ve got my own things I’ve been hiding from, baby girl.”

“Are you okay?”

Mia heard his deep breath. “No, but I will be. And so will you. Take care of yourself, okay?”

She blew out a quick breath. “Okay. Come back soon, please?”

“I will. You know I love you, right?”

“I do. I love you, too.”

“Bye, Mia.”

“Bye, Todd.”

She stayed on the phone until she heard the tone then looked up at Marty. “What are we going to do?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Allie answered.

“I’m so sorry, guys. This—”

“Don’t apologize. What Todd’s dealing with is not about this, okay? And we don’t have to worry about that now. One step at a time, okay?” Marty said. “First step, getting you released and out of this hospital.”

“Working on that,” Allie spoke, her eyes focused on her phone.

Mia kept her focus on the blanket covering her legs. She didn’t want to look up. Ethan was still in the room, even though she hadn’t let her eyes fall on him since the doctor left. She didn’t want to see the pity she knew was in his eyes, the embarrassment that he probably felt because his name was probably being mentioned with hers. What she wanted to see in them was the love he used to feel for her before she messed it all up.

Allie pulled Marty and Clark into a corner, discussing options to get her out of the hospital. A movement by the window caused her to look that way and her eyes landed on Ethan. And what she saw surprised her—he understood. A small smile broke the surface of his face and she couldn’t help but return it. He rose from his spot on the window ledge and made his way towards her. He motioned towards the bed and she nodded, knowing what he meant and knowing she should push boundaries with him, but she desperately needed his closeness.

The bed squeaked softly as he sat down by her knee. She inhaled sharply when he placed his strong hand on her leg, just above her knee, the heat from him spreading from where he touched her and through her body.

He didn’t speak, just held her gaze and her leg, infusing his strength into her. Closing her eyes, Mia absorbed it. She couldn’t believe he was actually here. She broke off their engagement. She broke his heart. She messed up big time, but he was beside her right now and she didn’t know what to make of it.

She opened her eyes with a start when his hand twitched on her leg. Her gaze fell to him but he wasn’t looking at her but at the doctor who had come into the room. Her eyes darted back to Ethan.

“Mia,” the doctor said, his tone drawing her gaze to him, so authoritative.

“Yes?”

“Tests came back fine. Here’s the name of the therapist. She’s one of the most respected psychologists in the country. She sees lots of people in the public eye. You’ll be safe there. I set up your first appointment for Monday. Yes, it’s a holiday but she wants to see you right away.”

“Does that mean I’m free to go?” she asked, cutting to the chase.

“Yes,” he sighed. “Here’s the info for the appointment with the psychologist as well as your follow-up appointment with me for next week.”

He tried to hand the papers to Mia but she couldn’t take them, didn’t want them. She just wanted to get home. Her next step.

Eventually, Allie took them from him with an added, “I’ll make sure she goes,” and proceeded to put the papers in her bag.

“The nurse will be by in a few minutes with your release paperwork, then you’ll be free to leave.”

“Thank you,” Mia managed to say before the doctor turned and exited the room.

“Okay, Mia, let’s get you ready to go,” Allie said, throwing a change of clothes on the bed. Where the hell did those come from, Mia wondered, staring at her favorite running clothes, especially the hoodie she liked to wear to obscure her face. She knew what was expected of her—to run from this. Mia could do that. She excelled at it.

Ethan

Everyone piled into Marty’s large SUV, skirting the press, on the way to Mia’s brownstone. Marty and Clark sat in the front; Allie and Ethan surrounded Mia. She had her hoodie up, hiding her gorgeous face. Allie buckled Mia in when she made no attempt to do so. When Allie locked eyes with Ethan, all he saw was concern.

Ethan sat back as Marty sped off. He had to try to wrap his mind around this. He had no idea what to do. He felt apprehensive about going to her place and had debated about just leaving from the hospital—his business was still waiting for him in New York—but he just couldn’t. He needed to see her safe at home. He needed to actually talk to her.

No.

He needed her better.

He needed her with him.

Mia wasn’t ready for that yet. She still needed that space to process all of this in order to make her way back to him. He hated thinking that, hated this gamble he was making stepping away from her right now, so soon after her overdose.

He knew she would hate him leaving her. He prayed that she wouldn’t turn to alcohol and drugs again. That it was even a possibility terrified him because he knew if she did, she’d be lost for good. He had to have faith that she was stronger than she appeared, that she’d work through her issues and make it back to him. But he could only stand this pain of not being with her if she were alive. After last night, the fear of losing her multiplied exponentially.

Ethan needed her to talk to that therapist and figure things out. There was so much she wasn’t saying. The anger and pain radiated from her—pain he never knew she had, pain she must have hidden deep down inside of her.

He turned his head to regard Mia, her posture one of defeat. With her hands in the front pocket of the hoodie, Mia hunched over. The silent tears she shed, the ones he saw land on her lap, broke his heart.

Why did she never talk to him about any of this? Mia had said she wanted to but a panic attack had enveloped her. That attack scared him. Ethan remembered screaming her name at his phone, the helplessness he felt listening to her ragged, gutted breathing. He felt the same helplessness now. Whatever was torturing her had such a grip on her that it was now crippling her.

God, he didn’t want to let her go again. The thought physically hurt him, but by the looks of his suga, it was nothing close to what she was going through.

The moment Ethan walked into her home, all the changes assaulted him. The new furniture made it feel like a different place. It was no longer the place he remembered and he didn’t know what to think about that.

It had been almost nine months since he’d last stepped foot in her house. They’d been happy then. So in love. Who was he kidding? He was still in love with her. Why else was he here?

Sandwiched between Marty and Clark, Mia headed straight for the family room off the kitchen. Allie took charge and went to get Mia something to drink. Mia settled in her usual spot on the sofa, her legs curled beneath her, looking so very vulnerable. He wanted to go to her but he held back and it was because of that hesitation that he heard Allie’s hissed curse. Turning her way, he froze at the sight in the fridge.
Holy fucking shit!
Big bottles of hard liquor in varying states of emptiness. There were even some fallen empties on the shelves. Missing from her fridge was food. So unlike her. There was nothing in that fridge besides drinks.

Allie looked up at him with a silent plea.

“Get rid of them. All of it and check the house for others. Oh, one more thing. Did you confirm my limo?”

With a sad smile on her face, she nodded, grabbing a bottle of water and handing it to him. With a word of thanks, Ethan turned around and headed back to the family room. He took the three steps down and crossed the short distance and stood in front of Mia, bottle of water in his hand, offering it to her.

Her head rested against the back of the sofa, her beautiful eyes hidden beneath the darkened lids, looking so lost and vulnerable. How the hell did this happen? How did it ever get to this point? She did this so she could forget. That thought scared the hell out of him. This Mia . . . she was a stranger to him. A ghost of the woman he used to know.

Without opening her eyes, Mia reached for the water. He placed it in her outstretched hand, holding his hand there, closing his own as her soft fingers touched his, curling around them before giving them a slight squeeze. He moved his fingers out from under hers and put them on top, his thumb lightly caressing hers. At that touch, her eyes opened and he saw a brief flash of desire until she pushed it away. She quickly brought the bottle close to her chest, uncapped it, and drank deeply.

Seating was limited in the room. The only spot available next to Mia. Both Clark and Marty were sprawled out in the chairs, asleep, exhausted from this ordeal. To be honest, Ethan felt drained too. Taking the seat next to her, he was struck by the fact that despite being in the hospital, Mia still smelled like he remembered—sweet honey. The urge to pull her in his arms was great. He wanted her there so he could keep her safe, to know that she was alive.

His eyes wanted to close but he wouldn’t let them and miss this chance to be with Mia. Training his gaze on her, it wasn’t hard to notice the waves of discomfort rolling off her. She sat stick still. She’d shown him in the hospital and right now her drawn-in posture showed him it was the case. She didn’t want him here.

Fuck, that hurt to admit.

Intellectually he knew it stemmed from her embarrassment about the situation. She made a huge mistake and the entire world now knew. The woman who held her privacy tightly to her chest now had her life under a microscope. Her struggles would now be gossip-page fodder, more so now than ever before. The press would be all over her about this. And with the way Allie had basically had her phone attached to her ear while at the hospital, Mia and her team had their work cut out for them.

Glancing over at Allie, he saw that she was on the phone yet again. Not only did she have to deal with the fallout of Mia’s overdose, but also Todd’s disappearance. What had happened between the two of them to cause Todd to bolt like this? Listening to Mia talk to Todd on the phone earlier had been difficult. She had been so emotional, heartbroken even. Hearing her say she loved Todd smarted, even though it was just platonic love. That’s all it was, right?

He thought back to St. Paul when he found Mia with Todd, the easiness between them, the look on Todd’s face when he leaned in to kiss her like he’d been waiting for that his whole life. Ethan knew that look well. He had it every single time he laid his eyes on her. She was the one. The moment Luke showed him a picture of her, all smiles, before he actually met her, Ethan knew that she would be someone special in his life. Then he actually met her, spoke to her, got to know her, and he was lost.

She had, unbeknownst to her, captured his heart for life. This situation complete proof of that fact. Despite breaking things off, despite not talking to him in months, despite breaking his heart, Ethan was here right beside her. He always would be because what he had with her, felt with her, he didn’t want with anyone else. Just her.

They sat in silence for a bit before she set her bottle on the coffee table in front of her. He watched her lean body pivot towards him, moving her legs to cross them in front of her, facing him. It struck him how frail she looked now and made him wonder whether her diet lately consisted of more than the liquor in her fridge.